I lost someone that no longer loved me and it hurt so bad. I was unable to function at the level of my capabilities for many many months after the rejection.
One day after dealing with waves of depression and anxiety for months on end I had had enough. I told myself this must change.
I took a two pronged approach: (1) what are the triggers and compulsions that are not serving me and (2) what meaning can I form from my experience.
On point #1 I decided to only allow myself to ruminate one time per day at a set time. Rather than allowing whatever thought or compulsion take me I told myself to delay until a set time everyday.
Point #2 I honed in on my story. I realized part of my hurt was isolation in that no one could truly hear me or empathize and I had to make peace with that. Related to this I had to hear my own voice. My ex had his story for why he broke it off… and because of my desire to lay down everything to fix our relationship I was latching on to his every definition and meaning of our alleged problems but not tuning into my own voice. Once I tuned into my own voice I realized a stark truth:
I lost someone that did not care enough for me to communicate affectively on his perception of our issues, did not care how badly he hurt me, did not care to put in the effort that defines a good and healthy relationship to try and make it work.
He lost someone that consistently and repeatedly attempted to understand and work on differences, always considered his partner in the context of his need, asked about his parents and his sister, truly worked on intimate connection, worked tirelessly to correct his own unhealthy behavior, and would have given everything he owns — or attempt to capture the sun moon and stars for his partner if that is what he requested…
It took me months of agony, depression and self mutilation to realize it but — the votes are in and the ballot cast. I think I won on this one.
