“ ... Uh... help? ”
He really wants a pickle, His claws are too big. One is stuck inside of the jar and it won’t come off.
Help.
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“ ... Uh... help? ”
He really wants a pickle, His claws are too big. One is stuck inside of the jar and it won’t come off.
Help.

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THUD!
THUD!
THUD!
CRASH--!
Ridley blasts through the front doors, roaring as he does, flanked by three Space Pirates and cackling triumphantly.
“ BACK FROM THE MISSION, DUMBASSES! THE KING IS BACK! “
me, coming back to 3 different mentions w no context whatsoever: WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE
superxmario:
Mario strolls on into the room. He takes a look at Ridley, then he takes a look at the TV. Then he takes a look at the remote in Ridley’s claws.
“…”
Mario then just kinda goes over to the TV and hits the power button on it manually.
What? Is using the buttons on the thing really that foreign a concept?
A loud, thunderous grandpa snore rumbles the floorboards just a little, and Ridley’s thumb traces over the power button, turning the TV back on.
“ SNNNNZZZZHHHHHH . . . ” God, he has dad breath.
He fell asleep on the couch. The remote is still in his hand.
The TV is playing bad space talk shows. If you wanna change the channel, you’re gonna need to get the remote out of his claws.
Good luck with that.

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pettiness level: k’nuckles
oKAY so I remember an old post about Ridley's family and living on a peaceful garden planet before he decided to be The Worst™, so with the hints at his backstory I'm all 👀 I love your writing
uwu
lombardiisms:
Head shake. “Oh, no way am I fightin’ you. In your current state I’m worried you’ll sound like a xylophone every fuckin’ time I hit ya.” He then groans, setting his coffee aside and standing up, clicking his own knuckles.
“If it’s buggin’ ya so much, I’ll just give ya a quick shoulder rub. Nothin’ too touchy, just… the essentials. Can’t have my competition fightin’ with a back that sounds like I just bit into Slippy’s cookin’.”
“ More like ye’d break yer arm on my armor, kid. You ain’t seen the shit my body can tank. I taken direct hits from Sammy ‘fore--walked away without a scratch. ” He chuckled, proud of his alien, horrifying endurance.
“ Shoulder rub, huh? ” Maybe something odd to civilians, but Ridley was military personnel--there wasn’t anything odd about fighters keeping each other in peak condition between fights. “ Gehahah! Sure, kiddo, I’ll bite--’f yer scrawny lil’ ass can reach m’shoulders. ”
On cue, his body slouched, expecting Falco to just... find some way to scale him.
lombardiisms:
I swear, it’s a miracle to me that this guy is still alive every single morning. That would be going through his head right now if he had any common sense, but unfortunately for him, he’s tired and - admittedly, rather gay to boot. He hasn’t had his coffee this morning.
“…Anyway, how’d y’sleep? Oh, did Rosalina kick your ass?”
Ridley rolled his shoulder in its socket, the appendage making a series of cracks and pops. He shook his head from side to side, his head making the same number of pops as he did. Someone needed to stretch more.
“ Feh. I’un wanna talk about it. What’s it to you, anyway, little birdie? Piss off ‘f you wanna fight--I ain’t drank my coffee yet. ”
chozopriimed replied to your post: muffled ‘girls just wanna have fun’ plays as he...
i hope you choke on that bean water, fucker
Opens his jaw.
Pours bean juice inside.
Closes jaw.

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lombardiisms replied to your post: muffled ‘girls just wanna have fun’ plays as he...
“Mornin’, babe!”
When he turns his head to look at Falco, it makes a rusty gate grinding noise. Someone oil his joints, please.
“ ... WHO? ”
He has awful morning dad breath.
Didn't know Ridley was into 80s music.
Quietly hums along to the song as he sips his ( comically ) small mug of coffee.
It says ‘#1 BOSS’ on it.
muffled ‘girls just wanna have fun’ plays as he pours himself coffee.
cosmcther:
Apart from the deathly beast on the other side of the ring, a graceful entrance filled Rosalina’s corner. From the far-off blast of a Launch Star, body threw its veil of stardust to the side, revealing the cosmic protector and her plush partner, a yellow Luma. While her child waved to the crowd, the woman’s eyes lit red with streaking meteors, staring Ridley down. His taunts, they meant nothing. She was confident in her abilities, the concept of hers surpassing that purple brute’s more of a fact than an idea. Any sort of cunning he had, she had in spades more.
Her only reaction? A smirk curling up the side of her face. “And what a lovely dance it will be~.” Ears rang, delicate voice remaining level. Not even sure the menace heard her, but she would make sure he would feel her. Feel the pain she planned to usher forth onto him for all the disturbance he had stirred up with her loved ones. …Though this would need to be performed with refinement. She hated that freak with all her heart, though she couldn’t deny his strength. Those razor-sharp teeth screaming for her entire thin form, wings pointed, claws sharp.
Well, that will be an issue if he manages to land a hit, won’t it? If.
Wind threw hair back, and along with her body. Riding the gust, Rosalina and Luma spun backward. The air, mixed with lighter gravity, made the maneuver all the easier. Then, once his maw clapped around nothing but the breeze he created, a swift, galaxy-carrying kick would be delivered upon Ridley’s snout, rising up into the air and slamming down into its top. Her legs had heft, and with the added bonus of an entire solar system swirling around it, not to mention her heels, it would hurt. Luma handled a claw swiping for their mother, fist formed on cosmic energy, making the attack deceptively strong. Not the kind of muscle you would expect from a tiny star child, most certainly.
Though that did leave one claw left. Hopefully, her kick would keep him reeling enough to prevent the other side as well.
His jaw snapped shut on air, with a heavy thud of the deathly powerful appendage proving that to take a hit from it would be deadly. And, not a moment later, Ridley looked up just in time to see Rosalina’s foot SLAM into the front of his snout. He made a yelp of pain, like a dog yapping, and stumbled just slightly for his claws to miss their marks. The impact of Luma’s strike against his talons made it recoil like a snake, and Ridley himself glare at the little thing menacingly.
“ You rotten lil’--BITCH! That’ll be yer first and ONLY hit! ”
She was strong. Stronger than he’d been expecting. But it was nothing he didn’t think he could handle.
Ridley hit the deck a moment later, crouching down to half of his height and bringing his long, deadly tail around to SWING for Luma, the bladed end of it threatening to slash the poor starchild in two. His tail made a wooshing sound as it whistled through the air, speaking volumes to the power behind the swipe.
To accompany his tail swing, Ridley stood back up, his legs carrying him backwards in a quick hop ( that still made the ground rumble when he slammed into the dirt ), and JABBED his tail forward sharply, aiming to stab right through Luma and get right at Rosalina’s center of mass.
@cosmcther CONNECTION ESTABLISHED---3... 2... 1... GO!
“ SO LIL’ PRINCESS WANTS ‘TA TUSSLE WITH THE BIG BOYS, HUH?! ”
Getting challenged didn’t happen often. For all of Ridley’s many, many personality flaws, he was still a horrifyingly dangerous opponent. Countless years doing nothing but fighting had molded him into something deadly, something that showed absolute brutality when he ripped his foes apart--even in the ring.
He swooped into the flat stage, his mighty talons making a grinding noise against the smooth terrain as he did so, leaving tracks that some poor maintenance worker would need to buff out. A screeching roar accompanied the movement, as his yellow eyes fixed straight on Rosalina. And Luma, he mentally reminded himself. One of those double fighters that fought as one. Much like the Ice Climbers.
No big deal. He’d ripped apart more at once.
“ LET’S SEE YA DANCE, LIL’ LADY! ” He shrieked again, high-pitched and vicious as his powerful legs kicked him off the ground, a gust of wind accompanying the beat of his massive wings as he swooped towards the duo, talons outstretched and jaws ready to close around them!

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greendreambro:
❝N-No… Dedede lives on-a the third floor. –I-I’m-a—I-I’m-a Luigi…❞
He seems to perk up slightly. This guy was scary, but he seemed interested in his food.
❝W-Well I can cook lot’s’a things. Italian food is-a my favourite.❞
“ Oh! That makes a roight lick’a sense then, it does! I ought’a be off ta--wait, who’s DeDeDe? I forgot who ‘m supposed ta be pickin’ on. ”
You can almost hear the dial-up tone in his head as his one brain cell works in overdrive.
“ ... Wha’s Italian food? ‘S that’n Earth thing? Boss won’ let us have Earth thing, no sir, he doesn’t! ”
lombardiisms replied to your post: "So, admiral, how's my hangar taste?"
“Don’t worry, daddy.”
glass shattering noise.
“ WHAT?! ”
“ WHAT THE FUCK? ”