Emo? it's debatable

EEEE I LOVE IT SM I LOVE BIGBY WOLF SO SO SO MUCH (releasing my fanon lore at some point if anyone's intersted :> )

The way detective Brannigan (from ep 2) was meant to have such a bigger role... the plot holes it would've covered!! The audio and clips from his extended interrogation were so good and fleshed out and I yearn for the reality where she had more screen time and played a deeper role in the games. (She was also literally on the original thumbnail for episode 3 like telltale had BIG plans for her)

Also that the opening scene of the game after Woodsman gets taken out the window was meant to be so much longer ?!?!? We would've had so much more time with Faith, a run-in with Mundie cops.

NERISSA HAD A MERMAID TALE SKIN IN THE GAME FILES.

I think despite his shortcomings and instincts he's doing a real good job too. He's got more empathy and care than some of the 'human' fables in game, and he's still treated like shit. He deserves the clean slate that they were all promised when they moved to fabletown and he never gets it. (Obviously I understand some of the hostile behavior from the other fables if you play an aggressive Bigby and Kill a tweedle, rip off Gren's arm, beat up a tweedle / woodsman at interoggation etc etc, but they treat him almost identically if you play a pacifist Bigby route)

(Im so exhausted I think for all but maybe..... 3 people I'm going MIA for a while. But trust those 3 people are 100% worth the time and attention and I'm so grateful to have them in my life - everyone else, I really tried. I'm so drained, and angry, and exhausted, and tired of reaching out first. I worked real hard not to self isolate, to prioritize and maintain my interpersonal relarionships, but my mental health has reached an all time low. If you need me for whatever reason, call me. Otherwise I haven't the foggiest as to how long it'll take me to get back to you.)

Every year, like clockwork, when the school year starts, I get hit with a wave of debilitating sadness. I become this puddle of despair that functions at the bare minimum required to get through each day. I was hoping, by some miracle, that it might not have happened this year, but to my complete and utter dismay, I was wrong. Honestly, it’s been building for a few weeks, and I’ve just finally let it take over. I don’t like being in the state that I’m in, and I just about never seem to manage to get out of it. I can mask it away for extended periods when I’m around friends or new people, but it’s incredibly draining, and the moment I’m alone, all I can do is sleep or cry. I want to apologize to my friends that I can’t muster the fake energy to. They don’t deserve to be accompanied by someone who’ll drag them down. My workaround to this has always been self-isolating, but I can acknowledge that’s still not a good habit to cling to. 

I once talked about how there are two wolves inside of me, the one that pushes people away, and the one that yearns for connection. I feel now more so than ever that I ought to let that first wolf win. I think I will. Not because I no longer crave human connection, or the desire to be desired, or the want to be wanted. I still do want those things. I just don’t have the space to feel vulnerable right now. I know this rant is a bit scattered, and to anyone reading this, I’m sorry for that. If I know you in my life, I’m sorry that I can’t be whatever version of me you grew to initially like, and I don’t know when she’ll be back. I think hopefully by next summer she might be, or if I find something else to look forward to in my life, there could be a brief, positive shift in my demeanor. On the whole, though, I think this is where I’m at. 

In think there's two wolves inside of me. One has this deep urge to self isolate. I know changes are coming and the sooner I can push people out of my life the easier it'll be when it's actually time to no longer see them. I don't like this wolf, but I've had him for years. I think he thinks he's doing what's best for me. The second things go wrong he's ready to go. He's destructive, but hes familiar, and I can always fall back on him.

But then there's this other wolf, who's been quiet and pushed down for years. She wants to be wanted. She's touch starved and yearns. She's trying so hard to good, in part to herself, but maybe in a stronger part to prove that she's worth being around to the people in her life she admires or holds in any sort of positive regard.

Usually, the first wolf wins, But lately they've been fighting. I consistently feel myself ready to throw myself away from the very few people that I'm close to. Theyre kind to me, I know if I lay beside them and left my life in their hands I'd be ok. And part of that is terrifying to me. Im so prepared for this kindness or love that they offered me to ripped away the second I fully allow myself to embrace it.