…heh listen to me

Laying here talking to empty space like you’re still gonna answer back

you never said much, did you?

…

funny thing is I liked that

you were the only one who didn’t look at me like I was nothing

everyone else looked me down Just a joke

you saw… something else

potential

…heh yeah you made sure I felt it too

pushed pulled tore me apart piece by piece just to see what I’d become when I put myself back together

and I did

for you

because every time you looked at me it felt like I wasn’t just… a mistake

I was something worth it

something worth more

…

so yeah, I hated you for it

for being so damn hard on me that I started hearing your voice even when you weren’t there

…

But…

I loved you for it too

isn’t that messed up?

…

you were the only one who didn’t lower the bar for me

the only one who believed I could actually reach it

and I did didn’t I ?

look at me now

…go on

look

…

hah

yeah that’s the problem

you can’t

you’re gone

just… gone

no one telling me to be better

and I

…I don’t know if I hate that more…

or if I’m relieved

because if you were here

would you still believe in me?

or would you finally look at me the way everyone else does?

…

maybe it’s better like this

maybe you staying gone means I get to keep that version of you

the one who saw something worth it on me

the one I could be proud of standing in front of

…

because I was proud

even when it hurt

even when I wanted to quit

…

…god

listen to me

pathetic

still chasing approval from someone who isn’t even here to give it

still trying to be what you saw in me

still

…

still missing you

…

I hate you

I hate what you made me into

I hate that I can’t stop trying to live up to it

I hate that even now

I’d do it all again

…

just to hear you say it once

just once

that I did good

…

…

…

…I miss you

* it seems this is the end of it

* the rest are hard to understand

*…

* you saw a sketch of a mysterious man next page

* there’s something written small under the corner…

main notice: the second person i was working with left long ago. their part of the notes will be marked like this

- - -

i actually had a hard time perceiving Hash as a "fusion that could fall apart if something happens". i will think of him as a fusion-like character(?) with his own behavior and without such risks while still retaining traits similar to Fatal_Error and Ink

behavioral traits

> directness and persistence will be evident if Hash has someone to talk to. this condition was emphasized because he is naturally taciturn, willful, and almost never initiates any dialogues. instead, Hash often acts as a distant observer, as he spends most of his time absorbed in himself and his own interests. any social interaction quickly exhausts him, especially if he has difficulty understanding his interlocutor.

in the actual dialogue, Hash will say whatever comes to mind, but without any intention of offending anyone. i suspect his speech will be similar to FE, but it won't be as confusing as Fatal's is.

> Hash will fall into manic phases if he develops an overly strong interest in something; in something that, in his opinion, requires immediate execution. during such periods, Hash will be ready to do anything just to implement his idea that he obsessed with.

however, if his interest is interrupted by something else — whether it's someone's intervention/more attention-holding matter/overload* — Hash will cool off just as quickly as that interest appeared, and thing he actively worked on will be left unfinished.

* > when persistently performing a single task (or a lot at the almost same time), Hash will feel overloaded and then "crash" — the memory of his activity will subsequently be lost (like art programs without restoring function).

it's also possible for him to crash during a conversation.

other

> Hash uses the threads from his mouth both with a regular needle (which he creates like FE does), and with the one behind his back.

the "canvas" on which Hash creates is usually a piece of cloth in a hoop. he uses a large needle as his primary weapon, since using it for its original purpose would be a bit... difficult. only when stitching together large chunks of data.. i guess..? i haven't come up with this exact part yet

> the creation of things and their personal vision are similar to how hashing works. as mentioned above, his primary canvas is a chunk of cloth — there Hash embroiders lines in a clear sequence which creates a specific value (that is, he sees a flower, but the image on the canvas will appear "encrypted" to others due to lines being placed in a chaotic order).

notes are made in the same way — random patterns of threads on a scarf for others, and a clear note for Hash.

however, he can still embroider regular things without having to "encrypt" them if he wants.

> i've put the lasso tool in his design as a way to preserve FE's ability to copy/paste/remove on touch while thinking about Hash as an "obscure walking graphic editor". with it, these capabilities are a bit expanded, allowing Hash to "fill" on a distance selected area with a value (most likely, previously copied), drag it, or cut it off.

> the spools of thread act differently while being its own version of Ink's vials. they are used to maintain Hash's specific mood — that is, they act as a kind of state stabilizer.

without the spools, severe instability can occur, requiring immediate resolution. otherwise, Hash will burn out and become completely emotionless.

> the color of the scar, eyes, and threads depend entirely on the specific mood and state of Hash. while the eyes display two distinct colors corresponding to the mood, the threads will blend these same colors.

> venturing through aus is accomplished through cuts in space made with a large needle (it really is that sharp).

i'm still considering the visibility of those cuts (though why wouldn't they be visible?), but i guess they won't be if the entrance is sealed with a stitch.

the space itself, in which cuts are located and Hash resides, is similar to Fatal's void and Ink's doodle sphere.

- - -

the above notes may sound incorrect or contain some inaccuracies. and overall, there are still quite a few things i'd like to add or that i might have already missed.

i'm glad i've managed to tell something about Hash here despite this weird modesty in sharing information about characters i create.. :D

i love my son a lot

- - -

Fatal_Error belongs to Xedramon