some rather personal stuff i wanna scream into the void, bc something things like this are theraputic, and kinda explains why ive been quite distant from a lot of places recently.
some t/w loss of loved ones (a child is mentioned)
so to start, some of you might remember that my family fostered my uncles children around 2 years ago. the details surrounding why they came to live with us are very anger inducing, but regardless we tried to make it work. one of my foster siblings/cousins suffered with many disabilities due to the nature of his birth and his mother's pregnancy with him, but he was loved, very very dearly by my family. unfortunately, when it was time for them to be reunited with their birth parents, my baby cousin suffered severely. where he had been eating near solid foods, gaining weight, communicating, moving, even recognizing us, he regressed, and instead of his parents working with us (mostly my mother) they rather bluntly pushed us out of those kids lives, and we really only got to see them on holidays.
we didnt hear or see much of my baby cousin until the start of this month, where we were told that he had not much longer to live. and right behind that, my family suffered the first loss of this month. one of my relatives passed away suddenly. she was my big cousin. she gave birth to one of my best friends (my 2nd cousin) and i could talk to her about anything. she was like a second mom to me, and that was already hard to process behind hearing about my baby cousin. imagine then after the funeral for my first cousin, my baby cousin passes away a week later.
the idea that he's no longer around devastates me. when i think about it, i start bawling. ive cried at home, at work. its been ery difficult to cope with these back to back losses. even now, my grandmother is in the hospital, and that thought terrifies me even more.
my close friends are keeping out for me, people at my job are looking out for me, i am going to grief counseling/therapy for this as well. this is mostly just a vent/rant and why you may not see me around, or i might stick to only gaming for a while. ive been depressed and losing interest in a lot of things, but i dont wish for writing to become one of them as i process this in these hard times. if you leave any kinds words or messages, thanks <3. and thanks again for understanding why i might be a little inactive here for a good while until i feel better again. thank you guys, and love you. please tell your loved ones you love them :)
