Ofgodsandpoets

The fatigue in my bones is premordial. Like the body I have is a hand-me-down from a being that was vigorously using it before. Like he held the weight of the entire world on his shoulders. I like to think he lived an exuberant life. That he used every ounce of strength in his body to love the ones that mattered the most to him. That he broke bones to protect them. The he used all his might to make them feel loved. Sometimes I think he used his body to take the brunt of sadness' punch. He wore his body like it wasn't going to be passed on. Now his body feels tired and worn in ways I cannot say. It is the thought that he was happy that makes me wear this fatigue with pride. I hope to wear it down a little bit more for the next user. Perhaps chip away at the bones to mark my fading presence. I hope he, like the being that came before him, wears this coil with pride. That this fatigue will bother him not. That he will carry our body with strength and love it in ways his predecessors never could.

Sometimes I am this emptyness that walks the earth collecting experiences. Other times I'm the darkness at the bottom of the sea. Sometimes the sadness seems so heavy, it's all I am sometimes and I cannot breathe and I cannot express and I cannot move. I just wallow in the emptiness of it all. I understand nothing. Not even myself. They say it gets easier to carry this void that fills every crevice of my being. Funny how emptiness can feel so heavy. Perhaps it's because I lack substance that I crave depth. It's like drowning in a sea made entirely of nothingness. The breath is being forced out of my lungs but I am not fighting. I am at peace but I am so disturbed by it. Ironic, how I crave chaos when I'm languishing in peace. Is it ungrateful of me to crave substance when emptiness is all I know?. Perhaps it is because I am empty that I crave everything. To transition from nothing to everything. Negative to positive. Perfect potential difference. Perhaps neutrality is the peace I see as ideal. The dead zone where no positive or negative exists. Or perhaps it's where they both dwell and thus creating death. So tell me, is it freedom or anguish to be nothing?