what am i even doing?

actually im doing really well except for the fact that everything makes me sad and the things that dont make me sad make me angry. but other than that im fine

March

you can't even tell a fangirl "I hope your blond man suffers and dies" because she wants that to happen to him too

vampires are so full of shit. "oh the human race is beneath us, you're just livestock to us" I don't think you know what livestock is. do you feed us? care for us? protect us from predators? no. you just slink around dark alleys and ambush people. that's not what a higher being does. that's a bottom feeder. a parasite. karate punches your head off

She Would Say That. She would DO that.

that’s her. the Task Manager

beautiful strangers named extreme cold warning are texting me to make plans on friday

what people dont get about divorces is the Whole Thing About Dogs

i have written custody plans for labrador retrievers more complex than i have for children. i went to four years of undergrad, three years of law school, and sat for the bar exam to write up custody exchange provisions for dogs with hyphonated last names

my clients are paying $295 an hour for me to go to court and litigate who makes veterinary decisions for Chuckles the Goldfish and theres literally nothing i can do to stop them