Poor Unfortunate Trolls

Now, I'm going to give you a number, and I'm going to ask that you send in a photo of your target alongside any additional information you may have- family members, security, combat training, medical conditions, just anything you can think of that might be helpful.

Wonderful, you are all good. All we need now is a piece of government-issued ID, for insurance purposes, and a location for payment pickup. We accept cash, gold, processed uranium, and etransfer.

I'm sorry, we don't take american express.

Good, okay, so it looks like we are all set- when the job is complete, you will be notified VIA discreet codeword that a stranger will whisper to you on a crowded street.

We do not issue receipts, but if you'd like, I can arrange for a specific breed of tropical flower to be sent to your home address. Our associates will be able to validate it should the need arises.

"I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid the Pope is a high-status target that is beyond our area of service.

Yes, I- no, I'm sorry, I'm not able to do that for you.

Okay. Okay. Yes, I understand.

Sir, if you're going to use that sort of language, you should know that our HR department does operate in a hands-on capacity.

💔 = Has your muse ever been heartbroken? If so, explain what happened. 

🌹 = How would your muse react to romantic gestures, expected or not? 

🌷 = Is your muse likely to be the one to make the first move, or would they wait for the other to make a move first? 

🎁 = Does your muse become flattered to receive gifts? 

😍 = Does your muse have any crushes? If so, who are they? 

😘 = Does your muse like to flirt? Do they like to be flirted with? 

❤️ = Does your muse focus on one person, or do they like to go and date as many people as possible?

💛 = In what ways does your muse express their love to their partner? 

💚 = Does your muse get jealous easy? 

💙 = Does your muse prefer a night out or a night in? 

💜 = Does your muse date others based on their appearance or personality, or both? 

♡ = Is there any kind of person that your muse will never date? 

💞 = Does your muse believe in soulmates? 

💘 = Does your muse believe in astrology signs? If so, what sign are they most compatible with? And is this important when considering a date? 

💗 = Would your muse prefer a large, public proposal, or do they prefer a small, private one? 

💵 = Is money an important factor to consider when dating? Does your muse prefer rich partners? 

💎 = What kind of gemstone would your muse prefer on their engagement or wedding ring? 

💍 = Big or small wedding? 

Winona Ryder and Sadie Frost as Mina Murray and Lucy Westenra