ggaayyyong

You weren't friends. Mere work acquaintances who exchanged a few pleasantries and jokes about the office life in the break room. He knew nothing about you, and you perhaps knew even less about him. You had no idea he had a significant other waiting at home every night. You had no idea because he never told you, despite the stolen glances, the smiles, the lingering touches when you passed him in the hallways. He had fallen victim to your sinful charms and never once wished that it hadn't been the case.

He could admit, however, that you terrified him. It was easy, at first, to undermine his feelings towards you as a simple crush on a mysterious colleague. His relationship was in a bit of a slump after he had to postpone his marriage for a second time -his mother-in-law was adamant her nose needed to look perfect for the wedding- and you had ignored his short temper and coldness with such ease that he couldn't help falling for you.

But it was supposed to pass. A confusion limited in time before he opened his eyes again on the one he was supposed to love forever. Yet you stayed, and so did the warmth your hand brought to the small of his back. Your voice resonated in his ears, and when he closed his eyes at night, he could see yours staring deep into his soul. You haunted his every moment, and when his body was dedicated to the one lying by his side, he knew, deep down, that it's your taste, your smell that enchanted him. This paradisiacal land in which his senses blossomed was now haunted by your presence. And it terrified him.

Every morning, he watched you enter the office. You arrived two hours after he did, and he, therefore, would leave two hours before you. Every day, he cursed these two hours, as they took from him the possibility of more. A discussion in the parking lot, a coffee, a dinner, a glass of wine, a kiss. More.

So he asked for his shift to be changed. He used his charms, like he always did with your unhappily married boss, and got what he wanted. He would now arrive with you, and more importantly, leave with you.

He walked you out to the parking lot, intrigued as he remembered you telling him you took the bus every morning. He battled his thoughts, enchanted by your eyes on him as you absorbed every word that came out of his mouth, your eyes never leaving his profile. In front of you, someone got out of a car. The noise alerted you.

You broke eye contact. A bright smile graced your lips, except this time, he seemed to bask in darkness as you walked faster toward them. They didn't have to imagine the warmth of your embrace, the taste of your lips. All he got was a wave, a promise to finish this meaningless discussion tomorrow. Then you were gone.

On his way back home, he tried to understand how you failed to mention your love for another -not that he ever mentioned his future spouse either. He tried to make sense of all the smiles, the glances, the lingering touches. Had he imagined them all?

He was angry, betrayed by your predatorial behaviour. He felt played, as if you had sensed his attraction to you, his fear and excitement, and used it all against him. Like a lamb, waiting to be eaten by the wolf. That night, he chose to sleep far away from their shared bed. Instead, he sat idly on the couch, facing the black screen of the television. He tried to watch something, anything to distract himself; however, his own reflection was therapeutic. Perhaps because, at least on that screen, he could see you sitting by his side.

The next day, the conversation was dull. He arrived after you, and from the safety of the street, he could see your true nature, the bright smiles you shared with every colleague -even Sandra-, the glances you threw toward those whose eyes seemed too glued on you, and the lingering touches, not only in the break room but every time you passed a desk inhabited by a stressed colleague, acquaintance, friend, he couldn't understand you anymore. He watched every single male and female in this office, how their gazes left invisible cuts across your skin, exposed or not. He hated them all. When he entered, he found it hard to be as joyful as you, who were utterly oblivious to his predicament. You waved, and smiled, and walked toward him with that same confidence, and when you resumed your conversation, he found it dull. The excitement wasn't there.

Until you touched him again. It was innocent, your hand on his arm as you tried to lead him into the break room, away from the prying eyes of your colleagues- and your boss. The spark was there. It had never left. He drowned in your scent, voluntarily letting you walk in front of him. It felt obscene how fast and deep he fell. He realised, then, that today was Thursday.

He felt it all at once. The same fear, the excitement, the envy and desire, the guilt. The lingering tension -that he came to realise had always been there- seemed to have grown tenfold. You closed the door and locked it. You knew.

And you wanted him too.

You guys I'm- AAAAH. I got carried a way. I meant for it to be like that but... not like that like that, you know? Anyway, it is currently 6:30 PM GMT+2 as I'm writing this and I don't know when I'll end up posting it because I'M TOO GOSH DARN EXCITED FOR THIS ONE.

Enjoy!

PS: I know y'all are horny and since I don't write smut, if anyone feels like writing a continuation or whatever, make sure to let me know so I can reblog your craft.

“Hey,” he said, his voice casual.

“Hey,” you acknowledged, twisting to watch him set his keys down.

“Did you eat already?” He opened the fridge, but you already knew it was empty. He realized that fact, closing it and turning away.

You replied, “No.”

“Oh.”

That was it. He didn’t make eye contact, he didn’t come up to give you a kiss, he didn’t invite you to eat elsewhere. He walked away, probably to go sit on the bed while he scrolls through his phone and you stay in the kitchen, watching the sun bid farewell.

When the light faded completely the kitchen was dark but you didn’t bother turning on the lights. The city outside glowed lively and even in this quiet moment you could still hear the honking cars and bustling streets below, sounds you’ve grown accustomed to since moving to the city. The feeling inside you was one you’ve become all too familiar with, yet when put to words you came up blank.

You were never much of a poet anyway, not like Renjun.

The glass of water in your hands was now empty—this you discovered as you brought it back up to your lips for another sip. Sighing, you put in the sink and looked at the time. It was past ten already, how long had you been standing there? The lights outside had been so mesmerizing, so alive, you could get caught up watching other people live their lives while you forget about yours.

Eventually you slipped into bed, wincing at the stone cold sheets. You knew Renjun’s sleeping body was beside you but you pushed that notion away, closing your eyes and trying to get rid of every thought that kept you up at night. Getting good sleep these days was becoming less and less often, but you weren’t sure why.

Maybe it was the fact that the person on the other side of the bed turned his back to you every night, and you always drifted off knowing you wouldn’t wake up in his arms the next morning. At this point you felt numb, tears wouldn’t even fall from your eyes anymore, you weren’t even sure what you felt could be described as sadness or anger.

The next day you squinted at your plants on the window sill, trying to determine if they looked better or worse. You supposed it was too early to tell, you barely tended to them the evening before.

Staring out the window was starting to be all too common for you and you hated it. You hated seeing the city outside, the sidewalks you used to walk with Renjun and the cafe events you would attend with him. And sometimes there would be a stray cat in an alley that would, by some miracle, let Renjun pet him. He would pull you in, his hand still grasping yours tightly, and jokingly asked if you could take it home, eyes bright like a child in a toy store. You would chuckle, shaking your head at him and reminding him that pets weren’t allowed in your apartment. Of course, he already knew that but it was a running joke between the both of you.

How you hated those big windows.

Hastily turning, you grabbed your jacket and keys before you let your thoughts wander too far. You reached out to the door but it swung open and you came face to face with Renjun who was arriving as scheduled.

He recoiled in shock and coughed awkwardly, letting go of the doorknob and relaxing his arm. “Hey, were you going somewhere?” he asked, looking away from your eyes.

You stepped back to let him in. “Um, not really,” was your answer. “Why?”

“I just—” he began, bringing up his arm to show a paper bag in his hand. “I brought some food. Thought you might be hungry.”

“Oh, okay. Let’s eat then,” you murmured, and with that he walked in, setting down the bag and slipping off his sweater. You caught a whiff of him as he walked by, the scents from outside mixing with his usual aroma. He smelled of spring rain over a jasmine field, it always reminded you of the fresh flowers the waiters at your favorite cafe used to place in each vase.

It was quiet. Too quiet.

The type of silence that had its hand wrapped around your throat, squeezing the life out of you, making you clench your fist with force.

Looking back at this scene, no one would’ve ever guessed that just a couple months ago you were engaged to this man.

The food in front of you was spread out in all its glory, just the sight of it was enough to make your mouth water. Renjun sat across from you, his head lowered as he took in the food. You noticed, looking at the logo on the bag, that it was from an unfamiliar restaurant. Your stomach growled in hunger but you didn’t eat.

You couldn’t eat. It felt strange, like you were dining with a stranger. You were conscious of every second that ticked by, every breath you took, every time Renjun moved the slightest inch. It was just too uncomfortable. Perhaps he felt the same, as he grasped his eating utensil tightly, doing nothing more than stare at the meal.

You held in a disappointed sigh, shifting in your seat awkwardly. Neither of you were big talkers anyway, but this wasn’t the comfortable silence you were accustomed to with Renjun.

“How was work?” you asked in a small voice, straightening your back when he lifted his head to look at you.

“It was fine.”

The reality of the situation was becoming too clear. Rain pattered the windows, you could hear the laugh of a passerby in the hallway, probably coming from a late Saturday party. The white, clean walls of a spacey kitchen never felt so small, so suffocating. You were like a burning match, and Renjun was the oxygen that could either blow you out or feed your flames.

By now he would’ve talked your ear off about the managers at work who seemed too demanding for his taste, or the girls that would constantly hit on him, or he would bring up the small succulent you gifted him a while ago that he took care of every day while working. You wondered about his friends and his coworkers, wondering how they were doing. He never talked about them anymore. He didn’t talk about anything anymore, in fact, not with you.

He couldn’t even look you in the eyes anymore.

You had to leave. You stood, the sound of your chair scraping across the linoleum floor harshly ripping through the thick silence. It was pouring outside but you needed to get away. Renjun didn’t move, he knew you both needed it for now. He let you walk past him, heading out the door with only your keys and phone in hand.

It was eating him inside out. You used to look at him with entire galaxies in your eyes, your smile that lit the world brighter than Renjun had ever seen. It was on rainy nights like this that he would take you out to the park and you would sit on a bench, sharing the same umbrella but getting soaked anyway. You would both chuckle at the people running by, hurrying to get some shelter in the cold rain and he would wrap his arm around you, pulling you in so close. The pleasant feeling in your chest was warmer than any jacket you’ve ever worn.

The stars would fall mercy at your feet, for you shined brighter than any of them. Renjun could spend hours painting you, just you. The dainty way your hand held his, the lips that whispered sleepy “l love you’s” every morning, your luscious hair that would tickle him from time to time. And when you laughed, Renjun loved you even more then. Even if it was a quiet, content laugh, or a loud chortle that left you breathless, he could never get enough of it.

It was so cliché but Renjun used to love you like that.

The following day was equally as bleak as the one before.

You stood by the window once again, watching the raindrops race to the bottom of the glass, remembering the times you did that as a child, betting with yourself to see which one made it down first.

This time the sun was nowhere to be seen, obscured by the heavy gray clouds that cried tears. Fog covered the buildings outside like a morbid blanket, and you could feel the chilly air seeping in through the glass when you placed your fingertips on it.

Today was your anniversary with Renjun, and you could only hope that something good came out of the dinner you prepared.

You took your time waiting in the kitchen, watering your flora who were also looking a bit brighter even without the sun. Smiling as you looked down at them, thinking about how they were something to look forward to in your black and white world.

Glancing at the time, you noticed it was getting a bit late, but that was a lie. You were getting ahead of yourself. Renjun was usually on time, arriving around 7:30 pm, and it was barely 7:50. You hoped he didn’t forget what day it was because it would make things even more awkward.

Just as you were placing the last plate on the table, the door opened and Renjun entered, his trademark sweater on and keys in hand. At least that was one thing about him that never changed.

He saw what you had prepared and, for the first time in a while, you saw a small smile on his face. Before you could greet him, he held out his hand, a little flower peeking out from his grasp.

“Happy anniversary,” he said softly.

Your heart sank. It was a single jasmine blossom, a flower that used to be your favorite.

Used to be.

You wouldn’t put it against Renjun for not knowing how much you despised that flower now, hating the sickly sweet smell that drove your anxiety up the wall.

Renjun smelled of spring rain over a jasmine field.

Nonetheless, you plucked the flower from his hand and inhaled its scent, ignoring the way it made your stomach churn as you gently smiled at him. “Happy anniversary,” you repeated, struggling to keep your smile bright. “I made dinner.”

Once the both of you sat down, you tapped your fingers on the table, contemplating if you should fight the silence or let it win again today. Renjun seemed to be deep in thought as well, his hands folded on his lap and his brows furrowed in that way they do when he’s focused on something. His eyes were fixated on your restless hand, and you couldn’t help but assume he was staring at the empty spot where your ring used to be. You clenched your fist and retracted it, mirroring his pose with your hands in your lap. Renjun shook out of his daze and pursed his lips, stabbing at the food on his plate.

“Why are we even doing this?” you spoke, your voice a bit wobbly.

Renjun didn’t even have to ask to know what you were talking about, yet he still felt his heart squeeze at your question. “I don’t know.”

“We’re basically roommates, Renjun. We’re two people that live in the same house but never interact. Why do we keep doing this?” The volume of your voice escalated desperately, and you searched him for an answer but he didn’t look up.

“I don’t know!” he blurted out forcefully.

You pushed your plate away, your appetite suddenly gone. “I don’t think we can make this work anymore.” He stayed silent while you continued. “I’m miserable—we both are.”

The truth was Renjun was afraid of letting you go. He was afraid of coming home to an empty house, of sleeping in an empty bed, of having no one to console him when he was upset. You and him used to live in harmony at some point, a routine where you would understand each other and work together. He’d grown so used to you, the idea of you, that he felt sick thinking of a life without you.

He was afraid of being alone.

Outside the rain came down in waves. It pounded on the window, asking for attention while you waited for Renjun to say something.

He didn’t.

Instead, the sky roared with thunder and a faroff bolt of lightning struck the ground, lighting up the world momentarily. The lightbulb above you flickered once then gave out, as did the rest of the light sources throughout the kitchen. The refrigerator stopped humming, the AC stopped clicking, and the numbers on the microwave faded away, leaving you to stare at your ex-fiancé in the dark.

Renjun couldn’t stand the way you looked at him anymore. Though some of the light in your eyes had faded, they were still filled with hope and trust. At the end of the day you continued to wait for him with open arms. He felt undeserving of your love.

You left the table first, the food laying untouched while Renjun let you walk away again. If he had anything to say in that moment, it stayed painfully lodged in his throat, his own pride choking him up.

A couple months ago, your first fights were terrible. You both raised your voices, ignored each other, even refused to sleep in the same bed (Renjun would stay with a friend when it got bad). He never liked thinking about those times, regretting each and every word he ever directed at you and hating the pain in your expression after. He especially disliked recalling the tears in your eyes when you slid the diamond ring off your finger and placed it in his palm.

After silently clearing the table and checking the breakers, Renjun found his way to the bedroom in the dark, seeing your curled up form under the covers. He didn’t acknowledge you as he slid in next to you, turning his back like always and pulling the covers up to his chin, careful not to pull your side too much.

He closed his eyes but did not sleep, his thoughts running too rampant to let him. Even if he did sleep, he dreamt only of you. Of when you first met, of your first date, of the day he got on one knee and asked for your hand. He could never forget the happiness in your voice, the jubilant smile you wore beautifully.

“Renjun,” he heard you whisper into the inky bedroom, the sound just loud enough for him to hear. “I’m cold.”

It was anything but cold under the blankets, but Renjun did feel chilled, hollow. Like he was disconnected from his body somehow. “I know,” he replied quietly. “Me too.”

You didn’t respond but he turned, cautiously putting his arm around you and you let him, tears springing to your eyes. It had been a while since you laid in this position with him, you nestled in his chest while he buried his nose in your neck or hair and he was so close you could feel each breath he took. It felt strange yet familiar, like that sense of déjà vu you get when it feels like you already went through something. But maybe your brain conjured up this bittersweet dream, maybe this reality was just in your head.

Maybe Renjun would still love you when you woke up.

“Your flowers are dead.”

Renjun stood by the window, a dry, wilted leaf resting on his finger. He studied it for a moment, and then let it go. It crumbled to pieces.

“I don’t care about them anymore,” you voiced. “It took me too much effort to keep them alive.”

He nodded in understanding, though he knew those plants meant a lot to you. Sometimes on days when you were tired, he’d remind you to water them or even do it himself. Not once had your flowers ever looked the way they did now—dull, withered, dead.

A long, painful beat of silence passed. Renjun gazed out the window, taking in the familiar sun that hasn’t shown itself in days. The heavy clouds had finally lifted that day, revealing a fading orange and red sky. You watched him from the counter, the way the golden light bounced off his skin, creating a heavenly, ethereal glow. The silver bracelet he wore on his wrist reflected the beams, projecting them onto the ceiling above.

You looked down, away from the man who you promised your life to once upon a time. A million thoughts raced through your head, too cryptic to comprehend. All you knew was that whatever you and Renjun had hurt too much to keep going. Clenching your fist, you braced yourself for your next words.

“Let’s end this Renjun.”

For once, he turned to look at you, his eyes dry of tears but filled with pain. Every fiber of his being screamed for you, to be happy in your arms again, to hear the words ‘my love’ fall from your lips one more time. He bit his lip and pushed down those longing thoughts, the ones that were on his mind far too much these days.

He made the hardest decision of his life—he chose to let go of you. On that day, that minute, that split second, he looked into your eyes and knew it was the end of a love story.

Renjun knew he loved you, but he fell out of love with you a long time ago.

You were once his morning and night sky, his sunflower fields, his walk in the clouds. Whoever the creator was smiled upon you, blessing you with a kind of spirit that brought peace and adventure at the same time. Being with you felt like an impulsive car ride along the coastline, the wind blowing your hair wildly, screaming and throwing your arms up as if it was a rollercoaster ride. Or like a lazy afternoon, sleeping the whole day while the sun made its path across the sky, only being woken up by kisses and giggles and legs tangled in the bedsheets.

Beyond your monotonous life were other people also moving on. Friends came and went, that random stranger you saw on the street you would probably never see again, enjoying an unfamiliar song in a cafe that would slip your mind as soon as you left. People lived, people died, but the world kept revolving, never stopping, never giving anyone a break.

That was the beauty of it.

Renjun didn’t feel angry or sad or even bitter. He was thankful. He was thankful for the countless moments spent with you, for all the laughs and tears you shared, for the quiet and loud moments, for the breath of air you were to him. You were a novel in itself, your pages filled with words upon words of stories and little problems you ran into. Renjun felt thankful to have appeared in a few of those lines, maybe even a whole chapter filled with nothing but him.

But books, too, ended eventually.

The last blow to his heart was when he looked back, seeing you standing in the doorway with a wounded expression. The windows behind you were as translucent as ever, pouring light over your perfect form. Your hair flared brightly from the orange backlight and you leaned on the frame, one second away from screaming at him to come back.

He considered returning, mumbling an ‘I’m sorry, I love you,’ but that would only delay the inevitable, not stop it. At the end of the day, it was still over. But it was okay, because looking back now at all the love you used to share, he realized it was beautiful.

You were beautiful.

Initially, you were excited to move in with your brother. His old roommate, Taeil, graduated last year leaving his old room to you. But it proved to be a lot harder than you had anticipated, and it was silly of you to think so optimistically.

“Mark, I swear, if I see your dirty laundry on the bathroom floor again I’m going to burn whatever’s there!” you shouted from the first floor, up to the loft area where your bedrooms were located. You did not need his sweat-infused clothes stinking up the entire home.

But, in typical brotherly fashion, he completely ignored you and you received no response. You sighed, flipping off nothing but innocent air as you head to the kitchen to grab your abandoned cup of coffee. You nearly dropped it a second later from the booming voice entering through your doorway.

“Honey! I’m home!” someone cheered exaggeratedly, bursting in like they lived here. Was there another roommate that Mark didn’t tell you about?

A boy came walking in, tall with tattoos covering the expanse of his arms. He let the door shut behind him, took off his shoes, and ran his hands through his hair before he looked up and made eye contact with you. Finally, he realized you were there.

“Oh, sorry. Didn’t know Mark had company,”

“That’s my sister you dumbass, I literally told you she was moving in today,” your brother snapped, walking down the spiral staircase down from the loft where the bedrooms were. “You were probably too fucking high to remember,”

“Not true,” the boy defended, walking up to the kitchen island you were sitting at and leaning forward on his arms. “I’m Lucas,”

There was a certain aura exuding off this man that you couldn’t quite place, but in all honesty, it intimidated you. He intimidated you. You waved at him shyly, giving your name and nothing else. Lucas stared at you unemotionally for a second longer, before humming to himself and leaving you to walk up to your brother.

“You didn’t forget about tonight, did you?” he asked, and Mark shook his head.

“How could I forget about the first party of the year?” Mark scoffed, dismissing his friend and spoke to you. “Sorry about him, he doesn’t actually live here. He just knows the passcode,” you nodded your head in understanding, but you had lingering curiosity in you.

“So there’s a party tonight?” you wondered.

“Yeah, and you’re coming,” Mark responded, making your eyes widen at him. Wait, you didn’t ask because you wanted to go. You were just trying to keep the conversation going. “Don’t make that face at me, this is your opportunity of a lifetime! It’s time for your college debut as Mark’s sister,”

“Oh please,” Lucas said, and you both looked over at him slumped against the cushions of your couch. “Don’t be so full of yourself,”

“Yeah, yeah. Be ready in 30,”

~

You emerged out of your room at the designated time, heading downstairs to find Lucas in his same exact spot, and Mark was nowhere to be found. He didn’t hear you come down at first, and you stood silently for a second, debating whether you should say anything. He was scrolling on his phone, and with the opportunity to study him, you truly noticed how good looking he was.

“Are you just going to keep standing there?” Lucas asked, glancing up from his phone, his eyes immediately landing on you. “I don’t bite,”

You had a feeling that was a lie.

“Uh, where’s Mark?” you asked, trying to force down the blush creeping up your neck. That was embarrassing.

“He went to go get Yuna. She lives down the hall,” he replied, locking his phone and crossing his arms in front of his chest. His stare was strong and had a certain weight to it, crushing down on you.

“Are they dating?” you knew that you should have probably known if your own brother had a girlfriend or not, but the two years that Mark was up in college meant a lot of time spent with little interaction. In that time you had become unacquainted with the happenings of his social and personal life, and you hoped that moving in with him would rekindle the sibling relationship that you two used to have.

“Not really. He likes her, though,” Just then, the padlock made its usual beeping sound and in walked Mark followed by a beautiful girl with a bright smile. You were glad they entered when they did, the conversation with Lucas starting to become unbearably awkward.

Yuna walked in comfortably, giving Lucas a small wave before you caught her eye. She introduced herself to you, grabbing your hand warmly. You could see why your brother liked her, she was both gorgeous, and kindly sociable. You talked to her for a bit, discussing what you were going to be majoring in and such, before it was announced that the four of you were going to leave. You were nervous, but it seemed like you were in good company.

So good, that upon arriving at the party venue, it seemed as if everyone there knew the three of them.

“Ayo, Mark!” a boy called from near the abundance of coolers, his shirt unbuttoned and a drink already in hand. Mark and Lucas head over to him, greeting a group of boys, and Yuna took it upon herself to take you under her wing. She didn’t seem to have anyone who she was concrete friends with, but instead she greeted everyone in an acquainted manner, introducing you to them as Mark’s sister, Y/n. Apparently, the prefacing label was a big deal to them, and soon word was going around that Mark had a little sister, and she showed up looking good.

“So, how did you meet my brother?” you asked Yuna, finding yourself becoming more comfortable talking to her. She seemed like someone you could truly become good friends with, if given the chance.

“Well, we live in the same apartment complex, and we just naturally got close,” she explained. The two of you were sitting next to each other, on one of the small benches surrounding the large bonfire pit in the center, watching the boys play sand volleyball, which was really just them playfully wrestling each other for the ball even if they were on the same team. You had learned some of the names of their friends, but it was hard for you to keep track with the sheer amount of them.

Your conversation fell silent for a brief moment, and your eyes naturally gravitated toward the boy you had yet to grow accustomed to. At some point, Lucas had tossed his shirt to the side and was now showcasing his lean torso.

“And what about Lucas? How did him and Mark become friends?” you asked Yuna, turning to her and seeing her mood shift. A small smile blessed her lips, and she chuckled to herself.

“I’m not quite sure, but they’re really close. They’re like soulmates, those two. Can I let you in on a little secret?” she asked, and your ears perked in interest, nodding your head.

“I might have a little crush on Lucas,”

You swallowed the gasp that almost escaped you. You tried to keep your facial expression neutral, her confession feeling like a punch in your gut. Didn’t Lucas say Mark liked Yuna? Talk about a love triangle.

“Oh,” you replied, a short response. You didn’t say anything about it afterwards, the burden of knowledge making it hard for you to speak on the topic. You felt bad for your brother, but there was another part of you that struggled with the information as well. You couldn’t quite place it.

“I don’t know how to go about anything with that boy, though. He’s not necessarily the most approachable person, if you haven’t noticed,” Yuna continued, her eyes fondly trailing Lucas as he cheered over the point his team had just won.

“Yuna!” someone called from behind where the two of you were sitting, and Yuna apologetically smiled at you and she promised to be back soon. She walked away, and right as she did, someone took her spot.

“Hey beautiful,” the man said, and you looked over at him uncomfortably. You could smell the alcohol on him, but you were too lost for words to ask him to leave, so instead you just politely nodded at him and looked at the sand beneath your feet.

“Not much of a talker, are you?” he asked, taking another swig from the beer bottle in his hand. You still didn’t respond, and he chuckled lowly beside you. There was nothing going through your head. No means to escape, nothing to say to ask him to leave, and you wished you had more self advocacy. You glanced down and watched as his hand was reaching out for your leg, when someone interrupted.

"Time to leave, buddy," you looked up at the voice, and was both surprised yet relieved to see that someone had come to your rescue. Your eyes met Lucas' steely ones, and his expression was unreadable, yet annoyance oozed out of his tone as he spoke again. "And don't fucking touch her,"

"Hey, hey. Relax, we were just having a nice conversation," the man said, throwing his hands up in a surrendering position. He had a shit-eating grin on his face, though, as he watched the boy in front of him progressively lose his patience. This was all a fun, entertaining game for him. "Right, babe?"

One second the drunken man was beside you, the next he was being pulled up by his collar. It seemed like the party had finally taken notice, everyone watching as Lucas, infamous for being non-confrontational, was looking ready to punch his face in.

Normally, he couldn't be bothered by the average dumbass at a party, but here he was, inserting himself into a situation he wasn't a part of whatsoever. He was face to face with the man, his brows furrowed and it took little effort for him to hold the shorter man up on his toes.

"Leave," there was nothing left to be said, and the guests were silent as the man scoffed obnoxiously, yet walked away all the same. You continued to stare at Lucas with a look of bewilderment.

"Thank you," you said, letting him reel you in with the eye contact you began to think was a charming point of his. There was nothing that could help you escape the depth of his eyes, even if the world crumbled around you. But something was different, as if there was a shift in the way he looked at you. There was something there that wasn't present before, and something that had left. He nodded at you, his jaw clenching into a blade illuminated in the burning light of the fire behind him, but he left without a word.

A lot of speculations could be made from that interaction, and it was likely that none of them were true, but people believed whatever they wanted to. And right now, it wasn't hard to convince themselves that something was going on between Mark Lee's best friend, and Mark Lee's sister.

-----------------------------

After just one night, you had become a hot topic with anyone who knew someone that was at the party the day before. Lucas was already a talking point all on his own, and now there was finally someone in his previously empty picture. The secrecy of everything concerning him was what drew so many people in, and finally, after two years, there was something to feed the insatiable hunger everyone craved. Lucas Wong saved you, and apparently it was a big fucking deal. Girls asked one another what it was about you that was so special, while boys snuck glances at each other as if they knew exactly why. All the attention did nothing to curve your shy personality.

For you, while it was clear you had no idea where Lucas stood on this situation, you didn't even know how you felt about it yourself. In one sense, it was pleasantly foreign to have the spotlight on you, but at the same time, you barely knew the guy, and it seemed like no one else did either.

For nearly a week, you didn't catch sight of the boy whose name seemed to follow yours in everyone else's sentences. You didn't know him well enough for there to be a void with his absence, but Mark couldn't say the same.

"Why has he been so flakey lately?" he sighed, hanging up the same voicemail he'd been hearing for days. You avoided looking anywhere near him, knowing there was a big fat elephant in the room. Mark ran his hand through his hair, glancing over at you.

"Look, I know what everyone's been saying, but we both know it's not true, and that's all that matters. Don't feel like you have to hide behind a rumor," you knew he was right, and while you appreciated his advice, it was always easier for you to give in to the shadows. Not everyone could be complacent like him, even his own sister.

Mark could still see the doubt in your face, and he sighed for the umpteenth time that week.

"Do you want to come with me? The boys are meeting up at the freshmen's place," you finally looked over at him, seeing the comforting look on his face. You knew he was trying his best to help you out, which is what prompted you to agree. You might not have wanted to, but you knew you didn't have the freedom to be your old self anymore. It was time for you to break out of your shell.

The house was somewhat big, and Mark explained to you that all the boys in the house were in the same year as you, but they knew some of the older boys from high school, inserting themselves into the friend group. As you followed him up the pathway and to the front door, you thought your heart might explode.

The door swung open, and you recognized the boy from the party last weekend.

"Renjun!" Mark cheered, pulling him into a man-hug. The boy waved at you, an unassuming smile on his face. Maybe you were worrying for nothing.

You walked in, observing the simple house silently, feeling a bit out of place as everyone greeted your brother while you stood next to him. Be social, Y/n. Socializing is key.

You didn't even manage to get a word out before someone walked in and the entire group exploded.

"Well look who actually showed up,"

Lucas closed the door behind him, chuckling at the outburst he caused from his mere presence. Turning to look at him, immediately you noticed that there was something that seemed a little different about him, but you didn't know exactly what had changed.

It was more of a chill, calm get-together rather than a party, just a group of friends all hanging out together. It was a bit unnerving that you were the only girl, and you wished you had brought Yuna along, but no one really seemed to care all that much.

There seemed to be two unspoken requirements to fit in with the group. One, you had to be undoubtedly attractive, and two, you had to have a personality. There were a lot of variations to the second rule. There were less of them than there were at the beach, and it gave you a better chance to get to know a few of them on a more personable level. You found that they made it easy to loosen up around them. You were particularly comfortable around the ones in the same year as you, you and Donghyuck trading banter as you utilized the witty skills you'd developed over years of surviving in the same household as Mark. Jeno laughed hysterically at nearly every response you gave.

You were so preoccupied arguing with the boys about which breed of dog looked most like each boy, that you didn't notice a certain someone slipping away from the congregation room, even when you walked away to find the bathroom Jaemin had only given you vague directions to.

You searched through the doors through the first floor, and you finally stumbled upon the bathroom, and nearly jumped out of your skin when you opened the door to an invasion of smoke. Your first instinct was to think the house was on fire, but you realized someone was in there, none other than Lucas. Predictable.

The cigarette dangled from his fingers lazily, and he didn't even flinch when you unexpectedly burst through the door. He was leaning back against the sink, and he didn't bother to glance at you.

"Oh, sorry. I'll leave--"

"No need, I'm getting out," he interrupted. You watched his long strands of hair fall over his eyebrows as he looked down to put the bud out on the bottom of his shoe, throwing it into the small metal trash can beside him. For the first time since you met Lucas, you noticed he wasn’t trying to meet your eyes. Somehow, it seemed like he was shy in his own minuscule way, or rather, not as bold as he usually seemed.

You remembered thinking that something seemed just a bit off about him earlier that night, and like always, the longer you observed him the more you could see. He was like an intricate painting, with more to discover and unearth with every proper look. Up close, you could see the subtle bags under his eyes, the droop in his shoulders, and the slowness of his movements. He moved to walk past you, but you grabbed onto his arm with an abruptness that surprised even you. His arm in your grip tensed, and he snapped his head to you in mild confusion. You mustered up all your courage just to speak, but you found most of your motivation from your concern.

"A-are you feeling alright? You don't look too well," He said nothing, the thick layer of silence ringing inside of your head. It went on for so long that you almost opened your mouth again to apologize until he finally replied.

"I'm fine,"

And with that, he removed his forearm and walked out briskly. He didn't go back to his friends, simply walking out the door without so much as a goodbye, got in his car, and drove away. The radio was turned off, the air condition was blasting, and Lucas pretended not to notice the tremble in his hands. He ignored the simple fact of what had just happened.

You were the first person to ask how he was doing. Not what he was doing, not who he was doing, you wanted to know if he was feeling okay. You did something no one else had before. You saw straight through him.

~

When you had emerged back from the bathroom, you immediately identified the missing person who seemingly left. You couldn't say you were surprised, but you were admittedly a bit disappointed. Clearly he had lied to you, but maybe it wasn't your place to ask such a question in the first place. You had to keep reminding yourself that you were in no position to care about a guy you just met.

And you thought that would be enough confrontation to last you a good month or so, until you sat in the passenger's seat of Mark's car and was thrown another curveball.

"Why did Lucas leave like that?" your brother asked, not even turning the engine on. He just sat there, staring straight forward at the wheel in front of him. Your breath snagged in your throat, being thrown completely off guard.

"I don't know,"

"Come on, sis. I know you two must have ran into each other. Don't you think I deserve to know?" He was right, of course, and you knew in reality nothing really came out of the interaction, so why were you so hesitant to say anything to him?

"I don't know what you're expecting me to say, but nothing happened. He was in the bathroom when I opened the door, he walked out, and I didn't know he left the house until I came back out," A small part of you was annoyed that you even had to explain yourself to him. "So if you want to know why he left, you can go and ask Lucas yourself,"

Mark was silent for a moment, as if debating between trusting your word or not.

"You know, I don't want you to think I'm judging you, because I'm not. If you say nothing happened, then I believe you. The only reason I'm asking is because I care, Y/n,”

He rested his head on the back of his seat, settling something within himself.

“I know he’s my best friend, and I love him like a brother, but at the end of the day, he’s not. He’s not my brother, you’re my sister, and that means I have to start learning how to remember that sometimes. This is me remembering, right now.” He looked over at you, for the first time since he started the conversation, the look on his face more serious than you’d ever seen it in your entire life. Gone was the normal, happy, laughing Mark. This was a part of him that hadn’t appeared until now.

“Lucas isn’t right for you, Y/n. I don’t know if you need to hear that or not, I don’t know if there really is absolutely nothing going on, but he just can’t. He can’t be the one for you. And I know how everyone else idolizes him, they put him up on this big fucking pedastal and somehow erases all other aspects of him, but I know him too well. I’ll always see him as a good friend, but I just couldn’t sit by if he pursued my little sister. Promise you won’t involve yourself with him,”

“Okay, Mark. Okay,” you whispered, getting the message. The car was started and you finally started heading home, but it was silent the entire time, neither of you having anything else to say. You were left to your conflicting thoughts, trying to erase any ounce of infatuation you may have initially had. If only it was as easy as it sounds.

-----------------------------

You couldn’t miss the staggering amount of dirty looks you received throughout just one day on campus. It was bad enough that you were associated with Lucas, but now you were parading around with his friends, too. And if you didn’t have a big fat crush on the notorious bad boy, you liked one of his many, many friends. It didn’t blow over very well with the female student body.

“I just don’t understand why I’m the bad guy,” you complained, stirring your coffee miserably. You were seated in the campus cafe with your usual companions, Jeno, Jaemin and Donghyuck, and they only looked at your tortured state with amused expressions.

“It’s the curse of having handsome friends,” Donghyuck boasted, making a cocky face.

“I do? I don’t see them,” you made a show of searching the restaurant around you, cracking their egos just a bit. But not enough, because all of you knew you were lying.

Jeno heaved a big sigh next to you, and everyone turned to the boy as he stared down at his phone.

“Uh, what’s wrong?” Jaemin asked, treading into the world of boyish angst.

“It’s pineapple,” Jeno replied, and his two friends gave understanding nods. You looked around at the three of them confusedly, laughing outright.

“You guys have code names? What is this, middle school?”

“Hey! Don’t judge us. We never know who may be listening,” Jeno defended, but his cheeks were slightly tinged with pink. He looked around, dramatically searching the premises, before motioning everyone to lean in close so he could whisper. “Lina’s back seeing that stupid guy, you know, the one with the crusty hair. Rumor has it she’s going to be at the party tomorrow,”

It truly amazed you how these boys could go to parties every single weekend, the four of you only two months into college and they had already adopted the college party lifestyle. You couldn’t say the same yourself, claiming more rainchecks than attendances.

Donghyuck and Jaemin looked at each other for a split second, a silent conversation happening between the two, before they turned back.

“We have a plan,” Donghyuck stated, an excited grin on his face. “You need to make her jealous,”

“And how exactly would I do that?” Jeno asked, looking at his friends blankly.

“Ah, must you be so incredibly dense?” Jaemin sighed, speaking to his friend in a slow, baby-addressing tone. “Get a girl, act like you’re okay without pineapple, make her realize the mistake she made, problem solved!”

“Who should it be, though? Any girl I ask would probably get too into it,” Jeno reasoned, and you nodded your head in agreement. You didn’t expect the two boys in front of you to slowly turn their heads towards you.

“Me?” You must’ve been too loud, because the three shushed you like you were still in a bubble of confidentiality. You rolled your eyes, bringing your voice down to a whisper again. “Are you sure this is a good idea? I don’t necessarily have, how do I say this, the skills to do this,”

“Oh please,” Jaemin scoffed, looking over at you. “You’re the ‘it’ girl. Who better to make Lina jealous?”

“It’s pineapple,”

~

You found yourself at the party. How pathetic. This was so unlike you, but then again, the person you used to be didn’t quite feel like you anymore. If your childhood friends saw you now, they would surely question if you were truly the girl they used to know. You tried to tell yourself that it was a good thing, your daily mantra. It was already a bit into the swing of the party when Donghyuck appeared in front of you and Jaemin near the drink table, looking as if he had just run a marathon to get to you.

“She’s here, operation fruit salad is underway,”

Jaemin abandoned his cup on the table and grabbed your shoulders, pushing you frantically toward the living room where your partner in crime stood nervously. You felt bad for Jeno, who looked like he was ready to abandon ship, and you grabbed his hand comfortingly. Time to put on a show.

The girl you assumed to be Lima walked through the archway leading away from the foyer entrance, and Donghyuck used his loud voice to call over the noise of the party.

“Truth or dare, losers!”

When the four of you were mapping out the plan, you had asked them if this could completely backfire and random people started playing the game instead of Lina, but they quickly shut down your concerns. Apparently, for the past four years, it was an unspoken rule that truth or dare concerning their group was pretty much exclusive, and everyone knew whether they were welcome or not. You were skeptical, as it seemed too hierarchic to be true, but here you were, sitting between Jeno and Jaemin, looking around at the participants and realizing they were right. You recognized every single face in the group, which really said something considering you made no efforts to befriend anyone else.

You all situated yourselves in a circle, carelessly taking up most of the space in the living room, drawing a bit of attention from the other guests. It was like a TV show, the way there was an audience. Donghyuck searched around for his first prey, assuming everyone who wanted to play had sat down, when he was interrupted.

“Wait, I’m playing too,” Lucas cut in, sitting himself down next to Taeyong who looked over at him surprised, as did everyone else. Jeno leaned in to whisper in your ear.

“He never plays, this is his debut,” You giggled at his choice of words, and you glanced to the side to make sure Lina was paying attention to the two of you. She darted her eyes away, and Jaemin nudged your knee so he could throw a thumbs up discreetly between the two of you.

“Yuta, truth or dare?” Donghyuck started, a mischievous grin on his face. It seemed like anything Yuta picked, he’d have something interesting in store for him.

“Dare,” Yuta said unconfidently.

“Hm, I dare you to jump into the pool, right now,”

“Not the pool,” Yuta pleaded. “We haven’t cleaned that thing in like a year,”

“Dare’s a dare,” the group chorused synchronously. The poor boy sighed, emptying his pockets and dashing towards the sliding door out to the back, everyone cringing yet cheering as he made a large splash in the discolored water. He returned with a towel wrapped around him.

The game continued, various dares committed and secrets dished out, and it had yet to be your turn. You weren’t missing in action, though, progressively getting more into the character you needed to play. You and Jeno must’ve been pretty convincing, because even some of the other boys were giving the two of you spare glances. You hoped this was working, because it took a lot to sell it.

Wrapped up in the act, you didn’t notice someone giving a few more looks than most. Lucas couldn’t help but watch you as you touched Jeno’s arm, or leaned into him in laughter, or let him whisper something to you. He felt nothing, nothing nagging with annoyance or jealousy, just plain interest. If he had nowhere else to look, his eyes would always find you. Somehow, he could tell there was more to it than everyone may think.

Doyoung had just finished taking a shot of whatever mixture Ten had concocted for him, gagging a bit but forcing it down impressively. Then, Doyoung’s attention turned to Lucas himself.

“Truth or dare,”

“Truth,” Lucas decided nonchalantly, a few sounds of disappointment sounding through the crowd. There was a notable increase in size of people watching the events unfolding, bringing a greater amount of pressure to each of the players. They were all waiting for the main event happening right now.

Doyoung thought hard for a good moment, trying to decide just what question would be deemed worthy to ask Lucas, even corresponding with Johnny, claiming he needed to ‘phone a friend’. While everyone else was on the edge of their seats, Lucas was unphased by the suspense of it all.

“Okay, okay. Who in this room--literally anyone--do you hate the most?” The rumble of murmuring sounded about the crowd, everyone curious to get even a little bit of insight into the mind of the boy that seemed to feel nothing. Lucas didn’t ponder for even a second before he responded.

“Myself,”

The party went silent, everyone letting his answer sink in. A chill ran through you, and you looked at the boy sitting directly across from you with pity. Maybe he was just a pretty face with a broken soul. You knew there was something in him, something behind his many closed doors, and maybe you were finally starting to dive deep into it. Despite trying to step away from his black hole, the fleeting insight he gave only worked to suck you back in.

In contrast to the reaction he received, Lucas seemed calm, as always, leaning forward onto with his forearms resting on his knees.

“My turn, right?” he asked, Doyoung nodding, and Lucas took one hand and rubbed it on his chin in thought. His head was tilted downwards, but his eyes snapped up to meet yours.

“Y/n, truth or dare?”

The entire party was hanging on a thread, everyone holding their breath in either anticipation or shock. He made an otherwise unexpected move, yet it was so predictable it wasn’t a surprise once you thought it over. You could see in his eyes that he was trying to see how you would react, and you were determined not to give in to the intensity. You would meet him up there even if you were scared inside.

“Dare.”

The thickness of the air was stifling, yet you felt like it was the first time in your life that you were breathing. Right then, you were alive.

Lucas smothered the twitch in the corner of his lips, keeping his cool. He liked where this was going.

“I dare you to kiss me,”

Check mate. That was his killing move, and it was at your expense.

“Absolutely not,” Mark declared, shutting down the idea at first mention. He looked between the two of you, at everyone watching, and no one barely gave him a second glance. It wasn’t about him, it was about the two of you.

All of your surroundings faded away. All you could see was Lucas, and all you could hear were your thoughts. He was testing you. It was time for you to make your next move. He was the king, but you were the queen. His single move would drown in the leaps you could make across the expanse of the chess board.

You stood, walking over to him and squatting down to meet him face to face. Your arms were slung lazily in front of you, making no move to touch him, and you simply stared at him. He narrowed his eyes just slightly, waiting for you to do something. Anything.

You tilted your head, brushing your fingers through your hair, letting the eye contact sit in the pocket of silence. You should’ve been scared, you should’ve been too shy to do any of this at all, but there was no hesitation in you. The spontaneity of it all fused with the adrenaline to create the perfect storm of a vixen in you.

You looked down at his lips, back up to his eyes, leaning in for the moment everyone had been waiting for. Lucas held his breath, an action only you could hear, and your hooded eyes watched his as they closed. Your lips reached out for his, closer and closer, until they didn’t. You stopped, just millimeters separating the two of you, delaying what he had been sitting there for in the first place. When he only felt your breath on his lips, his eyes slid open, realizing just what had happened. He was caught waiting for a kiss that never came.

Lucas knew what you were doing. He knew full well, yet he still couldn’t accept it. He came into this thinking it would work out for him, and he didn’t expect for you to take the reins, but now that you were, he smiled. He could have gotten annoyed, he could have given up and walked away, but he smiled and chuckled to himself. Right in your face, he laughed, before giving in and crashing his lips into yours himself.

You outplayed the game master.

A lot of things happened in a very short amount of time. Mark walked out of the room, the crowd cheered, and your lips were sealed against none other than the man of the hour himself. They were surprisingly softer than you had anticipated, and the thought made you smile into him, and you knew he wasn’t as hard and tough as he always tried to be. He nipped your bottom lip before pulling away erotically slow.

“I thought you said you didn’t bite,” you whispered, and that was all it took for Lucas to jump onto the train that led straight to you.

-----------------------------

You only realized where you went wrong once you had returned to the right headspace. Your high came crashing down much too quickly. Actions come with consequences. The morning after everything happened was not pretty. It never was.

“Mark, I’m sorry! Technically I wasn’t even the one that kissed him,” You were trying to explain yourself to your brother, and you hoped that his usual forgiveness would show now. You knew you went against what he had asked, but why was it so wrong?

“You don’t have to apologize to me, Y/n. I just want you to know what you’re really getting yourself into. It was for you,” He was getting frustrated with the way you were interpreting all of his attempts to aid and guide you, and he didn’t want to seem like the bad guy.

“It’s my choice in the end, Mark.”

“Fine then, go and do whatever you want. I don’t care what you do. Go and live it up! Let me know how it goes when you come back down from the clouds, okay?”

You scowled at him, and you wanted to just explode and get all of your anger out at him, but a knock sounded on the door. You gave him one last look before answering it. You wished you didn’t.

The last person you expected on your doorstep was Yuna, but there she was, standing there with a sad look on her face. Right when your brain registered that it was her, your heart broke. You forgot about the new friend you had just made, and it finally caught up to you. Mark had been planning to ditch the scene and go back into his room, but she was the only reason he stayed.

“You knew,” she scolded. She wasn’t yelling, but the pained, motherly tone of her voice seemed to hurt you even more. “You knew yet you still did it,”

Yuna hadn’t been at the party, having been at a volleyball conference, and you wondered how she found out. It didn’t matter, but you wished you could have escaped without being caught red handed, just to make things easier.

“Yuna, I’m so sorry--”

“No. You don’t get to apologize. You knew I liked Lucas,”

And that was the final nail in the coffin. You turned to look at your brother, horrified that he just heard that entire thing. His face was dejected, and he shook his head in defeat.

“I can’t fucking believe this,” He ascended the stairs with nothing left to say. You turned back to Yuna, and you could see something flash in her eyes. Was it realization? It must have been, because she gave up on speaking to you, retreating back down the hallway in shock.

You stood there, frozen, unable to recuperate from the dumpster fire blazing around you. And you shouldn’t have, but if everyone had the right to be mad at you, then you figured you deserved a way to cope with it.

“Hello?”

“Lucas, can I come over?” you asked into the receiver, your voice shaking from the nerves. You had asked Jeno for his number, getting a couple smirking emojis back in response. “I’m sorry, I just need somewhere else to go right now,”

You were scared of the response you were going to get, but you couldn’t think of anywhere else you could bear being right then. There was brief silence from his side, and you began to grow anxious as you pressed the button to the ground floor inside the elevator.

“Hello? Lucas?”

“Sorry, sorry. I’m driving there right now. Just wait for me,”

He was making it harder and harder to resent him every second you spent around him. Lucas was dangerous, a contagious plague that infected you. When it came to him, you never wanted to be so bad.

He pulled up to the curbside of your building in just a few minutes, and on the quiet ride to his own apartment, you realized that all this time he had been living relatively close. You wondered why him and Mark didn’t live with each other instead. No words were exchanged, but Lucas felt how upset you were. He wanted to tread lightly, to make sure he didn’t mess anything up, quite a change of pace as to when he didn’t care much at all.

There was something in him that was changing, and for the time being, maybe he was okay with it. Harm was something he had grown to coexist with, so what was one more trial run for the books? If it didn’t work out, then he’d figure it out from there. If it did, well, then he’d figure it out from there with you by his side, instead. Either way he’d trek on like he always does.

His living space didn’t look much like you expected it to, a small studio apartment with everything he needed all in one room, accompanied by a bathroom. He kept it mostly clean, with a few things laying around here and there, and it was cozy. Somehow it felt familiar to you, even if you’d never been there before.

“What happened?” he asked softly, gesturing for you to sit in one of the two chairs at his small kitchen island, but you declined his offer, so he stayed standing, too.

“I think I fucked up,” you replied, looking at him with eyes that didn’t want to cry, but brimmed with tears anyway. Your lips were forced into a deep frown, even when you tried not to. It seemed like everything you told yourself not to was what you ended up doing these days.

“Come here,” he whispered. You didn’t hesitate to walk forward into his arms, finding yourself wrapped in his comfort for the first time. He was warm and sturdy against you, his long arms linked around you as he rested his chin on the top of your head. He wondered if what he was doing was right when you cried into his chest, but it was perfect. You two stayed like that for far too long, until the tears stopped falling and your breathing went back to normal, but he didn’t make a move to let you go, because if he did, he wouldn’t know what to say. He was never good with words.

It had been a while since Lucas had felt right, but he found himself sinking into your pain in a beautiful, comforting way. He was beginning to think it was time to find a reason to stick around for a while.

Lucas Wong was bad news, and everyone loved it. They ate it up like a buffet. Everyone except you. You knew the side of him that no one else got to see, making him far more of a heartbreaker than they could even imagine.

~

Lucas would be lying if he said he wasn’t sexually attracted to you. There were a lot of things he was dishonest about in life, but his infatuation with you was something left outright on the table. You had an affect on him, and it drove him mad.

Quite honestly, you had a lot of nerve to spend most of your time with Lucas. You knew this, yet you couldn’t stop yourself. He didn’t exactly make it very difficult to stay, anyway.

“I like this one the best,” you told him, pointing at the smaller, more modest of his tattoos right on his mid-forearm. It was an animation of a small sakura flower, the innocence of it greatly contrasting the imagery of the many tattoos that seemed to overwhelm the first impressions people had of Lucas.

“You haven’t even seen them all, yet,” he remarked, looking down at you as your head was laid against his chest, the two of you staring up at his ceiling as he played with your hair. In the many moments you got to share with him recently, you realized that what seemed like lack of emotion in him was really just the numbness he seemed to find himself stuck in. But in some sparks of light at the end of the tunnel, he’d pull everything together and tell himself that it was okay to feel when it came to you.

“You have more?” you asked, grabbing the hand that wasn’t running along your scalp and observing the tiny tattoos on his knuckles. You smiled back at the smiley face on his middle finger.

“Try sit up for a second,” he requested, and you turned to face him as he began pulling his shirt over his head. You remembered his bare torso from the beach all those months ago, but now seeing it up close, there was a big, gorgeous drawing of a dragon across the entirety of his back.

“I take it back, this one is my favorite. Wait, no. It’s the flower. Definitely the flower,” He laughed at your indecisiveness, but enjoyed the small graces of attention you were giving him. Lucas found that he liked when you complimented him.

“You’re my favorite,” he replied, turning his body around to bless you with a short, deep kiss.

“That was so cheesy, especially for you,” you criticized, but you let yourself lean in to repeat the action. He loved your lips, the way you let him take control, the way you tried to merge yourself with him. He thinks he’ll never grow tired of it.

Things can always escalate quickly with Lucas, you found, and soon you were being pressed into the mattress as he kissed you with his forearms straining to hold himself above you. He had one knee slotted between your legs, and he pulled away to look down at you and the way your lips swelled from his assault.

“You’re so pretty,” he murmured, his black bangs swaying back and forth as he tried to get his breathing under control. The knowledge that you left him breathless was incredibly rewarding. He smiled right back at the silly grin on your face. “The fucking things you make me want to do to you,”

“Then do it,” you begged, desperate to submit yourself to the mercy of him. You wanted him to show you how to dirty yourself, your innocence. You were so far deep now, why not go top speed down the path to destruction? Maybe you’d get some fun and pleasure out of it, too.

“Don’t ask for what you can’t handle,” Lucas warned, using every ounce of little self control in him to not fully indulge in you. He was scared you’d break.

“I’ve never been fucked before,” you stated, the filthy words feeling a bit foreign on your tongue. You liked it. “Is that too scary for you?”

Lucas felt like a little kid in a candy store. He always did when he was with you, but this time, he didn’t have any parents making sure he didn’t grab everything he could get his hands on and run. He was let loose to his own devices.

“I’m going to ruin you,” he groaned, but it wasn’t a threat. Even better, he was simply stating a fact. That brought a chill down your spine. “Are you sure you want this? I need to hear you say it,”

“I want this, Lucas. Please, please,”

Lucas didn’t even kiss you again before he helped you take your shirt off, the impatience and pent up sexual frustration eating away at him far too much to take it slow. He wanted to chip away at your foundation until you dropped down to the level he wanted you to be. The level he stood at where he needed to be inside of you. Yesterday.

You whimpered his name as he forced your bra off, tweaking one of the buds with his thumb and watching with fascination as you jerked and melted at the simple touch. He was about to have a lot of fun with you.

Lucas switched the two of you in position, dragging you on top of him and flipping you over so your back was resting against his chest. You sat between his legs, covered in the sweatpants you loved on him, and he wrapped his arms around your torso to pull you closer.

“Take everything off,” he whispered in your ear, and you complied quickly as he praised you for being so compliant. You couldn’t even feel any shame or shyness as you left yourself naked for him to see, too adamant on feeling good. You just wanted to know what it was like, and Lucas turned you on more than you ever thought possible.

“Have you ever touched yourself, princess?” he asked, and you shook your head. Lucas hummed sweetly, softly taking your right hand in his and guiding it down to the place you needed to be touched the most. He hovered your fingertips, close enough that you could feel the heat radiating off of your slicken heat, before he pressed them against the wetness you felt pooling inside of you. You closed your thighs together, embarrassed at the fact that you were touching yourself so provocatively.

“Tell me what you want, baby. Do you want me to do it for you?” he asked, his voice dripping with something sweet even when he was insinuating such a naughty act. You nodded, but it wasn’t enough to make him give you what you wanted. “Use your words, Y/n,”

“I want you to touch me,” you whimpered, face reddening and you wondered if you would ever be able to recover from the shame you were feeling.

“Where do you want me to touch you?” he asked, spreading your legs apart again and hooking your right leg with his so you wouldn’t be able to close them again. You grabbed his hand, switching roles as you pressed his hand onto your welcoming cunt.

“Here. I want you to touch me here,”

And with that, Lucas ran his long, cold fingers through your folds, enjoying the relieved sigh you let out. The pad of his pointer finger tapped lightly against your clit, in a surprising movement that made you jerk against him. He groaned as you created friction against his growing hard on.

“Lucas, oh my god,” You were lost in the pleasure, the intensity of it somehow amplifying as you were prevented from squirming much in his hold. He rubbed firm circles on your clit, letting you thrash and moan against him.

“Does it feel good?” You nodded against him, your eyes shut tightly, but they flew open when you felt him begin to press a finger inside your hole.

“I love being the only one to touch you,” he panted, his raspy voice going straight into your ear and down to your gushing pussy. “I want to ruin you for every other guy. But I won’t need to, right? I’ll make you feel so good that you’ll always come crawling right on back to me,”

You liked the sound of that, reaching a hand behind your head and grabbing the hair right above his neck. You wanted to hold onto him, ground yourself as he promised to make you never let go. His single finger pumped in and out of you as the heel of his palm dug into your sensitive bud. He loved the sound of you chanting his name. Lucas loved everything about you.

“Fuck, you can barely take another one,” Lucas groaned, managing to after some effort press another finger into you. The stretch was delicious although a new feeling for you, but you would take anything Lucas had to give.

“But I can take your cock, I’ll be a good girl,” you mindlessly rambled, your mind already far away from where your body was getting pleasured. You used your fastly diminishing strength to look down, the stark black ink of his tattoos standing out prominently against your skin as the muscles and veins in his forearms tensed with each movement geared towards bringing you to your impending climax. His unoccupied arm snaked up to your mouth, and you slackened your jaw so he could insert a couple fingers inside, sucking on them eagerly before he pulled them away.

“Good girl, you’re so good for me princess,” he praised, nipping softly on your earlobe. You could barely hear the things he was whispering to you, a ringing in your ears as you struggled to buck your hips up. His fingers reached deep inside of you, curling to press against your sensitive walls. High pitched whines fell from your lips and you were clenching around him, and he shuddered at how tight he could tell you were.

“Come for me,” Watching you squirm above him was beginning to affect him. Lucas’ feet, which were planted on the mattress, pressed harder into the bed to apply pressure and grind his erection against you.

Your grip on his hair was harsh and you reached down to grab his arm with the other. Your legs shook against him and Lucas admired the way you molded into him. Your high exploded, white flashing behind your eyes as waves and waves of pleasure coursed through you and he helped ride you through it. By the time your eyes refocused and your head cleared, Lucas had let up on his ministrations and was hugging you from behind, calming you down with small whispers.

“You did so good, princess. So good,” he spoke into your hair. He was so soft for you, conceding to all of your demands even if he desperately wanted to relieve himself as well. You realized this, and knew you wanted to do the same for him. Still trying to recover from the mind blowing orgasm, you used actions instead of words and reached down to tug at the waistband of his sweatpants. He kicked them off urgently, and you noticed that he wasn’t wearing underwear the entire time.

You flipped yourself over on shaky limbs, sitting with your legs tucked underneath you on the bed and you got to see his dick for the first time. Or any dick, really. It was red and rock hard, precum leaking off the tip, and you couldn’t stop yourself from reaching out to lightly touch the head. He sucked a harsh breath in, trapping his lip between his teeth and he grunted softly under his breath.

“I kind of want to, uh, can I suck you off?”

Lucas thinks his heart stopped for a second. You were looking up at him with wide, hopeful eyes, and he knew he was done for. He said he wanted to ruin your expectations of all men who followed him, but once again, he ended up the fool. He could only hope that you would stay with him, for as long as you could, so he wouldn’t have to look or touch another girl and see your face staring back at him in his head.

“As much as I want that, I might come in your mouth after like, 30 seconds, and I don’t think either of us want that,” He closed his eyes, fighting his natural instincts, as he was never one to pass up a blowjob, but like he said. Lucas needed to be inside of you.

“I’m ready, Lucas,” you pleaded, and he rushed to lay you down and return to his position above. Your muscles were already weak and you appreciate him letting you relax as he pumped his cock a few times, hissing from the sensitivity. You admired the sight and pushed your hips up slightly, searching for attention. Lucas chuckled, pushing your waist back down harshly.

“Don’t be a brat. Take what I give you,” he scolded, and you didn’t try to do it again. His tone was too demanding. Lucas could see the shame in your eyes, and his hard expression softened. He cupped your cheek softly and pressed the lightest kiss to your lips. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you, okay?”

“Okay,” you whispered back.

Lucas reached over to the side of his bed and grabbed a condom from inside the drawer. Tearing the package open with his teeth, he rolled it on his length and glanced up at you as he lined his tip with your entrance.

“Tell me if I need to stop,” You nodded, and the nervousness came back to hit you like a truck. It was finally dawning on you that you were about to lose your virginity.

Lucas started trying to push in, intruding your folds, but his cock was getting rejected by your walls. You were clenching so hard that he couldn’t push himself in.

“Y/n, you have to relax,” he cooed, stroking your hair and bending down to press soothing kisses to your neck. “You’re clenching too hard, princess,”

Although Lucas knew he needed to loosen you up, it excited him a bit too much at the prospect of how tight you would be when he’d finally fuck you properly. You sighed from his soft, sweet attention as he continued to kiss your fear away. You thought about how good he was going to feel, how much he was going to fill you up, anything to excite you. Pulling yourself together, you eased your tense muscles and reached down to wrap your gentle hand around his length, coaxing him toward you.

Lucas sighed in relief, pressing himself back up with his elbows locked strongly in place. He let you line him up, and marveled at the fact that it was finally happening. He pushed forward, inching slowly and slowly until you clenched around only half of his cock. He was panting heavily, out through his mouth, pupils blown out as he looked down at you intensely. The pain of the intrusion made you grimace, and Lucas talked you through it as you got used to the stretch.

Your walls were captivating and Lucas thought he was somewhere far higher than where he’d ever been. You were roping him back up from the depths below, his angel sent from heaven. The angel he was corrupting. The girl he was watching fall into the palm of his hand, even if he was the one wrapped around your finger.

“Lucas, fuck me,”

So he did. He would do anything you asked. Starting off slow, he continued to work his length into you until you took nearly all of him, and you both moaned at the feeling. You felt good enough to cry.

As he could tell you got more and more adjusted, Lucas increased his pace with every pleasured moan you let out. He sat back on his heels, grabbing your hips and pulling you towards him so he could properly piston in and out of you. Each time he bottomed out he used his biceps to pull you into him, just a little bit more so he knew you could feel him right where he wanted you to. Your eyes were shut and your hands were grabbing desperately at the sheets.

“You take me so well, fuck, you’re fucking perfect. Your pussy’s so perfect,” Lucas was trying to talk so his mind would stay present, so he wouldn’t get lost in the pleasure. He wanted to feel everything. He wanted to remember this for the rest of his life. You opened your teary eyes and moaned at the sight in front of you, the sweat dripping down his body and down the ridges of his abs, eyes trailing lower and lower past his v-line and finally resting on where he was pounding harshly into you.

“I knew you would feel so good,” he growled, his head spinning and he was slipping away from the control he wanted. Lucas was quickly approaching the threshold dividing himself between guiding you through your first time, and fucking you until you cried and begged him to stop.

With this thought in mind, Lucas kept his pace as he began rubbing circles into your clit, succeeding in feeling you orgasm around his dick, shaking below him. Moans of his name were the only thing coming out of your mouth, loud and wanton and you briefly wondered if he would receive a noise complaint. It wasn’t a concerning thought, instead, you felt proud. You were the one getting fucked into the mattress, and you wanted everyone to know it.

Lucas slowed his pace until he came to a stop, pulling out of you and flipping you over.

“Get on all fours,”

He had officially crossed his inner boundary line. After making you come on his cock, Lucas had no other goal in his mind than doing it again. And again, and again, and again.

He kept his promise, sinking into you from behind and coming with you as you reached your second climax. Then he made you ride him as he got to watch you make those pretty sounds of yours, and when you got too tired he held you up and thrust into you from below. All night Lucas fucked you enough times to rid you of your innocence, and you knew you’d want this life forever.

-----------------------------

“Come on, you have like two weeks to finish this paper. Just get in my car, Y/n,” Lucas whined, but at a softer volume so the rest of the library couldn’t hear him be the big baby he was whenever he was around you. He still had a reputation to upkeep.

“Just think about it, once I’m done, I can spend as much time with you as you want,” you said, not even glancing away from the screen of your laptop. You had a look of concentration and you bit your lip absentmindedly, when Lucas suddenly cupped your chin and turned you to face him.

“Well if you’re going to keep typing away at your goddamn computer, then I need something to do, too,” He grabbed your bag from off the ground and forced your computer into your hands, grabbing your arm and leading you away from the table before you could even ask where he was taking you. Lucas navigated the many circular tables littered around the large building until he reached the individual self-study rooms, opening one of the unoccupied doors and closing it behind the two of you.

“Sit,” he ordered, placing your bag beside the chair you placed yourself in. Your heart was beating rapidly, wondering where he was going with this. Standing on the opposite side of the table, he gave you a mischievous smile before lowering himself down with a playful wave, disappearing out of sight of you, and anyone who might look through the window only high enough to show you everything above the upper half of your torso. You tried to keep a straight face as you spoke to him blindly.

“Lucas, don’t you fucking--,”

You felt his hands rubbing your upper thighs, and he shushed you.

“Be quiet, baby. And act normal, you have an audience,”

He could feel you shudder as he flipped up the short skirt you were wearing, the one that made him fantasize about this very moment, and didn’t hesitate before he rubbed you through the thin material of your panties. You sucked in a breath, giving a paranoid look out the window as you subtly sunk yourself down in the chair to give him better access.

“Good girl,” was all he said before he occupied his mouth with licking a stripe up the damp fabric, several times before he was satisfied with the small whimper you let out. He told you he wanted you to be quiet, but he was lying.

Pushing your panties to the side, Lucas was met with the wonderful sight of your glistening folds. He kissed your heat at first, hiding his tongue from you, and only when you began to squirm in your seat did he sink his tongue into your hole. Your fists clenched and you pretended to open up one of your textbooks in front of you so you could appear preoccupied, your teeth biting your tongue harshly trying not to make a sound. These walls weren’t soundproof to the outside.

Lucas, however, was making all the noise in the world, humming lightly into you and the sloppy sounds of him fucking his tongue into you weren’t very discreet. He was determined to make you come on his mouth, and he would take all of it and still want more.

Leaving your entrance, Lucas moved up to torture your neglected clit, sucking and swirling around it with his mouth. As much as you didn’t want to get caught with his head between your legs, you weren’t planning to make him stop. The entire atmosphere and risk of it all was probably what made the build up to your orgasm so quick.

“Lucas, I’m going to come,” you scream-whispered, and although you couldn’t see him you could feel the smirk radiating from underneath the table.

“Well go on then, that’s what I’ve been trying to make you do all fucking week,”

You clamped a hand over your mouth as you moaned into your palm, closing your eyes and focusing on the pleasure he was giving to you. Gone was the window, and the people quietly getting their work and reading done outside, and suddenly it was only you and Lucas. He was the only one in your present world.

Lucas groaned at the way you gushed for him, not stopping until he licked up every inch of you and you finally pushed his head away. He made his way back to a standing position out from under the table and grinned goofily at you, his back towards the window so no one else could see the way his face was glistening with your juices.

“You’re a fucking madman, Lucas Wong,”

~

“I really think you should talk to him,” Lucas said, sitting in his car with you inside of your apartment parking structure. Although you go home almost everyday to your loft shared with Mark, the two of you don’t speak frequently. It’s never out of hatred, more out of awkward discomfort as neither of you know what to say. You know that neither of you have even spoken to Yuna since the outburst, and you wondered if you would ever again.

“Easy for you to say, he already got over the awkwardness with you,” you complained. He sighed, squeezing your hand in his.

“You know that’s different. I’m his friend. It’s a lot easier for a guy to dismiss a topic like this with a guy than his little sister,”

You knew he was right, and that’s why you found yourself punching the code into your lock pad with the intent to finally clear the air with your brother. He was cooking something on a pan when you walked in, and he gave you barely a glance.

“Mark?” you called, setting your bag on the countertop and sitting on one of the stools. “Can we talk for a second?”

“I already know what you’re going to say,” he replied, looking up from his deformed egg. “And I just want to say that I’m sorry,”

Your heart dropped, and for the first time you felt bad for not making more of an effort to speak to him sooner. You kept telling yourself that you were just trying to find the right time, but maybe the right time was as soon as possible. Mark had probably been struggling with it, too.

“I never should have made such a fuss about it. In reality, I didn’t know Lucas as well as I thought I did. And seeing him change alongside you, seeing him truly happy for maybe the first time since I met him, I realized that maybe you guys both needed each other. And I was getting in the way of that while making you feel shitty about it,” he had a smile on his face, just like he always did, as he translated the thoughts he’d been wanting to say for a while. You didn’t deserve such a good brother.

“I’m sorry too, I got caught up in the thrill of it all and I guess I forgot that other people exist in this world. And I’m sorry about Yuna,”

“Don’t worry about that. I’ll get over it. Seeing she hasn’t even tried to contact me ever since, maybe she really wasn’t the one for me. Not everyone can find love like you,” he joked, and you chuckled lightly. A strange smell began wafting into your nose, and you made a face of disgust.

“I think something’s burning,”

“My egg!”

~

“You’re a real burden for me, you know,” Lucas teased as you gave him directions to an unknown location. You wished you could blindfold him and drive yourself, but Lucas didn’t let anyone else drive his car. Not even you. Not his beloved ‘Lucas Jr.’

“Yeah, yeah. Keep driving, peasant,” He shook his head, but you could see the ghost of a smile on his face as you laughed hysterically at your own joke. “We’re almost there,”

Honestly, you were almost to the parking lot, an entire block away from the actual location, because you wanted to make sure it would be a surprise. So when he parked and the two of you got out of the car, you made him bend his tall frame down so you could tie the scarf around his eyes. It was a funny sight, seeing a six foot tattooed man being dragged blindfolded down the street by his girlfriend, but what was life with Lucas if you didn’t make it exciting?

“God, woman. You’re going to kill me, aren’t you? Tie me up and push me down a ditch,”

“Can you shut up for two seconds? We’re here,”

You untied the knot and let the fabric fall from his eyes, and he blinked the initial shock of bright light away and stared up at the building in front of him.

“Ta-da!”

“It’s a… a tattoo parlor?”

“Correct you are, Lucas. And I, Y/n Y/l/n, will be getting my very first tattoo. Like right now,”

Lucas looked at you with confusion, never expecting you to make such a decision.

“What are you even getting? Have you even thought this through?” You rolled your eyes, grabbing his arm tightly, pointing at it.

“You’re getting a fucking weed leaf on your arm?”

“No, you dumbass! I’m getting the sakura flower,” you sighed, ready to abandon him outside and walk in alone. You watched as a look of epiphany graced his face and suddenly he looked ecstatic. Somehow the gravity and meaning behind your decision was so overwhelming for him that he hugged you right in the middle of the busy sidewalk, lifting you up and swinging you around.

Every moment Lucas spent with you, he could feel you slowly patching up his wounds and scars. There was something about you that healed him, and he was seeing the finish line clear in sight now. He’d never been motivated to do anything in his life, but now it seemed like all he was ever made to do was love you. And he was okay with that.

“You just know exactly how to make me fall in love with you, don’t you?” he asked, putting you down and grabbing your face in his hands. He was smushing your face together a little bit, but you still had the biggest smile on your face. “You won’t look back on this in thirty years and regret it, right?”

“Definitely not,” you replied, leaning in to smash his lips into yours. You pulled away and he had the silliest grin on his face. “And even if you were, I’d let you be my worst mistake, Lucas Wong.”

taglist:

@jjikyuu @thats-a-jen-no-no @sunshinedhyuck @ahgastayzen @2-3-t-i @whlplazh @yasmini24 @bunnylover0193 @Ajhdr @elithereal @fluffyjaes @taehcore @felixn-recs @staysstrays @simplicitysbabe @luckyonejaehyun @huangxx @Thoreeo @softsthao @justineasian @springdaybreaks @amelodicdreamer @softieus @wayvexo @yixing-jaehyun @defunkitatedmess @chitaprrrr @charmlessprincess @lauraneuuh @pewpewpwe00 @unknown5tar @idlwhy

this fic took a lot out of me. It's also being published two days late, sorry TT. anyways time for me to take a nap wow

Sincerely,