Am I watching My Royal Nemesis simply because I noticed it was color-coded?
NO! I started watching it because I noticed the almost $4,000 red leather Gucci purse.
And that's how I realized the purse (along with everything else) was color relevant.
So now I am watching it because it's color coded.
But that's not the only reason I'm watching it! I'm also watching it because it's sun and moon coded/light x dark dynamic, which is why an eclipse happened in both timelines.
But also, there's a whole thing about red flowers, specifically peonies, "the king of flowers," and how they are the most beautiful flower in a garden full of beautiful flowers.
(The flowers are her)
Because she was the most beautiful flower blooming in the royal garden before she was plucked and crushed.
But she wasn't always the red flower and her love interest wasn't always the dark cloud.
He was blue. Loyal. Smart. Kind (to her).
And she was pink, even in the current timeline.
So I think the past and the present Shin Seo-Ri are the same person since the grandmother mentioned an accident occurred and Shin Seo-Ri forgot who she was then, so maybe she had an accident at work again and woke up with full memories of her past life . . . but that's not what this post is about. It's about the colors, and how slowly, these two are getting back to their softer colors.
Instead of always being red and black, they are gradually moving to pink and blue one color step at a time.
And it's probably because they found each other again in the midst of an eclipse with a shining red comet included.
Or maybe it's because love (mixed with this bokeh effect) reveals everyone's true color.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
β Live Streamingβ Interactive Chatβ Private Showsβ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
Am I watching My Royal Nemesis simply because I noticed it was color-coded?
NO! I started watching it because I noticed the almost $4,000 red leather Gucci purse.
And that's how I realized the purse (along with everything else) was color relevant.
So now I am watching it because it's color coded.
But that's not the only reason I'm watching it! I'm also watching it because it's sun and moon coded/light x dark dynamic, which is why an eclipse happened in both timelines.
But also, there's a whole thing about red flowers, specifically peonies, "the king of flowers," and how they are the most beautiful flower in a garden full of beautiful flowers.
(The flowers are her)
Because she was the most beautiful flower blooming in the royal garden before she was plucked and crushed.
But she wasn't always the red flower and her love interest wasn't always the dark cloud.
He was blue. Loyal. Smart. Kind (to her).
And she was pink, even in the current timeline.
So I think the past and the present Shin Seo-Ri are the same person since the grandmother mentioned an accident occurred and Shin Seo-Ri forgot who she was then, so maybe she had an accident at work again and woke up with full memories of her past life . . . but that's not what this post is about. It's about the colors, and how slowly, these two are getting back to their softer colors.
Instead of always being red and black, they are gradually moving to pink and blue one color step at a time.
And it's probably because they found each other again in the midst of an eclipse with a shining red comet included.
Or maybe it's because love (mixed with this bokeh effect) reveals everyone's true color.
Elio's script never lies; and the next act is simple: Blade is no longer of use, and it's time to grant his wish. His own funeral is imminent, and Kafka is in charge of delivering the news.
But instead, she gives in to her one desire. And it just makes reality so much harder to accept.
(nsfw drabble with angst)
This isnβt how itβs supposed to go.Β
Kafka cups his chin, forcing Blade to look her right in the eyes. Where thereβs pain, there is healing. And his eyes are so void of everything but anguish and torture that even Kafka doesnβt know what to do.
So instead of letting her spirit whisper lead, she leans in and presses her lips to his. βBladie,β she mumbles. βJust go with it. Whatever you want to do.β
~~~
βWhatβs her weakness?β
βHer partner. The one who calls himself Blade.β
βDo it.β
Kafka gasps, as if sheβs coming up for air after being held underwater for a long time, struggling to inflate her lungs fully as the panic sets in. Elio removes his hands from her shoulders and clicks his tongue.Β
βSnap out of it, Kafka.β
βWhat are they planning?β
βThat doesnβt concern you.β
Then why show me such a scene?
She doesnβt let up; her knees finally click back into position, and another breath helps her regain her composure. Elio has retreated to his desk, sitting behind it looking wholly unbothered.Β
βHey,β Kafka barks, marching across the marble floor and taking the chair opposite him, eyebrows raised as if sheβs spoiling for a fight. βThis isnβt fair. You wouldnβt have shared that vision with me if I didnβt have to -,β
βI donβt appreciate your tone, Kafka. You serve me, remember?β
βThen enlighten me as to what Iβm supposed to do with this information. What, theyβre going to try andβ¦ lure me out by compromising Blade somehow? Get me to rescue him again?β
βThat seems to be the case. But Kafka, if that happens, we canβtβ¦ we canβt risk this operation, not when weβre this close to securing this phase. Heβs expendable.β
Elioβs words are pointed, but matter of fact. βKafka. Tell Blade heβs served his purpose. Itβs time for us two to meet face to face.β
The words are on the tip of her tongue, but for some reason, she lacks the conviction to speak them out loud. No matter her personal feelings, she canβt let Elio see her falter; if he begins to distrust her then sheβll be just as expendable as Blade.
And Kafka is much easier to dispose of.
βDo you have anything else to say to me, Kafka?β
βNo. Iβll be on my way.β
She has to hold it together. For Bladeβs sake.Β
βSeems there are things you fear after all.β Elioβs last words echo in her ears on her way out.Β
The calm sets in when sheβs home; even if only on the surface. Silver Wolf barely notices anything is wrong, much too busy making Sam look like a fool and beating the shit out of his timings on some kind of hackathon game. Blade must be in his room. Good. Better to let this be a private affair.Β
βStep it up, Sam,β Kafka yawns as she walks past, throwing a half wave in their direction and making a beeline for the bedroom compartment. His dismayed cry in response - βSheβs cheating!β - is of no concern to her. Not when sheβs hovering at the door, ready to knock and enter, as business-like as possible.Β
Must you be so nervous? This is Bladeβs wish. It should be a happy occasion. You knew this would happen one day.
~~~
His hands grab at her waist almost immediately, a grip so tight that it takes Kafka by surprise. Blade pushes her against the door and closes the distance between them, nipping at her bottom lip, sucking as it splits and the tasteΒ of blood fills his mouth. Kafka moans into him and thrusts her hips forward, wishing she could get closer, wishing away the layers of clothes that still separate them.Β
She doesnβt like to lose control, and she knows she canβt, not around Blade - he needs her to be there for him. But with every second, his grip grows stronger, it starts to hurt and she wouldnβt be able to get away if she wanted to, and she knows itβs selfish, but she doesnβt care. βBlade,β Kafka tugs at the loose fabric of his tailcoat, her voice whinier than sheβs ever heard it. βI wantβ¦,β
βI need you,β he nuzzles into the nape of her neck as he speaks, steadying himself. βKafka, I donβtβ¦ I donβt know how toβ¦ my handsβ¦,β
βYour hands.β Kafka swallows the lump in her throat. The hands he relied on so much, that allowed him to craft, do the thing he loved so much. This world has taken everything from him, even the right to a real life and a real death.Β
I love you.
She wants to speak the words, but they wonβt come.Β
Instead, she says βDonβt worry about your hands.βΒ
Instead, she nods at him; a command to undress. She does the same; pushing him backward with a finger to his lips until he stumbles and falls onto the mattress.Β
Instead, she puts on a show for him, watches his tired eyes widen and his thick cock twitch as she takes off her shirt, her shorts, everything but her bra, because she wants to feel him fumble with the strap behind her back, not clumsy because of his loss of coordination but because heβs so desperate to see her tits, to touch her and kiss her and leave his mark all over.Β
Instead, she straddles him and lowers herself onto his cock, and she doesnβt stay quiet about it. His name spills from her mouth, she canβt help it, she feels so full; and Blade, God, Bladeβ¦ the way his eyes close and his lips part and he groans when she rocks her hips back and forth. The way his tongue looks so pretty, how she feels her stomach clenching imagining it lapping at her clit while she sits on his face, but no, not yet, this is all about Blade. Itβs always about Blade, really.Β
βKafka - Kafka, Iβm gonnaβ¦,β
Please, donβt take him away from me.Β
βYou can, please, please, please come for meβ¦,β sheβs shushing him, reassuring, gentle; even when he spills inside of her and her thighs ache, she doesnβt want to roll off of him, she doesnβt want to spend a second without him inside of her.Β
Please. I need him. Please donβt take him. There has to be another way.
Kafka is an expert at not crying. Crying has always just been a form of manipulation for her, which means she can control when she does and doesnβt do it. Holding back the tears is her saving grace.Β
βI have to tell you something, Blade.βΒ Β
βNo - not now,β heβs panting, the sweat is pouring down his face. βCan it wait?β
It canβt, but Kafka nods. She cocks her head, and Blade shifts onto his side; Kafka climbing behind him and pulling the covers up right over their heads. Sheβll wrap her arms around his waist and hold him all night, because as long as theyβre within this bubble of stale air and darkness, nothing can tear them apart.Β
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
β Live Streamingβ Interactive Chatβ Private Showsβ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
i'm always so fixated on blade being pathetic and dumb for kafka, worshipping the ground she walks on and falling apart at her command that it's taken me THIS long to start thinking about sub!kafka and... god... it's perfect because the former still applies, blade still worships her, he would do anything to make her feel good, and she lets him do his worst.
it's a different kind of trust. maybe she's only like this with blade. he's the only one to get her on her knees, looking up with tears in her eyes, hands obediently folded behind her back and thighs clenching. blade makes her feel small and pretty and fragile, like a doll. blade, who has big rough hands either calloused or bandaged, who wears his years of anguish on his once innocent face, who can make his voice sound so, so harsh, so coarse. even if kafka has to spend time coaxing him or working up his confidence, it's worth it, and she doesn't make him feel embarrassed, because when he sees what he can do to her with just his fingers, his touch and filthy words spilling from his mouth, he's addicted.
maybe this is another way he can gain control over the mara, a way to quell it. maybe even pre-emptively. maybe he can work it out like pent up energy before bed by rawing kafka from behind, his fingers shoved into her mouth to quieten her, because she is SUCH a screamer. she moans and whines and bites at him and gags, they're both messy and overstimulated and when blade spills his load in her cunt he's dizzy and his knees buckle, and kafka is able to vocalise properly again. blade musters up his stamina, cock aching and stomach hollow, exhausted - throwing himself across kafka's body, latching onto one of her nipples and sucking while his hand trails down to her soaking wet pussy; his thumb rubbing rough circles across her clit while he pumps in and out of her with two fingers until she cums, too. all to the soundtrack of her crying his name, and the pain of her nails digging into his skin.
tell me you need me (1 of 2) | c. berzatto x reader
It was good when you started but Carmen Berzatto had the ability to make anyone fall in love with him no matter how much you tried not to. (friends with benefits!carmen, smut, mndi!!!, unprotected p in v, smut! smut!, angst!! fluff, maybe some bad words, blood, unedited)
MASTER LISTS
TAGLIST
I need you tonight. Want to go?
You sighed at the message that Carmy sent you. βWant to goβ was a code for βI want to have sex.β and itβs been working pretty well for these past few months. You both needed some sort of release for the pent-up stress that you both have. Carmy, with the Bear and you, with art. You were a full-time artist; creating art inspired by food using oil paint and other forms of media. Youβve been stressed with your upcoming gallery opening next month. Would they love it? Itβs quite hard to meet the expectations after winning the Herb Alpert Award in the Arts last year. It was close to Carmyβs James Beard Foundation award, if not the same. In a way, at the end of the day, you were two people excelling in your jobs except for everything else. You sucked at relationships, friendships, connectionβ¦what wasnβt artistic; you sucked at. Carmy was the same. Without thinking, you typed your response, a four letter word. Maybe youβll see him tonight.
-
Carmy enters your home like he lived in it. He had his own set of keys, it was easier that way. Heβs been so stressed with the Bear and the only thing that he needs is to blow off some of that steam before he can be functional again. There was supposed to be a celebrity who was wishing for a whole fucking kitchen tour tomorrow and he had to stay behind to make sure that everything was perfect.Β
βHey,β he greets you when he sees you perched on your couch. He liked your apartment much better; at least you had multiple rooms and your own space. Itβs not like his; there was work everywhere while yours felt homey. Except your studio down the hallβdamn, how much do artists earn today?
βHey,β you replied. βDid you have dinner yet? I can heat up some of the Chinese food I ordered earlier.β
βNo, no. Itβs alright,β he says, removing his shoes in the doorway. You were always so tidy and meticulous. No outside clothes on the bed; he had to learn that the hard way. βActually, um, can-can I take a shower first? I want to wash the day away and I-I smell like the kitchen.β
βAnd you took the L,β
βUbered here, actually.β
βSurge rates?β
βI was in a rush.β
βOh,β you gulped. βWell, you still have your clothes in my wardrobe and your toiletries in my bathroom.β
βWhich one?β he asked. βWhich-which bathroom?β
βThe one in my bedroom,β you replied. βYou know where the fresh towels are. Soβ¦β
βUh, yeah-yeah,β he says. βThanks.β You only smiled at him. Conversation before your engagements are usually awkward because you both knew what the two of you were there for. Itβs more comfortable afterwards; when he talks about the Bear or asks you about your art.
You and Carmy met from a friend of a friend. You were looking for chefs that could serve you inspiration for your paintings when she mentioned Carmen Berzatto. You reached out to him and he replied three months later, telling you that he can show you some of the recipes that heβs been working on. Heβs an artist himselfβSistine Chapel art kind of stuff. He explained the components of his dish over dinner in your hotel apartment in New York. You mentioned that you were from Chicago and he mentioned that heβs from Chicago tooβ¦you drank too much wine and the rest was history.Β
You both stopped communicating when he met Claire but he reached out again, asking if you wanted to meet. He told you all about her and how he fucked up. You drank too much wine again. History has the habit of repeating itself.
You swore to never fall in love with Carmen Berzatto and you didnβtβ¦not until recently. He used to leave immediately once youβre both done. Lately, heβs been staying over. He talks to you aboutΒ everything.Β He stays over and wakes you up with coffee and some Michelin Star quality pancakes or French toast. He watches you take your first bite before he takes his, likes to watch your reaction and likes hearing your praise.
You were too lost in your reviere to notice Carmen walking to you, all fresh and clean. He lays a hand on your shoulder and kisses your neck.
βWhat are you thinking about?β he asks, voice deep and sultry.Β
βYou,β you replied, reaching up to massage his curls.Β
βGood,β he says, removing himself from you and sitting on the opposite side of the couch. βNeeded you todayβ¦but I want to talk first beforeβ¦beforeβ¦β
βThatβs fine with me,β you replied, inching closer to him. βWhatβs wrong?β He puts his hand on your knee, squeezing it lightly.Β Since when was he so comfortable around you?
βIβ¦I justβ¦Β Mikey,β The name lingers heavy in the air. Anytime Carmen feels the crushing weight of the pressure, he says Mikey. Whenever he feels inadequate, not enough, never enoughβhe says Mikey.
βHeβll be proud of you, Carm,β you said, smiling at him. βLike everyone else is.β
βIβm sorry for not inviting you to the openingβ¦Claire was-was there andβ¦β
βI understand,β You put your hand over his to reassure him that everythingβs okay. βI understand.β
βYou wouldnβt have seen me,β he chuckled. βI was locked inside the walk-in the whole time and well, everything wasΒ great.Β What if Iβm not needed?β
Is it too late for me to love you?Β
βCarmβ¦β you trailed off, trying to find the words. βOf course, youβre needed. The Bear wouldnβt be The Bear without you, you know? Your family must be so proud of you because I know that-that I am. Iβm so proud of you and I-I need you so much,β you told him. βI need you, Carmen. More than you could ever know.β
Is it too late for me to love you?Β
Maybe it was the words that you said, maybe it was the long forgotten show on the T.V., maybe it was because the T.V. screen illuminated your face in a way that was so, soΒ beautiful.Β Maybe it was just him.
βLetβs go to bed,β he rasps, taking your hand and dragging you to the bedroom. Once he closes the door behind him, Carmy presses you against it, taking your chin and kissing you. It was slow and needy; this kiss wasΒ needy. You trail your hand underneath the white shirt that hugged his figure. You caress his sides up and down; softly; slowly and Carmen releases a whimper into your mouth.Β I need you. I need you. I need you.Β
βBaby,β he whispers, pulling away from you to remove his shirt. βBaby, baby,Β baby.β
βI need you, Carmen,β you muster the courage to kiss his neck now, sucking and nipping right under his collarbone. He lets you do it, he lets you mark him like you own him. He tugs on the roots of your hair lightly. You lick the purple bruise, nipping it again just so it could last one more week. Carmen was sighing above you, letting you take him like he wanted to be taken. His hands itch, slipping right under the waistband of your panties to cup your heated cunt. βCarmy,β
βI know, baby. Letβs get you to bed, hm?β he asks, pushing you slightly. βLay down for me. I missed you so much. Let me show you,β
You obey his commands, opening your legs widely like he likes. He crawls until his face is right in front and removes your underwear, tossing it to the side. Heβll take care of that later.
βYouβre so wet,β he groans, when he lets his index finger trail along your slit. You buckle in need; silently begging him to doΒ more.Β βSo, fucking wet,β he repeats, parting your folds until he sees your glistening cunt.Β
βCarmβ¦β you whine. He spits on your clit and you whimper.Β
βLet me taste you, hm?β you heard him say, his wandering fingers rubbing all sorts of shapes on your folds. You could only nod and he takes that, licking a bold stripe. You press your cunt against his tongue and he just takes it. He licks a few more stripes before sucking your clit softly.Β
βCarmy,β you moan. Your hands trail down underneath your shirt, thumbs softly flicking your sensitive nipples. Carmy could just come at the sight of you playing with them but he holds back, sucking your clit harsher before plunging his thick middle finger inside you. βOh, fuck,βΒ
He pumps the finger slowlyβ¦in, out, in, outΒ while he licks your sensitive bud.Β
βFuck, Carmy,β you whimper. βFuck me,β
βLater,β was his nonchalant reply; enjoying the sweet nectar that dripped from your sloppy pussy. It was better than any dessert heβs ever had before. If it was um to him, heβd have his head buried in between your legs, eating you out forever. You buckle again, pinching your nipples hard and tugging them.Β
βCarmβ¦β
βI know, I know,β he says, sucking your clit harshly for one last time before crawling on top of you. βTaste,β he orders. You obliged, opening your mouth and putting on a show with the way you licked your juices off of his finger. βFuck,β he groans. He palms himself through his boxers while you sucked on his finger. You released it with one last suck before putting your hand on top of Carmyβs to feel his hardening cock underneath. You push his hand away while you squeeze his member lightly. Just enough for him to rut his hips against your hand. Just enough for him to toss his boxers to the side.
You tried to sit up to see him pump a few strokes, moaning your name while he did. He gets off the bed, looking at the way your body moved while you breathed.Β
βBeautiful,β he whispers to himself before dragging your body to the end of the bed. He pries your legs open and puts one of them over his shoulder. He liked it like this, it fills you up in ways you cannot describe. βNeed you to play with your tits while I fuck you, hm?β
He taps his cock against your pussy.
βCan you hear how wet you are?β he asked, sliding his cock in between your folds. You could feel the protruding vein run along your nub and you moan, massaging your breasts to show him your obedience. βFuck,β
βCarmyβ¦β you whimpered. βPlease.β
He hums, grabbing his member and teasing your wet entrance with his pink tip. βYouβre soβ¦β
With no warning, Carmy plunges deep into you and you both groan. You were waiting for this. Heβs been wanting this the whole day. He stays there for a few seconds before he thrusts in and out of you slowly.Β
βFuck,βΒ
The slopping noises inside your room reverberated in your walls and for a few moments, the sounds of your groans and skin slapping against skin heightens your arousal. Carmy thumbs your clit and he feels your walls clench around him.
βDonβt do that, petal,β he rasps, sweat dripping on his forehead. βIβll cum fast if you do.β
βSorry,β you choked out. He only grunts as he adjusts his pace. He was faster now and you could hear he ragged breathing. βCarmy, I need you.β
βY-you need me,β he repeats to himself. βYou need me.β
βI do,β you told him, moaning when he plunges his cock deep inside you. βNeed you, need you,βΒ
βOh, fuck,β he groans. βTell me that you need me. Tell me,β
βI need you, Carmy,β you whine. βI need you to cum inside me,βΒ
Carmyβs eyes widened. Youβve never let him do that before. He always had to pull out or use a condom.Β
βWant me to fill you up?β he asks, his voice strained. βIβll fill you βoh, fuck,βΒ
βYes, please,β you sobbed, breath hitching at the feeling of his cock twitch inside of you. βFuck, Carmy.β
Sex has never feltΒ thisΒ good.Β
You could feel the breaking point come nearer and he does too. His movements were sloppier, his breathing even more ragged that it was. Your walls were clenching around him but that seemed to arouse him even more.Β
βFuck, fuck,β he grunted. βIβll fill you up, hm?βΒ
βYes, please, Carmy,β you whine. He could only nod, doing his best to keep his orgasm at bay. He wanted to prolong this feeling; this emotion but he couldnβt. βFuck, Carmy, Iβm cumming, Iβm cumming. Carmβoh!β
He follows soon after, moaning your name as he shoots ropes of cum inside your pussy. He could feel your walls clench around him and he thrusts in slowly, to ride both of your orgasms away.Β
βYou-you liked that?β he asked. He doesnβt pull out. Instead he takes your other leg and hangs in on his shoulder. βWe have to make sure that not a drop goes to waste.β
You nodded and felt his hands caress your legs slowly. He slowly lays your legs back down on the bed and crawls on top of you, kissing your torso, neck, and your chest while he did.Β
βStay there,β he ordered and you nodded in assent.Β You just let him cum inside you.Β He walks over to the carafe on your bedside, filling the glass with water and then, taking a hand towel from your cabinet. He pours a little bit of the liquid onto the towel. You sit up when he wordlessly gives you the glass of water. He watches you finish it and kisses your head when you gave him the glass back. He sets it on the floor carefully before opening your legs so he could clean you up.
βNo,β you shook your head and he stops, alert because you told him no. βIβmβ¦Iβm still sensitive,β
βOkay, petal,β he nods, taking the glass and the towel away. He picks up the tossed articles of clothing puts it in the laundry basket. He was quiet when he takes a fresh set of pyjamas and underwear from your wardrobe. βRaise your arms,β he says and you do. He puts a new shirt on you. βLay down.β You followed him. He puts a new pair of panties on you. βThank you,β
You were so tired now but you were still so aware of Carmyβs actions. He stands up from the bed to wear new clothes and sits down on the bed. He carefully places your head on his lap and plays with your hair.
βThank you,β he says, bowing down to kiss your forehead. βWhy donβt you sleep for me, hm?β
βWill you be here when I wake up?β
βWaffles or pancakes?β
βWaffles with whipped cream.β
-
Why wonβt you let me love you?
There were times when youβd fight with Carmen. A disagreement over something so, so, so small. This time, it was big. It was the opening of your gallery and he promised to be there. It was a big nightβmultiple art collectors and mongers from all over America came to see your latest pieces. They were all inspired by the food you grew up eating in Chicago; a collection of how culture, identities, and personalities affect eating. Your paintings were in vibrant colorsβcup ramen with cheese,Β cannoli, food that you grew up eating whenever your mom was away. There were small details on the significance of the new collection to your life and he wasnβt there. You were on the stage, telling everyone how grateful you were to the audience but you were preoccupied, looking for a familiar mop of curls in the crowd. He didnβt come. He didnβt go.Β
You smiled at them half-heartedly before leaving the stage, ready to be whisked away by some art dealer. You were whisked away by multiple guests, asking you for more details on the painting. You all told them everything they needed to know, what they should do if theyβd like to make a purchaseβ¦
It would have been alright if he texted youβ¦but he promised heβd be there. He promised heβd take you home. He promised.
-
Carmy was sitting alone in his apartment. He left The Bear earlier than usual and went straight home. He did it all, shower, put a nice suit, and fix his hair. He did it all, he even ran to the nearest florist to buy you flowers but he didnβt go.Β
Isnβt this what lovers do?Β
He wasnβt your lover. He couldnβt let himself be distracted again. He had to focus; he couldnβt fail the people that relied on him. He looked at the bag of groceries he got from the store; he was supposed to cook you something special tonight. Have you eaten yet? Fuck the suit that he paid for dry cleaning; fuck the flowers; fuck him. It must have hurt youβhe knows that. Tonight was a big night and you were so excited to show him a painting that youβve been working on.Β
βI wonβt sell it,β you told him. βIβll have it shipped to you first thing in the morning.β
Would you still send it to him?
-
By the end of the night, you were exhausted. Happy, but exhausted. It was normal; talking to everyone and being scintillating the whole night was work but it was worth it. Your paintings all had their new owners, except for the painting that you promised to Carmy. Would he still want it? You were alone in the studio, wrapping the 4 by 3 foot canvas with the best quality glassine. You were giving this to him tomorrow. If he doesn't want to have it, youβll probably just donate it somewhere else.Β
You laid awake in your bed all night long, waiting for his text. It was funny, just last week he was begging you to tell him that you needed him but when you needed him most, he wasnβt there.Β
You arrive at The Bear just before it opens, the big canvas tucked under your arm. He was sure to be there and had always told you to use the back door if you werenβt dining. You always obliged, of course, opening the backdoor to reveal everyone. Youβve met Sydney and Richie before but you havenβt met the others yet. You were an alien in an unknown world; Carmyβs employees looking at you, as if wondering who this girl was.Β
βHey,β Sydney greeted, looking at the glassine covered thing that you were carrying. βDidnβt know you were coming in today. Congratulations on your exhbit,β
βOh,β you just nodded. Carmy couldnβt even look at you. βI just came here to give this toβ¦uh, Carmy,β you cleared your throat. βCarmβ¦?β
βUh, yeah-yeah,β he stuttered. βCan we go to the office?βΒ
βSure.β
You followed him into the office while Richie tells everyone to go back to what they were doing. Your heart was hammering inside your chest, afraid that this was going to be another one of those petty fights that youβve had with him.Β
You were wrong. So, so wrong.Β
βYou didnβt come last night,β you told him, shielding yourself from him with the painting. βIβ¦I waited.β
βSorry,β was his laconic reply. You nodded, chuckling.Β
βThatβs all?β you asked. βJustβ¦sorry? No explanation, no nothing?β you asked. βI was looking for you the whole night, Carm. You promised you were coming,β
βI donβt know what-what you want me to say,β he says, looking everywhere but at you. βI-I-Iβm sorry, okay? I had other plans.β
βYou promised months ago that you were coming,β you repeated. βI called Sydney last night because you werenβt answering and she told me that you left early.β
βYouβre spying on me now?β he asks, suddenly defensive. βI had things to do that night. I canβt-canβt just put everything on hold for-for you.β He spits his words like venom, voice getting louder with every word.
You frowned, not recognizing who the boy was in front of you. Itβs not like you asked him to put his life on hold. Your heart was beating so fast in anger, ears ringing.Β
βI see. So you just need me around and you-you just I donβt know, call me because you need to get your dick wet?β you asked, matching his volume. βYou just need me around when no one else is there to fuck you? Is that it?β you asked. βWhat the fuck?βΒ
Carmy blinks, tries to think of the words heβs about to say but he couldnβt stop himself. He could never seem to stop himself.Β
βYouβre the only one desperate enough to do so,β he shrugs. It breaks your heart in pieces, really. The nights Carmen spent nuzzling his head in your shoulder before you slept probably meant nothing to him. Your face falls, contorting in hurt at what he just said. Fuck Carmen Berzatto. Fuck him. βIβm not your fucking boyfriend. I donβt know why you expect me to just-just-just do something!β
βMaybe I wanted you there as my friend!β you shouted over. Your voices could be heard from outside but everyone else pretended like they werenβt listening to anything that you both were saying. You were shouting over each other now, the fuse justΒ breaks.Β βIf you didnβt have any fucking plans to actually go, then donβt give me your good for nothing fucking promises!β
βI donβt need a girl leeching on me when Iβm opening a fucking restaurant. Do you want me to put everything on you just because you asked me to? Iβm not your fucking boyfriend. You know that right? And maybe-maybe I donβt want to be your fucking friend either!β
βWhy would I want you to be my boyfriend, Carmy? Youβre-youβre fuckingΒ unreliable! You have issues that need fixing. You think Claire could fix that? You think I could fix that? You think the girls you get wrapped around your fucking finger can fix your fucked up fucking head? Huh? Is that what you think? Youβre so fucking miserable you make everyone around you miserable! Grow up!β Heβs hurt. Thatβs what you thought of him? That he was miserable?Β Did he make you miserable?
βI donβt need to go to your fucking art exhibition when theyβre all fuckingΒ shit.β
You closed your mouth before you could protest. The pain of his words felt like a slap on the face. If he regretted it, he didnβt show it. You turned away, nodding.Β
βFuck you, Carmen. Donβt fucking call me. Donβt fucking knock on my door. Donβtβ¦donβt fucking think of me. Iβm fucking done with you,β
βYeah? Youβre done with me, huh? Fuck you,β he spits back. He heard the waver in your voice; heard how you tried to steady everything. He wanted to say sorry but you were already leaving. Richie and Sydney couldnβt even ask you what happened because you were rushing out, throwing the painting you worked hard on for days at the back. Fuck Carmen Berzatto. Fuck him.Β
-
βFuck!β his chefs could hear from outside the office.Β EveryoneΒ heard the vile things you both screamed at each other; everyone heard why you were so angry.Β Everyone fucking heard.Β Nobody dared to move, they didnβt want to be on the receiving end of Carmyβs anger; not when The Bear was about to open. Continuous loud bangs and sounds of some object being thrown were heard too. Sugar sighed.Β
βCarm?β she called from the door. βItβs almost opening,β
βI-I-I know, Sug.β he replied, blinking. βUh, can-can you guys go ahead? Iβll be there, I just-just need to you know, calm down?β
βOkay, Bear,β she smiles, tapping the door frame before leaving Carmen in his own thoughts. He gets out of the restaurant through the back door, about to light a cigarette, when he sees the canvas wrapped with glassine.Β
βFuck,β was the only thing he could mutter before taking it and sitting where the staff usually stayed at when they wanted a break. He lights up a stick and lets it hang loose on his lips while he opens your gift with shaky hands. He was so immersed in the experience, gently removing the tape and making sure that nothing was ruined that he didnβt notice Sydney.Β
The glassine reveals a painting of a plate of cannolis. He remembered that he told you the story about cannolis during Christmas and how he wanted to recreate thatβtake it for himself. He traces over the precise brushstrokes shakily.Β
βThatβs a good painting,β Sydney spoke, her hands behind her back. βWould be a waste to just throw it out.β
βI know,β Carmy nods. βIβm sorry you had to uh, hear all of that.β
βItβsβ¦something,β Sydney replied, making Carmy chuckle.Β
βI alwaysβ¦always seem to uh, fuck up everything,β he muttered. βI was on the way there, you know? Last night?β
βYeah. You were so excited,β
βI was,β he coughed. βBut I didnβt go becauseβ¦β Words died down in his mouth.Β Why didnβt he go?Β βIβve said some things and she-she doesnβt want me to call her anymore and I-I understand but like, I donβt know, Syd.β
Donβt know why I could never seem to just let myself enjoy things. I donβt belong anywhere else but in the fucking kitchen. Itβs the only thing I was good at.
βI didnβt really want to to, uh, fuck this up.β
-
I want to talk to you.
Come to my apartment after your shift. Or whenever.
Carmen feels his palms sweat when he readsΒ texts you sent him days ago. He decided to go today, finallyβhe was never good at confronting things; always so explosive, so defensive. He didnβt know what heβd feel like today. He knocks on your door and hears the shuffling from the other side. He just got out of The Bear; he wasΒ tiredΒ but he forced himself to go. He had to go.Β
βHey,β you smiled tightly when you opened the door. βCome in.β
He nods, wordlessly entering your apartment like how henused to. Bag and shoes on the side. Somehow, this made him more nervous than usual. This was a prelude to something else entirely; he believed that.
βHow are you? he asked, voice small and looking down.Β
βIβmβ¦good,β you replied, looking away. βYou?β
βBusy,β he replied. The air felt heavy and his palms were sweating. βIβmβ¦Iβm sorry for not being there when I promised you that I would,β
βWhy werenβt you there, Carm?β you asked and he could hear the sadness in your voice. He knew that your exhibit meant a lot to you. βYouβ¦you told me you will and well, you wereβ¦the-the person I want to be there the most.β
βI didnβt know that. Iβm- Iβm sorry,β he shrugged. βBut why? I mean, I-I donβt know art. I like my shit but I-Iβm notΒ coolΒ or understandββ
βBecause I like you, Carmy.β you told him, looking at him now and trying to go nearer. He stepped back and you stopped your tracks.
βYouβwhat?β he asked, shaking his head furiously; like your confession offended him. βYouβ¦like me.β
βI do,β you nodded. βButβ¦it doesnβt matter.β
βFuck.Β How many times do we have to go back to this very same place for you to understand?β he asked, running a hand through his hair. He told you before that he didnβt want to date. You told him you understood. You told him he was being egotistic when he told you not to get attached. He wanted to leave. He didnβt expect this to happenβhe didnβt want this to happen. βI donβtβI donβtββ
βCarmy,β you cautioned him, trying to ease your beating heart. βCan you listen to me? I-I-I like you, okay and Iβve been thinking about it too. Iβmβyouβre always staying behind after sex and well, I just maybe thought that you liked me too.β You replied, swallowing his rejection for now.
βI donβt,β he snaps, tone sharp. βWeβll both be miserable in a relationship. Iβll never make-make you happy. Youβre right, you know? Iβm unreliable and-and-and issues that I need to fixβ¦and Iβm not the one youβre looking for,β
βIβm sorry for saying that. It wasnβt my place to do so,β was your meek reply. How does he feel so far away when he feels so, so, so close?
βNo, uh,β Carmen blinks, shaking his head. βItβs fine. I-I-I needed to hear those things, you know? Iβm sorry tooβ¦for everything.β
βThank you.β
βThatβs it then?β he asked. He was distressed. How could he fuck this up after telling Sydney that he didnβt want to fuck things up with you? βIβ¦I had fun,βΒ You were the only one who kept me afloat when everything else turned to shit. I missed you when we stopped talking. I should have fought harder. What else could I have done?
βFun,β you chuckled bitterly. βFunβ¦thatβs the only thing youβre going to say to me?β
Carmy frowned.Β
βWhat else did you want me to say?β
βI donβt know, Carmy!β you exclaimed, pacing back and forth but never towards him. βGod!Β Tell me that Iβm important to you. Tell me that Iβll still be your friendβ¦tell me that youβthat youβthatΒ I mean more than a fuck!β
Silence. Carmy couldnβt find the words to tell you what youΒ trulyΒ meant to himβ¦that he wanted what you wanted too but he was too scared to fuck it all up again like he did with Claire.
You nodded, looking away. You breathed in deeply, as if trying to relieve yourself of the hurt. Thatβs all youβve ever meant to him.Β
βYou lead me along and itβs fine. I know that itβs my fault for wanting other things but at leastβ¦at least tell me that Iβll still be your friend; that I still matter to you even if I dug myself a hole by feeling things. Tell me that you still need me to put everything on hold for you because Iβve been waiting you to call me all dayβ¦β
βI donβt want you to do that. I donβt want you putting your life on hold for me,β he rasps. βI donβtβ¦β
βBut what if I wanted to?β you asked, face slightly contorted because you didnβt want to be so vulnerable in front of him. Not when he hasnβt told you what you wanted yet. Carmy was just looking at you, tapping his foot on the floor. It was a nervous habit that he developed. Fuck, he needed a cigarette.
βCan you, uh, leave?β you asked, voice low. βIβ¦βΒ
βNo, no, no,β he begs, rushing towards you. He grabs a hold of your elbows to remind you that he was there. Would it mean anything? Would his touch convey all of the words he wanted to say?Β
βCarmβ¦β your voice breaks. βCarmβ¦β
βNo, no. Youβre not justΒ thatΒ to me,β he reassures βBut you have to understand that-that I canβtΒ loveΒ you like that.β
βCarmen, pleaseβ¦β you beg, tears brimming in your eyes. βPleaseβ¦just, just leave,β
Youβve never asked him to leave before but it seemed like it was what you really wantedβlike it was what youΒ reallyΒ needed. He nods, kissing your head softly before detaching himself from you.Β
βIβm sorry,β Carmy said. βFor-for not saying the right, uh, things.β
βYeah,β you nod, hiding yourself from him. He hated that you had to do that when youβve cried on his shoulders multiple times. He never liked seeing you cry; he just didnβt know that one day, heβll be on the receiving end of your sadness. He watches you rub your forehead, biting your lip to stop yourself from crying. If you started crying, would he stay?
-
Itβs been months since Carmy left. Heβs been in his best form in the kitchen. He was making things easier for his staff; he was working twenty four hours a day. Going to The Bear early to help with prep; staying late to help them clean after a long shift of cooking and cooking and kitchen tours. Heβs been getting acclaimβmore acclaim, really. There was a waiting list on his restaurant and positive reviews from left and right flooded in. The Bear was dubbed as βThe Restaurant of the Yearβ in Chicago despite being less than a year old.Β
Heβs been doing goodβperfect.Β
It was like he was a hamster in a fucking wheel with no other way to escape. He likes putting himself in gear, like driving fast because it makes him believe that nothing really hurts him. He didnβt like being at home; it reminded him too much of you. It reminded him of when youβd lean on the kitchen counter, a small smile on your lips while you watched him cook you something. He didnβt like sitting on the couch because it reminded him of when he slept with his head on your lap. He didnβt like it in his bedroom because heβs reminded of that night when you pulled him closer in your sleep. He didnβt like The Bear because the painting that you gave him hung so proudly by the dining area. It was marvellousβthey said. How was he able to get a painting that you did when your art was soΒ valuableΒ and in demand?Β
He was moving so fast so you wouldnβt cross his mind but it seemed like no matter what he did, he'd end up thinking about you anyway.Β
It didnβt matter, how come a fall like that made him feel like flying? Maybe heβs waiting for it to hit him but he was feeling alright.Β
He was alright.Β
βChef!β Sydney called, looking at Carmen who was chopping the vegetables like a madman. βCarmen!β
βFuck, what, Sydney?!β he asked, slamming his knife on the counter.Β
βYouβre bleeding,β Marcus told him and Carmen looked down, blood was all over the chopping board. βYouβve been bleeding for a few seconds nowβ¦weβve all been calling your name, Chef.βΒ
βFuck, I-I-Iβmβ¦β Carmen was a blubbering mess, just watching his hand bleed like it didnβt matter. βIβm-Iβm,β
βTake a break, Carm,β Sydney says but her partner just shakes his head. βCarmββ
βSydney, donβtβdonβt make me take a fucking break,Β please.β
βYouβll need to clean up and make sure thereβs no more blood,β Sydney told him. βIβm not fucking around,β
βYeah,β he nods, putting his fist over his heart and drawing circles. Sydney nods and Carmy fixes his station.Β
He couldnβt stop shaking, though. Even Tina saw how his hand trembled. What the fuck?
βCarmen,βΒ
βYeahβ¦justβ¦just give me a second, please.β he nods, picking his knife again and doing everything perfectly. Like clockwork. Heβs back. Heβs back. Heβs fine.Β Iβm fine. Iβm fine. Iβm alright.Β
AN: Thank you for the love! This is going to be a two-part fic because I love how everything is right nowβ¦ Donβt forget to comment / reblog if you like it! I read every single little thing you guys typeβ¦even the hashtags.
cw: unnegotiated choking (do your research and talk to your partner first folks!), semi-public sex, angry Carmen
gif made by me
A/N: don't forget requests for everything are open so if you'd like to see anything from me feel free to drop it in my ask box :)
buy me a coffee!
help me escape abuse
my Etsy shop
~~~
βWhat the fuck is going on?β
Somehow your voice cuts through Carmyβs near-frantic screaming, bringing the whole kitchen to a standstill. Even Carmy shuts up, looking over at you, chest heaving. You cross your arms, glaring at him. βCarmy, office.β You say firmly, voice raising again when he doesnβt move, βNow, Chef!β He unfreezes and stalks towards you, the veins in his neck becoming visible as you gesture towards the office.
You follow him in and slam the door shut, taking a deep breath as you wait for the noises of the kitchen to start back up before you whirl around to glare at him. βWhat the fuck is your problem, Carm? Do you want them to walk out?β He keeps his eyes trained on the ground, his hands curling and uncurling into fists. You huff and step into his line of sight, bending to force him to look at you, βAnswer me, Carmen! Do you want them to wa-β
Youβre cut off as he wraps a hand around your throat, backing you up against the desk. Carmen leans his face close to yours, anger contorting his features as his grip tightens around your throat, just enough to make your breaths come out in gasps. βI wouldnβt yell if they werenβt fucking idiots. Itβs like they do it on fucking purpose,β he says, a cold, harsh tone lacing his words as he forces your head back.
He bites along your jaw, soothing the sting with his tongue and you whine, your anger melting as your cunt starts to throb. His free hand slides up the inside of your thigh, rubbing you through your pants. βTake these off,β he orders sharply and you bite your lip,Β hands falling to the button of your pants, fumbling for a second in the small space between your bodies.
The second your pants fall to the floor, Carmen pushes his hand between your thighs again, groaning as his fingers glide through your wet folds. βFigures. Such a little whore for me, huh? Little pussy getting wet from my hand around your throat.β You moan weakly, eyes rolling back as he sinks his fingers into your core. The stretch sends shocks of pleasure up your spine, a tightness growing in your stomach with each pump of his fingers.
Carmen pushes a third finger inside of you and curls them, a smirk growing on his face as you shudder under him. He grinds his palm against your clit as his fingers speed up, a wet filthy noise filling the small office as he forces you over the edge with another curl of his fingers. Tears burn your eyes and you writhe under him, a fire burning through your veins as he fingers you through your orgasm.
He brings his fingers to his mouth, staring you down as he sucks your wetness off them. He releases your throat long enough to spin you around, pulling your hips back against the hard ridge of his cock. His hand finds your throat again as he frees his cock from its confines, sliding the head through your folds. βIs this what you wanted when you came out and yelled at me, little slut? Needed my cock in you so bad youβd disrupt service for it?β
You whine, shaking your head even as your hips push back against him. Carmen lets out a mocking laugh, teasing your entrance with the tip, βNo? Is that why you're pushing your ass out like that? Because you donβt want me to fuck you?β Tears fill your eyes, threatening to spill down your cheeks as he pulls you back against his cock, slowly filling you inch by torturous inch.
His hand tightens around your throat and he sinks his teeth into the place where your neck meets your shoulder, pulling his cock out until only the tip remains before slamming his hips forward, filling you in one smooth thrust. You cry out, hands hitting the wall as he starts up a punishing rhythm, your knees weakening with each glide of his cock.
βTha-atβs it, sweet girl, yβlike that donβt you?β He growls in your ear, running his free hand down your body. You hiccup out a cry, nodding the best you could with his hand around your throat, a fuzzy feeling filling your head as you fly towards another orgasm. You crumple the flyers tacked to the wall as the dam breaks inside of you with a shudder, tears finally falling down your cheeks as your head falls back against his shoulder.
Carmen hums, loosening his grip on your throat as he nips and sucks marks along your jaw and neck. His fingers find your clit, pressing quick, tight circles against it as he fucks into you roughly. Your knees buckle as youβre pushed into a third orgasm before you can recover from your second. He wraps his arm around your waist, easily keeping you upright without stopping his movements.
He moans into your ear, thrusts becoming frantic as he chases his own pleasure. His chest heaves against your back, low moans falling from his lips as he nears his end. He sinks his teeth into your shoulder as he pushes his cock as deep as he can, filling you with his seed with a grunt. Carmen slumps over you, keeping you pinned against him as he catches his breath. Heavy breathing fills the small office, only broken by the clatter of pans coming from the kitchen, bringing you back to the present. He pulls out with a sigh, turning you to press a gentle kiss to your lips. He kneels in front of you, helping you ease your pants up your shaky legs. You clumsily maneuver to the desk chair, gripping Carmenβs hand tightly as your legs threaten to give out.
He tucks himself away and leans down for a quick peck to your lips, βThanks, baby.β Heβs gone before you could answer with the gentle click of the door shutting. You snort, shaking your head at his antics as you hear him back in the kitchen again, calmer than he had been all service.
Once you regain control of your legs again, you go back to the front to help Richie with orders, giving him a smile in greeting. He lets out a low whistle, not caring to hide the way he stared at you. Your eyebrows pinch together in confusion, βCan Iβ¦ help you?β
He laughs, abandoning the sandwich he was wrapping to poke at one of the marks on your neck, βNo, I just figured out why Carmy came out of the office in a better mood, thatβs all.β Your hands fly up to your throat, a deep blush staining your face as you hurry to the bathroom. Flicking on the light, you groan at the sight of the dark marks littering your neck, bruises showcasing a set of teeth already setting on your shoulders and neck. The kicker is, and this is what made you yell Carmyβs name, a clear outline of his hand wrapping around your throat.
You duck your head into the kitchen on your way back to the counter, a scowl growing on your face when you spot Carmen innocently working, nothing to show for the way he just fucked the life out of you. βCarmy, Iβm going to kill you!β He looks up long enough to give you a cheeky smirk, winking at you before turning to the stove with his back to you.
Youβre grumbling as you return to the counter, tugging on your collar as if you would be able to hide the marks with it. Richie sidles up beside you, βSo, how long has Carmy been a choker? Because me and Mikey, we figured him as a vanilla type.β You groan, thumping your head against the counter, lifting a hand to flip him off. He laughs and pats you on the back, βYβknow maybe we should make some scarves with our logo so next ti-'' You cut him off by jabbing your elbow towards his stomach and he jumps out of the way with a laugh. βCβmon sweetheart, Iβm being helpful!β
You lift your head to level him with a glare and he starts laughing harder, pulling another groan from your lips as you drop your head back down onto the counter, βShut the fuck up, Richie!β
Okay- How would Carmy react to his girlfriend always eating those βadultβ lunchables because she doesnβt have enough time to make food (this is me because Iβm a teacher and have zero time to eat during the school day a lot of the times)
bold of you to assume he's not making lunch for you everyday. half of the reason he started doing that was bc of the adult lunchables. he decided you needed something nutritious, so every night before bed he packs your lunch. something easy but balanced that you like. always with a sappy little sticky note that says "i love you" or "have a great day" or "you look really pretty in that dress" something that has you swooning. and if you forgot it? never worry, he will just bring you some down from the bear. doesn't mind to at all and will walk it to your classroom, name tag and all, kinda shy when he walks in like "hey, uh, here's your lunch" and your students are going crazy lmao.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
β Live Streamingβ Interactive Chatβ Private Showsβ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
prompt: part 2 of follow me. your date with carmen.
contains: fluff. anxious carmen. mentions of mikey. but all fluff :)
Carmen was sure he was going to be sick. A new kind of sickness, where his stomach felt like it was going to fall out of his mouth and ass at the same time. He changed his outfit six times, slacks and a tie felt too formal. Jeans felt out of the question, and while the very cool guy on TikTok swore that slacks and t-shirts were in this seasonβ¦ Carmen couldnβt bring himself to wear it.Β
So he wore his slacks, good shoes he still had from pretentious meetings in the restaurant, and his good button down, a steely type blue- the saleswoman told him it really complimented his eyes, then wrote her number on his receipt. Of course, Carmen didnβt call it. Heβd never allow himself the simple pleasures like that.Β
Carmen smoked the whole way to the restaurant, a bottle of cologne in his pocket, which he doused himself in on the corner, popping a mint. He saw you standing there, awkwardly on your phone by the light pole, head ducked to your screen in your black, silk, cowl neck dress. Carmen could feel his heart jump at the sight of you, cursing while he started to jog in the still new shoes.Β
βHey, shit, sorry.β Carmen apologized, his chest tightening and burning as he slowed in front of you. βI-I couldnβt find my phone.β Definitely not because I tried on a million different outfits and had a panic attack.
βAh, so thatβs why you didnβt text me back. Thought you ghosted me at your own restaurant.β You quipped, his heart plummeting, face falling with it. You grinned, shoving your phone in your tiny purse. ββM fucking with you, Carm. I just got here.βΒ
βOh,β Carmen sighed. βYeah, good. That-Thatβs good. Do you want to go in?βΒ
βSure.β You giggled. βAfter you, Chef.βΒ
βCβmon.β Carmen laughed lightly, shaking his head, hoping it would hide his burning cheeks. You were ahead of him, reaching for the door, his heart skipping when he saw it. βI got it!βΒ
You drew your hand back, looking at him carefully. The blush in his cheeks spread down to his neck. βI-I got it, let me get it.β Carmen nodded, pulling the handle. You glided past him, his hand ghosting on the small of your back, leaving you shuddering under his touch. It was casual, you doubted he even knew he did it, just a slight usher while he followed you in.Β
βItβs so different being here at night.β You whispered to him, your arm brushing his while you walked to the hostess station.Β
Carmen nodded. βI know, itβs, uh, itβs nice to see it like this, ya know?β He muttered. βSee it from a customerβs perspective.βΒ
βThatβs what you wanted, isnβt it?β You asked, your head tilting to the side softly. βWhy weβre kinda doing this?βΒ
Carmenβs heart fell, swallowing around the lump in his throat. He could feel his own mind racing. Of course, you didnβt think this was a date. Why would you ever want to be on a date with him?
βI mean, yeah, sorta. Here fβyou too. To thank you for everything.β Carmen nodded, eyes cutting to yours. Fuck, he knew he needed to look at you, he wanted to look at you, but it was so fuckinβ hard. When you looked so pretty, so effortlessly calm and cool. It made him fluster.Β
βCβmon, Carm. You hired me, paid me. And you guys have been so nice. Most places areβ¦ horrible. Act like Iβm bothering them when they hired me. Youβve got a good place, great staff. Iβm glad you wanted me to be a part of it for a while.β You smiled, stepping up to the hostess station.
Carmen could feel his heart squeeze, an uncomfortably tight realization that this would be the last time he saw you. Heβd been running numbers all night, seeing where he could take cuts so he could keep you, but even then, youβd be gone for at least another two months since you already took another job. By then, whatever you had here, would be gone.Β
βAh, there you are, the VIP customers for the night.β Richie schmoozed, sliding behind the hostess stand.Β
You grinned, Carmenβs eyes downcast making Richieβs jaw tick. βHow are you two this evening?β
βGreat.β You beamed. βExcited to try this place. Iβve never been here before. Heard itβs the best in Chicago.β You nudged Carmen playfully with your hip, grinning at him.Β
He gave you a tight lipped smile, hands by his side, trying to nonchalantly wipe his hands on his slacks. Richie smiled at you, glaring lightly at Carmen. βWell, you heard right, sweetheart. We want your night to be extra special, so we have this booth back here just for the two of you.βΒ
βHey, Syd,β Tina muttered, looking up from her plating to see your head pass with Carmenβs curly locks. βTheyβre here.βΒ
βShit, are they?β Sydney turned, looking through the window. βGod, Carmen looks like heβs about to pass out.βΒ
βFuck, he does, doesnβt he?β Sugar huffed, her hands on her hips.Β
Richie caught Sugarβs eye through the window, a flickering glance that told her exactly what she needed to know. βSo, I will have the focaccia out for the two of you shortly. Can I start you off with anything to drink?βΒ
ββM good.β Carmen muttered, taking the leather bound menu into his hands, knee bouncing under the table.Β
You looked a little uncomfortable, eyes cutting to Carmenβs before a moment of hesitation flashed over your face. βUh, Iβll take a glass of whatever you think would pair best with the meal?βΒ
βPerfect. Iβll have that out.β Richie smiled, hoping his silent screams at Carmen would be enough for him to catch on. Fak passed, slipping a piece of paper in Richieβs hand. Richie stepped away, reading Sugarβs scribbled writing: βGET CARMEN BACK HERE NOW!!!!βΒ
βExcuse me, folks,β Richie greeted apologetically, though the two of you werenβt talking. βCarmen, I hate to do this, but I need you just for a second, ok?βΒ
Carmen nodded, sliding out of the booth without so much as looking at you. Richie fought the urge to roll his eyes. βIβm sorry, sweetheart, itβll just be a second. That focaccia and riesling are on the way.β Richie grinned at you, stepping beside Carmen.Β
βWhatβs goinβ on? Did we run out of-βΒ
β-No, you fuckinβ moron.β Richie huffed, letting the door slam shut. βThe fuck is your problem, huh? Youβre not even- hey, send that to six with the Cakebread white, ok?- Youβre not even looking at her, cβmon, Cousin.βΒ
Carmen blushed, running a hand through his hair. βWhat? I-Iβm talkinβ to her-βΒ
β-No, youβre not.β Sugar snapped, rounding the corner. βYou look like an ass, Carmy. Youβre on a date with her and-βΒ
β-Itβs not a date.β Carmen shook his head, brushing it off.Β
Sugar blinked. βYouβre on a date with her,β She repeated, her tone firmer- a mom tone sheβd adapted since working here that would help with the baby. βAnd youβre acting like a total-totalβ¦β Sugar waved her hands, stuttering over the word.Β
βJagoff.β Neil added, passing through the kitchen for a moment before going out the doors.Β
βThank you! Yes! A total jagoff.β Sugar glared at Carmen.Β
βI-I donβt even think she thinks itβs a date-βΒ
The kitchen erupted in groans, shouting at him irritatedly. βLook at how sheβs dressed. If she thought this was a free meal ticket, she wouldnβt wear that. That is a date night dress.βΒ
βThatβs true.β Sydney added.Β
Carmen couldnβt help the way his heart flipped with excitement, looking out the window at you, sitting at the table, nursing your wine slowly- alone.Β
βCousin, cβmere,β Richie motioned him, leading him towards the office. βLook, I get you got this whole βI deserve nothing goodβ doom and gloom attitude, but that right there. Thatβs good.β Richie jabbed his finger towards the door. βI see you, ok? You guys got that cute little texting thing goinβ on, alright?βΒ
Carmen stilled. He felt like a teenager again, being teased and tormented by Mikey and Richie about a crush he had. How the fuck did he know about your texting? βLook, if you let her go tonight without even trying, youβre gonna regret it. You only got one chance, cousin, do not miss your chance to blow.β Richie said seriously.Β
βDonβt fuckinβ quote Eminem to me right now-βΒ
β-Alright, alright, but seriously?β Richie nodded into the office, the tiny frame that held Mikeyβs note βLet it rip!β. Carmen felt his stomach turn, guilt trilling in it. He knew Richie was right and that fact alone made him queasy. βListen to Mikey, alright? You can have good shit in your life.βΒ
Carmen looked at the photo, taking a grounding breath, Mikeyβs voice ringing loud in his ears. βLet it rip.β Carmen muttered, pushing past the double doors back to you.Β
βOh, no way!β You laughed. βYou donβt have TikTok?βΒ
βNo, no. Donβt have time for it.β Carmen shrugged, sipping his water.Β
βThen how do you watch our videos?β You asked, brow raising in question.Β
βI click the link you send me and it opens up just on my Google or whatever.β Carmen grinned, shrugging lightly, popping another truffle fry in his mouth. Heβd nearly fallen over when you asked for ranch, teasing you lightly. Youβd only shrugged, sticking one in your mouth, declaring it would taste better with ranch. You were kidding, of course, it was perfect.Β
βWow.β You smirked, finger tracing around the rim. βYouβre missing out. Itβs addictive.βΒ
βYeah? Itβs weird too.β Carmen snorted lightly.Β
βSays you! Youβre Mr. TikTok Famous and you donβt even know it.β You pushed his arm lightly, trying not to gawk at how firm his biceps were. Sure, youβd definitely seen them while he was working, butβ¦ they felt better than they looked. βShould see how youβve got everyone in a tizzy. Chopping onions and marinating wagyu.βΒ
Carmen laughed, cheeks reddening at the compliment. βYeah, those comments wereβ¦shocking.βΒ
βYou think?β You cocked your head to the side. βI thought they were pretty normal.βΒ
βHalf of them were asking me to violently punch them.β Carmen laughed, eyes widening at you.Β
βWell, can you blame them?β You grinned, leaning in closer. βYou got nice hands. Of course, theyβre going feral. I knew what I was doing with that shot. Giving the people what they want.βΒ
Carmen blushed furiously, hoping you couldnβt see under the low light of the restaurant. βNah, cβmon.β He looked down at his fingers, etched with tattoos.Β
βYou cβmon.β You grinned, reaching out a little daringly to trace a finger over his veins. Youβd blame the wine for your boldness, but Carmen shivered under your touch. βYouβve got hot hands. No wonder they all go so crazy. Youβre a pretty chef with good hands.βΒ
Carmen knew you had to see his blush now, sure his body temperature went up ten degrees, heart beating so bad in his chest he was sure he wasnβt going to make it another course. βUh,β Carmen laughed, running his free hand over his mouth, hoping to hide some of his grin. He didnβt dare move his hand from his. βWell, thanks, I guess. I, um, I wanna say I think the same.βΒ
You lifted a brow, biting back a laugh when he stuttered, his eyes widening. Your giggles were infectious to him, a stream of his own nervous laugh spilling out of his throat. βNo, I-I meant- fuck, I meantβ¦ I, uh, I think youβre pretty.βΒ
There was a pause, your own teeth pulling in your lip, grinning shyly at him. βReally?β You asked. You felt like you were in junior high again, finding out the boy on the JV team like liked you. It was giddy, the feeling in your chest. Warm, your heart skipping a beat.Β
βYeah.β Carmen nodded, swallowing around the lump in his throat. βBeautiful, really.βΒ
βWell, thank you.β You grinned, hoping to hide your smile behind your own glass of wine. Fak came by, dropping your next course off, a temporary relief for the moment, letting the two of you get yourselves together.Β
βYou think heβll do it?β Sugar asked, pretending to roll silverware while Richie handed them to her. A meaningless job that just so happened to be by the window, so they could see the two of you.Β
βI dunno. Could go either way.β Richie sucked in a breath. βHe seems to be close, ya know? Think he has it in him to do it, justβ¦ fuck, I hope he does.βΒ
βMe too.β Sugar sighed. βCan you hear what theyβre saying? It looksβ¦ nice? So thatβs gotta be good, right?βΒ
βYeah, hopefullyβ¦β Richie hummed, squinting to try and make out the words you were whispering to each other. The two of you were pressed together, migrated together as the meal went on until you were huddled, like it was the two of you.Β
βI really donβt want you to leave.β Carmen admitted, body pressed to yours, hand in yours in the dim light of the booth. Everyone had left, all the patrons shuffled out and escorted to their cars. Some of the kitchen staff went home, but some stayed, pretending to be extra tedious with their cleanup so they could see the two of you.Β
βI know. Iβm having such a good time with you.β You agreed, tilting your chin up to look at him, lashes batting, eyes a little glossy from the wine.Β
βNo- I mean, yeah I-Iβm having a good time with you, too. But I meantβ¦ leave forever.β Carmen admitted, the lump in his throat growing more and more with each word. βI really liked having you here.βΒ
βI liked being here.β You hummed, tongue running over your bottom lip lightly. βIt was a lot of fun. I liked spending time with you.βΒ
βYeah? I liked spending time with you too. A lot.β Carmen admitted. βAnd Iβ¦ I want to keep spending time with you?β It came out more as a question, all hopeful eyes and a rounded gaze. βIf-If you want to-βΒ
β-Yeah.β You grinned. βI wanna keep spending time with you. I like being with you, Carmen.βΒ
βYeah? Really?β Camren was half convinced he was hallucinating.Β
βYeah.β You nodded. βIf you wanna spend some more time with me too. Iβd like to get to know you more, and not to just write a staff spotlight on.β You giggled, his lips curling at the sound. βTo, like, really get to know you.βΒ
βI wouldβ¦ yeah, Iβd like that. Like to get to know you too.β Carmen nodded.Β
There was a pause, the tension between the two of you was thick. Your eyes darted from his lips back to his eyes, already leaning closer. Carmen could feel his stomach lurch with nerves, Mikeyβs voice ringing over and over and over.Β
Let it fuckinβ rip, Carmen thought before he moved in, lips on yours. His hands were clammy cradling your jaw but you didnβt seem to mind, your own arms snaking their way around his neck, pulling him closer, deeper into the kiss.Β
βHoly shit!β Richie gasped, dropping the fork. βLook! Fuckinβ look!βΒ
The staff clambered around to huddle by the window, watching the two of you kiss, pulling apart with small smiles, before going back in. Carmenβs hands sliding down your back, your arms, your waist- fuck, he just loved feeling you like this, and he hadnβt even felt all of you. Yet.Β
βHe fuckinβ did it.β Richie grinned, awing at Carmen. βHey, Sug, might be a bad time, but I believe Iβm owed fifty dollars.βΒ
You pulled apart, grinning at Carmen, still huddled close together, his hands rubbing the silk fabric of your dress, your sliding through the curls on the nape of his neck. Your mind was dizzy, the rush of adrenaline, emotion, and buzzing from the wine.Β
βWhatβre you doinβ tomorrow?β Carmen asked.Β
βNothing.β You hummed. βWhy? Youβve got something in mind?βΒ
βNot-Not right now, actually.β Carmen admitted with a small laugh. βBut Iβd love to do something with you.βΒ
βMe too.β You smiled.Β
Carmen looked around, catching his staff standing in the window, rolling his eyes when they darted after he caught them, scampering in different directions. βUm, itβs gettinβ kinda late.β Carmen looked at you, fingers drumming on his thigh- that was still touching yours.Β
βYeah.β You nodded, looking at your phone. βI guess I should go, and Iβll, um, Iβll see you tomorrow?βΒ
Carmen nodded, sliding out of the booth then offering his hand to help you. βDid you walk here?βΒ
βNo, I took the L.β You walked towards the door beside him. It was quiet, the soft hum from the kitchen, the muffled clatters of pots and pans being put away.Β
βMe too. Iβll ride back with you?β Carmen offered.Β
βI thought you lived like three blocks away?β You giggled, tilting your head to the side. βAnd Iβm in the opposite direction.βΒ
βYeah, I-I do.β Carmen nodded. βI justβ¦ You shouldnβt ride alone at night, ya know? Shit could happen andβ¦ I donβt want it to. To happen to you.βΒ
You could feel the heat flushing through your cheeks, through your chest. You laughed lightly. βIs this your way of trying to come home with me?β You lifted a brow playfully.Β
βNo! No.β Carmen shook his head, flustered, which made you laugh harder.Β
βIβm kidding, Carm.β You giggle, reassuring him. βButβ¦ if you wanted to come stay the night. Since itβs lateβ¦ and youβre insisting on coming with me on the L.βΒ
βI donβt wanna make-make it weird, or come off like that. I-I really amβ¦ I like you.β Carmen stuttered. Fuck, there was nothing more tempting than that invite, but Carmen didnβt want to fuck this up. He really didnβt want to fuck this up.Β
βI mean, stay over so we can talk more.β You gave him a pointed look. βWe were having a good conversation. Werenβt we?βΒ
βYeah, no, yeah. Yeah, we were.β Carmen stuttered, hand on the door, twisting the lock though his eyes never left yours.Β
βSoβ¦ You want to come over then? Finish telling me about Copenhagen? Please?β And how could Carmen say no, his head spinning with excitement when he walked out behind you, letting the door fall shut, your arm looping around his while you walked towards the L.Β
Richie ran to the front, pushing the door open with Sugar and Tina, watching the two of you walk towards the station. βGood job, Cousin.β Richie muttered.Β
hiiii !! i love ur writing πππ would u be down to write something simple just abt like snuggling carmy when u wake up together π₯Ίπ₯Ί
LET THE LIGHT IN | endless drabble series (summer edition)
summary: early morning musings
pairing: carmen berzatto x nb!reader
a/n:Β the only time i will write for carmen where nothing bad happens
masterlist. β.
mm, warm. too warm. carmen doesn't let go, doesn't realize he's holding on, arms wound tight around a body who's shape is so familiar. he stirs first because he's never really sleeping, enveloped in the scent of your hair, the subtle cleanliness of washed sheets, the faint musk of sweat that clings to him like after-image in the dim morning light. chicago's summers are always unforgivable.
for once, he doesn't really mind.
the sheets are tangled and your back rests against his chest and he's so close, so close that drowsy eyes can see the small blink of your lashes. still sleeping. it's too warm and too early. the slip of light between the curtains cuts across your cheek. if he could bring himself to release you for just a moment, he'd caress it, soothe the ache that doesn't exist. he loves you.
he loves you and he loves your home and he loves that you love him and that you never tire of saying it. he's desperate for those words, like he needs a reminder before he cracks and loses it, and he loses it often. your love is verbal, his love is touch. love you doesn't fit in his mouth, so he kisses instead.
chapped lips brush against your cheekbone where the light's the harshest. muscles flex and tense and he won't let go, even if sleeping you have nowhere to rush to. closes his eyes, then, content, safe. you're here and you're real and you protect against the fire and he loves you and this is the only way he can say that he does.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
β Live Streamingβ Interactive Chatβ Private Showsβ HD Quality
Anya is LIVE right now
FREE
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming