last night, after many long years of hiding this secret deep inside myself, I told someone close to me for the first time. it couldn’t have gone better, but i have regret. it almost felt better keeping it to myself. over these years ive begged and wished to feel seen by someone, to get the chance to say it out loud and be accepted. im realizing now that i don’t like people getting very close to me, i like keeping them at a distance. in doing this i crossed my own personal boundary. it can’t be a bad thing though, i shouldn’t push people away forever. for a while I thought I was taking this to the grave

how old were you when you awakened

it’s pretty miserable to know so many of my problems can be solved with just one substance that I do not have access to. pretty. miserable. everyday jusr hurts

my rapid mental decline for the past few weeks definitely goes hand in hand with my cravings increasing BAD