An Englishman in Glasgow

Valentines’ Day

On Valentine’s day I was at the CCA to do my first open mic performance of some of my poetry (3 out of the 4 poems I’ve written!).

The theme was love (of course) in all its guises. It went pretty well and I had a fantastic night with friends and drink afterwards.

I reproduce the first poem I read which if you search back through these nefarious blog posts makes an entrance in its original version under a different title.

I think I’ve got the bug now, and want to do more, but I’d better get some more material.

The Violin and the Violinist

In silence I rest. Safe and secure on your warm thigh. A hollow body, tailed, pegged, scrolled and strung, unmade, I wait.

At the signal you lift me up. Nuzzled into your neck, I feel the glide of your fingers gently along mine.

You strike. The heel digs in. Deep. The coarse hairs of your rampant bow, scourge me. Back and forth. Back and forth. Every stroke pulls me. Bends me. Moulds me. Your passion sears me.

CCA Anna Meredith

My final gig of Celtic Connections was Anna Meredith, at the CCA. The place was packed and there was a real buzz of anticipation.

The band appeared not long after the support and it was a fascinating mix of musicians.

Anna on keyboards, computer, clarinet, drums, glockenspiel (?) and vocals. A guitarist also on vocals, a tuba player and vocals, drummer, and as it turned out two cellists though I could only see one. Not the average line up.

She started with ‘Nautilus’ with the backing track spitting out the majestic brass rhythm before the rest of the band came in.

The music is an eclectic mix, some heavily sequenced electronic sounds, firmly rooted in tonality, sometime minimalist, some instrumental, some songs.

At times it was almost mesmerising. She’s a technical genius, mixing complex rhythms / tempos but she understands base, primeval pulse, which no matter how manic things get around you, the music still keeps you engaged - you can tap your foot regardless.

As a performer she’s electrifying. Switching from keyboards to clarinet, and then beating the crap out of drums at times. I imagined her beating an upturned plastic bucket as a kid and saying to herself “this is what I’m going to do.”

Citizens Theatre - The Winter’s Tale

I was fortunate enough to get one of the few remaining matinée tickets for the Cheek by Jowl rendition of Shakespeare’s The Winter’s Tale.

I didn’t really know the play at all before hand, but had heard such great things about Cheek by Jowl that I decided to take a look.

It was without doubt the best Shakespeare production I’ve ever seen. It was twenty-first century in every sense, yet managed to provide a window into the sort of audience involvement that would have been common in Shakespeare’s day.

It was almost cinematic, making great use of sound, music and video / projection, but all of this enhanced and complimented the performances which were, for the most part, superb.

In the second half (Acts IV and V as I’ve subsequently discovered) we were treated to songs, line dancing with the audience clapping along and some of the characters placed in a Jeremy-Kyle-style talk show, managing to bring out the humour in the text.

Though jealousy is nominally the theme, I think it’s more about grief and regret and this was admirably brought out in the final scenes, as Leontes reached for the statue of his dead queen Hermione. Brilliantly executed with lighting and (I think) a reprise of a gentle waltz (danced to earlier by Florizel and Perdita) with the cast humming as they slowly made their way around the statue ending in a breathtaking tableau.

Perhaps a hint of the Madonna and child here, and dry eyes were few and far between. It was a poignant heartfelt moment, as you realise how invested you’ve been in the characters.

And ultimately that has to be the aim of any writer, performer or director, to make the characters real to you in whatever way they can.

Celtic Connections First Gig

After living in Glasgow for four years, it was about time I went to a Celtic Connections gig. I’ve written for traditional Scottish instruments in the past but not really been ‘in the zone’ at all.

So I’ve decided to get to a number of gigs including a few (in)famous festival club visits. Maybe my dry January will hold out?.

My first one was on Saturday night at the CCA. Gaels Le Chèile at Ceòl 's Craic (as I later learned) is a regular event, uniting Scottish and Irish Gaelic culture. I’d assumed that it would be quite an informal affair, something I could arrive late for, disappear to the bar or stand and enjoy.

Not so, I had to wait until ‘in between’ songs to get admitted and then I had to conspicuously seat myself in the last seat left in the middle of the front row. Which was, as it turned out, perfect.

I sat there bemused for a while as the event is held largely in Gaelic but my initial discomfort soon evaporated when singer Róisín Chambers began; a cappella, beautiful songs, plaintiff, uplifting, political.

After Róisín came The Causeway Trio (Facebook https://www.facebook.com/CausewayTrio/). A three piece band, guitar, piano and accordion. The music was a fusion between Jazz and (broadly speaking) Celtic music.

Entirely instrumental, the intelligence and artfulness of the arrangements was truly staggering. They achieved such a wide dynamic range, switching from almost Stravinsky-like rhythmic fortissimos to subtle singing pianissimos’s that you were kept on your toes and fully engaged.

They got a great reception. Chatting to the guy next to me during the interval, who described himself as a ‘traditionalist’ and who helpfully explained what Ceòl 's Craic was all about, he said that the trio were ‘innovative’ and I’m not going to argue with that.

After the interval came Las (https://www.facebook.com/lasmusicanddance/), which I now know means ‘Ignite’. These are five Scottish and Irish women who have come together fairly recently and play maybe more ‘traditional’ tunes combining Scottish and Irish dance.

Multi-talented, singers, dancers and instrumentalists, they produced a beautiful sound, great energy and fantastic arrangements.

I particularly loved the tin whistle harmonies and counterpoint which stylistically I’ve not heard before (though my reference point is limited), beautifully plaintiff and evocative.

It was quite educational also, as they described the differences in the Scottish and Irish traditions, Jigs and Polkas and others which escape me now.

Throughout the music one or more would get up and dance which added another dimension and above all just made the whole performance great fun.

They were often laughing and joking as they were playing, especially when guitarist Catherine Ní Shúilleabháin had a wandering Capo moment, which maybe gave an unexpected Charles Ives touch.

And the encore! Well I doubt I’ll ever look at a broom again with the same disdain. Guitarist Catherine and accordionist / whistle player Edel Ní Churraoin got up and danced over two brooms and ended with an amazing athletic feat which I’m sure pushed up the blood pressure of quite a few of the audience.

My Top Ten Movies 2016

Here are my top ten films of the year, though this is going from around about 2016 Oscar time to now, as last year I went Oscar to Oscar.

I saw forty-four movies in that time and only one was really terrible, an improvement on last year, though I have three other contenders to fill the bottom four. The rest were all pretty decent to excellent, and I couldn’t separate a few so have some joints in the top ten which is really a top twelve.

10 I Daniel Blake

Played well even in multiplexes, and is a story that needs to be told exposing the shameful society this (dis)United Kingdom has become.

9 (Joint) The Girl with all the Gifts and Burn, Burn, Burn

Two home-grown movies with some great performances. TGWATG more than a zombie movie and a great twist at the end throwing up some interesting moral questions. While BBB was a witty and poignant tale on love and friendship marking at long last some rebalancing in writing and directing gender (Charlie Covell / Chanya Button)

8 Nocturnal Animals

Terrific performance from Amy Adams in a classy, beautifully shot tale, expertly weaving three plot lines to reveal Amy Adams’ character.

7 Arrival

Another terrific performance from Amy Adams, surely in for a shout with the Oscars this year. Although the plot takes an unexpected turn, the central question posed by the movie leaves you thinking about it for days. It’s nothing to do with aliens and space. A terrific score from Sicario genius Jóhann Jóhannsson.

6 Mustang

A Turkish film about several daughters constrained, and eventually imprisoned for wanting to express their sexuality. Powerful, poignant and visceral, reminding me of the brilliant ‘Wadjda’ in exploration of its theme.

5 Neon Demon

After ‘Only God Forgives’ I never thought I’d be putting a Nicolas Winding Refn movie in my top ten. I wasnt't expecting Art House after a movie like ‘Drive’ but having a better sense of the Director now I had an inkling of what to expect. Anyway ‘Neon Demon’ is a brilliant exploration of ageing and death. Witty and beautifully shot, every scene is a work of art, a tableau, technicaly gorgeous. Uncomfortable, provocative at times it lingers long in the memory. Now I’m wondering whether it should be higher up the list?

4 Eye in the Sky

A great exploration of the moral dilemma to end an innocent life, to save more innocent lives. Excellent performances from Helen Mirren and Alan Rickman, and it keeps the courage of its convictions.

3 The Club (El Club)

The movie that ‘Spotlight’ should have been. The crimes of four disgraced Priests with their ‘minder’ Sister Mónica (brilliantly portrayed by Antonia Zegers), are unfurled exposing religious hypocrisy and cover up. Visceral and doesn’t pull its punches allowing us into the minds of these deeply disturbed individuals. Not a place to linger.

2 Paterson

A gentle movie, charming, witty, about a Bus-Driving poet and his slightly off the wall wife. An exploration of love at its finest. Brilliant performances from Adam Driver and Golshifteh Farahani. If only I could have a relationship like that! Maybe 2017, who knows?

1 (joint) Marguerite and Captain Fantastic

Couldn’t separate these two. Marguerite is an example of expert pace and climax. Based on the story of Florence Foster Jenkins about a woman who can’t sing but nobody has the courage to tell her. It’s set in post WWI France and has great performances by Catherine Frot and Denis Mpunga as the butler. Funny but ultimately tragic.

Captain Fantastic is just such a heart lifting movie, that despite not ending at the airport scene and tacking on what was probably a studio-induced Hollywoodish ending to make sure that deviance from the norm is not rewarded, it’s just a great story and has an emotional intensity that’s hard to resist. Throw in the best Down Dog to Crow Yoga asana that you’ll probably ever see and it makes the number one spot.

Bottom Four Movies

Now the worst four movies I’ve seen. I was going to stick to three but when reviewing the list one other came to mind.

4 Star Trek Beyond

I literally can’t remember much about this movie at all whereas the first one in this current franchise reboot was entertaining and had something to offer. So having nothing memorable to say gets it in at number four.

3 Things to Come

By rights I should have liked this movie. French, exploring themes of love and betrayal. I ended up hating the pretentious characters and couldn’t care less.

2 Everybody Wants Some

Richard Linklater the director was in the audience after the premiere at the GFT, and I guess like everyone there we were taken up by the excitement of the occasion. But on reflection the level of misogyny (unintended I’m sure) was too much to ignore. Whilst the movie is an exploration of US college culture in the eighties, after Boyhood and the Beyond Midnight series, I expected more than some exploitative tits and bums.

1 Iona

CCA Geneva Sills

The second show was again a debut solo exhibition, this time by Chicago born Geneva Sills, who studied at the Glasgow School of Art.

The subject, Cones and Eggs, is a series of photographic prints showcasing photographic history and technique. And, according to the blurb, acting ‘as sexually charged stand-ins amplified further by accompanying colour pigment prints.’

Walking into the exhibit, I was surprised how sparse the space, punctuated by Sills's prints which on the whole were quite small.

The sexual symbolism could be interpreted in a number of ways other than the intended ‘representation of the female form’, though best not to over think it.

The blurring of photography or painting was really impressive, as was the use of light and shadow.

I was left with a feeling of wanting something more. Wanting maybe a few more grandiose renditions. Whether they would scale with the particular pigmentation might be an issue.

Not sure that the space itself was quite right. An awkward room. Windows on one side, disturbing the balance. Although it wasn’t large, something more intimate might have worked better.

But two great exhibitions, whether deliberately themed on female sexual expression or not, they worked well together.

CCA Marvin Gaye Chetwynd

I saw a couple of exhibitions at the CCA recently; one by Turner Prize nominated artist Marvin Gaye Chetwynd and the other by Chicago and Glasgow based artist Geneva Sills.

Marvin Gaye Chetwynd

This was Chetwynd’s first solo exhibition in Scotland and was held in three main spaces.

The first featured interactive cinema ‘Hermitos Children’; an evolving piece where female detective Joan Shipman solves a series of sex crimes. This latest instalment filmed in the CCA itself.

The performers are dressed in flamboyant and colourful costumes acting out the drama. Beuatifully surreal, I caught a number of different scenes over several visits.

The second space featured props from ‘Hermitos Children’ against a backdrop of huge mural Shunga art (Japanese erotic), though it took me some hunting to discover exactly what these were as there didn’t seem to be anything in the CCA to describe it.

These were spectacular. Highly erotic and great fun. With large penis and vulva props spread across the floor, echoed in a particularly humorous mural with warring penis-head and open vulva factions.

For some reason I thought the whole piece would look great in the Sistine Chapel. Maybe temporarily obscuring Michelangelo for a time. I’m sure he would approve (though I can’t see that happening any time soon).

The third area was reserved for programmes of previous Chetwynd performances; sexual and erotic tones, some nice collage.

Overall a great show, well worth a few visits.

As a post script to the above, this afternoon the CCA released a talk given with the artist before the exhibition https://vimeo.com/194389087. Very informative and I didn’t realise that she was actually based in Glasgow.

Ella Kruglyanskaya Exhibition

I managed to squeeze in the exhibition of New York based artist Ella Kruglyanskaya over my two Tramway days. A selection of her works from the last ten years.

Broadly divided into two categories; still-life and dramatic vignettes exclusively featuring women, I was really drawn to the latter.

These were witty, vicious and often highly erotic. There was a direct, almost animated style about them, with a contemporary Rubenesque quality.

There was an attention to detail that you maybe skimmed over on first viewing but which you were drawn into, the more you studied each piece.

Constants and Variables

Back the next day at the Tramway for the second performance. The same darkened room, though this time there were seats set out so you could avoid the floor if you wanted, though I stood.

Once again the performance area was spotlit with Gillian, wearing a short white paper dress, seated between two tables.

On her right, were a number of small bottles full of ink. And on her left a similar number of empty bottles.

Taking a bottle from one side, she painstakingly poured ink onto a small spoon, (it appeared to be much smaller than a teaspoon from my vantage point), and then proceeded to tip the ink from the spoon into one of the bottles on the other side. Essentially transferring the ink contents, one side to the other.

This was the constant. The variable of the equation was that sometimes she poured a little too much onto the spoon and some spilled onto her dress.

For the most part though these occurrences were few and far between, you became engrossed, wondering whether all the ink would make it safely across.

It was an amazing feat of concentration and endurance which I guess became a variable in itself.

Ingenious.

My take

My interpretation for both days? Both pieces reminded me of relationships. A metaphor for being trapped and for meticulously avoiding upsetting the status quo.

Last weekend I paid a visit to the Tramway theatre on the Southside to see two installations by Gillian Jane Lees and Adam York Gregory. The Saturday was Present Tense and Sunday Constants and Variables.

Both were held over about five hours and were drop in sessions, so you could go in and out over the course of the afternoon.

Present Tense

Arriving on the Saturday, I was shown into a darkened room. A little disconcerting at first trying to avoid falling over people seated on the floor as your eyes adjusted to the light. On the far side was a large demarcation white line behind which was a spotlit performance space.

I came in as Gillian was constructing neat, precise lines of set mousetraps, extending down from the demarcation towards her. After each one was in position, she got up and retrieved another from a pile in the corner, and proceeded to add that to its allotted spot. Occasionally she would hoist her long dress up and step barefooted amongst the traps, making minute adjustments here and there to gain a sort of mathematical perfection.

Sometimes she would kneel and lean back half-closing one eye to check a particular angle or neatness of line.

Eventually, mousetraps all used up, she stood trapped herself in the corner, with this amazing array before her.

You often feel a sense of initial anxiey watching any performer, especially in an intimate space, but here I really felt the intensity. I would've loved to have had my heart rate measured before entering the room for the first time, and then again once inside. At one stage I could feel my heart beating palpably faster.

Will one of the traps go off? Will she brush one with the hem of her dress? Will she touch one with a misplaced step?

You end up rooting for her, breathing a sigh of relief as you relax just for a moment as she collects another from the pile. And then the tension begins all over again.

Some more movie reviews

Here are another three short film reviews from my recent non mainstream cinema visits.

High-Rise

Directed by Ben Wheatley, starring Tom Hiddleston.

Based on the J.G. Ballard novel (which I’ve not read), the story concerns the central character Laing, played by Tom Hiddleston, and life in a brand new high-rise building. The floor levels are used as a metaphor for opulence - the higher you go the wealthier the individuals - and though rooted firmly in the 70s in technology and culture, it projects a stark dystopian future, as the welfare of the inhabitants reflects the breakdown and disfunction of the high-rise building.

I had read a number of negative reviews / online comments, but I must say I thought it was excellent. Great performances from Tom Hiddleston, Jeremy Irons and Sienna Miller, but the production, design, did a great job of capturing the essence of the 70s, but making it look like something in the future, so you could identify with the situation of the characters and how you might react faced with a similar physical and political hierarchy. Apparently for a long time the novel was considered unfilmable, so plaudits should go to the screen writer Amy Jump, possible Oscar contender then maybe. The story is possibly an early indication of the effect of neoliberal economics, and it makes sense as much in today's world as it must have done at the time, considering we can attest to the results on a daily basis.

Disorder

Directed by Alice Winocour, starring Matthias Schoenaerts.

This was a nice little thriller, concerning an ex soldier, Vincent, with post traumatic stress disorder. Working for a security company he’s tasked with looking after the wife (Jessie) and child of a wealthy businessman. Are the threats that emerge real or imagined?

There’s a political corruption dimension interwoven which adds to the tension. Who’s involved? How far up the chain does it go? Though the plot stretches disbelief a bit now and again, the tension is held as you only see the action from Vincent and Jessie’s perspective in the second half of the movie.

And it’s nice to see a female writer and director tackle this type of subject. Good action, but showing human dimensions from Vincent’s vulnerability to the relationship he forges with Jessie and her child.

Victoria

Directed by Sebastian Schipper, starring Laia Costa.

This movie caused a sensation as it is shot in one take. Unlike ‘Birdman’ which gives the appearance of one take, one actual take.

The story revolves around the central character Victoria, a Spanish woman, working in Berlin and out for the night. She meets up with several men and events unfold turning the night from friendly flirtation into a nightmare.

Technically it’s breathtaking. The actors are superb, and the pressure of not screwing up must have been immense. It’s a visceral story and you really get a sense of drama and what the characters are faced with.

However I think ironically, because you don’t really have time to absorb the decisions made, because this is in real time, I started to distance myself from the unfolding story. It just wasn’t quite believable. Would someone let themselves be drawn into those sorts of events? Maybe after the establishment of a relationship perhaps, but not on a first meeting.

Movie Reviews

Here are a few short film reviews from my recent non mainstream cinema visits - not a dumb assed super hero in sight!

Marguerite

Directed by Xavier Giannoli, starring Catherine Frot.

It’s got to be an unusual situation when two movies come out more or less at the same time on the same, rather obscure, subject matter, but Marguerite is one of a pair of movies looking at the life of Florence Foster Jenkins, or rather in Marguerite’s case it’s a fictional account inspired by the Florence Foster Jenkins story.

I’ve not seen Meryl Streep’s version yet, but I suspect it will have to go a long way to beat Giannoli’s rendition. This is the story of a wealthy patroness who sings in private, persuaded to sing publicly, the joke being she can’t sing. And she doesn’t realise it.

This movie has great atmosphere and evocation of 1920s Paris, and although very funny has a thread running throughout of pure tragedy, expertly woven by the unfazed butler played by Denis M’Punga. It’s a story about love, fidelity and betrayal, expertly constructed with a fabulous cast and made such an impression on me that I’ve put this in my top ten movies of all time.

The Club (El Club)

Director Pablo Larraín, Starring Antonia Zegers

This Chilean movie concerns the visit and investigation of a crisis counsellor to a Catholic retreat for disgraced priests, after a very public incident.

As the movie progresses we learn about who the residents really are and what they have done to be there, against the sudden appearance of a former victim, who is really cast as a ‘Christ’ like figure.

Whereas ’Spotlight’ was aimed at the mainstream, I felt it was all pretty superficial, you never really got to see what the actions and cover up of the Catholic church meant for the victims. This movie does the opposite. It doesn’t pull any punches, and it puts you in the uncomfortable position of looking into the minds of these men and how they don’t really think they have done anything wrong.

Antonia Zegers, playing the manipulative nun who looks after the residents, is a truly stand out performance, and the movie gives you a real sense of claustrophobia, mirroring both their environment and the control of the Church itself.

Iona

Director Scott Graham, starring Ruth Negga

It pains me to say it but this is without doubt the worst movie of the year so far. Especially as it’s by a Scottish writer and director, and features a glimpse of Island life, not a regular backdrop for movies.

A woman - Iona played by Ruth Negga - takes her teenage son back to the place where she grew up. They’re on the run from something and this backstory is pieced together during the course of the movie.

The main weakness is the script. Not just in the clunky and cliché ridden dialogue but in the unrealistic silences between the characters. The Director’s asking us to attribute real significance to these, conversations are ‘deep and meaningful’, whereas the reality is it is little more than a bad soap opera or as Joey from ‘Friends’ put it ‘smell the fart’ acting.

It’s hard to judge some of the acting on this basis, as I’m pretty sure the Director may have been over zealous, not letting the actors find their own space and rhythm. However, without giving away any plot spoilers, in one character’s case, should they have thrown themselves off a cliff into the sea, I’m pretty certain they would have floated and not drowned due to the high concentration of wood in their performance.

There was a lot of running as well, running over the Island, looking for people, and shouting their names. It reminded me of the scene from ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’ where Sir Lancelot is running to the castle to save what he thinks is a maiden in distress, and the same shot is repeated over and over with him not getting anywhere for a long time.

Scottish election

It’s been an interesting couple of days with the dust settling after the Scottish Parliamentary elections. At first I was disappointed at no overall majority for the SNP, but in a system designed to prevent majority Government, it shouldn’t be a surprise.

And the SNP strategy of both the constituency and regional votes was proved to be right. The four seats they got from the regional vote means they have a pretty comfortable pro independence majority, with the prospect of perhaps a more radical agenda, should the SNP need to rely on the Greens to get some policies through.

It was a good result for the Greens and Patrick Harvie did really well in the constituency vote also which maybe sows the seeds for a firmer footing rather than relying just on the list in future elections.

As a former Lib Dem party member and voter, I was pleased to see they made zero progress. Apart from the cult of personality with a shock win in the constituency vote for Willie Rennie and good results in Shetland and Orkney they did nothing significant. I don’t understand this northern isle politics, something I need to explore. Perhaps no more than the last bastions of unionism, perhaps demographically wealthy and unconcerned with the destruction of the welfare state, perhaps forgotten by Holyrood, perhaps the effectiveness of the MSPs not the party, who knows?

But the Lib Dems, now in an insignificant fifth place, suffer from the same problem as Labour - it’s no longer clear what they stand for.

And a calamity for Labour (I was also a former party member and voter for these too). Simply a case that there is no room for them. The centre left is occupied by the SNP and Greens. Yes of course there could be room for a unionist centre left party, but most on the left knows that means a UK Tory Government. And if they, as Labour commentators were implying on election night, need to embrace the constitutional issue (presumably meaning they should be pro independence) then why vote for them at all? You’re far more certain of getting a centre left Government with Greens and SNP? Not of course forgetting RISE, who, it can be argued, provide a glimpse of a future political demographic for an independent Scotland.

There are shouts for Labour to break away from the UK party, but that would betray the international socialist tradition, something that many of the old guard would resist. They have to make up their minds one way or the other. Looking at some of the old guard Labour politicians and commentators on the BBC as the results were coming in Thursday night, their body language and demeanour were so visibly hostile having to sit next to an SNP representative, that I thought that was a microcosm of their problem. They have such blind hatred of the SNP that they cannot, still, after 3 Scottish Parliamentary election defeats, and a Westminster massacre, get beyond this emotion to look at how they can genuinely participate in 21st century politics. This attitude permeates many of the rump of party members and voters. They are an irrelevance, managing to cling on this long with the help of an old-guard-Labour-dominated Scottish media, which still doesn’t understand the Tsunami that has swept Labour away, as evidenced daily by the majority of Scottish newspapers and TV. The Scottish people have moved on, they need to. And to cap it all, voters deserting Labour for the Tories! New Labour finally showing its true colours, not that we didn’t already know that.

And then the ‘remarkable’ emergence of the Tories, defenders of the union, beneficiaries of Labour confusion over Independence and Trident, with a charismatic leader. I wonder though, do these Tory voters believe in the Westminster version or do they assuage their collective conscience as the incumbent SNP Government tries to protect the Scottish people from the vindictive excesses of the Westminster Tories to destroy the welfare state?

I admit I was bemused at first with this Tory surge, but it has the advantage for the SNP of being able to contrast their popular policies such as free tuition fees and prescription charges, with the Scottish Tories desire to align themselves with Westminster. And when the next round of UK wide welfare cuts come round, putting Ruth Davidson on the spot, if she agrees with them, she’s easy to condemn, if she disagrees then it emphasises the divergence of politics in Scotland, the union, what union?

There are of course dangers for the other parties with such a Tory presence. After all who would want to align themselves with that toxic brand? Well maybe the Lib Dems, after all there’s history, and maybe secretly half of what’s left of the Labour party as they look fondly back to those halcyon New Labour days of NHS privatisation, fee paying education, war, cash for peerages, corporate integration into Government, bailing out fraudulent bankers and clamping down on those ‘filthy benefit scroungers’.

The day to day reality will probably be a Parliament more akin to 2007, though by keeping the Greens on side Nicola Sturgeon can govern irrespective of the unionist rump. Though she says she wants to govern inclusively, that will depend on how included those other parties want to be.

My best and worst films of the year.

With the Oscars upon us, I’m going to list out my top ten films of this (Oscar) year and also the three worst. I don’t think best film or best actor will be my choice but I’ve seen quite a few which have had nominations. None of this is particularly scientific and some of my choices might raise a few eyebrows but at the end of the day it’s all subjective.

My top ten best films of the year in descending order.

10. Mad Max.

A great hundred kilometre an hour romp. Great characters and some great performances, especially Charlize Theron.

9. Spotlight

I know this is a lot of people’s first choice. The tale is well told but I think it suffers from trying to be too true to the original story and not brave enough to inject some real drama which the subject matter could have provided. It’s a hard line to tread but ultimately for me it fails to satisfy. it’s no ‘All the President’s men.’ Good but I was disappointed.

8. Bridge of Spies

No lack of drama here. Another well told story with great performances, not afraid to surface issues such as abiding by the rule of law, despite opposing political beliefs. Themes pertinent to our own time.

7. The Big Short

A witty telling of the financial crash. A good script able to educate as well as entertain. The writing making you root for people that would make millions out of others misfortune.

6. Room

A really good film. Again some people’s number one choice. For some reason I didn’t get as much of an emotional connection that I’d anticipated. I know others did, so I don’t blame the movie. Brie Larson was amazing and I hope wins the Oscar, as should Emma Donoghue for best adapted screenplay. Given she wrote the book, thats a fantastic achievement and it’s about time Hollywood recognised the abundant talent of female writers.

5. Joy

I’d hesitated about going to see this but did so anyway and I would never have thought it would have made my top five. An (almost) great example of how to inject drama into a story, who would have thought demoing a mop on TV would be so tense? Great performances from Jennifer Lawrence and Robert De Niro (shame on you Robert for Dirty Grandpa). A flawed ending trying to cram too much of the subsequent story, better off ending earlier and avoiding the saccharin deification.

4. The Revenant

Fabulous and epic. A brilliant sense of the environment, a lesson in scriptwriting and a reminder that antagonists aren’t always people. The opening scene and cinematography were superb. Tom Hardy brilliant. I hope he gets best supporting actor. As for best Actor, Di Caprio, sadly no. Yes it’s an amazing physical performance, and a feat of endurance, but there was one better performance for me, a real acting performance (see below).

3. Sicario

I saw this at least three times, a brutal story, but what an example of writing real characters. Central performance by Emily Blunt amazing, and what a great example of the fall character arc, don’t you just love an unhappy ending? Brilliant and exceptional. Fingers crossed for best original score, absolutely brilliant.

2. Carol

Well until I’d seen my first choice this was my number one film. Technically flawless. Fabulous everything. So many shots through glass, giving a claustrophobic sense, reflecting the characters’ own conflict in needing to express their sexuality. A real triumph. A masterpiece. I can’t wait to buy this movie as it was only in the cinema for about a week and a bit.

1. Trumbo

I would happily sit through this film all day. A great story, brilliantly told and executed, mixing original footage of the Blacklist political trials and the characters in the movie, as well as restaging scenes from Spartacus and other films. The music was exceptional, the writing exceptional, telling this story could have been very dry, but instead it was funny, heartfelt and with the right balance between reporting this shameful period in American history and the effect on Trumbo and his family.

Central to this is Bryan Cranston’s performance, my undoubted best acting performance. You really feel like you’ve come with him on his journey from ostracisation to triumph. And nowhere is this better realised than in the relationship with his eldest daughter, and ultimately this made it my top film of the year, as this relationship is the emotional heart of the film and it resonated with me so much that I can’t get the movie out of my head. Great performance by Helen Mirren also, as well as the other cast, including the Edward G Robinson and Kirk Douglas look alikes.

This is a story about survival but ultimately hope and is, and should be, an inspiration to all writers everywhere.

My worst three movies of the year.

As I’m not a movie critic, I don’t have to put myself through Hollywood’s love of misogyny with movies like Entourage or Dirty Grandpa, instead these were the three worst of the thirty to forty movies I’ve seen this year.

3. Spectre

What a disappointment this was. You can’t make a movie like Skyfall, my best ever Bond movie, and follow it with this throwback to a previous era. I’m just not going to buy it. Talking about misogyny, Bond having sex with the widow of the man he’s just killed after his funeral is just an absolute joke. The film is over produced, too many cooks, losing sight of the new exposed, emotional Bond core in Skyfall (and to some extent Casino Royale), you can’t cover it up and pretend it never happened.

I never believed in Craig as Bond throughout this film, and the age-faced agent was just a sad embarrassment as he picks up another young woman, satisfying the egos of the Hollywood patriarchs that wouldn’t countenance the sight of a middle aged woman and a younger man. You’d be hard pressed to find a middle aged woman with a serious role in Hollywood productions these days anyway, due to Hollywood’s inherent sexism and this film just perpetuates such attitudes. I’ve finished with Bond. It’s had its time and it’s time to move on. Only a radical shift would tempt me back, but I doubt the film’s producers have the guts or the nous.

2. Star Wars (VII)

Yet another massive disappointment. If I’d known I was going into watch the very first Starwars all over again, I wouldn’t have bothered. What snippets of originality there were, seemed contrived. I didn’t care about any of the new or old characters, and the ridiculous spectacle of an octogenarian Hans Solo being the father of a wayward teenager was another pretty pathetic joke.

Self-reverential garbage. At least if George Lucas had had a hand in it I would have known it would have been a huge Turkey, but all this hype and secrecy was just a cynical confidence trickster’s money making machine and I feel ‘done’ by getting caught up in it. Another case of time to move on.

1. The Hateful Eight

When Cineworld decided not to screen ‘the Hateful Eight’ I was pretty incensed, after I’d seen it at the Glasgow Film Theatre, I was doubly so, as I’d had to pay money to see it rather than use my Unlimited card.

This is one of the worst movies I’ve seen since ‘Only God Forgives’, my worst film of the decade so far. Good to see that racism and misogyny (maybe something even more disturbing?) are thriving under the guise of Tarantino art.

A set of totally hateful and unbelievable characters. Now that may be the point of the film, but to make it work as a drama you need someone or something to identify with.

However the most obvious flaw that stuck out from the opening of the movie was the absolute shambolic script. I nearly fell off my chair when I saw that BAFTA had nominated it for best script, at least Oscar has had more sense. A bad script and a poor plot, with as many holes in it as there were discharged bullets in the movie itsef.

And to cap it all, the script writing’s so bad that we need Tarantino to break what little suspension of disbelief we have in the first place to give us a voice over, so he can show us how clever he is. A good excuse to add another half an hour onto the running time.

I could go on as probably as long as the poor excuse for a movie itself. If there were any video stores left I’d recommend Tarantino go back and work in one as he might learn how to write and direct a movie again.

Pretentious, nauseating, ham-fisted, self-indulgent verbiage.

The year ahead.