ride me like a roller coaster

I’d say you’re nearly a professional.

Should I teach a class? Educate people with my skills?

Then what are you waiting for? It’s not polite to keep a lady waiting. ‘specially when she undressed for you. Well, might have undressed for you.

Ugh, you're, like, such a tease. I'll be down in a minute, sweetcheeks. 'M on my way.

How’d you manage to pull that off?

Threw out the food and, like, got down to business.

Just call me the skinny, hotter Buddha. A skinny dip? Hm. What If I said that I was going down to the hotel pool and I may or may not be skinny dipping? So you’d have a 50/50 chance. 

It's a chance 'm willin' to take.

The important question is did you still bang her?

Y.....es.

The only person in control of your life is yourself. Remember that, yeah? Extra fabulous? Eh, maybe. Went shopping and then got a smoothie so I’m feeling it. Might go for a dip later. 

I'll make sure to, toots. Thanks for the, like, wisdom, I guess? Ah, a dip? Make it a skinny dip and I'd be sure to join 'ya.

Gage, giving people advice they need. I was actually planning on making pasta while trying to score, now I’m reconsidering.

It's a dangerous, dangerous thing to do, dudette. Do not try it at home.

I get what you’re saying. So, have you gotten yourself into any trouble today? I could only imagine what it’s like in the day of you, Gage. 

Surprisingly, no. Nothin' too crazy has happened today, but I think I'll just, like, have to change that meself, yeah? And what about you? Are you feeling extra fabulous today?

Good. Because I’d hate to loose your number, y’know? That’d suck. I’m not ashamed. I just don’t want ‘em to be sent to people I didn’t intend on sending ‘em to. If I wanted the rest of your band, or posse thing I’d send ‘em to ‘em. It’s like if I took your weed and handed it off to some stranger. You wouldn’t want that, would you? 

Oh, alright. I wouldn't do that to you, toots. Like, there's no need to worry, yeah? Yeah, that wouldn't be nice. I'd cry. Well, like, probably not but you get my point.

I’m honestly impressed. Burning pasta takes serious skill. 

Well, like, I guess I have some serious skill, yeah?

You are truly an inspiration, aren’t you?

I like to think so, dudette.

You should really share sometime. Sharing is caring, y’know. I’d share with you if I had some. Yeah ‘bout that let’s keep that between us, got it? Don’t resend them to the monkeys you call mates. 

I guess I can share some with a pretty little lady like yourself, yeah. What, are you, like, ashamed of it? But, yeah. Of course.

That’s charming, Gage, honestly. Well I’m a teenage girl with hormones and I control myself, so you can too. You’re honestly really surprising though. Never a dull moment with you. 

But, like, I smoke a ton of weed and that, like. That shit makes me horny, alright? Never a dull moment with you, toots. Y'know, when 'ya send me nudes.

This has been a PSA sponsored by Gage Marwick. Christ, Gage, is there ever a time you don’t think of sex or you’re not having sex? 

Well, like, when I'm with people who are disgusting, sex does not cross my mind. But, like. You can't blame me, yeah? I'm a teenage boy with hormones and a million girls who think if they sleep with me, they'll get backstage passes. Like, no boy would pass that up, okay?

In good news, someone else might have found a shoe. Way to give back, Gage.

But, like, dudette. It was my shoe.