Forget Me Not

I don’t really feel like a person right now. Every emotion I have around others feels so fabricated and put on. For months now, and more now than when it started, I feel like I just ~exist~ and thats it. I have no purpose, no friends, no one who cares about me at all. Just people who cared about me once but I wasn’t around long enough for them to care more than two or three years after I leave. Everyday, I’m just going through the motions. I wake up, work, eat, work more, exercise (because thats what functioning people do), eat again, watch a show or two, go to bed, and start over. I have no sense of identity or really personality. It feels like every time I am social I’m just acting like what people are used to. Idk, sometimes I do feel happy, usually after being social, but after that I go back to feeling just so so empty. I truly feel like I just exist to work and push the few friends I still have away and make myself feel even more heavy. It’s not even constant sadness it's just nothing. Every time I do something that I think was wrong or bad, I don’t feel sad, I feel heavy. Like another brick has been added to a wall of mistakes I cary on my shoulders. I can’t break down that wall or figure out who I am. I feel like I’ll feel this emptiness forever. Just lost in myself and not being able to get out. Maybe one day the emptiness I feel will get rid of me caring about being lost and I’ll end up a shell of a person, just existing because that’s what we’re supposed to do.