Bazinga!

𝔗𝔢𝔞𝔯𝔰 𝔬𝔣 𝔣𝔢𝔞𝔯 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔰𝔢𝔢𝔡𝔰 𝔬𝔣 𝔡𝔬𝔲𝔟𝔱 𝔚𝔢 𝔠𝔞𝔫𝔫𝔬𝔱 𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔠𝔥 𝔟𝔢𝔶𝔬𝔫𝔡 𝔗𝔬 𝔱𝔬𝔲𝔠𝔥 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔣𝔞𝔠𝔢 𝔬𝔣 𝔣𝔞𝔩𝔩𝔢𝔫 𝔬𝔫𝔢𝔰 𝔇𝔦𝔰𝔠𝔢𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔫𝔢𝔢𝔡𝔰 𝔣𝔯𝔬𝔪 𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔦𝔯 𝔴𝔞𝔫𝔱𝔰 Me? Posting a #converge album? Yup. The band that i have shoved aside for such a long time made it’s way to my heart. This is just a special record that get constant rotation. The synergy with #chelseawolfe is so spot on. The theatrical vibe of the songs, the whole theme of the record. This is pretty close to perfection for me https://www.instagram.com/p/CfqVbSyM7fj/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Father, grant me my three nails And nothing will change I fade https://www.instagram.com/p/Cfnx6SbM-FJ/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Ieperfest 2022. You were great and i’m so thankful that i was able to be there. Musically it was a very diverse lineup and i saw a couple of bands that i knew, but also a lot of discoveries. My top 5 for the weekend. 1. @frontiererband 2. @wiegedood_official 3. @vein.fm 4. @knockedloosehc 5. @drain831 Live music is something that goes way beyond your ears, it’s a full body experience. So thank you to all those bands, crews, volunteers. Mentally it was a hard one. But in the end i’m still thankful. I had to battle a lot of demons in my head, but for most of the time I kept them at bay. Ever so often anxiety took over, and i had to work it out alone (not all the time) and at those moments the loneliness was the true devil. I felt miserable and alone. And that’s a new feeling for a loner, an introvert. I missed having someone there the whole time with me that could reason with me or just take my mind of things. It hurt, being with myself and just myself. But i managed, because there was music and ofcourse the food by @ieper.hardcore.food . I also took some steps in the healing process and the learning how to become a better human. I gave people space they deserved, I checked with myself if my communication would be honest and/or necessary. I analysed myself and situations. So other than having anxiety and feeling lonely i can be proud if what I have done this weekend. It wasn’t perfect but i am proud that i can learn and adept to new situations without putting myself first. I am thankful for myself and the people that i saw this weekend. At the same time my heart is a desolate landscape of chaos, but also really full. That was it. Thank you if you made it to the end. (at Ieperfest) https://www.instagram.com/p/CflMYZZsiDe/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

A part of me is always with you (at Ieperfest) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cfiy1MWMKdv/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

It’s weird being social again. It’s weird being around people again. It’s weird battling anxiety in public. But fuck , music and kind people. I love it. Just wish my brain would take it easier sometimes. Especially in public (at Ieperfest) https://www.instagram.com/p/CfhP153sFo-/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Adjusting is hard. You know. Some days it feels like brain is ok with everything and everything is awesome and will be ok. And than there’s moment like right now where i just get incredibly sad. I guess that’s the normal process of a human brain, but sometimes it makes me crazy that we can’t control it the way we want. Why do we feel lonely, feel hurt, miss someone. Why are we happy, hopefull. Why does our mind have it’s own ways beyond our control? (at Gent, Belgium) https://www.instagram.com/p/CfcQ1VLsPq_/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Like staring at a flickering light: You don’t know when it’ll burn out Or how much time you have left to let it light up your life Because when you’re at your darkest It’s all you have to survive https://www.instagram.com/p/Cfa4wL3MY-M/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Imagine if we lived Under the weather We would never be found Never discovered If everything goes wrong If it's one more endless night You know there always tomorrow And tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow... https://www.instagram.com/p/CfYlSXVMUU-/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Life ain’t all that bad (at Gent, Belgium) https://www.instagram.com/p/CfXI06Ssh8I/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

From ruins you'll rise Absent in Body - Plague God @relapserecords /50 “bodybag” edition. (at Gent, Belgium) https://www.instagram.com/p/CfVs-l0MBim/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Yeah you're down on your luck, you're down But that don't mean you're out No it don't mean you're out, now (at Trix) https://www.instagram.com/p/CfTyceGMOlK/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

In a dark tunnel And new dawn approaching With a sphere of light Ever glowing And then the world will know Will know of you Of all things love Of all things true https://www.instagram.com/p/CfMGm5-MvJ5/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

It’s been rough. But here’s for another mental reset. (at Wenduine, West-Vlaanderen, Belgium) https://www.instagram.com/p/CfHvvGasmmb/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Thank you little angel https://www.instagram.com/p/Ce4BFqhsvd-/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Trigger warning ⚠️ : suicide, death, depression, anxiety. Almost exactly a year ago i was standing at these same railroad tracks wanting to end my life. My mind came to that conclusion. I had nothing to live for. After that moment a lot changed. I had friends that helped me, i looked for professional help and admitted myself for 6 months in a mental hospital. Slowly i could hold my head above water again. Now, a year later i’m back at these railroad tracks. The exact same position. Over the last week i relapsed hard. Depression took over and actively thinking about death was back on the menu. But also over the last week i looked for help, i damaged to much. I damaged myself but mostly i created almost un-repairable damage to the same people that helped me a year ago. Those i love and those that love me. When i stayed at my best friend’s house this weekend we had a talk and he said “from what i hear you still have a will to live”. And that has been on my mind since then. I’m staying at my ex-wive’s house now , in the guestroom, reconnecting with my son and getting hugs from my dog. This, and a lot of talks with people that genuinely love me made me think. I do not want to actively seek death anymore. I want to live. My broken head may tell me otherwise but my conscious brain wants to keep me alive. So from now on, that will be the first thing that i will tell myself when i wake up. I want to live. It’s not gonna be easy, but you can’t feel ok all the time. But feeling not ok does not mean i should resort to death. I have a son I have a lot of friends that share love I have a person that deserves me at my best and most honest. I will continue my journey of getting help, and i will probably have a few months of extensive therapy ahead of me. But today returning to this place made a switch in my head. I will no longer hurt the ones i love by wanting to hurt myself. I deserve to be alive. (at Landen) https://www.instagram.com/p/Ce1kOZls5o-/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Et la mer avait embrassé moi Et la délivré moi de ma caille À rien ne peut m'arrêter maintenant https://www.instagram.com/p/Cey2jlkMX-x/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=