Stop occupying the corners of my mind ..
I canāt trust anyone and that wound you left is still fresh.
Lately Ive been so painfully aware of the fact that itās almost been a year now since we last spoke.
I got 2nd bested today by a newer relationship and it hurt a bit
I donāt like that I want to completely withdraw from an entire human because of one small action especially when the tenor isnāt there.
Iām scared to let someone as close as I let you in.
I even find myself closing of to my husband because for a brief moment I let someone in close and I trusted you with my whole existence. Then you disappeared without so much as a goodbye or a fuck you.
When you entered my life I learned to love the color yellow⦠I craved the warmth of the sun⦠I felt so blessed to exist just to see your sunbeams.
We shared so many intimate thoughts and words we dare not speak out loud when other are around. For the first time I felt seen heard loved. You healed the part of my soul that said I wasnāt allowed to love myself, that I was worthy of true honest unconditional love and I felt the same for you.
No one feels like you did
No one fits the spot in my soul
When I got to exist around you I never wanted anything more than to make sure I contributed anything and everything I could into giving you the world you dreamed of.
Somethings always in the way Iām was in the way once you found my replacement and this one came with a friend for him.
I hope youāre doing better without me. In many ways I have excelled in this last year youād be so proud. I know it. I just donāt think Iāll find a friend that feels like the home we both deserved.
I hate moving on but I am trying. Just most people they donāt understand the neurodivergence they donāt know why I canāt handle a last minute change of plans. Iām a flake Iām a shit friend but you made me want to be the best person. The person that I want I wanted to be and I put too much on you I know I have my fair share of blame to hold. I think everytime I begin to feel close to anyone youāll always haunt my brain.
For now youre still my sun āļø except now im Pluto
- sad confused and rambling