For those of us who appreciate Joey Comeau

My self-summary

I want to meet someone a little bit wild about motor-boating. Someone who hears the word riot and thinks “I wish someone would put his face in my boobs and just motorboat me” before they think “disaster.” Someone who is kind, too. And gentle. Self sufficient and self-confident but with room for them to rely on someone else sometimes. Someone who I could trust and who would trust me in return. Who is intelligent and good with feelings. Who believes that the world should have a little chaos in it, but enjoys the calm before the storm. Must like to be motor boated.

What I’m doing with my life

I’m a writer, and happy with my career. I am lucky to make a living doing something that is important to me. I write novels about men and women who struggle to understand their strange compulsion to go bwa-bwa-bwa-bwa-bwa in between a lady’s honkers. And an online comic.

I’m really good at

I like a challenge, and I like solving puzzles. Puzzles are the best. I like learning new things. I can pick locks. I could teach you, in exchange for letting me go on a buck wild and sloppy motor boat ride.

The six things I could never do without

chess, candy, consent, communication, queers, and two honkers.

I spend a lot of time thinking about

I love Jimmy Stewart’s character in Harvey. He’s just always so good natured. He says, - Years ago my mother used to say to me, she’d say, “In this world, Elwood, you must be” - she always called me Elwood - “In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.” Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me. That’s nice! Also, sometimes I think about just holding someone’s hand and going for a nice walk. Or cuddling and watching a movie. I do have a sensitive side. It’s not all about M-Jobs with me.

You should message me if

!!!

y'all, though, seriously