C O N T A G I O U S

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"I.. am totally lost in what you’re talking about."

"It all started when they asked me to work a shift at Fuckbear's. I set down my keys on top of this pizza that was left in the kitchen. I put them there because I knew the damn chicken would try to eat it if I didn't try to eat it soon, and then I'd dump all the crumbs on the stupid rabbit's face while he was asleep. They wouldn't know until AFTER I was paid, so it was a win-win. But then I got distracted when the old nightguard called me, talking about the instructions. Before I got the chance to answer it, I realized the stupid bird was going to come in the kitchen at any minute, and there was no way I was sharing that pizza. So I start chowing down on that thing with my bare hands, but the crust was really dry so I chugged a bunch of the sodas they kept on tap. Eventually I had to go, but when I flushed, the water kept coming out and there wasn't a damn plunger. They'd probably alcohol me up if they found out I'd broken one of their toilets, so I jammed my foot in there in hopes it'd stop flushing. Then the phone rings again, and I knew it was the old nightguard again. Except the damn bear thought it'd be funny to change my ringtone to 'You Are A Pirate', The fox-dog-crapstrosity starts flipping shits and getting caught in the cove curtains. Anyone who knows that thing knows he'll probably wreck anything, including my pizza and me myself."