yes and amen to all of it. i am so relieved that this feeling, or lack of, exists, and is normal! itâs just about the trickiest thing. because it sounds so simple, and clear. but it is also so internal that maybe people donât notice it or realize they are anomic themselves. it makes the journey very lonely.
in sociology, we learned that everyone goes through some kind of anomie. at some point in life. itâs just a part of building social identity. and HOW do you realize that thatâs what youâre going through. how do you realize itâs not just a funk that never seems to pass, but a necessary part of life. because nobody knows what the ânecessary parts of lifeâ are.. but we like to think theyâre obvious, and thatâs whatâs tricky!
I donât really know why it is so. but Iâm just glad thereâs a method to the madness. with anomie, there is a constant worry and stress. always feeling like you do one thing right, and miss out on everything else. get everything else wrong. always feeling like there is constantly something to experience, constantly something to do, and never enough time. always looking for balance. and peace! but never seem to get there because social norms, they add on. and the more you have on your plate, the more you donât know how to handle it because this part of life, your life, doesnât come with guidelines. and people will listen but itâs not like they know how to help you. cause how can they tell you how to handle your shit? that what youâre feeling is completely normal.. cause idk if anyone would recognize they have the same problem. we all deal with it differently.Â
I thought there was something wrong with me.. itâs funny now, but I genuinely did. I thought not being able to feel stemmed from my own heart. and maybe a part of it does. but my constant searching and inner void of appetite, is all in part of this âpersonal unrestâ from life. It takes so much to try and be comfortable with all the things I have to do, it seems like âfeelingâ is at the bottom of the list of priorities. cause itâs something you should know how to do, not something you have to think about. but in this dysfunction, you are stuck in limbo. so for now, I will let that be my answer. right now is the time I learn how to juggle. I said I noticed it when I turned 18 and itâs all kind of a given now.. for now Iâll let it be.
it is only my second semester in community college, and wow. education has a way of taking everything you know and twisting the shit out of it! make you sure of some parts of yourself and then completely blow the other parts to pieces. itâs up to us to try and find them again. confusion and doubt and never really resting. it kind of forces you to deal with the fact that we donât really know shit. what is ânormalâ IS unknown and scary. and our perception of our own knowledge will constantly change. as will security within ourselves. and thatâs okay.. call it simple, and call me naive. but i think a delayed reaction is a lot better than having none at all. anomie is my friend.
blakekathryn
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jacobvanloon
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