If GLaDOS ran Metro

Thank you for participating in this Metro railway transportation activity. After you reach your destination, you will be... missed...

Attention, customers on platform one. Due to an earlier incident, the next train could take a very... very... long time. If you become light-headed from thirst, feel free to pass out. An intubation associate will be dispatched to revive you with peptic salve and adrenaline.

We are pleased to present an amusing fact. The Myki ticketing system is now more valuable than the organs and combined incomes of everyone in <Passenger's Suburb Here>.

This is a... Frankston... Service running direct to... Frankston. Cake and grief counselling will be available at the conclusion of your journey.

In the event of your impending incapacitation or death, we advise that you make arrangements for your Myki to be touched off to ensure you receive the lowest fare.

Due to a track equipment fault at Camberwell, your train has been replaced by a live fire course designed for military androids. Metro apologises for the inconvenience and wishes you the best of luck.