art

i'll be fine but god i'm having a hard time right now!!! i'm failing school because i'm not consistently taking care of myself. like, there are reasons why it's been hard to find the motivation or the will to do good for my health. reasons, mind you, not excuses. i was in a car accident in february and that same day it was revealed to me that my brother would be going to rehab for a month for his newfound drug addiction. hard, chemical drugs. what? he's 16. i don't cry. i don't talk about this. i've been in denial about how hard these last few months have been. i stopped being in denial and i stopped saying i'm fine because i failed 2 classes just before the end of the semester because my attendance has been so minimal. yeah, it's embarrassing. today i'll find out if the rest of my classes will let me continue to attend and hopefully pass. i highly, highly doubt it though at this point. broke my own heart. feel like shit. i'm not using any bad coping skills but i'm not using any good coping skills either. i'm just sleeping, working, and using the internet to pass the time. no drugs, no alcohol, but no therapy or effort to change things. i guess. trying to change things today. it will be ok.