Camelot's Hope

She often wished she could remove these difficult dresses, they always made things so uncomfortable to breathe, which was why she loved the armor or even the clothing men used. she knows that for the sake of appearances, she’s not allowed to claim she’s friends with a servant, no matter how close she really is to lara jean and merlin. she doesn’t mind allowing lara jean access to the garden, the only other she allowed was merlin because she trusted him so deeply. “merlin is going to have a hard time with my brother no matter what happens. i’ll be fine walking back. you be safe, if you’re not going to let me sneak away with you.”

She knows that lara jean would rather be in the library, if she was honest, she enjoyed places where she could hide as well. she often would hide away from the world in her mother’s gardens. everyone would be busy with arthur, no one would really notice the princess slipping away for a few hours. there were few people allowed in the gardens, with lara jean being one of them. it was nice to have a friend, even if they just sat in silence reading. she shook her head gently, “ you mean the kind or the lords who are all busy praising my brother about his recent tourney win? i think they’ll survive without my presence. besides, i could walk with you to the library before returning. ”

Returning her smile easily, she stepped closer to her friend. she trusted lara jean with her fears and worries, knowing that she would never tell her father. she was glad when she was alone with her or merlin that she could open herself up to them, she treated them as friends and that exactly what they were. they were not just servants in her eyes, not when they all shared this deep bond. “i understand, i don’t always like being surrounded by everyone as well. we can stay out here.”

Arwen felt a flush forming on her cheeks when their fingers couched and didn’t want to let go of him. Feeling him squeeze her hand, she let out a soft noise. It meant the world to her that he was here. “I’m glad… I don’t want you to be anywhere else.” Merlin was always loyal to her even if she never deserved it at times. She often felt that way at times. “Oh, strawberry tarts, I could live for some tarts right about now. I can just taste them,” she hummed happily and squeezed Merlin’s hand as she walked together, it was going to be good to return home.

When they reached the lower towns, she felt Merlin let go of her hand and it made her heart sink. She didn’t know how she felt about that but didn’t saw anything as she saw the guards and gave a smile to her people. She knows that surviving the battle will boost the morale of the kingdom and she would be here to stay. She leaned in and smiled softly at Merlin’s words. “I’ll see you there,” she whispered back before turning to walk the familiar path to the great hall. She had thought she’d never see here again, sitting down at the round table. Now, she’ll never have to fear what comes tomorrow.

There were indeed some strawberry tarts in the kitchens. The head cook was too busy to notice him, fortunately, but Cassandra had. “For the queen,” she said with a gentle smile as she passed him a plate of food and another of tarts. “And you can help yourself. Agnes is too busy to notice right now.” Smiling softly, Merlin replied, “Thank you Cassie.” He picked up a tart from the counter and scarfed it down, along with another before he grabbed an apple to carry while he took the tray to the Great Hall.

Arwen smiled as she nodded her head, “I’ll show them to you, we’ll make a day of it, have lunch and I’ll see if I can find the albums I have.” She used to dream of taking Merlin to Paris and show him all of her favorite places. She doesn’t see that happening now. He hates her too much and it wasn’t as if she could blame him. She’s so tired of all the fighting, she’s tired of being tough and keeping up a wall. This was Merlin, they were supposed to be better this. She never knows anymore where she stood with Merlin, one minute she thinks they are getting closer, then thing they are blowing up at each other. She’s trying be a better person, but it just feels like Merlin wants to pick a fight for whatever reason.

When she sat in the passenger seat, she could see how happy Hunter was for tonight. At the end, Hunter is what mattered. She feels so drained all of a sudden, the ride wouldn’t be long, but she felt her eyes growing heavier as she pressed her forehead against the window. She felt so small when it came to her and Merlin. It wasn’t his fault, she’s to blame for all of this, she did a bad thing. She’s asleep before they even left for the carnival. She just wanted them to be happy again, even if its for one night.

Merlin didn’t mean to make Arwen feel guilty for all of this. He never wanted to hurt anyone any way at all. And yet he knew he kept pointing fingers at her and that he shouldn’t. She’d done what she’d done and he hadn’t exactly made the best effort to contact her. He could have gone to Paris. He could have gotten her address from her father even though he didn’t like him. He should have done more and he was as much to blame. Merlin knew that he needed to start making up for his own mistakes.

Arwen didn’t want Merlin to carry all this guilt on his shoulders for lying to her about his magic. She understood, why he did what he needed to keep it a secret. Her father would have killed anyone who had magic, even if his suspicions were wrong like with Gwen’s father. She had never quite forgiven her father for that. She’s not sure what them sharing hearts was going to mean for their future. She hopes that Merlin wasn’t planning on leaving, they did have a lot to talk about. “True, we did survive the battle, I should have a better outlook.” But she’ll have to have to talk to a lot of the families before she can give herself a chance to relax.           

Smiling softly at his words, Arwen reached out and gently held his hand within hers. “Thank you, it means a lot to me that you are here.” She knows that Merlin would never leave her side, nor would she leave his side. Looking at Camelot in front of her, she nodded her head, “I can make it the rest of the way there. The sooner we get home the better.”

Merlin felt his breath catch as Arwen’s fingers curled around his own. That didn’t mean that he let go of her. Instead, he squeezed gently to let her know that he was there. “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” He knew his loyalty to the queen was astounding to most, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. “Yeah? Let’s go home then. I’m sure there will be some strawberry tarts waiting for you when we get there.” He smiled gently over at her, squeezing her hand once more before he continued on leading the way.

She knows that she should be out there for the party, but she doesn’t have the same excitement for it as she once normally does. She doesn’t know if it’s the reason for the party or the people, she had wanted sometime alone, noticing Lara Jean leaving and heading outside for fresh air and the blonde followed shortly after. “I could ask you the same thing. I don’t care about the party, I care about you.”

She doesn’t know why she’s trying so hard to make amends. She should just allow the druids to help her return to her kingdom and become queen.Then she can give the druids their freedom like she had always wanted to give them and put her walls back up. She’ll be just like her father without all of his anger and violent tendencies. Maybe he was right about ruling a kingdom, she wasn’t going to have friends. She would just have to rule alone like Uther always expected her too. There was no room in her heart for anyone else.

She knows that its foolish to hold her breath in the water and stay under for as long as she has been. She wanted to be alone, but her whole heart is so torn over everything. She was glad that no one came looking for her, but she knows that she couldn’t stay here forever. Once she felt her lungs were starting to burn, she pulled herself up and out of the water, taking harsh breaths of air. Hopefully no one sees that the once princess and queen attempted to drown herself in water, at least she’ll lie about what she was doing if anyone asks why she was wet.

Whirling around toward the water, Merlin spotted Arwen there, gasping for breath. He glared over at her even though she didn’t see him. What did she think that she was doing? Was she trying to…what? He wasn’t going to even think about it. Merlin slipped out of his jacket and walked over to the edge of the water. “Get out of there,” Merlin said, an order in his tone as well as in his words. “And get over here before you freeze to death.” Unless that was what she wanted and he really didn’t want to even think about it.

Hearing his snapping words, she shook her head. He’ll never understand that for one moment, she acted with her heart instead of her mind. Her mind knew that Merlin was smart enough to protect himself, her heart? Her heart wanted to protect the man she loved, even if this was the consequences of it all. He’ll always hate her and she’ll never be admit to tell him that it was out of love that she did this. Maybe it was for the best, he was with his own people and he could be happier and married to one of the druids, not wondering about her anymore.

Walking away was better, she used to argue with Merlin so much when they first met, not all of her fighting was drained out of her. She ignored the looks from the others, slipping away into the ever growing night. This was for the best, she could leave and no one would ever worry about her again, Camelot could be ruled by her sister, Leon and Merlin would move on and she could cease to exist. Reaching a small lake, she doesn’t hesitate to walk into it, letting the water reach up to her waist. She wished there was a current so it could take her far, far away from here. She feels like a failure and its taking everything not to cry, so she won’t let anyone see her. Sinking into the water, she goes under; shutting her eyes tight and allows herself to scream. No one would hear her so far away from the camp and being under the water.

As much as he had tried to make himself hate Arwen, he never had been able to. There had been others too. Well, one other. And she had been killed. Merlin felt like giving up on love entirely. It wasn’t worth it anymore, not when everyone either left forever or sent him away. He was bitter about the whole thing and the few friends among the druids that he had made had tried to convince him to find someone else and he wouldn’t. There wasn’t any point when he was left this heartbroken. Arwen was there and he felt worse than ever about the whole thing.

She’s not sure if she believed him, surely he must not have trusted her a little bit. Why else didn’t he come out and tell her he had magic. She could understand when she was princess, she wouldn’t have been to help protect him much, but she was queen and she had made small changes to make sure those with magic weren’t harmed. “I’ve forgiven you for lying for so long. I know that you had your reasons.” She mused, holding onto Merlin’s hands as she stabilized herself before looking through the trees.

She wanted to keep a hold of his hand, there was a comfort there that she needed. She follows him regardless, letting out a breath as they began making their way through the forest. “I need to find out how many of us survived this battle…” when she finds out the ones who didn’t, it was going to be a time of sadness before she pushed forward with her new reforms now that Morgana is gone. “I’m okay, just thinking,” Arwen replied softly, making sure she didn’t trip over anything.  

Merlin looked down, still feeling guilty regardless of the fact that he did have her forgiveness. He didn’t deserve it. And he didn’t deserve her. Merlin wondered if it would hurt them for him to leave Camelot after he made sure she was safely there. He didn’t know what this sharing hearts thing would do to them. And he wasn’t sure if he should test the limits just yet since it was so new. He would just have to go home then, rest and then think on it tomorrow. “Maybe it’s a better outcome than you think,” Merlin replied hopefully. He didn’t like the thought of losing anyone that they had cared about and he knew that it would be hard for her to make those kinds of announcements to families who had lost someone.

  “They were the best strawberry tarts I have ever tasted. I don’t know what is different about these tarts, but they are the best ever.” She replied with a bright smile on her face. It was so much better than the cook’s, but she didn’t want the head cook to know about that one. She never wants to lose out on the good food that the cook makes for them.

    “Your Highness, if you don’t mind me asking; did you enjoy the strawberry tarts?” Cassie tried to ask when she could if anyone enjoyed what she had made, though they didn’t have to know she made it. She did also happen to know that the strawberry tarts were one of the princess’s favorite treats and she’d been working to perfect the recipe just for her. 

“You’re welcome,” she replied softly. She had hoped Merlin would like the book, and to see how happy he was just made her smile more. She was surprised when she found it, but she really should have known that there were false walls in the library. “Yes, we’ll have to sneak to the library during the night and check for other false walls. Who knows what we might find there?” She knew that it would be great if they could find more books from before the purge, it would help Merlin learn more magic. Her gift was beautiful and it was so thoughtful of Merlin to get her anything. “Yes, please,” she handed him the bracelet and held out her wrist so he could put it on her.

“I bet her garden is beautiful,” she loved going to big gardens and looking at the flowers. It made her think of what she would want her future garden to look like if she ever got a home in the future. But that was thinking too far into the future, she needed to just keep thinking of what’s in front of her, which was work and school.

“Well, I can’t say I blame you that you wouldn’t want to know where he was. I would be the same way. I love my flatmates, but I swear, we got no warning from Perce about his boyfriend moving in, so that wasn’t quite fair, plus, I like my space, I can’t exactly get any quiet moments when I have three now four flatmates. “I would love to come see your place, the sooner I can get out the better,” she joked softly. “Why don’t I come by and see it tonight or tomorrow? Whichever works for you.” She suggested, knowing that it would be good to have a place where it was just her and another flatmate.

Merlin had a feeling that they would get along well. At least that was the kind of vibe that he got from Arwen and he liked thinking that he could have another friend in her. Besides, he needed more friends right now rather than worrying about what his ex was up to. At the mention of a Perce, Merlin’s eyebrows raised in surprised. “Perce. Do you mean Percival?” No, no way. That was too much of a coincidence. It was one thing for them to go to the same college, but another for his ex’s current boyfriend to be who lived with Arwen. Stop it, Merlin, he thought. There’s no use dwelling on any of it now, what’s done with Gwaine is done.

She has a good feeling about the two of them as well. She could use a friend who had similar interests and both of them could be quiet when the other needed it. She didn’t need to be bombarded with four guys everytime she returned home from classes or ballet practice. She nodded her head, “Yeah, Percival, normally goes by Percy. Why?” That couldn’t be the same guy who was now dating Merlin’s ex could it? New York was supposed to be bigger than that, how on Earth could that have happened. Regardless, she should distract Merlin so that he doesn’t think too much about this.

@futuraequeen​   ╱    𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚌𝚊𝚕𝚕 .

“You say that now, but if either one of us got burned from the sun, then it wouldn’t look pretty as all,” she teased him. She couldn’t resist leaning into his hand and smiled. It would be so nice to get away from it all for a few days, even though as queen that was going to always be impossible. The gardens almost always could put her in a better mood. She could stay here for hours and often did as a young girl to escape the pressures she often felt.  

She couldn’t help the grin that formed on her face when she got Merlin to laugh. She did always feel proud of herself when she could do that. “Exactly, the younger nobles know better than to harass me about marriage.” She was surprised that he even brought up the discussion of marriage between them. They were quite serious about each other, but she never thought Merlin would want to marry her, he didn’t really want to be king, it was like pulling teeth when she offered the role of advisor. “I see,” she didn’t question it further as she returned a tender kiss to his cheek as well. “You do always like me being on the edge, you just like messing with my nerves,” she joked. However he chose to go about a proposal, she’ll just have to wait and see, she already knew what her answer would be.

“I’m glad. You shouldn’t be bothered about that. It’s up to you whom and when you want to marry,” Merlin replied, relieved to know she hadn’t been pressured lately. If he had any say in it then she would never be bothered about getting married again. He just hoped the nobles would hold off until he did officially propose to her. Though he wasn’t her servant anymore however, Merlin did worry that there would be those that argued against them when they knew he offered her hand in marriage. He wasn’t a prince. He was just her royal adviser now. That still wouldn’t mean much to some, but Merlin knew that Arwen would fight it no matter what.