empty gold

“A rat? Are you sure you didn’t just see your own reflection?”

“Oh, it’s you. You can’t just scare me like that.”

“Wha- Shit. Fuck that little plague spreading creature. I don’t care that medicine has improved since the plague ended by the 1350s. Rats can still carry diseases.” She took a few steps back. “Thanks for the warning and all, but why didn’t you just kill it?”

“Thanks for the lesson, Einstein. I’m sure guys avoid you like the plague.” He laughed, “Why the fuck would I kill it? Do I look like a ravenous murderer to you?”

“Well…They’re both yellow, so it’s valid. Fuck off, man. Not in a sewer. Could you imagine if something dripped on it?”

“One’s a flesh fruit and the other is citrus. Big difference. As long as you stay away from the entrances, I doubt there’ll be any drips. Don’t be a pussy.”

“What–you think I’m afraid of a little rat?”

“You should be. If that thing bites you, you’ll probably have a green glow to yourself.”

“I knew that– I just didn’t know it meant it came from pigs. Like the Spanish Flu. It’s not like you get sick with every fucking Spanish guy you come into contact with. That sounds gross, though. That’d be like living as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and I didn’t sign up for that when I came here. So I’m just gonna avoid the rat.”

“That’s like comparing bananas and lemons. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ate all the pizza they wanted. Doesn’t that sound at least a little appealing?”

“Wait- They really did spread it? Oh, that’s weird. I thought Swine Flu was just some fancy play on words, I don’t fucking know. I think I’ll stick to Wolfman instead of Ratman. It’s honestly more fitting when you get to know me.”

“Swine literally means pig. They pigs were sick, people fucked the pigs, then it spread to the rest of the world. So if you had it, you basically screwed a pig. Congratulations. I’ll take your word for that one. Though, being Ratman doesn’t sound so bad. You could live in the sewers and everything.”

“Jesus- Fuck-” He jumped back, flailing a little bit. “Those things carry diseases. They’re the ones that spread the Swine Flu, aren’t they?”

He smirked, “That’s a pig, but it’ll still leave you with a nasty ass bite. Or-- you’ll be the real life Peter Parker. That’s a 12 year old’s wet dream.”