I can relate to this
I AGREE!!
PEACE!!
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@general-pizza
I can relate to this
I AGREE!!
PEACE!!

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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fat fuckin dimebag of pure colombian cocaine
A GENERAL PIZZA EASTER!!
hI, pizza fans!! General Pizza here!! PIZZA POWER!!
Ok, so today is Easter!! HOPPY EASTER!! *shot bricked diapered*
Ok so I got my basket from the easter bunny and it had.... NO PIZZA!!! I searched for a coupon!! Maybe!! A COUPON SO JAY CAN DRAW SHION TICKLING CELESTE’S FEET PERHAPS?! NOPE!!!
It had chocolate bunnies, jellybeans, etc.!!! I ate all that and that was cool!! BUT!! BUT!!!!!! I WANTED MORE!!!
I knew my other brother brought his son over and he was gon go on an egg hunt and get treats!!
I DID NOT STEAL HIS CANDY OK?!
my mom and dad asked why chocolate was all over my face!! HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! OMF!!! STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHPP!!! they asked!!! WHY THE WRAPPERS WERE IN MY TRASH BIN?! I don’t know!! the technodrome?!
they said ‘if you didn’t take it who did?!’ THE DOG DID OK!!!!!!!!!!! OMF!!
they said ‘dogs would get sick if they ate chocolate!! AND WE DON’T HAVE A DOG!!’ maybe the dog was a teenage mutant ninja dog!!
so they said an intruder did it!! i said he wore a patch over his eye, a pirate hat and his hand was a hook!!!
NOW I AM FUCKING GROUNDED!!
people if I do something wrong IT’S NEVER MY FAULT IT’S ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE’S FAULT uwu if I have to I will go away and hide and act like they don’t exist!! ALWAYS WORKS IF YOU ASK ME!!
now I’m gon go put my family on a smear campaign and make them look bad and me look good because fuck you that’s why uwu
maybe later!! gotta do more important things now!! like go masturbate to some tickling pics of Celeste on DA!!!
PEACE!!
Why Is Dracula Weak Against Whips?
You all know who Dracula is. I’m talking about the vampire character, now, not the historical Wallachian voivode the vampire is based on. What are Dracula’s weaknesses? Everyone knows that he could be killed only by sunlight or by a wooden stake through the heart, and weakened by garlic as well as crosses and other holy items.
Except that’s not really true; in the Stoker novel, Dracula was stabbed to death with ordinary weapons. But PUTTING THAT TO ONE SIDE…
In Castlevania, for some reason, it was decided to make Dracula vulnerable to attacks from a whip. Later on it was retconned into the Vampire Killer, a mystical artifact with magical or blessed properties that gave it a particular power to harm vampires and other evil creatures. But the whip’s status as a unique weapon did not always seem to be the case; some of the pickups in Castlevania 1 were newer, better whips!
I think that the secret to Dracula’s whip weakness is the secret to gaming itself, as a medium. No, really. What is a game, anyway? A miserable little pile of secrets! No, wait. Sigh.
Ask some game designers (two come to mind – not naming any names but they rhyme with Camerican NcGee and Bennifer Ryanne Lights) and they will tell you that gaming is a storytelling medium – like books or television. The game exists to tell a story, and you the player are a character and active participant in that story. The game serves the story it tells, in other words.
But is it possible that games have merit in their own right – much like music? Music can tell a story, sure, but unlike, say, prose – which has to tell a story or at least explain something in order to make much sense – the story is completely optional. Music can be enjoyed in its own right. And it’s the same with games. Take a game like Tetris. Does Tetris have a story, per se? Sure it has goals – move and rotate the pieces so as to fill the width of the space they fall into – but is there a narrative there that captures some ineffable quality of the human condition and resonates within us? I don’t think so. Does that make Tetris less of a great game? Hell, no!
So if games don’t need story, why put story in games? The primary answer is to give context to the game’s goals. The goals being the arbitrary conditions you have to meet in order to win or at least advance. Notice I said arbitrary. There’s no intrinsic meaning to eating up the dots in the Pac-Man maze or claiming more than 75% of the board in Qix. These are just things you do to win the game. But with the addition of a story they become more meaningful. Reaching the end of Super Mario Bros. from a game perspective means simply that there’s no more levels to play. But rescuing Princess Peach gives context to the goal of clearing the last level, and makes it seem more worthwhile to the player. It makes the game more fun and playable. It gives us something we want to see, a reward to look forward to. In the days when Super Mario Bros. was new, there were no Let’s Plays, and no internet to even look up screen shots on. And Princess Peach’s portrait in the manual was replaced by a question mark. The chance to even see her provided motivation for the player to keep playing.
So here we have a situation where the story serves the game. The story is background material; it exists to give weight and meaning to the game’s goals, so that the player can make them his goals.
Okay, so, back to Castlevania. The whip is one of the most classic examples of giving priority to the game and crafting a story that serves the game, but at a smaller scale. Think about it: What’s the end goal of Castlevania? Kill Dracula. How do you do that? Well, er… The standard answer – a stake through the heart – probably wouldn’t generalize too well as a game mechanic. How would that be implemented? Would they give Simon a stake gun like Doctor Von Goosewing from Count Duckula? Maybe they could give him a sword or something?
Neither of these possibilities would suit the game’s tone, however. Castlevania had horror as a theme; and while this meant ripping monsters (including Drac himself) from time-worn horror movies, it also meant creating a profound sense of danger for the game’s main character, Simon Belmont. Simon moves slowly and his controls are a bit naff overall; for instance there is no jump aftertouch as in Mario so when he jumps he’s committed to whatever trajectory he started when he was on the ground. To make things worse, this character finds himself in a hostile environment mobbed by fast-moving enemies. The limitations of the NES meant that the game developers couldn’t rely on jump scares like Resident Evil or a looming sense of dread like Silent Hill, so they made the game punishingly challenging and put the character in a situation where he was constantly under threat, where bashing his way through as one might do in a beat-em-up was simply not an option. In Castlevania, you had to be mindful of your surroundings and think through how you approached enemies and when you hit them. Some really great horror games of the present day, like The Last of Us, follow these same principles. Minding your surroundings and planning each attack is critical in that game, just as it is in Castlevania.
To this end they gave Simon a weapon that needed some wind-up time, to discourage button mashing – but compensated for it with reach. Perhaps borrowing a cue from the Indiana Jones movies, that ended up being a whip. Each stroke of the whip has a split-second delay, leading to intentional control jank: you can’t hit an enemy when they’re right in front of you. You have to plan your hits ahead of time. But the flip side of that is the whip’s long reach, giving you the opportunity to hit enemies well ahead of when they actually get to you, and removing some of the need for precise timing while still compensating for that split-second delay.
The other good news is that the enemies move in a fashion that’s quite predictable (with some exceptions, freaking hunchbacks) so if you are careful and wise, overcoming them is possible.
So there you have it. Dracula is weak against whips because it serves the game for him to be weak against whips. The whip serves as your primary weapon throughout the rest of the game; given the severe limitations in controls, why would you not use it (or one of the game’s limited-use “sub-weapons”) against Dracula himself? This is one of the truly wonderful things about gaming: the developers of video games just didn’t give a shit about story or coherence with an established mythos if the game was better served by breaking tradition. These sorts of details – a vampire-slaying whip, an overalls-wearing plumber rescuing a mushroom princess – made early video games fuel for boundless imagination. And it’s all because some salaryman at a Japanese game company needed a story excuse for a fun mechanic.
One question lingers on my mind however: What would a game be like if it had Castlevania-like mechanics but wasn’t as well thought out as Castlevania? No, I’m not going to talk about Simon’s Quest. You can see the AVGN or Egoraptor videos about that one. I’m going to talk about Faxanadu.
Faxanadu was a brilliant but uneven side-scrolling open-world adventure. You could visit towns and shops, equip different weapons and armor, collect loot from slain enemies and rack up experience points. But it had a number of problems with the mechanics which made the game frustrating, and the frustrating bits overlapped significantly with the bits that made Castlevania so great. There was no jump aftertouch, so you were married to your jump arc as soon as you jumped. Using a weapon had a slight wind-up time which you had to compensate for. But Faxanadu wasn’t built around these shortcomings like Castlevania was: most of the weapons don’t have the reach that Simon’s whip has, meaning you have to let enemies get right up close to your face before you can hit them with a normal attack. And enemy movements are unpredictable and all over the place, so you’re bound to get hit when you least expect it. Some enemies like the little brown spiky things, you can’t hit at all with a weapon from the ground, at least not in the early stages of the game. So if you encounter one you have to jump over it or burn magic on a spell. But with no jump aftertouch, not only is it difficult to alter your trajectory in the air, it’s difficult to even leave the ground with the precision necessary to not get hit! This becomes a huge pain in the ass with the platforming sections, where you have to clear a gap to get across.
Contrast this with, say, Zelda II. Link has a modest jump (without the JUMP spell) but it still has the precision and aftertouch of, say, a Mario jump, allowing for limited platforming as well as a way to dodge low-to-the-ground enemies/attacks. The sword controls were responsive; sword strikes occurred just as soon as you pressed the button. But it was still challenging, often brutally so (Ironknuckles, argh!).
Hell, contrast it with a relatively recent Castlevania game, like Symphony of the Night. Not only are the jumping controls more platformy, but SotN mostly did away with the whip and its unique controls, giving Alucard a variety of swords, daggers, etc. to use instead. Many of these required you to get into an enemy’s face to hit them, but critically, Alucard has a move to compensate for this as well: the backdash. You don’t have to commit to attacking close-in in a manner that leaves you vulnerable; you can simply cancel the attack into a backdash and put some distance between yourself and the enemy. There’s also a tradeoff between the size and heft of a weapon (hence its windup time) and the damage it does, making choosing a weapon require deeper consideration than simply “what has the highest DMG?”.
So that’s another rant about Castlevania – one of the most specific game experiences of the early NES days or any days, really. An experience so critical to the enjoyment of the game, that they went balls out and changed the Dracula lore to accommodate it.
You know what else Dracula’s weakness is?!
ACE’S POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL CUE!!
PIZZA POWER!!
17. Draw Al all beaten up.
Oh, wow. Okay. Although I do hope you don’t mind if I used a younger instance of this character… he was much more likely to get beaten up in his early 20s (I mainly draw him as he appears in the main story, in his 40s) . It’s under the cut! Because of blood and stuff! :)
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And lo, the foundations of the earth shook, for that which was thought impossible hath transpired: Lottie drew Alastair not being fearly, deadsome, and invincible.
I know who beat him up!! IT WAS ACE WITH HIS POOL CUE!!
ABOUT TIME!! Jeff knows his shit!!
PEACE!!

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I'm going around dropping questions in ask boxes and then I get to yooouuu. In my little notes of things to remember I've got "SHION" written in goddamn caps, underlined like eight times. Would you be so kind as to tell me a wee bit about him?
SHION DELMAR-Unlike Sats, Rizzo and Dorothy (I still cannot decide wether or not Paul is to be considered as a protag, so we’ll have to leave that matter unsolved for now), Shion is a rather recent chara of mine that I developed to add some more depth to Part I, so I am going to tell you most of the stuff I have about him so far. Sorry in advance if it is a bit long to read, I still hope it remains enjoyable to at least.
Edit: I’ll bold the obscure terms to which you can find entries in the Manifesto
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Also, the main thing he does? Tickle feet. I mean how else are you going to survive the coming apocalypse and live on the blessed island of Feeta?
JEFF KNOWS HIS SHIT!!
TURTLE POWER!!
Straight Edge Ninja Turtles
This despite the fact that Michelangelo sounds like a stoner – specifically, he’s supposed to be Jeff Spicoli
Ace tickling Celeste’s feet is my anti-drug! WHAT’S YOURS?!
OH EM GEE!!! JAY AND KELLY GAVE ME THE BREAST GIFT EVAR!!! I TOLD JAY I WOULD SELL MY LIMBS TO AN ALASTAIR HENCHMAN AND HE SAID HE WOULD DO STUFF SO I WON’T!!!
I WAS REALLY GONNA DO THAT!! uwu
THANKS, JAY AND KELLY!! YOU 2 ARE NEW KINDS OF AWESOME!!
PIZZA POWER!!
OMG OSOMATSU-SAN IS THE FUNNIEST FUNNY ANIME EVER!!! uwu
Hey, pizza fans!! General Pizza here!! PIZZA POWER!! Ok so I watched Osomatsu-San and laughed and laughed even before I saw it!! I passed out laughing!! then!! I GOT UP!! I laughed when I saw it!! AGAIN!! It was on pause!!
I made up a joke for that anime!!
Jyushimatsu got a Happy Meal at McDonald’s!!
THAT IS THE JOKE!! NOW LAUGH DAMNIT!!
HELLO, TRASH SITE!! I AM CALLING EVERY SITE I LOG INTO TRASH SITE, BECAUSE FUCK YOU, THAT’S WHY!! ALSO, MENTIONING YOU LOVE JUNGLES EVERY 5 MINUTES IS A MUST!! uwu

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A GENERAL PIZZA CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!!
YO DUDES!!! General Pizza here!! PIZZA POWER!!!
Ok so I won Jay’s Secret Santa raffle and now he HAS to draw Shion tickling Celeste’s feet!!! uwu!!! OMF!!! JUNGLE PIZZA!!! <333!!!! I like writing useless emoticons and exclamation points!! it emphasizes my kindness and spazziness!!! uwu!!!
Yeah now ACE will tickle her feet!! it will be exciting to see this!! THIS IS MY DREAM COME TRUE, FOLKS!!! uwu!!! AND ACE’S DREAM COME TRUE TOO!!!! JEFF SAID THE MAIN THING HE DOES IS TICKLE FEET!!! JEFF KNOWS HIS SHIT!!! OMF!!! <3333!!!! JUNGLE PIZZA!!
Anyway the family is spending time here and having a party!! Aunt Prudence came over and I put a whoopee cushion under her chair!! I laughed but everyone else did not BECAUSE THEY ARE TOTES JEALOUS THEY DID NOT COME UP WITH IT!!! uwu!!!
Uncle Arnie came over drunk!! He fell into the Christmas tree!! Oh well it sucked anyway!! LOL!! Uncle Arnie said my brother’s fiancee could be hot as Celeste after ten shots of vodka!! I agree!!
Grandpa was sad!!! :(!!!! I said ‘what’s wrong granpa?!” He said he’s sad Jay won’t draw Mami Delmar tickling Maria Marcella’s feet!!! Awwww, Grandpa! You didn’t enter his Secret Santa!! Grandpa said he was napping during it!! Well Grandpa you always told us you snooze you lose!!
so I pouted and pouted until my parents agreed we could open our presents!! Christmas is about giving!!! TO ME!!! they said I had to eat this nasty turkey dinner first and I scraped it into Uncle Arnie’s plate! it was full of puke but the dinner looked like puke so no one knew the difference!!
we opened gifts!! all my presents sucked because it was clothes!! OK WHO THE EFF WANTS CLOTHES FOR CHRISTMAS?! I want toys and TMNT and Ace tickling Celeste!!! or ceeaybee Sadista tickling Silke Arches!! Or Ace tickling Silke Arches!!
I gave my brother’s a fiancee a box of cat litter with poopies in it!!! my parents said I was being a brat!! I WRAPPED IT UP OK?! I AM NOT BEING A BRAT!!! *gives them the strawberry*
I watched Grumpy Cat’s worst Christmas ever!! Grumpy Cat is like Celeste!! THEY ARE GRUMPS!! yeah if I lost Jay’s Secret Santa this would be the worst Christmas ever!!! it sucked except for winning that draw!! LOL!!
Uncle Arnie then peed on my clothes!! ok that was kinda funny!!
YO DUDES!! General Pizza heeeeeeere!! PIZZA POWER!!! Ok Jeff is officially!!! the most awesome ever!!! he invented!! JUNGLE PIZZA!!! FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! two awesome things in one!! uwu!!!
I totes want Celeste to do this Chumpy!!
GENERAL PIZZA’S GRANDPA COMES TO VISIT!!
YO DUDES!! GENERAL PIZZA HERE!! PIZZA POWER!!
Ok so it’s Christmas time and that means gifts!! FOR ME!! but it also means bogus family visits with family!! EXCEPT!! GRANDPA!!!
He flew over wearing his Clark Kent glasses!! NO ONE KNEW WHO HE WAS UNTIL HE REMOVED THOSE!! Gee whiz!! I thought fedoras and trench coats could mask green skin but it’s not the only disguise!! LOL!!
so grandpa said that my brother’s fiancee was an ugly truck and that she was not as hot as Maria!! OH EM GEE!! COULD IT BE?! COULD IT?!
Grandpa asked me what I do!! What are my goals!! BEGGING JAY TO DRAW SHION DELMAR TICKLING CELESTE MARCELLA’S FEET OF COURSE!!!
He said ‘back in my day I would beg Jay to draw Mami Delmar tickling Maria Marcella’s feet!! he still never drew it!!’
I knew there was some reason Grandpa was cool!! Everyone stared at us cuz they are totally jealous of our imaginations!! LOL!!
then grandpa told me he is Superman!! AND I AM A TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLE!!
so he flew away to save the day!! and I am saving the day with my nunchucks!! LOL!!
so my parents asked me to donate stuff I don’t need to charity!! UHM!! All my stuff I need even this pizza box!! MIGHT COME IN HANDY!!
so I put my brother’s fiancee in the box!! I NEVER SAID I WAS NOT GENEROUS!!
PEACE!!
Sweet revenge - Poisonous is owned by grippedchimp
Oh right!! WHAT A FITTING REVENGE!! Chimpy, don’t make me laugh!! If Ace was against Poisonous the battle would have ended in like A DAY!! Ace would whack the uncool dude with HIS POOL CUE!!
What is Chimpy armed with it?! Huh?! HUH?! PUNK!! ACE HAS A POOL CUE!! He can blow up buildings with his POOL CUE!! I AM SERIOUS DUDE!!

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OMF!! I HAD THE BESTEST DAYDREAM EVER!! uwu
YO, DUDES AND DUDETTES!! GENERAL PIZZA HERE!! PIZZA POWER!!
Ok so I had this totally radical daydream ever!! omf!!
Ace shoplifted a bag of apples!! he saw Celeste walking barefoot!! HE GETS AN IDEA!! PING!! He tore the bag open and spilled the apples on the ground!!
He hid away to watch!! omf!! She walked on them started slipping on them!! He was jacking off to this!!! He took extra care to see her feet grapple dem apples!!
‘WHOOOOO-OOOOOA!!!” she would say!! LOL!!
Before she falls on her bum he grabs her, ties her up and tickles her feet!!
Dear Santa Claus,
SANTA!! IT’S ME!! GENERAL PIZZA!! PIZZA POWER!! Ok I’ve been a very good boy this Christmas!! I..... was grounded.... lots of times for calling my brother’s fiancee a truck, eating all the food, crying because my requests were denied, putting a whoopee cushion on Great Aunt Prudence’s seat---
I WAS GOOD OK?!
Anyways I want some TMNT action figures, TMNT trading cards, my Don Turtelli tapes replaced (I wore them out from watching them too much!!) and Jay to draw my request!!
I want Jay to draw Shion tickling Celeste’s feet! She will be tied up her feet on his lap or she will be tied to an armchair while he sits on a nearby stool tickling her feet propped (tied!!) to the footstool!! She can be blindfolded but that doesn’t matter!! He can tickle her feet with an electric toothbrush!! or feather!! Or his fingers!!
I am not posting this online because I want Jay to read this!! OH NO!! I am more subtle than that!! LOL!!
Thanks Santa!!
PEACE!!
General Pizza
PS!! I leave you a pizza every year but it keeps getting...... eaten.... I am sure my parents or brothers did that!! It was not ME!! WHY DOES EVERYONE LOOK AT ME?! STOP!! OMF!