embracism

i am that unemployed friend who is watching every wc match goddamn it i wanted norway to win so bad. i just ordered a double cheese burger and i'm getting for vargentina now pure hate watching this next game

i was so happy a year ago when i found a band i enjoyed so much they became my little obsession but then i did what i always do and hung out with them and it kinda backfired because i befriended one of them. he has a crush on me i guess and we talk all the time. we already making plans to meet in november and it's sickening i don't need friends i need parasocial relationships for my daydream scenarios

when you love a band so much but you already fucked them like what's there left to do lmfao the bassist just paid for my uber

didn't go to work because because i got too invested listening to talk talk's spirit of eden

love pretending i'm sober because i'm not drinking but actually i'm on edibles. apparently i hide it too well but in the inside i'm tripping balls. i just somehow become very chill and nonverbal and mostly just laugh at everything and people like that because i'm annoying/annoyed as fuck.

i'm having such a hard time eating these days. i lie to myself sometimes and think it's due to getting distracted, anxious or just this weird thing i have where i do not feel hunger until i'm starving but this is basically ED territory... i don't care about calories, health, i don't restrict but i'd rather die than be fat and idk i feel really shit because i've been trying to have breakfast for two hours and i simply can't swallow this food. wtf. i have a big day of live music and drinking and im going to fucking collapse

being 30+ and asking someone to hang out is so humiliating why don't things just happen. i used to out for a walk with no agenda then run into x person doing the same and we walk together then we come up with a great plan and we keep finding others on the way it really used to be like that

saw a picture of faris and rhys (unsolicited) and legit found it so disgusting i closed the tab so quick and forgot what the hell i was doing on the first place i also came here to type this. it's even more embarrssing than seeing an ex hard launch a new girl

first time in weeks i was able to get up before 12 and it was because i took 2 lorazepam and 3 weed last night. all this because i have a nail appointment that i could have scheduled for later but i needed this challenge. i feel so sedated, i'm a night creature

8 weeks later this nerd band guy and i still talk, on a daily basis. he's on tour sending me shit (probably to other girls too, i know) and i react with 🤣. he's my loyal story liker. i made him a spotify playlist with songs that were meant for my ex and i can tell he's been religiously listening to it because i found his lastfm profile. safe to say this is the closest to a situationship i've ever had.

i love mondays. i go to the supermarket to get eggs and make a nice breakfast. new episode of euphoria. i read emails and answer some. then i do my 3 hour shift and because i'm the last one to leave the office i steal some beers. i get tipsy on my way home and agree to plans. i put on a nice outfit because i'm going to the fetish club in a bit with some punks i met a month ago. said outfit got me a fire emoji reaction from my favorite long distance situationship. living my best life.