Gender Under Construction

I am non-binary/trans masc

Pronouns are any/all they/he (for now)

49 years old, which makes me Gen X (and proud of it!)

As of this writing I'm pre-T and pre-top op

I'm Danish and I live in Denmark

This is a side-blog. If I follow you, it will be as @nordic-ace (which I might also comment as if I'm distracted)

[cross posted from Facebook]

Today is Trans Day of Visibility and I feel like a day like today gets more important year by year as trans rights (and just basic human rights) are eroded around the world as more and more countries and governments listen far too much to anti-trans voices (such as the author who shall not be named I wrote about in a previous post).

Just a few days ago, the IOC announced testing of ALL women athletes simply to prevent trans and intersex women competing. If you haven't seen the posts criticising that decision take a look around trans supporting pages right here on Facebook. They explain it better than I can.

I wish this could be a more positive posts. I could just have written about my own experience; how I got a haircut on Friday that suits me oh-so-well, how today I ordered some summer clothes from an online second hand store, or how I'm hopefully going to start T sometime this summer.

But the world is a mess. It's scary for trans people, particularly trans women. And while I'm nonbinary transmasc and haven't (yet, knock-on-wood) experienced any outright harassment, I have good friends who can't walk in peace on the street. Here. In Denmark.

So please. If you known and love a trans person, tell them so. Today. If you don't (or don't know that you do), make a post to say that you support trans people; that way people will know that you're a safe person.

Picture tax for the algorithm is of my water bottle (almost trans coloured, though lacking the white bit) and one of my trans pride kitties.

(cross-posted from Facebook)

So hey, I know I originally said I wasn't going to get political on here, but this is kind of important.

As you probably know (unless you've been living in a cave; in which case what are you reading this for?!) there's a new Harry Potter show coming on HBO.

Now, this is where I get political, because the creator of Harry Potter is a raging transphobe who uses her money to fund anti-trans political movements in the UK. Already, that has resulted in puberty blockers for trans kids now being banned over there, trans women being banned from quite a lot of public space, and much more. And I'm sure they've not even started in their crusade against trans people.

So here's where it gets sticky. A lot of people love Harry Potter. Folks just a few years younger than me have a ton of nostalgia connected with the books and the movies and just the whole fandom in itself. Trust me, I understand that.

However, when you sit down and watch this new show, you'll be directly adding to the author's fortune, which will again fund anti-trans hatred. You should know that.

I'm not the first to point this out; it's all over Facebook if you pay a little attention.

So will I hate you for watching the new Harry Potter thing? No, probably not. I might not even think less of you if you do. Just please be aware that there are real life consequences to consuming this particular piece of popular media.

Last night I dreamt I'd had top surgery. Holy heck was I euphoric; dancing around, crossing my arms over my chest and laughing at how easy that was.

Two years ago today I went to my GP and asked her to give me a reference to the gender identity clinic.

19 months and 17 days later I had my first of three initial appointments with the shrink and I am *still* waiting for the last of those. Which will be in April.

After that, I have another two meetings with another doctor (I believe to discuss the more specific details of hormone treatment); one in May and another in June.

So, if all goes well, I'll be starting T sometime this summer. At which point I'll have waited two and a half years...

Got a bunch of new (used) shirts. So much colour! I love the look of them; now we'll see if I'll love wearing them.

I know I'm buying a lot of clothes at the moment. I'm still trying to figure out a new style that isn't just jeans and t-shirts/hoodies and I'm thinking that button shirts are definitely part of that style. Question is just how much colour goes into that.

Once I've found something I'm comfortable with and that I like/love, I'll probably work on paring down my wardrobe to just a couple of handfuls of pieces.

At least, that's the plan. Then there's also the whole weight loss and needing smaller sizes to consider...

I'm trying not to feel too bad about my consumption of clothes and reminding myself that I've never bought very much clothes (I have a hoodie in my closet that at least 25+ years old and probably more). I also don't have a car, I never fly on airplanes, and I don't eat meat. So I think my carbon footprint allows me to experiment a little with my clothing style, yeah?

Anyway, looking forward to trying these shirts over the next few weeks, see if any of them will end up on permanent rotation.

Yes, I really do mean literally a new me. In a few days (hopefully on my birthday on January 5th), I'll be officially changing my name (again).

It's only been a few years since I did it the last time, but then I changed it to a name I've been using since 1997 and which is/was a more gender neutral version of my birth name (Charlie as opposed to Charlotte, it's not a secret, really).

I've been trying out my new name for about half a year now and really love it, so it's time to change it officially. It's much more masculine, in no way unisex and pretty much everyone I know thinks it's suits me quite well.

Hopefully, my application will go smoothly. Name changes are relatively easy in Denmark, though there are dumb rules in place with regards to male/female names. In essence, you can't have a "male" name if your social security number is "female" (that's a whole 'nother issue that I might go into in another post).

Good news is that it's really only a matter of sending along a declaration of being trans or non-binary in order to get approved for your chosen name. As far as I understand, anyway. I hope I won't have any trouble with that.

Still reading? In that case, you get to know my new name, which is Ask. That's Danish for Ash - like the tree not the burnt stuff - and in mythology it was the first man created by the gods. From, you guessed it, an ash tree.

I chose it because my previous middle name was an old Nordic name and that got me thinking how cool that actually was even though I hated it back then, probably because I was never really curious about it or its origin.

Which is how I ended up looking at old Nordic names and ended up narrowing it down to Ask and Eik, and ended up choosing Ask due to the lovely mythology attached to it.

Drag is so damn gender affirming!

While I'm dressing and living a fairly masc life day to day, it's getting into costume and wearing makeup (FUCKING LOL!!!!) that gives me such amazing gender euphoria. It's shaping my face with contour into sharper and more masculine lines, it's putting on stubble (I forgot to take a picture of that, sorry), and it's wearing a suit and tie, which I would never do in day to day life.

I'm so thankful to have found community in House of the Secret and to be able to fully express myself on stage. Something I never thought I'd enjoy, but which is probably the best thing I've ever done. I don't regret for one second that I decided to take my friend up on their invitation to come see what it was all about two and a half years ago. It literally changed my life in the best way possible.

I still have a ways to go, but I'm already living my best life and it can only get better from here. Tomorrow is another meeting at the gender identity clinic and I'm going in, still running high from Saturday's show. It's gonna be good!

At my meeting with the gender clinic a couple of weeks ago I was referred to a dietician, but I was also referred to a physiotherapist in the same go.

Well, today was the meeting with the physio and I might as well have skipped it, really. I'm pretty good at training and exercise, so she was very happy to let me continue with what I've already been doing and told me that usually her clients come up with lots of excuses to *not* exercise.

Anyway, the only advice she gave me was to change my workout routine from 12 reps to 8-10 reps with higher weight, which will do more for progression and muscle build (yeah, I knew this, and this was probably my only internal excuse, because I think the gym bros who lift to failure look ridiculous, and it seems like a good way to do yourself an injury).

It's that time of year where I can wear hoodies again, and soon - I hope - my new pea coat.

Well, today I sort of, kind of, came out to the ladies of my knitting course.

I mean, they already knew that I'm nonbinary, but today I told them to please use my preferred name and to please use he/him or they/them pronouns.

They took it pretty well, although there will surely be some mistakes in the future, but that's to be expected and I'm allowed to correct them when it happens.

Had the first meeting at the Gender Identity Clinic this morning and I think it went pretty well.

I was anxious going in, but the psychologist was nice and made me feel at ease, asking for my preferred name and pronouns. Which, I guess, is the least they can do at a Gender Identity Clinic.

A lot of the conversation was taken up by her supplying me with information of what to expect from here on out and warning me that even though I'm now at the first step, there are still long wait lists for the next steps.

I have two more conversation with this psychologist and then I'll go to see one of her colleagues for a further two meetings. And before I can begin hormone treatment there will be a multi disciplinary team meeting to decide yay or nay, which could take months.

So that's probably at least another half a year before starting T, after which it will be yet six more months before top surgery can be considered.

In the mean time, I've been referred to a nutritionist so I can lose that weight I need to lose to even get approval for top surgery.

Next meeting is in a month's time. I expect that one will be harder than this one and a lot more focused on me, myself, and I, though we did cover a few personal questions today, mainly regarding sexuality (aroara, hah, so didn't have to get into it any deeper than that), gender, and childhood and whether I knew then that I was trans.

Really, the worst thing was when she had to measure my belly in order to put those numbers in the referral to the dietician.

I've waited a year and a half by now and suddenly it's here and although I thought I could lose the weight I needed to lose by now, that hasn't happened.

On the other hand, having had eighteen months to think about it, I've decided that I want to start up on testosterone, which inevitably will delay top surgery anyway.

So yeah. I don't think there'll be a problem with getting T, it's just a matter of getting through the three initial talks with the shrink who will do the assessment and then one or more talks with one of the higher-ups before my case will be taken up on a team meeting. Altogether (the three initial talks are over three months), it could be as much as six months or more before I can start T. But I guess I'm used to waiting now.

And then more waiting for T to make its effects before top surgery can be approved. Not sure how long that will be...