Furbaby Jesus

If you spend even 30 seconds on any urgent animal thread on Facebook, you have undoubtedly encountered “Someone.” Rather, a plea for this Someone to magically appear and whisk the cat or dog away to a fairyland where furbabies run free (while also managing to pay all veterinary bills and of course addressing any behavior issues that may be present as well).

“Someone do something!”

“I hope someone steps up before it’s too late!”

“I wish someone had room!”

Poor Someone, he or she must really stay up at night worrying if (s)he can possibly live up to his or her reputation as the savior of all furbabies in need everywhere. I bet Someone has a good Ambien prescription and a nice ulcer.

We all know the fervent pleas for Someone, usually followed by a list of excuses why said plea-screamer can’t be that Someone:

Here’s the wonderful thing about Someone: Someone is already doing something. Someone is covered in runny poop right now. Someone is at the emergency vet, pacing the floor waiting to hear about the dog they picked up on the side of the road. Someone is checking their bank account wondering how they’re going to cover pet food, vet bills, and that pesky electric bill. Someone is syringe feeding an orphaned kitten.

Someone isn’t some magical lottery winner with a big farm, Someone is you. All of us Someones weren’t Someone until we actually did something. Something other than screaming “SOMEONE DO SOMETHING,” that is.

Stop wishing for Someone and start being one. Otherwise, kindly shut the fuck up and get out of the way. All you’re doing is making it harder for the Someone who is trying to sift through 1,000s of pleas for Someone to do something to find Someone willing to do something themselves.

Are you there, Someone? Of course you are. We see you at the vet’s office, at the shelter, in our inbox arranging pulls and coordinating events and sometimes just reaching out into the abyss to let another Someone know you are there.