Although deep down he didn't regret doing it, he could even die just for you, you just have to ask him. But you never saw that, you never would because you were too busy suffering for boys who were only good to play with you.

Every time you came to him talking about a new guy he knew what was to come, none of those people knew how to value you and you were always too stupid and stubborn to realize that they weren't for you, or maybe you knew but preferred to ignore it because after all he knew you better than anyone and you were always looking to feel loved.

Maybe that's why you still keep him by your side.

There were many times when both of you fought because he was trying to make you open your eyes and you flatly refused to see the reality that surrounded you and preferred to live in your little bubble of ignorance and false dreams which had to die years ago, although those fights didn't last long because after weeks you'd come running back to him for comfort.

Things have been like this since he can remember, it was pathetic to think that he has feelings for you since you were little brats that all you did was play in the park until it got dark, your mothers even had to separate you because you loved being together.

Little 10 years old Jay thought he had found the love of his life the first time he held your hand, his body experienced thousands of new sensations that made him feel like an astronaut exploring the entire universe, and all in the span of a few seconds that was the duration of the spark that ran through his body at the moment your hand intertwined with his.

And then that astronaut fell to earth again when that thought faded little by little every time he gave you obvious signs of what he felt for you but you never seemed to see, everything wouldn't be so terrible if it had been something silly as children but as time passed that feeling became stronger and stronger clinging to his chest.

Jay was one of those people who would never confess until they were sure what the other person felt, for that reason he kept his mouth shut.

Until his chest couldn't take it anymore. He told you about his feelings although he knew perfectly well what you would say, after all you had been crying for a boy you said you were in love with.

It was on a rainy afternoon that complemented the tears that wet his shirt, tears that were already tattooed on him.

"I like you." Those words came out of his mouth by themselves, he wasn't thinking clearly.

You had spent the last 30 minutes telling him about how you hated your now ex boyfriend, a story that he already knew by heart with the only difference that the names of the protagonists changed but his mind for some inexplicable reason decided that it was a good idea open his mouth and say those words he had sworn to keep under lock and key. When he realized, his cheeks and ears turned bright red, feeling the shame run through his entire body as if it were fire that was burning him.

You pulled away from his chest just to look into his eyes "I'm not in the mood for jokes Jay."

"I'm not kidding," he decided to tell you the whole truth, after all what could he do now? "I'm serious, very serious, I've liked you for as long as I can remember and I can't keep hiding it from you anymore," he looked into your eyes, and you had never felt something as strong as the feeling that hit your chest at that moment before, nor even with those people who swore eternal love to you. "Do you know how painful it's for me to have to see you in this state? See you cry for boys who don't deserve you? See how they break your heart, the same one that I want to protect so much? Do you have an idea of that?"

His intention wasn't to make you feel bad for something that wasn't even your fault, but he could see in your eyes how you felt guilty and you hurriedly erased the trail of tears in your eyes, thinking of something to say.

"You don't have to tell me anything, I just wanted to get it off my back." his sad smile hurt your heart in a way that no boy had ever done before, it was as if you had actually felt something breaking.

"No, wait," seconds passed as you remained silent reviewing your ideas in your head that were endless for him and his poor soul that was hanging from a fine thread, which would break depending on what you say "I want to give you a chance Jay," he lifted his head hopefully "Just not right now, I don't think I'm in a good time to be with someone, you know? You can—can you wait for me?"

How could you ask him that when he has been waiting for you for more than 7 years? When his heart only belonged to you and would stay that way for much longer? When all he wanted was for you to notice him just once? You had no idea how happy those words made him, filling him with hope and expectation.

"Of course I will, I'll wait for you as long as it takes." I would even wait my whole life, he wanted to say that too, but he preferred to keep it to himself.

He took your hands in his, bringing them to his lips to leave a kiss, trying to show you everything he felt with that simple gesture. But you were so overwhelmed that you didn't notice.

It wasn't as bad as he expected, mainly because after his clumsy and embarrassing confession all you could give him was hope and his foolish heart was more than happy. And it was obvious to assure that he had been very excited, days, weeks, months and even years living with the idea that one day you could finally tell him that you loved him the same way he did, to be able to call you his.

2 years waiting for you and he still didn't have a clear answer, at this point he would be fine if you just rejected him as long as he was able to move on with his life, but he felt stuck, forced to let his feelings for you never leave because he had already gotten used to them.

He wondered why the world was so cruel, and not only because of you and everything you had to suffer, sometimes he liked to be selfish and he also questioned the reasons why his heart, soul and head couldn't let you go when it was clear that you would never reciprocate.

"Jay I think I want to give you a chance." All his thoughts disappeared the moment his heart stopped beating at those words.

You still had dry tears on your cheeks, tears you shed for another person you thought you loved, why were you telling him this? Why did you want to see him suffer like that? So many years giving you what was left of him weren't enough? Could he even trust you and not think you were only doing it because you had no other choice?

So many questions in his head that wouldn't have answers because he was a fucking coward and his mind was overwhelmed leaving logic aside, letting his emotions win.

But he also wanted to take the risk, he was willing to take it even if deep down he knew you didn't really mean it, maybe this was his only chance, the only one the universe was giving him to be happy and he wasn't going to waste it. Not when you were looking at him in a way that tore him up inside.

"Are you serious?" He was holding back tears, he lifted your chin so you could look at him without hiding, he wanted you to look him straight in the eye and answer him honestly.

"Yes. I really do, I want to be by your side." And somehow he couldn't doubt your words.

"Then let me love you, let me show you what love is like." Your body trembled as he spoke those words so close to your lips, you nodded, also giving him access to your mouth indirectly.

He wished your scent didn't mesmerize him so much, being around you always made him feel like he was floating and he was easily distracted from the world. Jay held your cheeks gently, as if you were a fragile piece of porcelain that could break at any moment if he didn't treat it carefully, he watched you for a few more seconds with your breaths mixing, letting his body go completely crazy waiting to feel his lips brush against yours.

He had no words to describe that moment, when he closed the distance between you it felt like he was giving his first kiss again, he had waited for this so long that now he didn't even know how to act properly. Feeling your soft lips was like he found his missing piece, and he wasn't about to let it go anytime soon.

He just wished you were feeling the same way he was.

—

Jay looked at the moon, unable to stop thinking of you.

The moon didn't shine like the sun, his eyes didn't burn when looking at it and that was what he liked the most, he could spend hours there simply watching the moon shine or counting the stars that accompanied him in the distance. It had already become a habit for him to go up to the roof late at night, just until his eyes gave up forcing him to go to sleep.

Although he didn't like doing it too much now because only negative thoughts consumed him, the bittersweet taste in his stomach stayed with him all the time. And he knew the reason, it's just that he didn't want to accept it.

How long has he been with you? 3 months? It didn't feel like that anyway, not at all. When he hugged you, your body felt cold, just like your words of affection towards him, every time you were with him it seemed that you had no life.

He couldn't continue to ignore the fact that you didn't love him. And maybe you never would.

He noticed when he saw that the sparkle in your eyes isn't even the fourth in his every time he looks at you, they even seemed to light up an entire city.

Your indifferent eyes stabbing like daggers into his deluded heart.

Whenever he was with you he enjoyed it as if he was taking his last breaths, but you seemed to avoid his touch at all costs. All the time you felt so nostalgic, almost as if you weren't next to him.

Tears want to come to his eyes as he thinks of the words he should say to you to end this whole charade. He knew you were doing all of this because you didn't want to be alone, you hated the feeling of the empty space next to your bed, the thought of not having someone with you haunted you like it was the end of the world. He in fact always knew it, but he wanted to ignore it believing that he could change your mind about it, that he was the right person for you and that he would show you what true love was.

But you weren't happy next to him and he couldn't make you suffer like that, and he was also tired of feeling how his heart bled just by leaning on you.

You couldn't stand the thought of a real beating heart.