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Peter: Better question: why is Regulus sitting on the table?

Remus: And why are they staring at each other?

Sirius: James?

James: Shh.

Sirius: No.

James: We're in a debate.

Regulus: He's losing.

James: I am not.

Regulus: You are.

James: Reggie, my beloved, my sunshine, my heart—

Sirius: HE CALLED YOU SUNSHINE?

Regulus: Yes.

Sirius: YOU'RE REGULUS BLACK.

Regulus: I know.

Sirius: You're the human equivalent of a thunderstorm.

Regulus: That's not relevant.

James: It is to me.

Sirius: Stop looking at him like that.

James: Like what?

Sirius: Like he's hung the moon.

James: He didn't hang it.

James: But if he asked me to, I'd try.

Remus: That's concerning.

Peter: Deeply concerning.

Regulus: See? This is why he's losing.

James: Explain.

Regulus: I asked him what he'd do if I suddenly became a criminal mastermind.

Peter: Suddenly?

Sirius: Good catch.

Regulus: And his answer was "supportive husband."

Sirius: WHAT?!

James: In my defense, I said supportive husband who occasionally suggests less illegal alternatives.

Remus: That's not better.

James: It's a little better.

Regulus: Then I asked if he'd report me to the authorities.

Peter: Please tell me you said yes.

James: I said I'd need more information.

Sirius: JAMES.

James: What if he had a good reason?

Sirius: THERE IS NO GOOD REASON TO BECOME A CRIMINAL MASTERMIND.

Regulus: That's a very closed-minded attitude.

Sirius: REGULUS.

James: That's what I said!

Sirius: WHY ARE YOU ENCOURAGING HIM?!

James: I'm not encouraging him. I'm listening to his perspective.

Remus: Which is?

Regulus: World domination.

Peter: Ah.

Remus: Right.

Sirius: Fantastic.

James: See, when you phrase it like that, it sounds bad.

Regulus: It does sound bad.

James: Exactly.

Sirius: THERE IS NO BETTER WAY TO PHRASE WORLD DOMINATION.

Regulus: Global management.

James: That's much nicer.

Sirius: I'M SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS.

Peter: Four idiots.

Remus: Three idiots and me.

Peter: Fair.

James: Reggie wouldn't actually take over the world.

Regulus: Thank you.

James: He hates managing people.

Regulus: Exactly.

James: Too much paperwork.

Regulus: Finally, someone understands me.

Sirius: So your defense is that he's too lazy to be evil?

James: Efficient. Not lazy.

Regulus: Thank you, darling.

Sirius: Stop rewarding him!

James: Sorry, what were you saying? I got distracted by Regulus calling me darling.

Regulus: Pathetic.

James: Do it again.

Regulus: Darling.

James: Thank you.

Sirius: I'M GOING TO WALK INTO THE LAKE.

Remus: You said that yesterday.

Sirius: And they got worse overnight.

Peter: Honestly, that's impressive.

Regulus: Thank you.

James: He's been working very hard.

James: Reg?

James: Reg, they're like, right in front of you. On the coffee table.

James: Regulus.

James: ...are you ignoring me?

James, pouting: Baby, please.

Sirius, around the corner: Pay up.

James 🤝 Barty