Simply no one

For as long as Natasha knew you, you had a grey sweater that had slowly become hers. She first felt it around her shoulders the night you and Clint called off the mission of killing her to rescue her instead; your warmth and scent enveloping her in the most comforting hug she had ever experienced. In the freezing hotel room during the winter of Budapest, Natasha thought you giving up your own sweater for her was the kindest thing anyone could do, the first nice thing anyone ever did for her. 

You were freezing too, as she watched your body shivering sleeping right beside her. But you were still proudly claiming that your suit had inbuilt heaters to keep you warm, one of the many good things about working for SHIELD, you would say. It was your smile, and the already familiar scent of the sweater around her, that slowly lulled Natasha to sleep that night. 

Later on, Clint had grumbled to her that he knew you designed your own suits, and he definitely knew that there was no heating technology whatsoever in them. 

–

The sweater burned on her back as she watched you in flames just days later. You were pinned under a huge slab of concrete, after the escape plan of luring, and subsequently bombing, Dreykov’s offices took a turn. You had gotten injured fighting off a Widow protecting Dreykov, and while your spider-senses still worked to push Natasha far away from the blast, it wasn’t enough to pull yourself away safely in time. 

You struggled under the weight, crying out in pain as flames engulfed you and began burning through your skin. The air was thick and heavy, and Natasha found herself already covering her mouth to bite back through the choking sensation and the tears springing to her eyes. 

She couldn’t do it any longer. It physically hurt to watch you die, and she was never trained to have feelings. Efficiency, ruthlessness, these were ingrained in her from young. Watching people die should become second nature to her. So when Natasha turned around, and began running in the opposite direction to safety, she drowned out your cries with the sweater pulled over her fists to muffle her ears. 

But not even a few seconds later, where she was on the edge of the building and ready to jump, it was as if her own legs betrayed her, her head turning back one last time to look. And there you still were, face red, arms growing tired, and the flames quickly enveloping you away from her. The weight of the sweater burdened her even further. 

Natasha didn’t know which part of humanity left in her persuaded her to run back, and help to lift the slab of concrete off of you. You were choking and wheezing, but managed to squeeze through under the crack that she had managed to lift off of. Natasha’s guilt intensified when you smiled at her, muttering a quick thanks before finding a nearby building to zip the both of you to. 

She knew you knew she almost left without you, but when you were questioned on her loyalty later on in SHIELD, you stood firmly by her side. In your recounting of events, she had never tried betraying you and had the first instinct to save you, instead. 

–

“Why’d you do it?” 

“Do what?”

You were walking her to her newly assigned room, the first night of her new life. It was right beside yours, upon your request, and you were telling her something about connected rooms when she interrupted you. 

“Lie for me, back there. I know you know I tried to leave you there.” Her fingers fidgeted nervously against your sweater she still had on. 

You shrugged, unlocking the door and letting her inside. “If I hadn’t, you wouldn’t be here. Fury trusts me, and…I trust you.”

The room was spacious, almost too spacious. Almost the size of her entire apartment in Budapest, it strangely felt empty, and cold. Almost sterile. But then you laughed at her stiffness and reluctance, and showed her the door right next to her bathroom; it was a connecting door to your room. 

“See? Connected, like I told you. My side of the door will always be open for you, please come in if you ever need anything. I’ll be here.”

She peeked into your own room, and the warmth and safety of it mirrored the sweater she was donning on at that moment. 

–

Natasha mostly kept to herself in the first week of being at SHIELD, and while you gave her space to figure out the start of everything new in her life, you knew that she was, after all, scared and alone. 

You saved her a seat at breakfast every morning, but Natasha only showed on the first day. The other agents were giving her questionable looks, dirty stares, and the pressure of it all was breathing down her neck. Your kindness shone through, but it felt like it wasn’t enough. 

You would use the gym in the morning, and while you spotted Natasha there on her second day, you also watched as she left abruptly after the other agents began using the space in the later part of the morning. From then on, you instructed them to come just a little bit later, so she would have more time to herself in the gym. She never minded you around, however. 

And when there was a cocktail party being held at the bar nearby, you considered inviting Natasha. But then an old injury of yours flared just hours before the party, and you had resigned to just staying in your room for the night. The other agents had made fun of you, you remembered, as the hushed whispers and muffled laughs became more prominent through the week. 

“Got you wrapped right around her finger, huh?” One of your friends had said, to which you rolled your eyes too. “Who would’ve known, you of all people, with the KGB agent.”

“She’s not KGB anymore,” you corrected, before sending a middle finger their way as they departed for the party. 

–

When the faint chatter from the television became a low hum of a background noise for you, however, you found your eyelids drooping and sleep beginning to take you away. It was nearly midnight, and you presumed Natasha must have gone out on her own as well. You were probably alone in that whole tower.

Still, you heard it. And if you didn’t hear it, your spider senses definitely picked up on it, as another presence was felt in the room. You jolted out of bed at the proximity, and when your eyes opened blearily, there Natasha was; standing over your bed and watching you sleep. 

If it wasn’t so creepy and surprising, you would have treated her with more kindness than a, “Why are you watching me sleep?!”

Natasha looked solemn, as if in deep thought. Your senses were tingling, but no danger was detected, and you slowly lowered the sheets as you sat up to face her. “Natasha? Is everything alright?”

You hadn’t expected her to bring a familiar piece of clothing out from behind her, presenting it to you. Your grey sweater that you had lent her the night you met. 

“What detergent do you use to wash this?” Then, in a quieter, smaller voice, she continued, “I like the smell.”

Natasha quietly followed as you led her to the laundry room, then watched even more intently as you washed the next load of your laundry next to hers, the detergent now a shared commodity between the both of you. You watched her with tenderness as she pored over the machines churning while the both of you waited for your laundry together. 

Though your sweater never really smelled the same, Natasha enjoyed the frequent appointments to do laundry together after that night. 

– 

In your first mission together, Natasha entered into a disagreement with one of the other agents on how things were supposed to be run. The team was ganged up on her, but when you stepped in as mission leader in her favour, the choice was quickly overruled to Natasha’s decision instead.

Later on, Natasha caught wind of one of the agents whispering under her breath, accusing her of trying to seduce you, and when the words of dirty KGB slipped loose from their lips, she quickly stormed out of the common area, the slam of the door an indication to the others that their target recipient had been reached. 

Then, at night, as they walked past her sleeping quarters, one of them saw her wearing your sweater to sleep again, and the laughter that reverberated through the walls haunted her in her sleep. Tears pricked at her eyes as she cried angrily to sleep, the sobs wracking her body as she tried to cry as quietly as she could. She hates herself for being the way she is, hates that she is associated with the KGB still, hates herself for even finding comfort in your damn sweater, the one thing she thought would never be so rudely highlighted to her. 

The next morning, you found the grey sweater stuffed with your belongings. Thrown haphazardly over your own clothes, you already knew who owned it, and was surprised that it was being returned to you. When you caught wind of what happened, however, you chased Natasha down immediately.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of,” you pushed the article of clothing back to her, insisting she hold on to it, “You should keep it.”

“They’re already accusing me of things I would never do to you.” Natasha’s eyes averted your gaze, afraid her voice would waver if she looked at you. 

A hint of a frown appeared on your lips, before you reverted back to the smile, the special smile reserved just for her, and stuffed the sweater back into her arms. “I want you to keep it. I will have a talk with the other agents. You should never be embarrassed about things that make you happy, Nat.”

It was the first time anyone had ever given her a loving nickname.

–

After the incident, Natasha quickly realises that the other agents seemed afraid of her. They no longer talk in hushed whispers about her, no longer tried to steal her spots at breakfast or use her equipment in the gym, no longer tried to sabotage her missions. It was a strange feeling to suddenly be left alone. 

“She got mad at them,” Clint told her one day, when she found another agent yet again scurrying away from an equipment she was intending to use, “They’re scared of her, so now they’re scared of you too.”

Natasha also realises that she has never seen you angry. “What’s she like? When she’s mad?”

Clint scoffed, before shaking his head. “The scariest thing I have ever seen. And I’ve known her for years.”

–

The sweater burned on her back again, this time with her skin on fire, as Natasha watched the team of agents gathering below her. It was after a mission, and while she opted to go ahead and freshen up first, the group began interrogating you on the dependent relationship the both of you have had from the start. 

When someone finally asked the question of whether you had feelings for her, Natasha watched your body freeze for a minute, before relaxing and nodding your head, sheepishly saying yes. 

She didn’t know why, but she suddenly found herself gripping the ends of the railings with a death grip, anger coursing through her veins at your declaration of having a crush on her. 

–

“You should get married.”

Natasha was sitting in Fury’s office then, at her wit’s end on how exactly the KGB kept finding her. It was like she could never truly escape, and the team was running out of ideas on how to keep her hidden safely. 

She gave him an incredulous look, before he held up a hand to let him finish. “Get yourself a green card, become an American citizen. That, combined with your SHIELD involvement, will mean that they can never touch you. Ever again.”

“Who would even want to marry me?” She bitterly laughed, but Fury’s expression never changed. 

“I can think of someone.”

“No. She wouldn’t be as stupid as that. She wouldn’t say yes.” Suddenly, she was very afraid of your answer. Would you say yes? Would you actually agree to marry her? Surely you held yourself in higher regard than that. Surely you knew you deserve better. 

But when Fury brought you in later, and popped the question nonchalantly, you thought about it for a moment, before merely shrugging, and saying, “Sure.”

Natasha found it shocking that you spared no second thoughts, no reservations, no doubts about what marrying her would mean, when you were always so calculated and pragmatic in missions. 

–

You insisted on bringing her dress shopping, a week before your set wedding date. Natasha never dreamt of ever getting the wonderful opportunity to get married. 

So as she stared at the piles and piles of wedding dresses the shop assistant had prompted her to try on, while you waited patiently outside, she found herself almost tearing up. It was all too real, and all too much like a dream too. She couldn’t have even fathomed of a life outside the Red Room just a year ago, and now here she was picking a wedding dress and getting married to perhaps the most wonderful person she knew. 

Rain began to pour when the both of you stepped out of the bridal shop, and Natasha noticed the way you would let her walk on the sidewalks to prevent nearby cars from soaking her as they drove past, noticed the way you tilted the umbrella ever so slightly to shield more of her body from the rain, noticed your arms around her shoulder to keep her close to you. 

You were shivering again, after the both of you found shelter later on. But when Natasha offered to take off the grey sweater she had on to warm up your drenched body, you flat-out refused. 

“You’re going to die from hypothermia,” she bluntly stated, already irritated at your refusal to let her take care of you for once. 

“Nonsense,” you grinned through chattering teeth, “I’ll be fine. Plus, that sweater has always looked better on you than it did on me.”

Natasha’s cheeks reddened at the compliment, and her hands shook slightly as she brought her body closer to yours, hoping some of her body heat could transfer onto you, too. 

–

Natasha remembered her vow as short, and as impersonal as it got, coming from the Internet, but you were still smiling at her like she put the stars in the sky throughout her speech. She knew she didn’t deserve you. 

Your vow highlighted everything you loved about her as a person, and although it was short and sweet, Natasha found herself biting her lip as hard as she could throughout, trying not to make eye contact with you in fear of what would happen to the tears welling up behind her eyes. 

For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part. The both of you said ‘I do’s. 

You leaned in to kiss her first, and while Natasha was afraid of what it would feel like to have your lips on hers, you had only pressed them together briefly, respecting her fear and space of having a wedding out of necessity. However, she swore in that brief, fleeting moment, her heart thrummed louder than she thought it was possible in her chest, and sparks flew, somewhere in the back of her mind that she kept safe, the space she reserved for her growing feelings for you. 

After the wedding, Natasha found herself even angrier at the confirmation that she was not only attracted to you, but also falling in love with you. 

–

In the grand, palatial space of the hotel room the two of you shared later on that night, however, it was not the lust-filled, sensual moans that filled the air of the room. Instead, the creaking of the bed and the moans were filled with your agony and Natasha’s anger, as her hands wrapped tightly around your neck, fingers almost blue with how hard she was holding you. 

The breath had been knocked out of your lungs much earlier, and your face was already turning purple as Natasha spat out threats above you. 

“I will never, ever, fall for someone as stupid, and kind, as you. I will never reciprocate your feelings. I will never want to be your wife in any other circumstances. You are to treat me like a colleague, you are not going to treat me any differently than the other agents, and you are not to ever show your feelings for me, ever! Do you understand?” 

You could only see the outline of your sweater draped over the back of the armchair, the life almost leaving your body if Natasha held on a second longer. 

The woman was on the brink of killing you, but all you could zero in on was that damn sweater. It really never leaves her shoulders. 

In the silence of Natasha’s threats, she saw you smile at her, nodding your compliance. 

–

You needed to keep your distance, you knew. You had been perfectly compliant to Natasha’s demands; treating her just as you would your friends, declaring as loud as she did that the marriage was fake and you were both very much not together, even to the extent of agreeing for her to switch her room with Steve’s at the far end of the halls. You tried your best to swallow your pain and frustrations, and as far as Natasha knew, the facade you kept had made it easier for her to ignore her feelings for you too. 

Still, she knew you looked out for her. She felt completely safe in missions together with you, and there was no one else in the team she would trust so wholeheartedly with her life. You made sure she had a voice in SHIELD, made sure she was never outcast or swept aside from any team the both of you shared. Everything, as far as appearances mattered, was fine between the two of you. 

Everything until the battle of New York. 

–

In the Quinjet home, you had already noticed her frustrations. Everyone was exhausted, battered and bruised from perhaps the biggest mission you had ever undertaken in your life, but still you noticed the way Natasha was tapping her foot repeatedly by her seat, fingernails pressing deep into her palm as she tried steadying herself. 

When she briskly brushed past the group to head straight to her room first, Tony had shrugged her off with a wonder what’s up with her? Clint gave you a knowing look, but you assured the group with an instruction to just give her space. When it came to Natasha, you were her best interpreter. 

However, when she failed to show up for dinner even for the following night, your concern had begun to spread from her just being battle-weary to something more. The team watched you pick at your food for all of fifteen minutes, before leaving abruptly to find her. 

“Natasha, is everything alright?” You knew she was behind her door the second your senses tingled of her presence. 

A few beats of silence went by, before she mumbled, “I don’t want to go for dinner.”

You leaned your forehead against the door. “That’s alright. I brought some granola bars from the pantry if you’re hungry.”

Natasha failed to reply this time. You prompted, “Natasha, can I come in?”

“They’ll hate me.”

“They?”

“The team,” her voice sounded muffled now, as if buried between her arms, “They’ll think I’m avoiding them.”

“They don’t, I can assure you that much.” 

“They don’t know me like you do.” You bit the corner of your mouth at the slight affection in her voice, reminding yourself to suppress your feelings to always protect hers. 

Then, she whispered, “The door’s unlocked.”

You found her on the floor upon your entry. She was sitting with her back to the foot of her bed, tear tracks running down her cheek. Your sweater was engulfing her entire frame, and her wet hair framed the red eyes that were glued onto the television, playing a Disney movie on mute. 

Natasha tore her eyes from the screen to look at you, and you gave her the warmest smile you could. That damn smile. She looked away again. 

You sat next to her, shoulders pressing against hers. Natasha wondered how you weren’t disgusted with her, and all of her past that she had shown through your first major battle together. You had watched her kill, interrogate, and torture, in order to get what she needed, and you were still looking at her like she put the stars in the sky. 

“You know, Clint tripped over one of his own arrows at target practice today,” you began, as Natasha reached out for the granola bar you offered, “Fell flat on his face right in front of me and Maria. It was hilarious, an archer with the agility of an elephant.”

The hint of a smile on Natasha’s face was all it took for you to continue, triumphant with your efforts to help get her mind off things. “And Maria laughed so hard that snot came out of her nose. God, it was so embarrassing, she tried to cover her face with my mask when word got around. I lent it to her, of course, with the warning that if she ever tried laughing in it she would have to make me a new one from scratch if snot even got on it.”

Her smile grew wider. Her own shoulders finally relaxing, Natasha fell into her new habit of laying her head on your shoulder, arms slung around yours. You patted the hand that was shaking above yours. 

You knew you were her safe space. Natasha loved the safety and patience no one else was ever willing to give her. And so when your heartbeats synced and Natasha felt the words at the tip of her tongue, she had to ask, “Do you think I’m a monster?”

“A granola monster, maybe.” It wasn’t the answer she wanted to hear, as a sharp jab was aimed at your side. You pointed out all the crumbs she was leaving on the floor as you clutched it later on. 

“I’m serious. You’ve seen my case file, you knew who I was before all this, you know of what I’ve done and now, what I can do–”

“–And yet, I still think you are the most honest, kind, and caring person I’ve ever known.” You finished her sentence, leaving Natasha stunned. She studied your face for any sign of a bluff. You stared at her right back. 

And suddenly, her arms were around your neck, her body on top of yours, as the woman pulled you into the tightest, bone-crushing hug you’ve ever had. Speechless, to say the least, you again swallowed the rapid beating in your chest to hug her back, knowing what she needed then. 

“You did well. The mission was a success, and you came home alive. That’s all that matters. You don’t need to be afraid of yourself, or what others would think about you, Natasha. You’re one of us now. And if anyone ever tries to make you feel otherwise, you know you’ll have me. I’m on your side, always.”

That night, Natasha fell in love with the feeling of your arms around her, and unsurprisingly, it replaced the comfort of only having your sweater on her back. 

–

Natasha told you about the Red Room in the months after. She was your best friend now, and you were everything to her. She told you about her family, about Yelena, about how she still felt like an intruder to the Avengers sometimes. You always told her she belonged right from the start. 

She told you about ballet, and when you asked if she could teach you, the tears that welled in her eyes hadn’t been one from her being touched. You knew immediately and shot down the idea. That night, she told you that it was one of the worst things about being in the Red Room. She fell asleep crying in your arms at the memories it triggered. 

She was an insomniac, and you quickly learned that she preferred your balcony’s views over hers. Not that the view was better, but the glow from your room surrounded her in the warmth you always handled her with. She told you it was because yours was quieter. She liked her quiet time, but she liked it better when you sat beside her in those times. You noticed she wanted you around almost everywhere now. 

You knew everyone else did too, and if you allowed yourself hope, you would listen to their endless teasing of how much Natasha had fallen for you, too. 

–

Natasha was waiting for you after your solo mission to Greece, where Clint had told her was too dangerous for anyone below your clearance to even attempt. She had argued with Fury on sending you out there alone, but he reasoned back that sending two people would raise too much suspicion. She couldn’t argue with the logic, and was stuck with just the agony of waiting for your return. 

She bolted back from training the moment she heard you were coming back, waiting by the Quinjet landing zone for your jet. She ignored the looks from the other agents at her enthusiasm, waiting for the other Avengers to join her too. 

Steve came shortly after, but she was already pacing around and wondering why you were almost an hour late. He gave her a knowing look, she pleaded with him to not mention anything. She couldn’t say it into words, but she was thankful he understood. 

“Romanoff, she’s already in the building. The jet got destroyed on her way home.” Fury came only half an hour later, sparing her of her anxiousness at your lateness. 

“D-Destroyed?”

Fury nodded. “She told me it was hard coming home, but she’s here now. Saw her clearance card tapped into our systems, must be in here somewhere.”

Natasha knew where you were. You hated the medical wing of the building, and there was only one place you would return to after exhausting missions. Steve hugged her shoulder reassuringly, and left her to find you alone.

–

Your senses were still overloaded and shocking you all over from the hypersensitivity and trauma from the mission, so when your door unlocked with Natasha’s clearance, your brain failed to register she wasn’t a threat, and a web was immediately shot to glue her hand to your door. 

She flinched, but when you turned and saw it was her, you knew she was as surprised as you were to see each other. You, because you weren’t expecting anyone to come find you so quickly after a mission, and her, because of the bandage rolls you were wrapping around yourself, and the cuts and bruises that littered your body. 

You were bare, and vulnerable, and exactly two breaths were exchanged in the time it took for Natasha to register her shock, and you to formulate your response. “To be fair, I thought I would have more time to look more…uninjured.”

The lithe muscles under the purple marks, the way your abs flexed as you turned to face her, the cut across your cheek that only highlighted your cheekbones even more to her. The beads of perspiration across your skin. Natasha’s face immediately grew red hot, and you were even more confused. 

“Y-You…”

“Natasha, it’s really not as bad as it looks,” you tried to smile, but the cut on your upper lip stung when you stretched it too far. 

She still stared at you. You suddenly felt tiny, unsure of yourself under her scrutiny. Has she never seen a naked body before? 

“I should–” You were cut off with her suddenly rushing forward, and instinctively, you reached your arms out to hold her. But Natasha fell into them naturally. It was her lips pressing against yours that you couldn’t prepare for. 

When Natasha kissed you, it wasn’t soft, or sweet, or gentle in the slightest. You were in the bedroom, and not the church, you knew, but when her teeth clashed against yours and you stumbled to fall back into the bed with how hard she chased your lips, you knew there was something else that she could never put into words. 

“Natasha–” You tried to reason, tried to ask if she was sure of what she was doing, but she simply shook her head, hand on your chest to silence you. 

“Do you want this?” She asked, biting the bottom of your lip. 

“I…”

“Do you want this?” She asked again. Her hands were travelling lower and lower, careful to avoid your biggest bruises. Your body reacted quicker than your brain could when she began to touch the wetness that had embarrassingly resulted from your kiss. 

“Yes.” 

“Me too,” she said, your sweater being thrown off her shoulders in the seconds after. Natasha cupped her hand over your mouth when you tried to ask her what she was doing, pinning you down on the bed and carving her name into your bones as you screamed it over and over throughout the night. 

–

Of course, the morning after, you caught her gathering her clothes at the edge of the room, and when she felt herself being watched, she had to turn around.

“This…last night…was meaningless,” she put on a brave front, though she didn’t know if she was convincing more of herself or you, “We’re still just…friends. Nothing more.”

You put on an even braver front, knowing the way she was. Your smile seemed to convince her, as you nodded briefly and told her you understood. 

Natasha noticed you didn’t say goodbye when she left, simply burying your head under the covers again. 

–

It became a routine; her coming to your room on late nights, and beyond the feeling of your arms around her, Natasha craved more and more. You were like an addiction, a vice she could never let go of. Celebrations, tragedies, the good, the bad, Natasha spent the night at your bed when anything happened, your cries of pleasure her dopamine for the night and her leaving your room the next morning your heartbreak for the day. 

It went on for months, and still, you couldn’t say anything. Natasha needed you, and who were you to deny her? 

You smiled at her each morning before she left, took care to conceal the hickeys she left on your skin, and always emphasised aftercare for her after your most intense sessions. In those moments, where the bath water had cooled and it was your hands rubbing the soft loofah all over her, her body fell back on yours, head on your shoulder again. She would look up occasionally to you, and the colour of your eyes would be all that was seared into her head for the rest of the night. 

You were so undeniably attractive, and kind, and perfect, and everything she didn’t deserve. She knew you would do anything for her, wait until the end of time until she was ready to tell you your feelings were reciprocated. It would be unfair to keep playing with your feelings, and entertaining hers, for so long. Natasha needed to put you out of your misery.

But no matter what, she could never fathom the idea of someone like her ever being together with someone like you. She was so hard to love, but you loved her like it was breathing. It was terribly unfair. 

She remembers so many times she has hurt your feelings from her own cowardice; but one particular event stood out. 

It had been Maria’s birthday party, where a deeply intoxicated Tony had spotted the two of you huddled in the far end of the lounge sofa, quietly in your own world of conversation. 

He had no one left to disturb, and upon intrusion into your personal space and drawing the eyes of everyone around, he had brazenly asked if the two of you planned on ever getting together, or if you were just going to force everyone to tolerate the sexual and romantic tension between the both of you for the rest of your lives. 

You had immediately looked away, of course, cheeks reddened and the grip on your drink tightening. Hoping to ignore Tony and praying that he would just go away quietly after his teasing, you didn’t expect Natasha to scoff instead. 

“Don’t be ridiculous. That’s disgusting.” 

She was drunk too, evident from her slurring and constant invitations for the both of you to carry on the party in your bed instead, but the finality and pure disgust in her voice had you second-guessing your own senses. 

A roar of disapproval rampaged through the crowd, and upon their laughter and jeers, Natasha snuck a quick glance to see if your beautiful smile was stretched into a chuckle too. But your eyes were still averted, and only a hint of a sad smile appeared on your face. 

She didn’t know why her heart sank to her stomach at the sight of you refusing to make eye contact with her. 

—

When it became apparent that Bruce was interested in her too, Natasha made the irrational decision to not only tolerate his advances, but also entertain the idea of them being together instead. 

Perhaps it had been insecurity, or a curiosity for the scientist itself, but the Widow knew the real reason was that she needed to get her mind off of anyone but you. She knew whatever she had with you, she would never have with him, but still she chose him. 

The grey sweater of yours sat heavy in her overnight bag as she tells you of her decision to room with him in Clint’s barn. She feels hesitant to take it off when he tries to rip it from her the night they sleep together. She feels dirty in the morning after. She feels even worse when Tony teases her about the thin walls of the house at breakfast. 

She almost loses it when you come in to defend her, before asking if she slept well afterwards. She didn’t have the heart to tell you she clutched your sweater to sleep through her nightmares after Bruce had fallen into a deep slumber. 

— 

In the Quinjet home, she overhears Clint pulling you aside and telling you to just move on. She hadn’t meant to hear it; it was obviously a private moment between you and the archer where the other members were supposed to be asleep, but Natasha had wanted to seek your comfort and arms to brave through her nightmares. She immediately realises it would be incredibly unfair for you if she had. 

“She has him now. She’ll never pick you, you must know that.”

She heard you sighing loudly, and the softest, slightest sniffle after. Natasha found herself hugging your sweater tightly around herself. 

—

But one night, one awfully faithful, terrible night, Natasha sees you with Maria, and all hell breaks loose. 

She was getting a drink, and some peace and quiet in the kitchen to supplant the peace your balcony offered. 

But you were there, and as Natasha recognised the smell of your perfume from the entrance, she was already preparing to throw herself into your arms and profess the tiring day she had, when she rudely interrupted her own daydreams. 

Your back facing her, you were trapped between Maria’s arms pressing you against the counter. Your hand holding her jaw, her lips were feverishly chasing yours as her moans filled the air. It was the exact same position Natasha would so often find herself with you on your rendezvous all those months ago. 

It was her jaw you used to hold. Her moans you would hear. Her arms the ones holding you. Not Maria, not anyone else. 

The sheer dread and betrayal that washed through her had Natasha retreating out of the room immediately, but not before knocking over a stray chair she failed to register. It crashed as it fell, prompting you to break the kiss immediately. 

When your eyes found hers, Natasha felt the need to retch. 

“Natasha, wait!” 

You had freed yourself from Maria, but Natasha was already halfway across the hall, running back to her room. 

That night, for reasons only known to herself, Natasha digs through her closet again, throwing everything that Bruce has ever left in her space to one side of the room. 

She finds the grey sweater she has abandoned since getting together with him, and for the first time since the night she slept with him, she clutches it to her chest and cries herself to sleep with it. 

—

You brought Maria to the wedding of one of the other agents. Natasha sat pretty in Bruce’s arms throughout, never finding the strength to end things with him, but never letting her eyes wander anywhere apart from you. 

She watched Maria hold on to your every word while her hands wrapped themselves around your arm, just like she had. She watched from two rows behind, Maria leaning her head on your shoulder as the bride and groom exchanged their vows. She watched her own hands gripping the wooden bench so tightly she thought it might break from her strength. 

You slow-danced with Maria, and her with Bruce. Maria leaned in to whisper something in your ear that Natasha tried desperately to read from her lips, while Bruce’s arms tried to entrap her to him. His touch always felt foreign; your hands had always been more nimble and gentle with her. You held on to Maria’s waist the way you used to hold hers in bed, and Natasha fought the urge to rip her own hands off of you as they roamed your figure. 

When you finally leaned in and captured Maria’s lips against yours, Natasha pushed herself off of Bruce immediately and headed straight out of the church to cry. 

That night, while you whispered words of prayer and worship upon Maria’s skin, Natasha was screaming at Bruce to get out of her room and breaking up with him. 

–

In the moments that followed, the moments of pure silence, and realisation of what she had done, Natasha felt horrible. Bruce didn’t deserve the ending she left him with, and she was sure she had woken up Steve in the next room because of her meltdown. She once again screwed things up, once again isolated herself as the outlier of the team. 

Natasha banged on your door in the moments after, her knuckles rapping on the wooden door and jolting Maria awake. She in turn shook you awake, and in the moments you took to dress yourself, the raps had gotten heavier, more alarming. 

Natasha practically threw herself onto you the moment your door opened, sobbing into your chest hysterically. You spared one look at her, then Maria in the bed behind, and it was all it took for the other agent to know who took priority in your heart.

You gave her an apologetic smile, promising to make it up to her, while Maria nodded numbly. She gathered her own clothes, held your shoulder briefly, before leaving the room to you and Natasha. You muttered a sorry, she only shrugged and left. You felt Natasha hold on to you tighter in the moments you took to speak to Maria. 

Natasha only calmed down when you quietly shushed her cries with assurances, your hands carding through her hair and holding her just like how you used to. Your heartbeat was slow, steady against her ears, the source of her safety and home. 

Clutching a cup of tea that you made for her, Natasha welcomed you sitting beside her against your bed frame this time, your shoulders still touching. You didn’t speak, or pressure her to speak, and instead only switched on the television, flipping through the cartoons on mute to let her relax. 

The comfortable silence lingered while Natasha sipped on her tea, the occasional sniffle still escaping her, while her eyes glued itself to the network on the screen in front of her. You joined her in watching the cartoons, propping a pillow against your back when it started to hurt. 

Finally, Natasha broke the silence with, “You must think I’m insane.”

“I cannot think of you apart from love.”

The breath caught in Natasha’s throat. Your words were warm like the sun. 

She put the mug down, and cleared her throat. “I broke up with Bruce.”

“Oh.”

Your eyes were still glued to the screen, any evidence of surprise or shock devoid from your face. Natasha didn’t know to be thankful or offended that you didn’t ask the reasons why. “He wasn’t a bad person, I was just…not the one…for him.”

“Well,” you shrugged, smiling comfortingly at her as you put your arm around her shoulder and brought her close, “It takes a long of wrongs to find the right one.” 

“What if the right one never comes for me?”

“Then I’ll be here, for you, always. There’s no rush, or pressure, Nat,” you affirmed, even though your throat was closing up at the topic Natasha had chosen for the night. 

“But what if I left Bruce for that right one?” She held the ends of your T-shirt, a new urgency in her voice, “What if I’ve found that right one, but I don’t…deserve…someone like them?”

You only pressed a kiss to her hairline, shaking your head. “What nonsense. How terribly lucky that person would be, to be loved by someone like you. It is probably the greatest privilege of anyone’s life to be with you, Natasha.”

You wiped the small frown off her face with the edge of your thumb, holding her face just like how you had so many nights before. She felt like she was going to burst with all the love she had for you. And then you smiled, and laughed about the tear tracks left behind in the wake of makeup on her face, and Natasha hit you lovingly with all that she could not say to you that night.

When she had fallen asleep in your arms and left you staring at the ceiling later, you wondered if the horrifying ache in your heart at the fact that she was so irrevocably in love with someone else to feel that she didn’t deserve them, was going to be the cause of your death. 

–

Your relationship with Maria eventually fizzled out, moreso with her realising her place in your list of priorities and you not wishing to lead her on for something you knew was not going to end well. You both remained friends, and it was her that you eventually confided in with how much your longing for Natasha never seemed to ever lessen in intensity, or fizzle in fervour. 

She was the one who placed you and her in your first mission together after the both of you had returned to being single. It was supposed to be a simple one, for the both of you to bond and get back the ‘friendship’ that had been slightly altered from Natasha’s jealousy and your pain, but it was difficult, to say the least.

You had gotten captured helping her escape, and with a firm demand for her to return with the hostages first, Natasha was left with no choice but to leave you behind. Fury had screamed into her comms that she had to complete the mission first, before coming back to rescue you, but all through the flight home, the tears that had flown freely down her cheeks served only as reminder that it was her mistake, her incompetence, that resulted in you being at the mercy of the enemy now. 

She was denied the opportunity to rescue you. Fury didn’t trust that she would be able to keep her cool, and Natasha’s protests and attempts to sneak herself on the team only resulted in her being allowed to watch the body cam footage of the team being tasked to rescue you instead.

 She was only subjected to a clear view of them torturing you, hitting you with electrically-charged weapons and demanding for her location. You had screamed, cried, and passed out several times, your suit was torn and your skin underneath burnt and raw, but still you refused to give up her location. 

Natasha could only hold your sweater tightly against herself, the sleeves soaked with her tears as she watched and waited for an opportunity to rescue you. Clint held her hand in support beside her, and when Natasha made eye contact with Maria across the room, the other agent finally understood why it was her that was being used to extract information out of you.

Maria was the first to hug her in encouragement when they rescued your unconscious, but still breathing body, whispering to her ear, “She only ever looked at you, anyway.”

–

Natasha hated herself for hurting you. She hated that she was the one whose mistake landed you in such a critical condition. She hated the agitated screams and shouts from the medical wing doctors as they tried to stop you from dying. She hated that she always ruined everything she touched, hurt everyone she loved. 

But when you woke up and she cried into the crook of your neck about how sorry, and guilty she was, you still reassured her that it was never her fault. She apologised for breaking you and Maria apart, you were still kind to tell her it was never going to work. She apologised for being a horrible person to be around, you told her everyone made mistakes, and as long as you didn’t die, it was still a mistake she could learn from. 

–

You helped Natasha build back her confidence from her mistake in that mission. She orbited her life around yours now, hanging on to your every word, cherishing every moment with you as if she would never see you again. 

Everyone began comparing the two of you to an old married couple now. You always protected her and defended her for only acting the way she was around you. 

“Ignore them,” you would say after each accusation, each tease. You taught her to be confident in her skin and her skills, enough so that nobody else’s words would matter. Apart from yours.

But Natasha doesn’t want to ignore them, not anymore. 

–

The Avenger catches herself falling for you more and more. 

The way you lend her your mask after missions to help her focus and bring her back to earth. 

The way you yell at the team to save her the last slice of pizza when she finds it embarrassing to do so. 

The way you offer her your entire wardrobe to steal from when the team pranks and steals your sweater away from her for April Fool’s. The way you get it back for her right after.

The way you tend to her wounds before your own. 

The way you teach her to accept, and love herself; you constantly tell her she is more than what the KGB trained her for. The way you make her feel good about herself and the world she’s in when you’re around. 

Natasha is afraid of the day someone else captures your heart before she has the courage to tell you she loves you. 

–

She was attending a guest lecture of yours at a university. Words of quantum mechanics and astrophysics flew by her head as she sat in the back row of the lecture hall, busy admiring the blouse that was folded up to your sleeves, and the poise and dignity you held in your stance. It was not surprising that the other students also broke in hushed whispers about your looks throughout the class. 

When you finished, and sent a smile up her way to signal the time for lunch together, Natasha found her own smile mirroring yours. 

Natasha waited by the door while the class’ professor took a few moments to speak and pick apart your brain. A little older than she was, the agent did not deny the obvious attractiveness to the woman; but when she began noticing the subtle glances she was sneaking to your lips, or the light touches she made to your elbow, she knew it was not irrational to want to strangle the woman for even being in your proximity. 

She cannot risk losing you again. She cannot hear your laughter and jokes directed at someone else. She cannot watch you go with someone else while she stands by the sidelines anymore. 

“Excuse me,” she interrupted, “I’m sorry for my interruption, but my wife and I have a lunch to attend to.” 

Natasha pulled your elbow away before either of you had so much time to process, or even reply to her interruption, dragging you through the halls and out into the courtyard of the building. It was now or never. She was sure you knew. 

“Wife?” you asked, a little out of breath, a little in disbelief. 

She shrugged nonchalantly. “Yeah, wife.”

“You don’t…you…you called me…?” You were clearly at a loss for words. Natasha found it adorable, the hopeful, puzzled expression on your face. 

“She was hitting on you.”

“I know, but I wasn’t…I wasn’t going to…”

“I don’t want anyone else to hit on you,” Natasha came closer, her arms found themselves on your waist, “Anyone else but me.”

Her hands cradled your face. “I love you. I have loved you from the start. I look at you, and I just love you, and it terrifies me. It terrifies me what I would do for you. You are my right one; right from the start. I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you that.”

You were speechless, and Natasha giggled as she helped close your mouth at her declaration. “Thank you, for loving me. For seeing the best and worst parts of me and still loving me through it all, for waiting so long for me to have the courage to love you back. You don’t know how much you mean to me. And I’m quite sure I have loved you the same too, it makes me a bit pathetic to love you so much.”

“You would never be pathetic to me.”

“I know,” she laughed again. Natasha always found joy easier to come by when she’s with you. 

She smiled sadly then. “I’m sorry I was so hard to love.”

“I can love you like it’s breathing. I just can’t help it.” You couldn’t believe what was happening. 

Your arms felt warm like the sun. Natasha felt easier to breathe around you. You were everything she needed to heal. 

“Well, what do you say we start the rest of our lives together from here on? As wives?” 

“I’d say that I made the perfect decision marrying you.” 

——

——

You watched the woman you loved with all of your heart become an enemy in a matter of mere minutes. Only an hour ago was she sleeping soundly atop of your chest after an exhausting reunion, and now she's ripping your heart out of it instead with no remorse.

She was terrified, that much was clear, but she also looked to you like she'd been betrayed. Natasha didn't trust easily, that was her nature, but in the last five years you'd broken down every last wall until you reached her tattered heart; just to be another person to slash it...

"Natalia Romanov, we have you surrounded.," the familiar voice of one General Ross boomed against the shifty trailer, and the redheads jaw clenched., "Put my hands behind my back, and escort me out to them Y/N.," her eyes held no room for an argument, but you didn't care.

"No, I-I won't turn you in Natasha! I can't.," she softened for the briefest second., "There's no other way Y/N, you've sealed our fate.," she handed you the handcuffs then turned away from you and her heart broke when you sniffed aggressively as you latched the metal around her wrists but her stoic resolve never faltered.

"Good going kiddo.," Tony clapped your back, and you spluttered at the insinuation., "Nat, No I-I swear.," Tony gripped your shoulder so hard that you faltered, then your eyes met a sea of green, the storm brewing within them was harsh, yet gentle with its pleading. The both of them silently saying to you: "shut up and play pretend.," to which you responded by dropping your gaze from the redheads and by stepping into line with Tony who sighed in clear relief. "We'll fix this Y/N, I promise you that much."

—•~~~~~~•~~~~~~•~~~~~~•~~~~~~•—

Fighting with a true love is boxing with no gloves ; Chemistry 'til it blows up, 'til there's no us. Why'd I have to break what I love so much. It's on your face, and I'm to blame.

—

I need to say: Hey, it's all me in my head.

I'm the one who burned us down, but it's not what I meant. Sorry that I hurt you.

—

I don't wanna do this to you.

I don't wanna lose this with you.

—•~~~~~~•~~~~~~•~~~~~~•~~~~~~•—

Tony was no help to you, but in your time of need you found solace in the Captain, even though you were just at odds a month prior., "Y/N, I could do this alone you know.," the man was nervous as can be, he knew he was risking facing Natasha's wrath by allowing you to tag along, but he also couldn't deter you but he still had to try., "As if Rogers, now let's go!"

The raft was deemed impenetrable, but it was like nothing to get in for a Super Soldier and a determined girlfriend with a stolen Stark blaster. Taking out the men was just as easy, you we're starting to wonder if this was privy to what the national defense team looked like, because if so the Avengers really did need to make up or the states were surely doomed.

Steve and you entered the room stealthily, your eyes landed on Wanda first, your heart broke at the sight of the young girl in heavy restraints. Without even a second thought you blasted the lock of her cell, setting her free, then you used your powers to fry the latch off her cuffs.

When you were certain she was okay you turned around to see Steve free'd everyone else, but Clint and the ant guy you briefly fought as they chose to stay behind. That's when you noticed Natasha with a menacing expression on her as she spoke to them in harsh whispers.

By the time you were going to approach she was done, looking to you her harsh exterior faltered briefly, but you watched as she put it back on, turning away from you without even speaking to you. It'd been a month since the arrest, and you were just hoping for peace, but it was clear the redhead was still furious.

Everything Natasha does is to protect you, she'd have remained in that cell for all of eternity if it meant you were safe and sound. So she's going to continue protecting you even now, even if that means breaking your heart, and shattering her very own just the same., "We're over.," Natasha managed to get the words she never imagined using out, her heart twinged as they poured from her lips, but she kept a straight face to live up to the facade.

"What?! Nat, no, please...," you cried out as you instinctively launched forward, latching onto her from behind and holding on for dear life., "We can work this out—please, I love you so much. We can live on the run together. I don't care just so long as I have you—please Natty."

Natasha was grateful you couldn't see her, the way her eyes were brimming with tears against her will wouldn't help her to sell the breakup., "I'm tired of your inability to listen Y/N, don't come looking for me again—I'm done here.," she shrugged you off, then continued to walk away from you, leaving you to fall into your sister who was quick to catch your body.

"Shh, sweetheart it'll be okay.," Wanda coo'd, she looked to Sam for help, and the man was at a loss for words, but he scooped you up, and carried you out of the building anyways. Nat watched him leave with you from the shadows, then she snatched Wanda just before she could leave too., "Erase the footage Wanda, she can't go down for this.," the Sokovian nodded, red irises flashed before Natasha to show her the job was complete., "She's safe now Nat."

"Thank you.," the redhead finally let her tears fall without restriction so the witch pulled her in for a hug., "It'll be okay Nat, we'll figure it out, and you'll be able to get her back.," the reactive flutter in her chest felt empty, the words she needed to hear didn't feel promising, but she wouldn't give up on you—never, so she decided to believe the words that there was something to hold onto here; there had to be.

—•~~~~~~•~~~~~~•~~~~~~•~~~~~~•—

I lived like an island, punished you with silence

Went off like sirens, just crying.

Why'd I have to break what I love so much?

It's on your face, don't walk away.

—

I need to say: Hey, it's all me in my head.

I'm the one who burned us down, but it's not what I meant. I'm sorry that I hurt you

—

It's all me, just don't go.

—•~~~~~~•~~~~~~•~~~~~~•~~~~~~•—

Natasha was nervous as she entered the main room of the compound with the rest of her fugitive-esque comrades besides her. Rhodey greeted them., "Well. You guys, really look like crap. Must've been a rough couple of years.," he wore a bittersweet smile, and pulled her in for a brief hug, and though she returned it with a smile her eyes were scoping the room for you.

"Hey guys, don't listen to the old man, I think you all look great.," you softly greeted from the side as you entered the room with supplies, but just like Nat's eyes were only on you, yours were fixed on her just the same., "Hey Y/N.," she smiled warmly at you, the same way she used to when you would wake up besides her, it was her way of saying 'I'm so fucking sorry—we'll talk later, please...,' and you smiled back at her in confirmation before refocusing.

Natasha couldn't take her eyes off of you the whole time that Steve droned on about the stones removal, and where it would take place. Two years had come and gone without you and she had never been so miserable before, it was like once she had you her heart would never be able to beat properly again without you there.

"Her thoughts are so loud.," you chuckled as your sister buried her face in your shoulder., "Stop listening.," you suggested and she glared at you., "What part of loud don't you get Y/N?"

Natasha felt her unsteady heart settle when she heard your far away giggling, she remembered all those times where it was her to cause it. Unwarranted jealousy filled her at the idea that someone else might be that for you now, that her misconception of protection cost her you.

"Go talk to her.," the witch grumbled, and now it was your turn to glare., "Not now Wands, it is the time for a serious battle, not a world war.," your sister snorted, then she looked to you with soft eyes., "Love is worth the fight Y/N/N.," her eyes then drifted to the 'man' asleep at her side, and you comfortingly laid your head atop hers.

After a couple hours the jet landed, and you were the one helping to get Vision safely into the building. Everyone briefly debated what was the best course of action until the King's high tech security system alerted you to company., "Wands, you stay here to guard Vis, we'll be a-okay.," you gently kissed her cheek., "Don't you think you should stay too?," Nat suggested, you deadpanned., "No, not at all."

*She's a big girl Natasha*, Natasha shrugged, *I'm just trying to ensure she remains alive.*

The battle was heinous, ugly creatures broke through the barriers in droves, and no amount of energy you could surmise was ever enough to dwindle their numbers down. It was as if they were simply respawning, and if the sheer size of the army you were facing wasn't enough you now had giant murderous wheels coming at you, and the woman who still owned you.

With everything you had left you focused your mind on short circuiting the machines, which worked out swimmingly, but then you faced their sudden need to tumble forward, so you did all you could do as you tackled Natasha.

She huffed at the sudden impact, and you stared down at the breathtaking blonde, and for a moment you decided this wouldn't be the worst way to go if she's the last thing you'd see. The impact you were expecting never came, you looked up in time to see your sister tossing the machines into a pile of the monsters.

"Y/N.," Natasha calmly said your name, and you were painfully aware that you were still on top of her., "Uh, sorry.," you scrambled off of her, then in a stroke of luck your poor sister was tossed into a ditch so you didn't have to face the awkward situation for very long.

"You'll die alone, as will he.," Wanda winced when the alien kicked her down, and Nat cooly spoke for the both of you., "She's not alone."

Between the three of you she was handled in no time, and without a moment to breathe you were all traveling across the field to face the proclaimed madman himself. He basically obliterated your friends, tossing the strongest people you knew around like they were rag dolls, and you were truly shocked., "Nat!"

Thanos threw her across the field on his way to your sister and the stone. You knew you should be focused on the mission, but your mind was racing with thoughts of protecting Natasha. Nothing mattered to you more than that.

You began to rip the branches away from the blonde, no matter how painful it was, or near impossible it felt you were determined to free her from Thanos's odd magical confinements., "Y/N, stop—I'm okay, and you're bleeding.," you shook your head., "No, you're not okay Natasha, you're trapped, and I won't have it."

It was a pointless fight, the more you tore away the more they grew right back, but you weren't thinking that rationally. Seeing Natasha in this vulnerable state worried you to no end, and she could see just how stressed you were, it was a bittersweet warmth, but it indeed blossomed in her chest to see just how much you still cared.

Natasha shimmied out of the trap just to hear Wanda's pained scream, both of you watched in horror as she was tossed away from a dead Vision, then your eyes tracked to where Thor was stood with a grimace, then in the next instant your entire body was tingling., "Nat?"

Your shaky, battered hands gripped hers, she looked at you fearfully when she saw all of your friends fading into nothingness behind you., "Y/N? I—.," her lip trembled when she felt your hand dematerialize in her own., "No, please..."

"It's okay.," you did your best to calm her down, because sure you were fading away, but seeing her so broken truly hurt you more., "I love you Natasha, we'll meet again, I promise."

Your blood was on her hands, her already gushing ledger was now tainted with you too.

—•~~~~~~•~~~~~~•~~~~~~•~~~~~~•—

Meet me in the afterglow.

—•~~~~~~•~~~~~~•~~~~~~•~~~~~~•—

Natasha couldn't believe what she was seeing as she looked at the compounds live footage, the shrinking man was stood there shouting, and her hand was swift to buzz him inside.

"So you're saying that you spent the last five years in a time vacuum?," she looked at him for clarification, her hope now slowly fizzling., "Yes, well no—it's not a vacuum, it's a portal.," he clarified., "Also Miss. Romanoff, it wasn't five years for me, it was only five hours."

Natasha watched the man scarf down her peanut butter sandwich while processing his proposed solution. It was far fetched, but it was the most promising thing to show up at her door yet so she wasn't going to squander it. There was absolutely nothing she wouldn't do to get you back, she didn't think she could hold out much longer without you and her sister.

Both victims of a heartbreak induced by her, and both snapped away before she could make the amends she'd been desperately trying to. Shaking her mind of the tragic honesty she focuses on calling the only man she knows who can pull something of this magnitude off.

Tony, after being reminded of him letting Y/N down on more than one occasion decided he will indeed do his part to fix this horrible mess.

The teams were set in stone: Natasha and Steve were to collect the soul stone from Vormir, and the trek up the mountain side made enjoying the view of a purple and orange sky impossible.

"I bet the raccoon didn't have to climb a mountain.," the redhead grumbled, and the super soldier chuckled., "It isn't that bad."

"Speak for yourself.," she huffed, but before the playful banter could continue she was raising her gun at the ominous floating entity., "Natalia Romanov, daughter of Ivan.," he shifted slightly., "Steve Rogers, son of Sarah."

"Who are you?," she growled., "Red Skull.," Steve answered through gritted teeth, his first ever Avenger level foe somehow slithered his way into what he hope would be his final one.

"Where's the stone?," he readied his shield and his fists, but the entity before him held no fight, he simply guided them to the cliffs edge., "What you seek lies in front of you... as does what you fear.," the friends shivered at his grim tone., "The stone is down there?," Nat asked.

"For one of you. For the other, in order to take the stone, you must lose that which you love. An everlasting exchange. A soul for a soul."

Natasha took a seat on a log, the gravity of the situation weighing her down, but she knew that no matter what took place on this mountain that she'd ensure that you got to return, that you would get to live—no matter the cost.

"Whatever it takes.," Steve repeats his earlier sentiments, and Natasha jumps to her feet., "No, it can't be you Steve, it has to be me."

"Natasha, now you're being ridiculous. I've lived a long, and full life. It is my time far more than it is yours.," the burly man pulls his friend in for a hug., "Don't squander this second chance at love Natasha.," her heart skips as he mentions you—someone to come home to., "Missing out on my chance with Peggy is my heaviest regret; fix the mistakes of the past."

"Steve, it has to be me—my ledger is dripping."

"So is mine Natasha."

"What?! No it—.," he chuckled sadly as he moved to cut her off., "I defended, rallied and stood for a corrupt military time and time again Natasha. Costing thousands if not millions of young people their lives. All that potential for life squandered away fighting the senseless battles of selfish government heads all because I wore the stripes and sold the war."

Steve sighed as he saw the look in her eyes, so he placed his hands on her shoulders., "Let's get this over with Romanoff.," he stepped away and raised his fists, prepared for the fight of his life, and that's exactly what she gave him as she struck the man with a large volt of electricity., "Tell her I loved her Steve, with all my heart."

The man writhed on the ground in pain, but fortunately for him the serum coursing through his veins coupled with pure adrenaline lent to him returning to his feet swiftly., "Tell her yourself Natasha!," he grunted, throwing his shield with just enough force to knock her down, and it effectively knocked the wind from her lungs, and therefore the fight in her body.

"Give this to Sam when you guys win.," he rushes out, he's not got long before she's back on her feet., "Tell him that there's no one more deserving of the mantel than him.," he left the shield atop of her to slow her down even more., "Please, also tell Bucky that I love him, that he's allowed to move passed his ledger, and that I'm sorry, but this is the end of the line."

—

Natasha's not sure how it got this bad so fast, but as she clutches her ribs, and wipes blood from her lip she wonders if it was all for not.

Did Steve jump for nothing?

Will you really be gone forever?

Does she die today knowing that she failed you in every manageable way possible?

"On your left.," the coms crackle but she hears the man loud and clear., "On your wing.," you add, and Natasha's heart beats wildly when she looks up to see you actually on his wings., "Woman! Get down.," your giggle warms her entirely, and she herself smiles fondly when thinking of how only you could enter the end of the world battle in the happiest of spirits.

"Lady Natasha.," the redhead turns to face the beaten down man who'd shared in her fight against the purple titan of the past., "Catch!"

Natasha's eyes widen when Mjolnir is headed straight for her, she instinctively reaches out to catch it, and when her fingers crackle with a bit of blue she gasps—she's worthy.

"I knew it!," she smiles back at the Asgardian, then she readies herself for battle., "Avengers," she presses down on her coms., "Assemble."

The entirety of your side charges forward, you find yourself smiling as you follow Natasha's lead, she was always the real voice of reason so you are rather proud of her for filling the role. All you wanted to do was talk to her, as that was what you were so close to doing after two years before you were snapped into the void.

It was grueling not being able to, but you knew you needed to focus as the aliens surrounded you, jolts of electricity continued to leave you, knocking them down in droves, but your body was still exhausted from the previous battle back on Wakanda, because for you that was only a few hours ago, so your work got sloppy. Now you found yourself on the ground, sharp talons hovering above your face, you pushed against its arms until red tendrils lifted the creature, and Mjolnir flew it across the field.

Wanda yanked you up from the ground, and as you steadied you locked eyes with Natasha just as soon as the hammer returned to her. She smirked at your look of shock, and you shyly dropped your head before following your sister who had intended to face the purple man.

While she held him in the air, tearing his suit from his body you used jolts of electricity to keep the aliens away from her, and to your absolute luck a blonde reminiscent of a comet comes barreling down from the sky, and takes the gauntlet from the evil creature with ease.

Carol had the gauntlet, Wanda held her hand, and you slipped yours into hers for the safest bet that none of you will leave in a body bag.

"No.," Natasha's heart drops—not again, she will not lose you for the fourth time, but as she went to run at you Clint caught her., "Trust the process Natasha.," she thrashed in his hold., "Fuck the process.," she had met your gaze and her fight stopped, your features were so calm, so like Clint said—she would have to trust you.

"Are you guys ready?," your sister nodded, and you did the same before facing the furious titan. He was kneeling on the ground, panting heavily in a moment of obvious weakness.

Carol lifted the gauntlet, and as she prepared to snap Natasha sobbed at the sight of you, your smile of anticipated victory faltered, and the anguish you were experiencing as the powers surged between the three of you was obvious., "Not so inevitable, huh?," you still managed to taunt the man through gritted teeth, and just as you finished the blonde snapped her fingers, and the army of aliens slowly disintegrated.

Natasha watched you slump into Wanda who was struggling to keep the both of you upright, but the witch managed to lean the both of you into a pile of rubble for the short time being. Natasha ran at full speed, dust settling around her as she raced to be at your side, no amount of aching in her body could stop her either. Once she reached you she pulled you into her instead, holding you upright and leaning in to press her forehead against yours as her tears continued to race down her red cheeks.

"We did it Natty.," you coughed with a dopey smile, and the redhead shushed you for the sake of your strength., "You did so good detka, I'm so proud of you, so incredibly proud."

"Detka?," your eyes were now softly glistening, her heart ached at your unsureness, she gently moved to cup your dirtied face in her hand., "Tell me that you're still mine.," she sobbed., "Please Y/N/N, tell me that we'll be just fine.," You met her pleas with a tired smile, and nod., "Even when I lose my mind?," she giggled at your question., "Especially then, an unhinged Y/N is incredibly hot.," her heart fluttered wildly when you giggled too, she missed this.

The happiness quickly faded though as you softly voiced your unfiltered thoughts to her., "Tell me that it's not my fault.," she quickly shook her head., "Oh detka, you were innocent, forced to watch your family falling apart. I'm so sorry for adding to it, but I had to protect you."

"You know, we could've faced it all together Natty, I was ready to risk my freedom for you.," she frowned at the idea of all the lost time, and part of her even agrees now, had she known then what she knew now she would've let you., "I-I know detka—leaving you behind was the hardest thing I've ever done, and it will live within my heart forever as my biggest regret."

"Please, tell me that I'm all you want Nat.," there was an insecurity in your eyes she never thought she'd be faced with. How you could still be questioning her want—no, her need for you was a bit perplexing., "Of course you're all I want Y/N, a life without you is unbearable."

"I want this Natty, we can leave this all behind us, and move forward having learned better, how not to burn down it all to the ground."

"Even when I break your heart?," this time it was her with the insecurities swimming in her gorgeous green orbs., "No.," you sighed sadly., "But if you promise to never do it again then we can do this, we can be us again; be happy."

"I promise.," her hands fell to grab yours, she brought them to her lips for a smattering of soft kisses., "No more running, or breaking. This love is too precious to squander.," she softly moved your hands atop her shoulders, and you finished the move by connecting them behind her neck as hers settled on your hips.

Natasha desperately wanted to devour you after all this time, the way you were staring at her didn't exactly help either, but she settled for a few slow kisses as to not overwhelm you., "I love you Natty.," she smiled so wide that the kiss was broken apart., "Ya lyublyu tebya Y/N."

The grim battlefield was full of similar reunions, but the two of you were none the wiser as you stayed in your own bubble for as long as you could. Once the two of you parted Natasha went off to find the frantic soldiers, and you went to collect the devastated witch. Wanda clung to you as you escorted her to the undamaged car Natasha pointed out to you earlier, and by the time the redhead made it back to you she found the both of you asleep and cuddled up together in the backseat.

As quietly as she could she got the car started and set the GPS for her Ohio childhood home. It was completely furnished as she'd been in the process of readying it for you over the blip. No amount of naysaying ever stopped her from believing your sisters words all those years back. That hope for a future with you was all that kept her breathing the last seven years, and now that you're here she's breathing fine.

Natasha admired the sunset as she coasted down the Highway, once she settled in the middle lane she readjusted the rear view mirror to catch a glimpse of you. The rays of orange and pinks softly casted over your sleeping face, and oh did you look beautiful.

You were positively glowing, and Natasha was simply basking in the warmth of your love.

——

4,546 Words

This is my Endgame.

It was a typical Tuesday evening. You got home from work before Natasha and decided to cook some dinner for the both of you. You were no chef, so you got out some simple ingredients and got to work.

When Nat got home, that’s when everything changed. She sighed as she closed the front door of your apartment behind her. It had been a long day and she was exhausted.

“Babe, is that you?” You asked from the kitchen.

“Yeah, it’s me,” came the simple reply. Nat slipped off her shoes and walked in the direction of your voice.

“Hey Natasha!” You greeted her. “I’m making mac and cheese. It’ll be done in-“ You were interrupted by Natasha excusing herself to the bathroom. Her face was pale and her head hung low as she turned away from you. “Nat?” You called after her. But you got no response.

After a few minutes, you turned off the stove and followed the path to the bathroom. Right before you could knock on the door, you heard a stifled sob from your girlfriend.

You hadn’t heard or seen Natasha cry before. You wondered how many times she had cried by herself in the bathroom just like this.

“Natasha, baby, are you okay?” You asked through the closed door. Your palms were placed on the door as if Nat could see through it and see your opened arms for her.

“I’m fine,” she said. Her voice betrayed her with its brokenness.

“Open the door, please,” you asked her. There was no response. “Natasha, open the door. You don’t need to be alone in there, my love. Whatever is going on, I’m here for you.”

And then the door clicked open. Natasha was standing there with her head low and her chin wobbly as she fought back more tears.

“Oh, baby,” you pulled her into a hug immediately. “I’m so sorry. I’m so so so sorry.”

You rubbed her back with your hand as she cried against you. You took her face in your hands and kissed her forehead.

“Before you say anything, Nat, I’m so sorry. I don’t know exactly what I did to upset you, but please tell me and I’ll fix it.”

“No, it’s not you. I just had a shitty day at work and was reminded of-“ she broke to sniffle and you gave her an encouraging nod to keep going. “Mac and cheese was my little sister’s favorite.”

“Little sister?” You asked her in confusion.

“Yelena. She was my sister during our time in Ohio. I’ve been trying to find her again, but it seems like an impossible task,” Natasha explained.

“That’s why you’ve been working so much, yeah?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry the mac and cheese set me off. I’m just exhausted,” Natasha said.

“I know, my love,” you kissed her softly. “Tell me more about this sister of yours.”

And so you and Natasha spent the evening eating mac and cheese as she told you of her little sister. She laughed and she cried as she recounted her time on Ohio with Yelena, Melina, and Alexei. Joking that she liked them in that order.

It’s two years later when your now wife comes home from a mission with a blonde girl standing beside her. You don’t have to ask who she is. The look on Natasha’s face says it all.

“Come on in, Yelena,” you say. The blonde smiles at you. You realize Natasha must’ve told her about you.

They sit on the couch as you go to the kitchen. You make the two women a snack.

“Mac and cheese?” Yelena asks.

“You remembered?” Nat asks you. She stands to hug you.

“Of course, baby.”

“I love you,” she says as she holds you close.

“I love you too, Natasha. Forever and ever,” you reply.

She tears up as she feels the gravity of the situation. Her sister is back and she married the perfect someone for her. You’re so happy she found her sister again.

This time when you make Natasha cry it’s one of the best moments of your life.

She only recently started asking more questions about Natasha when she went to day care and the other children would talk about their parents. “Well, I have 2 mommies!” Dani would reply but the other children only ever saw you picking her up or sometimes it was Yelena, and they all knew about Auntie Yelena and the things Dani and her would get up too. You and Yelena sat down with Dani when she first started asking where mommy was and why she’d never met mommy in person, you, being a purely honest person didn’t want to lie Dani anymore. The excuse of Natasha being away had ran its course and now it was time to explain the circle of life to that little 5-year-old. 

Over the years you always felt that somehow Natasha was still here or maybe it was your mind playing tricks on you. Sometimes you’d get a wave of her perfume lingeringly around you for a few seconds and other times you felt a rush of warmth behind you as if Natasha was hold you tightly from behind like she always did. Your heart still ached for her, you still had moments alone to cry and be mad about the situation, but you were always reminded that she’d never truly left. Even though Dani had no biological connection to Natasha, she reminded you of her every single day. She had a cheeky smirk that had Natasha written all over it, she was stubborn like Natasha and that showed when she didn’t get her own way, she loved peanut butter sandwiches and you swore if you allowed it, she’d have one for breakfast lunch and dinner. 

You made sure that Dani was around everybody that loved her and knew of Natasha, wanting so much for Dani to know all there was (within reason) about her mother and her act of bravery. You’d let her stay the weekend at Melina and Alexei’s sometimes and she loved it, always coming home to tell you all about the pigs and the silly stories that Alexei would tell her. Yelena met Kate Bishop shortly after Dani’s first birthday, you were glad she found a friend that would be able to show Yelena a side of life that was different to the one she led, although you swore at times, they were more than friends but never asked the question. 

Dani’s favourite person in the entire world was Yelena, it was no secret. She always wanted her long dark hair to be styled like her Auntie Yelena’s, always wanting to be outside with Yelena or help her auntie made a pot of mac n cheese. You quickly saw how Dani’s love for Yelena helped Yelena accept her sister’s choice and she made sure to tell Dani all she could about Natasha, sometimes sharing a little too much information with earned her a slap on the shoulder and a cocked eyebrow from yourself. 

On Anniversary’s Yelena would take Dani for the night, so you could have that time to yourself and do whatever you needed. By now, Yelena had moved into an apartment with Kate, and you were proud of her for taking that step, but you also felt lonely without another adult in the house. If the weather was kind on any special day, you’d drive to Ohio and be with Natasha that only way you now could. 

“She’s so big now Nat and she keeps growing” you smiled to yourself, “and god does she have your attitude” you added while sitting on a picnic blanket in front of the stone where Natasha’s body should be resting. “She asks about you every day” tears started to build up, “She doesn’t understand what happened and I don’t think I really do either…I miss you my dear, every morning and every night, during the day I wished you’d just walk through the door and throw your stupid mission bag on the floor like you did…am I selfish for wishing things were different? I know where your heart was at but damn it, Natasha what about mine?!” 

You always tried not to let the anger of Natasha’s death take over and blind you of the love you have for her but sometimes, more so now that Dani was getting older it started to take its toll.

“We had plans Nat…A baby on the way and I can’t understand why you did that you did…we needed you, we still do…I can’t do this by myself! She’s going to become a teenager soon enough and she’ll hate me one day, then there’s the hormone changes and the day she brings home her first boyfriend or girlfriend, how am I supposed to deal with that without you?” the tears fell as they pleased. 

Once you let your anger out, the day went differently. “I miss you so damn much” you rested your forehead on her grave, eyes red from crying. “I love you; we love you…she’ll always know who you are, I promise. I promise to raise our baby nectarine the best way I can, I promise she’ll never forget you; I will never forget you” 

----

“Mama!! Mama” Dani came running towards you with her arms open. You scooped her up and hugged her tightly, “Hi Dani-Bear! Did you fun at Nanna and Pop Pops?” you kissed her cheek. “Yes! Nanna gave me this!” she smiled widely before showing you the photo of younger Nat who had blue air. “It’s mommy!” she boosted. “Wow baby, that’s so special, we better make sure we don’t lose it” you smiled back, brush her baby hairs out of her face. 

“It’s okay, I have copies” Melina smiled. “Thank you for having her, I’m so sorry it was last minute. Yelena got called away and usual on our anniversary’s she’ll take little bear for the night”

“Don’t stress, we loved having her. She’s always welcome here, so are you” Melina assured you. “Did you go see mommy?” Dani asked, her eyes still glued to the photo in her tiny hand. “I did” you smiled softly. 

Dani knew there was a special place that you would go to sometimes to be with mommy, she wanted to go but was too scared to ask you in case you would say no or start crying. 

“Can we talk for a moment?” Melina asked earning a nod from you, “Sure. Dani-Bear, how about you go say goodbye to the pigs before we go” you placed the little girl on her feet. “Okay mama!” she smiled before running over to the pig pen. “What’s up?” you looked at Melina. 

“Last night she asked why you never take her with you to Nat’s grave. We told her that you would take her one day, but she was upset about it and said she’d never ask you because she didn’t want to upset you” she explained. Your heart broke and the thought of your daughter worried she’d hurt your feelings worried you. “She’s never mentioned to me, I’ve always planned to take her I just didn’t want to overwhelm her, I mean, Yelena and I only explain the truth to her a few months ago” you replied with a worried look. 

“It’s okay Y/n, we thought that might have been the case, we just wanted you to know” Melina rubbed your right shoulder. “Thank you, I was hoping to have a little more time before this happened” you admitted. 

The following week you decided you’d take Dani to Natasha’s grave, asking Yelena if she’d come along for the drive. 

“Dani-Bear, can you come here please?” you called from the living room, Yelena sitting beside you. “Coming Mama!” her little voice travelled from her bedroom while she rushed to the living room. “What’s the matter Mama?” she smiled sweetly at you, her Black Widow plushie in one hand and the photo of Nat in the other. You smiled softly back to her and patted your lap for her to sit on, giving her a helping lift to get comfortable. Since Melina had given her the photo of young Natasha, she didn’t let it out of her sight. She slept with it under her pillow while hugging tightly to her Black Widow plushie which needed an upgrade it was getting too old. The small photo went everywhere with the little girl, to school, to the park, to the bathroom at bath time (sitting on the countertop to avoid water damage), to the mall, anywhere and everywhere. 

“We’re going to go on a little road trip” you started earning a sigh from the small human “am I staying at Auntie Lena and Katie’s again?” she pouted. “No baby, Auntie Yelena is coming with us” you smiled. “That’s right” Yelena confirmed. Dani smiled once again, “where are we going?” she asked with excitement. “Well, you know how sometimes Mama goes to see Mommy?” 

Dani nodded. 

“Now it’s Dani’s turn” you added. Dani looked at you with her big green eyes and smiled widely, “really?” she almost jumped from your lap. “Of course, honey. Anytime you want to be with mommy all you have to do is ask and we’ll take you” you kissed her forehead. Dani snuggled her plushie close to her chest, “can I take some toys for mommy?” she asked. “You can take anything you’d like” 

Dani slid off your lap and ran to her room with excitement. Yelena looked over at your as hurt washed over you. “Are you okay?” she asked. 

“It shouldn’t be like this” you mumbled, “she’s so excited to see a stone, Lena” you added. 

“It might be all she needs, just to be a little closer to her” Yelena tried to comfort you, you nodded at her words and left the conversation as it was.  

----

Yelena drove to Ohio so you could mentally prepare yourself for any questions Dani might have. She sat in her seat in the back seat, as excited as she has ever been and barely keeping still. “I brought some pencils and my drawing book” she broke the silence, “I’m going to draw mommy the biggest picture ever!”

“She’ll love it baby” you smiled at her through the review mirror. 

“I also brought my teacups for when mommy gets thirsty” she continued you. 

Yelena side eyed you and saw tears filling your eyes as Dani told you all the things, she packed in her little school bag and how excited she was. Yelena placed a hand on your knee and squeezed lightly, “It’s okay” she mouthed when you looked at her sending a memory of Natasha to your mind. 

~ “Don’t stress baby girl, they’ll love you! They have too” Natasha smiled as she squeezed your thigh gently. “This is your parents, Nat, and from what you’ve already told me, Melina seems stubborn to please” you sighed. 

“Oh please, she’s fine. It’s Alexei that will annoy the shit out of you” Natasha joked. ~

“Come on Mama! Let’s go!” Dani chanted from the backseat, breaking your memory. “I’m coming” you smiled softly at her over your shoulder. 

With Dani’s tiny hand squeezing yours with excitement and her purple backpack full of things she wanted to show Nat, you walked with her and Yelena to the stone under the tree where Natasha’s name was engraved. You held your breath for a moment as Dani ran her tiny fingers over Natasha’s name, Yelena stood closely behind you but not enough to invade your space. 

Dani turned to face you; her little lips had a pout to them as you braced yourself for the 50 questions that were probably running wildly through her ever-growing mind. “Auntie Lena could you please put the blanket down?” she asked to your surprise. “Of course, Dani-Bear” Yelena stepped before you with the large picnic blanket. This was harder on you than you thought it would be. You turned around and walked away a few steps up the small hill and sat yourself down under a big thick tree. 

You painfully watched as your daughter happily pulled out some toys, plushies, her pencil case and some books. “I brought this to read mommy!” you heard her say as Yelena sat down next to you.

~ “I never thought the Black Widow would be a picnic in the park type of gal!” you joked with a chuckle, “It’s a secret, only you know about it” she smirked before kissing you tenderly. You lay comfortably between her legs, your back resting gently on her chest as you studied the textbook in your lap. 

“I know we came here for you to study but” Nat closed the textbook and placed it beside her, “Natty, I only just started” you playful sighed, “I’m sure your teacher will understand your girlfriend needs some attention” she whispered, kissing you one more. “Mm” you hummed at the taste of her ChapStick with your eyes closed as she kissed you once more, “open your eyes krasivaya” she whispered. 

Slowly you opened your eyes to Natasha’s right hand in front of you with a ring that had a red diamond standing proudly. “Nat” you gasped shifting out from between her legs and facing her. “Marry me dorogoy” she smiled; your eyes filled with tears of happiness. “Are you serious?” you asked in slight shock. 

“I’ve never been more serious. Baby, being you with you has made me want things in life I didn’t think I could ever have. You make life worth living, you make the world better by just being you. I love you and I only want to come home to you every day” 

You didn’t need to think about an answer, you nodded, “yes, of course!” ~

“You know, I’ve never seen Natasha as happy as she was when she spoke about you” Yelena’s voice brought you back. You looked at Yelena and smiled softly. “I had to literally tell her to shut up at one point” she chuckled. She was just trying to make you feel better, “she would’ve loved that” you replied, “her little sister telling her to shut it” you added. 

It was awkward silence between the two of you for a moment as you both watch Dani set up her plastic tea set, tiny yellow cups in a circle, one for her, her plushies and one for Natasha. “Here mama and Lena” she ran up to the both of you with a cup each. 

“Thank you, Dani-Bear,” you smiled at your daughter before she ran back to the picnic blanket. “She’s just a little Nat” Yelena smiled to herself. “it’s crazy how much she reminds me of her, and she didn’t even get the real chance to meet her” your eyes glued on the scene before you. 

You, Yelena, and Dani stayed at the sight for as long as Dani wanted, eventually she fell asleep by her mother as you and Yelena threw memories of Nat back and forth between each other. “We should get her home before it gets too late” you stood up and brushed the dirt from your pants. 

Gently you picked Dani up into your arms after you helped Yelena pack up her things. Yelena chuckled quietly, “look” she said and pointed to Nat’s gravestone. 

“My mommy” was written in blue crayon with hearts and butterflies drawing around it. You smiled softly, “she loves her so much” you whispered. 

----

Now that Dani had gone to the special place you visited, she always asked if you could take her back there on the weekends and if she was with Melina and Alexei that weekend, you’d take her the day before. She loved going to Nat’s place of rest and always told her what she learnt at school recently. 

“Mama” Dani’s voice was soft as she stood at your bedroom door, “what’s wrong Dani-Bear” you sat up, your phone read ‘2:45am’. “I had a bad dream” she pouted before running towards your bed. “Come here, baby” you helped her onto the bed, she cuddled into you tightly as she cried. “Shh baby, mama’s here” you held her tightly, kissing the top of her head. “Do you want to tell me about it? It might make you feel better” you asked. 

Dani shook her head, “it was really really scary” she sobbed. “Where’s your plushie of mommy? Is it in your bed, I’ll go and get it for you” 

“I left it with mommy” she looked up at you. It was rare that Dani would have nightmares, a few when she was learning to sleep in her big girl bed, but she always had her Black Widow plushie to cuddle before she fell asleep. “It’s okay honey, Mama will buy you another tomorrow” you pulled her closer. 

After a while, she stopped her crying and her grip on you loosened. “Mama” she spoke softly not to wake you, “Yes princess?” you replied. “Why did mommy have to die?” she looked up at you. She’d never asked this question before, it was always “where’s mommy” or “what did mommy look like” and other typical questions but never why. 

You took a deep breath in and brushed the messy baby hairs from Dani’s face. “Well, right now you’re a little too young to understand but when you’re older I promise to tell you everything but all you need to know is mommy saved the world, she brought auntie Yelena and Wanda back to us” you explained. “Do you promise mama?” she asked. “I do” you placed another kiss on the top of her head. 

----

For Halloween, Kate managed to get Yelena to go trick or treating but only one condition that Dani came with them. The two friends came over to help get Dani ready. “Can I come in yet?” you smirked knowing it would get a reaction out of Dani. 

“Not yet mama! I’m not ready!” she called causing you to chuckle, “Okay Dani-Bear, I’ll be in the living room waiting”

You sat on the sofa and waiting for Dani and her two aunties to come out of her bedroom, you knew Kate was doing most of the helping. The living room had plenty of photos of Dani and yourself, mixed with the small number of photos you were blessed to have of Nat. Wanda was coming over to be with you while Dani went trick or treating with Yelena and Kate, red wine and a cheese board waited the both of you. 

“Ready mama!!” Dani called, “close your eyes!” she adds. 

“They’re closed” you smiled. You heard the door open and the small footsteps of the little girl running towards the living room and suddenly it was quiet, and you heard a playful groan come from Yelena. 

“Open!” Dani smiled. You gasp and smile widely at Dani who was in her mini–Black Widow outfit and posing just like Natasha used too. “You look adorable!” you complimented.

“Such a mini poser” Yelena mumbled earning a playful slap from Kate. 

“Let me take a picture!” you pulled out your phone. 

“I wanted to look just like mommy!” she smiled for the camera and quickly posed for another photo, this time pointing her fake widow bites towards the camera. 

“Such a mini poser!” Yelena mumbled once again. 

“Mommy would’ve loved this” you said as Dani hugged you tightly, “do you have your pumpkin?” you asked, “Auntie Katie has it” she kissed your cheek, “I love you mama” she whispered. “I love you most Dani-Bear” you hugged her tightly, planting many kisses on her cheeks causing her to giggle uncontrollably. “Stop mama!” she giggled more, “help auntie Lena” she called. 

“Sorry kid can’t help you this time I uh, I have to get a drink” she dashed to the kitchen as you continued to overload the toddler with love. “You be good for auntie Katie and Yelena, okay? And watch for cars!” 

“I will mama! I promise” she jumped from your hold, “and no candy until you get home” you added, “mama has to check it before you can eat it” 

“Okay mama” Dani grabbed her pumpkin bowl from Kate and waited by the door for Yelena to return. Before you knew it the three were out the door and, on their way to collect candy. Wanda was running a bit behind which gave you the perfect excuse to freshen up and collect your thoughts. 

You wondered what Dani and Natasha would’ve been like together, how much fun they’d have while pretending to keep it a secret from you, you wondered about the family trips you’d take, just the three of you, you wondered if you and Natasha would have more children at one point. Being so busy being the best mother you could to Dani, you weren’t able to completely come to terms with Natasha’s passing.  You didn’t allow yourself to be available for another relationship, all your focus was on Dani and rising her to be the wonderful and loving child she is. 

Sitting on the edge of your bed you grabbed the photo of Nat that always sat on your bedside table. Tears quickly filled your eyes at the feeling of the lovely, deep hole in your heart where Natasha once filled with life. 

“I can’t stop thinking about you Natty” you spoked to the photo as if she could hear. “I miss you more and more every day, I used to look at our baby girl and my heart aches for you even more. I was so mad at you, deep down for so long because you left me…you left us, and I know you didn’t want too. You did what you had too. 

But I love you so much and doing this without you hasn’t been easy…I look at our baby girl and all I see is you. She’s a mini you and she loves you so, so much and I couldn’t help but think why didn’t you just stay with me? With us.

 But now, Natty, I look at her and I realise you never left. Every day she grows more, and she reminds me of all the little things you did. Without her, I have no idea what I would’ve done. She’s our beautiful baby girl, the angel we hoped for, the life we dreamt off isn’t the same without you but it’s okay…we’re okay and when the time comes, she’ll understand why you couldn’t stay with us but in my heart you will always be there.

I love you so much, my dear” tear drops landed on the framed photo, “you’ll always be my person, even if I have to share you with our little girl” you added.