Did I buy a blank cassette tape just to make a replica of **the mixtape**? Yes. Yes I did. Do I regret it? Nope. Not even a little bit.
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@gemminycricket4
Did I buy a blank cassette tape just to make a replica of **the mixtape**? Yes. Yes I did. Do I regret it? Nope. Not even a little bit.

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See, I donât particularly like season 11 aside from the obvious (Casifer), but 11x18 fucks me up like no other episode this season. I have always had a hard time pinpointing when I realized Dean was in love with Cas, but I think this may have been THE episode? The whole argument with Sam and Dean about Cas being in the vessel vs being the vessel, Sam calling him âitâ and Dean chewing him out for it, Deanâs determination to save Cas, how he looked at Casifer the whole episode, how distraught and desperate he sounded each time he called Casâ name, how Lucifer mocked him for it???Â
And then, of course, the ultimate kicker. Amara arrives in all her frightening power and gets ready to fuck Luciferâs shit up, and before even really acknowledging her Dean just calls out to Cas??? In that voice? So desperate and yearning and hopeful. And his eyes glisten with emotion??? Like, I sound like Iâm joking or exaggerating but theyâre literally shiny with moisture??? Like he might cry if pushed the barest bit?Â
AND THEN!!! Amara looks at Dean like heâs kicked her or something? Like sheâs realized that her hold on Dean isnât nearly as strong as she thought it was. He called out Casâ name before hers. He yearns for him more than he wants her!!!!
SO SHE TAKES HIM!!!!! And then the scene changes and Dean is literally on the floor of the bunkers war room, beers strewn about. (Which, huh, thatâs familiar!!!)
And he has this whole really sad, harsh change of tone when heâs talking to Sam about respecting Cas decision to let Lucifer in and fight Amara that way. But thatâs just him saying screw the policy!!! Screw the self sacrificing bullshit!!! Dean wants to bring Cas home. And he says it! BUT THATâS NOT THE END OF IT!!! The scene changes again and itâs Casifer and Amara and Amara is telling Lucifer her plan to use him to draw God out and she has tears in her eyes.Â
Sheâs looking at Lucifer, Godâs favorite, and sheâs looking at Cas, Deanâs favorite. Sheâs angry at them both and sheâs using both Cas and Lucifer to hurt them. She took one look at Dean when he called out to Cas in that church and she knew. She couldnât have Dean because he was already someone elseâs.
Did I get the mixtape tattooed on my arm today? Yes. Yes I did.
"It's a gift... You keep those."
Dean died at the ripe old age of 85.
In his lucid moments during the days leading up to his passing, in which Dean was just as sharp and as bright as he was fifty years ago, he remarked that people must think heâd robbed the cradle with a âhot pieceâ such as Castiel hanging around him.
âYou donât mind that Iâm a wrinkly, senile, crotchety old bastard?â Dean had asked, more than once, but he had always said it with a smile. And Castiel would smile back, replying with the same answer the answer many times, in many ways:
âYouâre not senile.â
âOld, but not a bastard.â
âI thought I was the crotchety one.â
âI donât mind.â
Then Dean would smile, and it would light up the room, and Castiel would wonder again how he came to deserve the focus, let alone the affection, of such a man.
âItâs not about deserving, Cas,â Dean had said, half-whispered in the middle of the night a few short months after they had begun to share the bed they laid in. âItâs⌠fuck, well I donât know what itâs about. But people donât get what they deserve, not most of the time.â
Castiel frowned, furrowing his brows. âThey should,â he grumbled.
âWell if people got what they deserved, theyâd⌠I donât know, Sam wouldâve actually become a lawyer, stayed in school. Jo, Ellen, Bobby, theyâd all still be here. Iâd get mauled by a werewolf or something, go out with a bang, and Baby,â Dean said sternly, as though chastising the universe itself for such an injustice, âWould never get so much as a scratch on her.â
âYou think thatâs what you deserve?â Castielâs voice was soft, not wanting to disturb the still of the night, but steely as he considered even the possibility of Deanâs violent end.
Dean registered that, swallowing, âI donât know. I guess I just never thought Iâd even make it this far. Hunters have the shortest lifespans of any human subspecies,â Dean cracked a smile, but his heart wasnât in the joke. Castiel knew Dean was doing the math in his head. He knew Dean was mentally recalling how long it had been since Bobby left for heaven. Tallying up the number of people who were gone because of self-sacrifice, mistakes, pure dumb luck. Counting exactly how many years he had outlived his own mother.
Keep reading
Does anyone else think that Dean and Castiel's first kiss when they're finally reunited in heaven would have the same energy as Jack and Ennis reuniting in Brokeback Mountain? Because I do.

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It's been a while since I last worked on one of my unfinished fanfictions and I have to reread it to remind myself of all the little details... And I came across this part:
' "I love you, Dean," Cas said. It wasn't the first time Castiel had said it, but it was the first time Dean had heard him.
"I love you too, Cas."
They kissed, sealing their admissions of love. Cas was happy he had the chance to say it. He could leave knowing Dean had the chance to say it too, assured that the hunter wouldn't live out the remainder of his days tormented at never having the chance. '
Why the hell did/do I torture myself like this??? I wrote this part so long ago and it's just not fair how its come back to bite me in the ass. And there was a part where Cas thought Dean was beautiful đ˘
The absolute LACK of chemistry between Jimmy Novak and Dean is making me NUTS
ÂŤKnowing you has changed me. Because you care, I cared. [...] I cared about the whole world because of youÂť, or an endless speech about what makes me love Dean and Cas's story everyday more â¤
You know, I was reading Cas's confession to Dean in 15x18 again, just the speech, and I'm still amazed by how intense, poetic and insanely deep it is.
In just three minutes it shows us how unconditional are Cas's love and devotion for Dean, how much attention and time he spent observing him, listening to him, looking directly into his soul. He never left his side, he never doubted him, not for a second, even and especially in his worse moments. He's the only one who truly, truly, never abandoned him in his whole life, no matter what, no question asked.
People tend to forget it, because Cas is not usually loud, he doesn't yell or gets angry every time Dean does or says something.. well, typical of Dean.
He doesn't force Dean to hear something he doesn't want to hear unless it's really necessary. He's always so careful with him, almost tender, a word of support where it's needed, a hand on the shoulder, a look across the room. He takes care of him in thousands of different ways: a friend when he's needed, a warrior where there's a fight to be won.
But every time he speaks, he sucks the breath out of us, because his words are always so accurate, because he just knows exactly how Dean is feeling, why he's acting that way, where all the anger, fear and guilt come from. He always knows how to reach him.
So yeah, people who don't watch closely forget that this angel gave up on everything he believed was true the moment he put a hand on Dean in Hell. Forget how Cas literally built his body and soul from scratch, how he looked into every corner of Dean's mind, how he knows every thoughts, every dream, every secret, how he literally touched all the trauma, the regret and the love hidden behind the surface.
And then Cas says something like: ÂŤDean feels things more acutely than any other human I've ever knownÂť, and ÂŤI'm not exactly a role modelÂť/ÂŤThat's NOT trueÂť, and ÂŤYou're THE MOST selfless, loving, caring human being I'll ever knowÂť, like it's nothing, like it's obvious, and you just know. How Cas really gets Dean, really sees him, understands him intimately. Ten thousand times better than anyone else has ever done.
His devotion is absolute, his love isn't something suddenly born, isn't just a spark or mere fascination.
His love is as deep as Dean's soul is. It's divine, it's eternal, it's unbreakable. And man, did people try to break it.
Neither of them could exist without this kind of love. This love is what has driven them and the story for all these years, it's craved into their existence, it's part of the world.
Even more, it's the only thing that's real in this world. The only thing Chuck couldn't control.
It's inevitable, just something that is, and nothing could ever change that. Not Death, not God, not the Empty, not the horrible ending they got.
And isn't that beautiful? Isn't that perfect? After all this time, and after all the disappointment of the last weeks, thinking about this really gave me that kind of hope and contentment I was looking and hoping for. And no matter what, this is something I can take with me forever, this is something that will always be true and pure and real.
Destiel started organically through great chemistry and two amazing stories that became forever entangled together. It thrived against its creators wishes, purely by accident (maybe it was fate, though I dont typically believe in that sort of thing). As it bloomed, it's accidental creators decided to tend to it from time to time, feed it just enough, nurture it in ways the story and characters themselves demanded. It grew beyond them, it didn't need to be tended to anymore; it was there and it was real and it loved fiercely. Destiel is a slow-burn love story that captivated and occasionally hurt. Above all, it persisted. In the end, we got some confirmation. What the writers/producers/whoever did with it after was weak willed, a creator too pathetically terrified to love what it made, but I choose to remember it and cherish it for what it was: the most beautiful and tragic relationship between two characters who deserved each other. This ship has filled me with so much joy and sadness and excitement and inspiration and reassurance, and that can never be taken away.
I choose to keep it in my heart, despite everything that tried, hopelessly, to take it away. And I'm going to continue to fight for it, the way these two characters taught me to do.
So after episode 15x18 with Castiel's confession of love for Dean, I made a bet with myself that if Dean reciprocated I had to get a destiel tattoo. As we all know, the CW are homophobic censoring jerks and the confession not only didn't get reciprocated, it essentially got erased entirely and never acknowledged again. So no tattoo, right? BUT! We have now learned of the reciprocation in Spanish... So destiel *IS* fully canon.
So... any suggestions for a destiel tattoo? đđ

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I AM GOING DOWN WITH THIS SHIP
Explanation 1 of 2 in my mind as to why Castiel wasnât in that hallucinatory nightmare punchline of a 15 year long hate crime finale
Bonus:
Cas and love
Donât mind me, just thinking about last seasonâs finale when Jack told Cas âI know youâre here because you love me, and I want to love you back. Itâs just I canât.â
And Cas responded by saying âYou canât yet.â
Cas died never having once heard that he was loved, and yet that didnât stop him from always giving it fully. The angel with too much heart, as one of his angel brothers called him. How was it that Ben Edlund put it? âThereâs a crack in Cas, the crack through which amazing things come.â
Of all those amazing things, it turns out in the end it all came down to love. Everything Cas did, he did for love. Love for humanity, for his friend Sam, for his son Jack and ultimately the all consuming love he felt for Dean.Â
Which makes it that much more heartbreaking that he never got to hear someone express their love back to him. That being said, Iâm sure he knew Jack loved him - itâs part of the reason being there for Jack helped him feel less adrift in the world, and gave him a purpose. It gave him a role in their family and made him feel like he belonged. Jack and Cas have seen each other as father and son from before Jack was even born, and apart from that short period of time when Jack lost himself, thereâs always been unconditional love on both sides there.
That brings us back to Dean. I think Cas knew that Dean loved him, I mean after everything theyâd been through, how could he not? Remember the whole mixtape incident when Dean got mad because âhe came into my room and he played me?â That could have only worked if Cas knew there was a certain level of love and trust between them. The whole mixtape exchange was about as honest as they could be with each other in that moment, which made it equal parts cathartic and frustrating.Â
The thing is, Cas felt a different kind of love for Dean. The kind of love he didnât think he was allowed to feel - angels arenât supposed to love humans that way, remember? Even if he ignored that, he wasnât exactly an ordinary angel anyway, itâs not like Dean would ever feel the same way. Itâs not like he felt that kind of love for Cas, right?
(Cas hasnât been privy to Deanâs perspective for the past 12 years like we have. He hasnât seen the things weâve seen.)
And yet despite all that, in his final act, Cas decided that it didnât matter. His fears about his love not being reciprocated, that the Empty taunted him with, shame, rejection, none of it mattered. Cas could love enough for the both of them - Dean taught him how.Â
Casâ run on the show may have ended like it started, saving Dean Winchester, but Cas most certainly did not end up the same being that he was when he started. You see all those years ago he saved Dean for duty. This time he did it for and with love.Â
The power the simple act of loving another person could have? The power in allowing yourself to fully feel it? Nobody understood that better than Cas.
sometimes i just get to thinking about misha and how absolutely chaotic he is lmao. he really showed up and decided that things were gonna be gay and he was taking the repressed male lead with him. like at what point did he become fully aware of this power??
Lucifer: *uses Nickâs wife to get Nick to let him in*
Lucifer: *uses Jess to get Sam to let him in*
Lucifer: *uses Cas to get Dean to let him in*
#somebodygifthis

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Dean running to the bunker door because he thinks itâs Cas đ¤Ą
me trying to figure out with two days left until 15x19 if cas is going to come back because why would they write the Confession Scene⢠first if the whole storyline for this season isnât focusing on the growth of dean and casâs relationship and the concept of truth between them if they arenât going to properly address it in the end BUT ALSO misha said his last day filming was 15x18 before the break and he also said there was a small wrap party afterwards with cake and how that couldnât have been after filming in sept because they couldnât have a wrap party because of covid BUT ALSO he and jensen got on a plane to go to a con after that so did they have a wrap party on the plane BUT ALSO spntapeball posted a picture where it looks like they have grayed mishaâs hair for like a look at the future-esque ending the way they did with j2 BUT ALSO jason fischer has been posting SOTDs and QOTDs that lead to an explicit deancas ending like âand so it goesâ and âthe night we metâ BUT ALSO in #SuperGood with michael sheen misha said he was coming back to film one and a half episodes BUT ALSO if jensen knew about the Confession Scene⢠three months ahead of time what was it that he went to eric kripke to talk about regarding deanâs ending BUT ALSO in his most recent online panel why did misha beat around the bush with his answer to whether heâs coming back BUT ALSO why was misha so concerned about fan reaction to the âbury your gaysâ trope if they werenât going to resolve it BUT ALSO why does a verified politician that misha follows tweeting about how cas isnât coming back for the last two episodes BUT ALSO i want dean to pull cas from super hell and confess his feelings so things can come full circle but they didnât even script the handprint on deanâs shoulder so did they even plan to make it come full circle in the first place BUT ALSO i want them to grow old together in gentle tender love with the two of them knowing that they deserve each other and they have just been loving the other in loyal silence all this time :;â(Â