IS THAT A STAGE NAME?

I’m weeping!!!! get that shit out of here bahahaha

As if having wings would change things? She supposed it would on the grand scheme, but between them it was…it was another thing to add to the long list of weird shit they had seen…but this was about them wasn’t it?

She wanted to ask him, if in among all the chaos, with whatever happened in Vegas, had he ever thought about her? It wasn’t like she could call him a stranger these days, but she couldn’t pick up the phone and just call him like she used to. At one point she felt like he was the only soul in the world that understood, that got her, he was her best friend and then suddenly she was faced with the prospect of having to start all over again.

“Lucifer I’m…not here for you to just…pick up and drop when you feel like it.” Kate admitted, her voice wavered, cracked even as she found her eyes falling to the floor. Then again, that was just what she did wasn’t it, she came to everyone’s defences…that was the funny thing about having someone that close to you, it was giving them unlimited ammunition to do whatever they wanted, truth was, out of all the weapons Lucifer could fight with. She found his silence the most violent.

Kate didn’t miss the ‘we’, she didn’t miss the ‘home’ either, for a few moments she found herself thinking of something Candy had said, Lucifer hadn’t found home yet…why was she to think he really had this time around? A heavy sigh escaped her, as if she was just accepting that this was it. That this was the best it was going to get right now. For a moment she considered that one day she’d just drive away again, that she would just be able to forget every single cynical thing her mind had told her. That she would be able to pretend there wasn’t an ‘I told you so.’ In there somewhere.

She wanted to tell him that she was tired of going around in circles, that every time something like this happened, and they were going to be okay they suddenly started moving backwards but…this wasn’t about her was it? This wasn’t about her feelings. Now wasn’t the time. Suddenly…she felt like she had stepped back in time.  

She couldn’t leave him here though.

“Get in the car.” She answered softly.

Panic. Like many emotions, it had failed to find a definition that Lucifer could grasp. Fortunately, unlike most he hadn't had to deal with it for long. Unfortunately, it meant he had little experience with it. His hands clenched at his sides, like a petulant child about to throw a fit - and he wasn't able to quite help the way his voice rose to a slight hysteria.

“I don't feel like it I feel like going home.”

Immediately, he bit off an exhale, turning his head away. He could hear how he sounded, sitting outside of himself. He could see himself as the pathetic malcontent who wasn't worth Kate's time. Talking about home - all his conversations were spiralling back to that, weren't they? Home. All that Mum could keep raving on about, getting back to Heaven. Holding the sword in his hands and feeling it sing in tongues he hadn't heard in so long, he was so close- But now there was this, this abysmal sign from God... and his father was never going to let him go, was he? Maybe he should have gone with his mother, finally free of his shackles. A new universe beyond the wall at the end of the universe. He'd always known. As if he could remember pushing through that wall with his own pure willpower-

... And be, where? Alone in a vast emptiness, building up castles like a boy in a sandbox? Little boys in sandboxes went home eventually.

“She’s fine,” Kate reassured softly. “she’s fine, plus Maze is with her so anyone who does try anything, they will be ripped limb from limb.” Kate had no doubts about that what so ever. She found herself sighing, as if an the anger left her in one moment, amazing how having one relatively calm person in a conversation could bring the entire mood back down to ground again. 

“Are you okay?” There was worry in her voice now, she found herself standing there worrying about him, deep worry that twisted her stomach and made her feel sick. “So…you have wings…” Kate decided to address the elephant in the room and deal with it right off the bat, there was no point in dancing around it. Kate found herself falling silent, she didn’t mean to stare but….she couldn’t help herself, for a moment she seemed almost in trace before she managed to shake herself out of it and turn her attention back to him. She didn’t know what to say or what to do, this was new territory for her, and everything was changing. Everything was different now wasn’t it? 

Instead, she found herself falling into a familiar pattern, she reached out for him, her land lightly brushed at hair, shaking out sand and gently pushing it back into place, or as close as she could get to it. “I was worried.” All she wanted to do was take him home, hug him, hold him and try to put all of this mess back together, but she found herself taking a step back. Unsure about where they stood with each other, or how she was meant to feel about any of it. Then realising that none of but mattered much in her mind anymore, because she just wanted to make sure that he was okay.

“I can’t pretend to know what you’re going through, or what it feels like I just…” sighing again she closed her eyes for just a moment, trying to find the right words, “wish you would tell me, let me know where we stand…then I know where the line are.” 

He inhaled, his mouth hanging open as he started to nod slowly. His eyes were distant for a moment, before he slowly rolled his gaze back. “I'm...”

There wasn't enough strength in him to put up walls, especially not around Kate. It all came forward as she dared to venture closer. I'm alone in a strange place and my friend is hurt because of me and my mother is gone because of me and you're looking at me like you don't know who I am because of me- As if he'd taken in too much air, something made his lungs involuntarily twitch, and he exhaled shakily. He closed his mouth, and for the first time focused on Kate. As if it summed everything up, he finally lifted his shoulders a little uselessly and said, “I have wings.”

He closed his eyes as she swept the sand away, wrinkling his face as some of it hit the side of his nose. Soundlessly, he winced as the exaggerated motion pulled at his burns. They'd healed, for the most part, on the walk to civilization, but there was still the reminder of his time lying out in the sun, exposed to the elements. But then Kate was stepping away, like she had hurt him or something. He lifted his chin and looked at her in surprise.

Her question didn't make it any easier to understand. Lucifer was the creator and founder of the stepping over the line club. As if he knew where the line was. Was he supposed to know? ... Did he want to know?

“Well, if it's any... hint, as to where I stand. Well, I suppose I mean, sit.” He wiggled his feet, and his wings flapped slightly. “I... I asked for your help. I don't think I... wanted to hear anyone else going on about this. Especially... especially after...”

Another day, he would have known where his bravado was. But now, it just felt like he was starting from scratch, learning all over again what it meant to brush off the concern. Maybe he was just too far gone in this human world. Maybe he couldn't look through her worry. So he took in a deep breath, and tore his gaze from hers. He pushed himself off the ice chest, his feathers shuffling as he adjusted his wings to fold properly behind him.

He was lucky she hadn’t looked at the caller ID  before picking up, her hand had whipped right out to her phone as her head sat propped on her hand, staring down at the document in front of her; ‘Beating Homelessness Sooner: The Bishop Foundation Annual Report and Accounts 2015/2016.’ As you can imagine, it was a thrilling read. 

There was the curt and business like answer of “Kate Bishop,” and then she regretted it, she knew the voice on the end of the phone. It wasn’t like they had spoken lately…hell as far as she was concerned he could, “call your wife to come and get you.” But she regretted that as soon as it left her mouth. With a heavy sigh she rolled her eyes. “Fine! Just stay where you are! I’ll be a while it’s not like 37 is in LA.” 

And that, was how she ended up driving four hours north to pick up the little shit from the middle of nowhere, while rehearsing what she was going to tell him. What giant talking to he was going to get. That was exactly what she did, she got up out of the car, closing the door behind her with a kick of her heel and striding straight over to him. She wasn’t going to get distracted. Not one bit.  “Talk, explain yourself right now, or I’m leaving without you and you can walk back to LA.” She demanded, pointing the car key still in her hand at him before she stopped. 

Wings. 

“What happened?”

Lucifer cringed at the mention of 'wife'. Honestly, was she ever going to let that go? Besides, this wasn't a wife thing. It wasn't a detective thing. It sure as hell (pun intended) wasn't a demon thing. He certainly wasn't in the mood for Mazikeen's squawking and panicking. He needed someone who could just take it in stride, not make things worse.

He needed someone not him.

“Thank you,” he said genuinely, and hung up before he could get much more of a grilling from her.

The worker remained perpetually stunned, but that gave Lucifer opportunity enough to down even more water than he had when he first arrived at the station. Unsure of what else to do in the presence of a rather haughty and distressed angel, he'd merely gone and restocked the fridge, and continued his daily duties. Lucifer left him to it, opting to sit out on the ice chest and wait for his ride. Outside, there was enough room to stretch his wings, if he wanted to. But they stayed relatively still, still tense and bent close to his sides.

Humans had made statues to be still, but if they really wanted to, animatronics could have come into existence centuries earlier. They were attempting to emulate the ancient though - the still guardians that could, if they really wanted to, watch the grass grow and the sun wane in the sky. It was a testament to how abandoned the gas station truly was, seeing that the only car that came by was Kate's. He moved then, looking up with something almost like hope - his wings lifted, opening himself up a little more. For once, he seemed meek, holding his hands between his knees as Kate made her demands.

Honestly, she hadn’t meant to imply that the woman was stupid, naive maybe, but not stupid. Yet Kate didn’t want to correct herself, instead she was standing there, heart broken, listening to this woman who barely knew him list facts she had taken months to learn….and some she didn’t know at all. There was a lump crawling up her throat, she felt sick at the thought. Sick at the idea someone could feed her so many platitudes and lies about how important she was to her…and then leave. Just walk away as if she had meant nothing at all. Maybe she had. Maybe she was everything she feared she was. Maybe she was just a puzzle to be worked out, some confusing person to figure out and play with before they got bored and moved on. Maybe….he’d just got bored of her and moved on. Maybe she wasn’t built to be loved.

Just took Kate by surprise that Candy knew her name, or seemingly had cared enough to remember it, or that Lucifer had even mentioned her. Kate wasn’t sure if it made the situation any better though. It didn’t disguise the fact that she had been displaced, it didn’t make up and it didn’t fix the idea that he had just been able to cut her out and past in someone else.  Fourteen days again she’d never felt so close to someone in her whole life, and now, not there were entire oceans between herself and everyone else. It was what Kate did though, when things were too much to handle, she put as much space between herself and everyone else, because the idea of anyone being close enough to help was a risk not worth taking.

Her eyes snapped to Candy, glazed, tears being fought back with everything that she had because there was no way she was going to cry, she wanted going to show the world she was hurt. She wasn’t going to give her, or it, the satisfaction. Danny had once told her during a training session, you can’t control the world, but you can control your reactions to it and that was what she was trying to do. Desperately trying to cling to controlling her reactions, like it would give her back some kind of ownership over the clusterfuck she’d got herself into.

“Lilacs aren’t going to cut it this time.” There it was, she couldn’t hide the crack in her voice, the pain, and for a moment the mask fell…there was Kate, heartbroken. There were a lot of ways to break people, Kate was sure Lucifer knew that batter than anyone else. You could torture over and over again, but the ironic truth was, love could break souls in a matter of seconds. It could blacken and shatter their cores more effectively than anything else.

She was just confused, why would she want to forget one of the best nights of her life? “Forget what about Vegas? By running off to our place and marrying someone else out of the blue?” Oh, there was pain edged with anger, “I get it, he’s damaged and screwed up….and people try to defend him as if the pain he’s in makes all of this okay, but what about how he hurt me? It doesn’t mean he gets to hurt me like this.” There were threatening tears sitting on her eyelashes as she shook her head, biting her lip and trying to stem it. “He always talks about how he was abandoned and betrayed….but that’s exactly what he did to me.”

This is what she'd always hated about Hollywood. The sleekness, the bravados. Movies always forget the part of the story where someone takes a shit, or when someone cries for longer than the beautifully shot twenty seconds. Or when the masquerade disco is over, and everyone's waiting for a cab home. Still dressed up ready to party, but exhaustion has seemed into every figure. The last girls of different social circles will linger by the door, passing awkward smiles - and God forbid one of them slips up and tries to make small talk, just to fill the terrible silence.

The plastic and the hero are masks. Plastic is only so shallow before you hit flesh; heroes only last until their heroics are over. At the end of the day, it washes away. She was only a girl, and Kate was truly heartbroken. It hurt to see - it hurts to hear Lucifer, Lucifer, get the short stick. But it was easier to understand, now that Kate was laying it all out. She didn't blame her for getting mad. The words our place tore through her as if it was her pain to suffer. That's how visceral it was, coming from the other woman.

But still she couldn't help the wrinkle in her brow, and quietly speaking up about an earlier point, “The pain? We all have pain. You're right, it's not fair, but I...”

She stopped with a small sigh, realizing she was building up the wrong argument. She closed her eyes as she shook her head, and tried again, “I don't think it's about pain. I think it's naivety. I think he's a fool who doesn't understand us. Humans. Or, um...”

It was the first time she faltered, awkwardly holding her hand out in Kate's direction, “People of Earth, I suppose. He's never really said if you're like him or not, sorry. But he's new to this. You're right, I can't defend pain. I'm only trying to say I understand it. A fool is a fool in all the ways he is foolish... But he didn't marry me just for the sake of stupidity. He might be an idiot, but I'm not. I knew what I was getting into by coming here like this. As Candy Morningstar. It wasn’t to break hearts.”

It was then that she glanced towards the exits, holding her breath as she checked to see if anyone else would be coming in. Her hand wrapped around her wrist, pinching at the skin as she stepped closer carefully. Her voice dropped considerably lower, “I can't lie to you with a face like that, but I don't know how much I can say. Just know that Lucifer...”

“Kate? Oh good. It’s me, Lucifer. Two things - what day is it, and could you pick me up? I’m at-” Lucifer pulled the phone away from his ear, politely covering the speaker with a hand while he looked over at the dumbstruck gas station worker, “Sorry, where is this?”

The gas station worker, wide-eyed and speechless, was only able to point up at the sign. Lucifer looked up, squinting against the strain of the sun’s noon brilliance as he carefully read off, “Tommy’s Gas, Highway 37. The only services around for miles. And uh... bring a really big coat. Little Rascals size coat.”

The advantage of two parts of one’s self in one uinverse meant that when the time came to make a decision between going left and right, you could choose both. He went to rescue Linda, she’d gone after Mum. But the moment Linda was in Mazikeen’s capable hands, Lucifer recognized the moment for what it was - while it gave them the time needed to save Linda, it also gave Mum the opportunity she needed too. Lucifer was across the city in a matter of minutes, coming onto the scene with Chloe’s gun firing out just as time rushed back to them - the suspect from the case collapsed, and Dan was turning around to stare at him in pure bafflement.

“How-” he started, but Lucifer pushed past him, hollering their name as he whirled about frantically. He moved to the railing, and saw the scene that made his heart stop. Lucifer, distraught, and Charlotte Richards... still and unmoving in the sand. Down the stairs he went, rushing across the sand. Months earlier, he would have been to wound up in himself. But he didn’t hesitate to rush to her side, sweeping her up in his arms and holding her tight.

my bitchass son facing all the manipulation of his life and recognizing it for what it is and REFUSING to forgive it. my bitchass son being nothing but the “punisher” for so long and believing he can be nothing more and CHOOSING MERCY FOR HIS MOTHER. my bitchass son begging his mother not to look back, but still being ‘the lightbringer’. because he was never the lightbringer. that wasn’t the point of that name when it was given to him. he was the lightbringer because he WILL bring light

“Oh, sweetie. Everyone has secrets. Everyone.” It was condescending and Kate knew it, but it was the most polite she could bring herself to be. She wanted to destroy the poor girl. She wanted to take her happy little world and shred it to pieces, she wanted to be a god damned home wrecker and bring the whole thing crashing down around the two of them.  He deserved it for what he had just done to her, there was something almost infinitely worse about the fact they had got married in Vegas. It was their place. It was where everything had happened. It was insult to injury, and salt in an already painful wound.

With a few steps she made her way towards the bathroom, she didn’t ask permission, she was going to get her stuff back. She almost snatched products off the shelf and her tooth brush, stuffed them into her handbag before utilising every single piece of control she had not to storm off in a huff through the living room. She wanted to take every one of his stupid suits out and throw them out the window, she wanted her screaming break up, she wanted the chance to yell at him and detail every way that this hurt but she wasn’t going to get it now was she?

She wanted to teach them both a lesson in the worst kind of way.

“Little bit of unsolicited advice honey, Lucifer has more secrets than this entire world. He sure as shit hasn’t told you anywhere near everything.” It was cutting, and she meant it to be, she wanted it to hurt…but she was trying to test the waters. There was something about the window that was just…odd. Either she literally was impervious to anything and everything other people thought about her, or she was an incredibly good actress.

Kate tossed her keys onto the counter, they landed with a loud skittering clatter as she reached for her necklace, despite her anger nimble fingers managed to find the clasp and the undid it, letting it drop onto the counter beside the keys. She contemplated for a moment, how if she said everything she wanted to, the world would never see her the same. She would never be able to take them back. Instead, she opted for, “tell Lucifer I’ll have his stuff couriered over.” There was no way she was coming back here, she couldn’t bare it another time. “And tell him he’s full of shit and I know it. When whatever scheme this is backfires, as it will with him because it always does, I won’t be there for him to cry to.”

For a moment Kate smiled, “you know, not so long ago, I believed that people could truly care about each other, like really care, eve love each other but they don’t. The truth is, you’re only ever going to have yourself. Whatever this is” she waved her hand, gesturing at the other woman, “that you got going on, whatever weird world it is you live in where you think people actually care don’t let go of it. The real worlds a lot darker than you want to know.”

She was genuinely stunned silent. Maybe in incandescent rage - she really bristled at sweetie and honey. It was where the Candy facade crumbled, despite putting her best foot forward. She was condescended to all her life, and that made it about her. But Candy lived for it, so she bit her tongue and let the woman go into the bathroom. Let her come out and tell her that Lucifer wasn't worth it. Candy pouted at that. She wanted to snarl. The brand that Vegas left behind was still hot, and she could burn if that was what the other woman wanted.

... But she had already been burned. Lucifer left so fast, he'd left scorch marks. She had to recognize lashing out for what it was, otherwise... God, otherwise it'd all come crashing down around Lucifer. Granted, she wasn't going to be around nearly long enough to take any of the heat, but she knew it wouldn't be fair. The world was already so dark. Even if this woman couldn't be trusted... She was so tired of pulling at skin that was merely attempting to heal, by any means necesary.

Candy lowered her head, her fingers intertwining and weaving together as she started.

"You know... A lot of people think I'm not that smart. And sometimes... sometimes I get that. I didn't finish school because I wasn't really good or whatever. But I'm really good at knowing people? I'm a really good listener. I think I even hear the stuff people don't say. Like, Luci says his favourite dessert's apple pie because of the iron, but I know he likes ice cream with Bailey's. And he's a boy, so of course he says he doesn't like flowers, but he has a favourite. Also, I know his brother slept with his best friend - super awks."

That was where the shift began. She knew the woman had one foot out the door. Not immediately, but her voice shifted into something lower - her voice.

"I know he hasn't seen snow since he was a little kid back home. I know it's been so long since he's seen all his siblings that he thinks he's forgetting them. I know why he left Los Angeles."

There she was. She didn't even move. In one moment, Candy was batting doe eyes, and the next... There's that metaphor, about the eyes being the windows of the soul. Inside, she felt stuffy. Sheets draped over the furniture. She felt so empty, though her sleek edges are cushioned by a layer of dust.

Suddenly it was getting harder to hold it all together, talks of rings and…love and…somehow, it was all fitting together. There was a time not so long ago where Kate believed that love was a lie, that it was an illusion that people had, some way of coping with the idea of being alone in the universe. Love was two people clinging together, terrified of the loneliness, so they invented, they pretended. Pretended that there was something more than random chaos and carnage holding this place together. People spoke of plans, of destiny, that there was one person out there, one person that you were destined to be with and Kate…wall, this blew it out of the water didn’t it. The whole thing was a fucking shambles.

“Yes, very beautiful.” Damnit, Kate tried to be polite, but…she wasn’t sure how the comment came across. She thought of the desert under the moon, of the moments she thought that had actually meant something and here they were, not really meaning anything. There was a cavity in her chest, an ache, this was beyond anger, it was something utterly else. It was acceptance, of the idea she’d been fighting ever since the felt something for him, that people were meant to be alone. You only ever had yourself. You only ever had you. That was the thing about life, as soon as you thought you had a win, it was all going to be stripped out from under you. The second you thought you were doing well. Just gone. No fights, no crumbling to pieces, no warning signs. Just. Gone.

Picking up a few random objects, her cardigan off the back of a chair, she shrugged her shoulders, “of course.” The words were soft, the icy edge to her voice melting away as she realised if she spent any longer in here she wasn’t going to be able to fight the rising urge to smack Lucifer across the face. “True love.” Kate desperately tried not to scoff at the idea. “I’m sure that’s all that’s going on, after all, it is Lucifer. I’m sure it’s as simple as that.” It never was with him. It was never simple.

“You’re not going to get your fairytale with him.” It was an honest statement, there was no fairy tale with Lucifer. He was a complex, troubled, broken person. It was hard to deal with sometimes, so hard. “You know, I’ve come to the conclusion…that no one is ever quite what they seem.” She lifted her head, watched the doe eyed blonde carefully. “But they always get found out in the end.” 

She could pity a blade, as long as it wasn't turned on her. That was why she admired Lucifer, and his apartment. Sleek, with sharp edges. The woman before her was much the same. What point was there in getting angry at steel for being icy. She'd been left out in the cold - she had every reason to be icy. For all she knew, the woman was trying not to be rude. She had to remember that Lucifer had torn himself free of his life like a scab. She knew that she had become salt; Lucifer was the rub. They were pain of the worst kind - the devil and the trickster. She had no choice but to forgive the woman for mere passive aggressiveness.

But.

Jesus Christ, what if she really was talking to a bimbo who thought the world was made of, well, candy? What if she really believed that she had married someone who loved her? Candy as ignorant as a child - it felt as though she was watching someone tell a girl that Santa wasn't real. She felt as though she had to step in, pull Candy back and assure her. He loves you, he does. Maybe, she considered, she was taking it a little too personally. What it would've meant if Lucifer was playing her...

No. He wasn't. Not after what happened in Vegas.

All along though, Candy merely pouted, tilting her head like a curious little puppy. System down - please reboot. Love was an absolute in Candy's life. If Lucifer didn't love her, she loved him. She didn't love him, but she certainly cared for him. She did want what was best for him. That meant helping him throw his family and friends off the scent... and unfortunately, she couldn't be sure if Kate could be trusted.