The Tour of 90 Years

- TOP 3 CLIMBS: Hay Bluff (Brecon Beacons)   |   Dinas Mawddwy (Snowdonia)  |   Hope Bridge to Moine Ho (Highlands)

THE WELCOME HOME - BEST CAKE IN THE WORLD from the Warne family - 3 burgers, 14 sausages, chicken thighs and drums and Harriet-made salads everywhere: full family BBQ to welcome us home - 2 bottles of champagne and a few beers to celebrate in Brockley - 2 naughty nieces

DAY FOURTEEN AND THE END OF THE ODYSSEY 102km (+ 28km to Wick) Tongue to John O'Groats (onto Wick) - Hilly hilly hilly then flat - Huge tail wind and blue skies up ahead - 2 spam sandwiches, 2 scotch pies, 2 penguin biscuits, some soreen, a Capri-Sun, an apple pie, an apple, and yet another scone - 1 church where the Waugh's tied the knot in Canisbay - 1 turn-off that read 0.25 miles to go: very nice to see indeed - 1 victorious man-hug - 1 high five - 1 changing faces balloon and the classic John O'Groats signpost signalling the end of the odyssey - 1 frappachino from the John O'Groats cafe: interesting choice - 28km still to go into punishing headwinds to get the 16:00 train from Wick to Inverness - 4 celebratory pints and a couple of chicken burgers in Wicks finest Weatherspoons - 20:45 Caledonian sleeper train from Inverness to London - 1 bottle of red and a smoked salmon salad - A pack of ginger biscuits

DAY THIRTEEN 92km Scourie to Tongue - 50 year life story of the B&B owner over breakfast... midlands, three hair salons, highlands, passion for golf, wife and retirement - 2 glorious climbs (from Hope to Moine Ho and Rhiconich to Gualin) followed by the very best 2 descents of the journey thus far - Wilderness, heather, ferns and bursting rivers running through soggy moorland - Low clouds, consistent fine drizzle and some serious winds giving us the full and proper experience of the hostile highlands - 2 exceptionally decent hot chocolates from 'cocoa mountain' in Durness - 2 homemade cheese and ham rolls and some Lindt chocolate by the side of Loch Eriboll - 13 consecutive days of Saddington Senior commentating our route in the voice of the Geordie Big Brother host: "day thirteen on the big ride, and the boys are climbing another hill. In the rain..." Etc. - 1 hardcore bloke met along the way who dries his socks under his armpits and clothes at the bottom of his sleeping bag each night - 1 inner sole lost behind the radiator whilst drying. 1 ingenious rescue operation with an adapted coat hanger - 4 pints of Orkney Ale and a couple of cheeky whisky chasers for good measure (penultimate day after all)

- 9 degrees celsius, and a realisation we forgot to pack our arctic travelling gear - lumpy highland terrain in the rain - incredible scenery - 2 soreen loafs and a pack of ginger biscuits - 12 mile detour in the wrong direction up the hardest hills of the day to get to a seafood restaurant. In the worst rains of the day + headwind = sense of humour failure - 3 hour lunch in seafood restaurant waiting for the rain to pass. It didn’t, but we had a great fill - 1,096,135 biting midges stuck to our legs, arms and face - 1 family met in the youth hostel who had used Changing Faces to help them with their daughters cleft lip years ago - 3 signposts for John O'groats - we are edging closer…!

- A834 to Ullapool - fast and furious, bobbly edges and big trucks but some vast elements of glory up on the tops - 100% headwind. Pedalling downhill - Immeasurable number of times Saddington Senior showed flagrant disregard for passing traffic, preferring instead to adopt a ‘middle of road’ trajectory. Presumably it gives him better light to read his maps - 65% of the day in sunshine…! Blue skies of bliss. No sunglasses worn in case of jinx effect - “That’s not funny” - the blunt response of the cafe owner (the only cafe for 25 miles) to one of Saddington Seniors 'toilet’ jokes as we were forcefully ejected with the door locked behind us - 1 detour onto a valley side dirt track for 4 miles - 2nd youth hostel of the trip, 4th visit to the the supermarket (doubling the lifetime visits made by Saddington Senior) and 2nd proper washing machine wash of our gear - Blue and green and red rock sunset

DAY TEN 82km Fort Augustus to Dingwall - 10:30 AM start - latest yet. Waiting for the rains to ease. Or a lie in. Or an indulgent breakfast - 1 newspaper article which summed up the weather rather well - 19 pages of used route maps thrown out after soaking up the rain inside the panniers - 1 exemplar instance of Saddington Senior predicting the route profile: "yeah, looks like this one will just follow the loch at water level all the way round... mostly flat". Obviously, turned very quickly into a 5 mile relentlessly steep incline - 50km of cycling brilliance straight through the Great Glen/ Caledonian Way/ Route 78 - 9 Lochs: Loch Ness, Loch Ceo Glais, Loch Tarff, Loch Nan Eun, Loch Knockie, Loch Mhor, Loch Ruthven, Loch Duntelchaig, Loch Ashie - 1 hotel at the bottom of a 3 mile descent. Only it wasn't at the bottom was it. It was at the top. We realised this at the bottom. Good - The best spelling interpretation of 'Saddington' ever witnessed: 'Cabitown'. Fears of no room reservation were only reduced when the Thai receptionist said it out loud - 4 bottles of Black Isle beer and a wee dram of Balbair

DAY NINE 135km Tobermory to Fort Augustus - 50mph winds - 6AM kick-off to catch emergency ferry off Mull. Lucky to get off the island - 2 porridges and 4 cheese, ham and mustard sandwiches made in the youth hostel, whilst continually checking ferry updates - 1 extra layer of clothing - 70km of top quality road. Best yet? Maybe. Views, speed, surface, undulations, sinuosity, ruggedness. Kilcohoan to A - 1 'jetty stop cafe' in Salem that saved our souls... 1 hot chocolate, 1 bacon sandwich, 1 shortbread, a whole 2 days of cancelled ferries and a wifi passcode later we have diverted from our planned route. Forget Mallaig and the Isle of Skye; Fort William here we come... - 1 hour spend in tourist information in Fort William looking for accommodation. Fully booked. - 1 hotel found and booked. In Fort Augustus. 31 miles away...! - 2 new red matching jackets purchased for extra protection from the wind and monsoonal rain - 2 bananas and some oat cookies to fuel - 31 mile bosh through roads like rivers and skies like waterfalls - Hot shower - Steak and ale pie and fish and chips - Pickled herring and haggis - Beer - Whisky

- 2 full English breakfasts with a sailing Yorkshireman from Halifax and his wife whom he met through an Internet dating website specifically aimed at ‘seriously adventurous individuals’ - 24 miles of the most beautiful road for cycling in the world… probably - 1 worrying clicking noise emanating from bottom bracket of the Bianchi - Bike shop stop on Oban. Old man with a walking stick behind the counter. 3 questions, 3 answers: can you help with the bottom bracket: no. Do you have a spanner that would fit my brooks saddle: no. Any chance you have some chain cleaning fluid/ oil: no. Half way through the last question he was holding the door open for us to leave. Productive stop. To be fair, it was one of those classic bike shops that specialises in ‘fishing tackle’. Good. - Final energy filled Jelly Snake sweetie eaten (thanks Bartletts) - 2 rhubarb crumble and oat bakes by the seaside in Mull, whilst looking for otters - 0 otters seen - 2 eagles spotted flying overhead - 60mph storms predicted (and already hitting the windows full force) for midday tomorrow and a series of cancelled ferries making route planning a little bit tense… - 2 Tobermory whisky drams to ease the tension

- 12 whiskies from 4 different distilleries before 2pm (Laphroig, Bowmore, Caol Ila and Jura) - £0.50 toothbrush purchased from the Spa - 6 different theories discussed for how sustainable peat bog farming is in light of the global demand for Islay Whisky and how long it takes to ’re-form’ peat once it is ‘harvested’ - 2 magnums in the sun (actually cloudy drizzle) at Port Askaig because it’s not a holiday without an ice cream - 1 venison burger not from Mac & Wild - 8 dancing drunks, 1 Viking and an accordion player all drinking Jaegermeister Irn Bru’s in the local inn whilst ‘Rock & Reel’ were playing their set - 1 fat pirate who can feel a storm coming

- 5hrs sleep - 1 water bottle lost, found and then retrieved from the railway tracks - 99% of the day spend into a strong headwind. Offset by sun shining and beautiful flat (ish) costal road - 1 instance of being overtaken by a large woman on a 1992 Raleigh mountain bike with 100km of luggage on board - 1 near cancelled and then rearranged ferry to Islay. Saddington senior cutting some business deals en-route - 2 fish and chips rapidly gobbled down in the sun in Ballycastle port - 1.5 hours of very choppy sea crossing from Ireland to Scotland in a catamaran with an Irish sailor and a Lithuanian dive instructor - 2 bikes completely covered in shining salty sea spray - 1 Guinness to commemorate our missed night out in Dublin - 4 whisky drams in Port Ellen listing to a 4 piece folk band - 1 forgotten toothbrush and 1 lost jumper - 1 inflatable single bed

Saddington Senior just waked into Lidl (the only option) in Holyhead with 1 instruction and 2 options: get some booze; screw top wine + plastic cups OR cans of beer. Walks out with a cork bottle and said he asked if they sell plastic cups - and they don't. Nailed it. I went in and no, they don't sell bottle openers either.

DAY FIVE 149km Mallwyd to Holyhead (ferry to Dublin) - 7am climb up Snowdonia mountain pass - 2 Thomas Telford structures used (Menai Suspension Bridge and Stanley Embankment) - 1 cancelled ferry due to gale force winds - 1 rearranged ferry: 3 hour wait in Holyhead - Ferocious winds with 50mph gusts. 15% headwind. 50% sidewind. 35% tailwind. - 1 bottle of red wine out of a water bottle - 12:38AM: time of arrival into Dublin - "Beautiful flowers over there Will" - Saddington Senior continues his ethos of finding the positive in every situation despite its sometimes seemingly colossal inappropriateness (e.g. when ascending the last brutal climb of the day into a punishing headwind) -'Llanfpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch': actual name of a place we cycled through

DAY FOUR 174km Bettws Newydd to Mallwyd - 6 poached eggs - 7 'faff attacks' in the space of the first 5km - 3 zip lock plastic bags which were compromised by the rainfall - 1 long rise up the black mountains - 7 sheep related near misses - 23: number of cars seen in Wales over an entire day - 1 emergency stop in subway in New Town for a refuel at 145km - 2 fingers shown very aggressively to the wreckless driver of a petrol tanker on long descent into Mallwyd - Green and grey. Foothills of Snowdonia.

DAY THREE 167km Honiton to Bettws Newydd - 75% rain. 25% heavy rain - 1 more wasp sting - 5 Garmin resets - 1 impassible road - 20 miles of canals, single track and industrial estate backwaters - Two different types of animal manure on water bottle mouthpiece - 12 different types of high energy snacks brought to us in Usk by the generous Bartlett family. Plus 2 scoops of rum and raisin ice cream and a couple of pints of Timothy Taylor's (and a 2 lasagnes) - 1 godson in the pub

DAY TWO 151km Fowey to Honiton (Monkton) - 1 insect caught inside cycling jersey (Saddington senior) - 1 wasp caught inside cycling jersey (Saddington junior) - 1 wasp sting - 2 Cornish pasties and a tuna fish sandwich on the border of Devon and Cornwall - 10 miles on glorious single track across Dartmoor - 1 rendezvous with 3 friends (Cath, Jeremy and Milo) in South Zeal - 25+ organic date and black bean cookies made by those same friends - 1 Thai curry (interesting choice) - 2x £10 donations to Changing Faces from fellow beer drinkers at Monkton Court Hotel