henlo

Woaaah am really amazed na nag cover diay syaaa hahaha

been a fan of Dvwn since I listened to his song entitled ‘Last’ on soundcloud before he officially released it. Check it out hehe. 

I also really loooovee his ‘Insomnia’ feat. Yayyoung <3

JUST CHECK ALL OF HIS SONGS NLNG huhuhu good kaau woi :>

when you neglect what you feel

when you betray yourself

and then you think it’s a love for others

you think it is  home

you think it’s love 

no, it’s not love dear 

it’s not love when you don’t help yourself 

it’s not love when you lose self respect

it. is. not. love

but it’s okay if you find it hard to let go

it’s okay if you still want to go back 

it’s okay to cry for that monstrous thing that you hate but still want so bad

it’s okay but you have to keep on moving forward

it’s okay but one way or another

I hope you’ll have the strength within to let go of that...

let go of what’s not good for you

even if that would mean losing the people you love

losing the people you think you love

losing the people you got attached 

losing that perspective

that you love them and what you’re doing is care

lose that sight

maybe you don’t have to entirely lose them 

maybe you don’t have to permanently leave them

maybe you don’t need to abandon them

but for now, get out 

give yourself space to think

rewire your thoughts

what does it truly mean to care and love?

does it mean to allow yourself to feel bad..

over and over again…?

get out and if you think you had enough time

then you can go back to that situation

you can go back and maybe you’ll see a different kind of view

maybe you’ll understand more

just by then, maybe you can love genuinely

with boundaries

just by then, maybe you won’t have to feel so bad that you love them

just by then, maybe you’ll feel whole again 

maybe by that time

you can love genuinely

you can love and care for others,

(Spoiler alert) This scene revealed how Young Soo ended up being a person with disability. Back in his high school days he used to be baseball player. He probably felt something was seriously wrong with his body since he kept giving hints to his brother that he wants to talk about something. Until one day he called his brother while in a game and asked him out of the blue if he would support him to study if ever he won’t be able to play baseball ever again. He called him to say that hips hurts, it terribly hurts. However, Geung Soo (Young Soo’s older brother) shrugged off this question as a usual nervous reaction that any player would probably feel during a game. He ended the call saying he can’t study instead he should just play baseball.

Then, he texted him, “Young Soo, everyone struggles the same. Just run forward.”

Young Soo did ran forward. He ran with all his heart. He tried to hit home run. He tried. He crashed. Lying on the ground. Hips throbbing. No home run.

If you were Geung Soo.. It would be easy to blame yourself, wouldn’t you?

I started watching hot stove league today and this scene made me realize a thing. That being guilty is something that can be quite addicting. I mean you just can’t stop blaming yourself. Probably because something happened that just didn’t make any sense to you. And when you can’t find someone or something to explain an unacceptable happening. You start blaming yourself. And then suddenly it just make sense. It was my fault. Then without realizing you’re now suddenly used to making things sense. Suddenly it becomes too easy to blame yourself.

But...

(I’m not saying that other nationalities or races don’t. I just mean that it’s something I find common in our culture.)

So when Pil-gu was told that he should eat later because Deok-sun would cook a Korean braised beef for him, his response made me laugh. 

Am I nothing but someone who eats?

I find his response innocent and pure. Because I was asked too. nagkaon naka? And I admit there were times that I responded out of annoyance. 

Do you have moments you reacted that way too? I’m sure there are some times.

Especially when you have a lot in mind, when you think there are more important things to tend, when you’re clouded by your feelings in that moment, eating is the last thing you consider to do.

So when you’re asked at a time when you’re not feeling like your best self, it feels as if you were taken all rights to do what you want to do. You feel like you’re not allowed to at least feel for yourself. You feel disturbed and annoyed. The argument you can come up in your head could be: 

“The world is falling for me!!!! I have a lot in mind. The world is not okay for me right now!! Why would you ask if i have eaten??!! AM I NOTHING BUT SOMEONE WHO EATS???”

Am I nothing but someone who eats? HAHAHAHA aigoo. It really made me laugh. Pil-gu, you just summarized the hundred thoughts in my mind when asked with this question at a difficult time.

But, I guess this question genuinely means us well. When a love one asks us this they just what to check on us. Even when I ask this question . Nagkaon naka? I am asking wholeheartedly to know if you have eaten already. 

Especially at busy times. When preparing for an event we usually ask each other at DEM. Nagkaon namo? Kaon sa mo. Break sa. Kami sa dira beh pangaon sa mo. 

When doing schoolworks or group works. When we see a friend late at night tired. Kaon sa ta.

I guess food is really important. I guess when our parents ask us it might be  their way of checking us up if we’re okay. Maybe they’re really worried that we have not eaten yet or worried for the fact that we don’t feel like eating. And when they see us eating so well maybe they feel reassured that you’re doing fine or that you’re gonna be fine.

I guess it’s their way of showing love and concern.

It’s our way of showing love and concern.

Soooo, I guess, you should not be shy to ask someone you like. Nagkaon naka? Cheesy noh? Balik balik na nga linya? hahaha

But really, please ask someone if nagkaon na sila. Check on them.

So... as contrived and mediocre they may sound..

pero..

Nagkaon na ka?

but what if I tell you I lost me, way too far already

what if I’ll just embrace this emptiness

why don’t you?

stay away from me, run away from me?

‘cause I can never run away from you

there’s no point of trying

there’s no point of worrying