doubt.

I just want to be me - I just want to be useful and… content. I want to stop wondering if I’ll ever feel whole and just be whole. I want to have a purpose, one that I can look at without feeling I’m less than I was.

May 2017 be the year you stop standing in the doorway, and actually find the courage to take steps across the threshold into the happiness you so rightfully deserve to exist in. to live in. all the time, not some of the time. all the time.

Parents can make us distrust ourselves. To them, we seem always to be works-in-progress.

If it gets awkward, let it be awkward. That awkwardness is something they created. You don’t owe anyone a performance of being okay when you are not feeling okay so that they can feel better about themselves.

You knew me once, but you won’t know me twice.

You can’t love people with conditions and call it love or love them when its convenient to you , when its easy . You love them right through the darkness bringing them all the light that you can . Because saying I love you while closing the door on them is one of the most cowardly lies you will tell another being

Make me the villain, fine. Turn me into the evil queen, the heartless b*tch, but never forget, you wrote this story.

I enjoy controlled loneliness. I like wandering around the city alone. I’m not afraid of coming back to an empty flat and lying down in an empty bed. I’m afraid of having no one to miss, of having no one to love.

I am so tired of that old suffering. I want life to go forward.

Have you ever fallen into yourself and gotten lost? I’m so far from [people], yet at times I wish for them. I wish I could understand them and deal with them without all the pain and bitterness that comes with contact. At times I wish for them to touch me. Strangers pass by me in this wounded leaking light.

I lie to myself all the time. But I never believe me.

It’s always harder to be the one who’s left behind than the one who leaves.

Book of the day: The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman

Book of the day: The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Neil Gaiman

And sometimes, we can fall in love with someone for all the wrong reasons, and still love them after all the hurt, because sometimes, and most times, we can’t pick who we love. And even though we know we shouldn’t love them, we do and always will, because there are just a small number of people in this world who will “get” us for reasons we can’t explain, even when they shouldn’t.

After a while you learn the subtle difference Between holding a hand and chaining a soul, And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning And company doesn’t mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts And presents aren’t promises, And you begin to accept your defeats With your head up and your eyes open With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child, And you learn to build all your roads on today Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn… That even sunshine burns if you get too much. So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul, Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure… That you really are strong And you really do have worth… And you learn and learn… With every good-bye you learn.