full belly moon

"inside of me lay destroyed illusions of the novelty of love. what a thing, dripping with honey and lavander. love takes its teeth and bites into us. we bite the insides of our own mouths. all dare to hold tightly. but love is organic. its grip loosens. we rot and we soften into unreconciled distance. a goodbye. a moment of eye contact and unmet expectations. like i said, i am disillusioned. the motif of love for me has been folly, and i have been foolish. i am still foolish now, as i sit upright and miss somebody who could not care enough to be even hateful. it is a sting unlike any other to be a nuisance and a burden to another human. it is like a pinch to be the recipient of another's disdain. oh, how he looked at me. like i had shot him, like i had let him down, like i was an annoyance. i was cast off as a coat on a summer's day, and that is not novel enough to be mentioned, not significant enough to be mourned. so i remain feeling tattered. i may live on this clothesline for a while. i may become transparent. i may be pathetic and ransid to the beholder for a while. i do not know. i'll do it mostly silently. for a thing like this, it does not make sense to weep. so i won't. i'll go unnoticed and harbor these ships inside of me, wondering why i'm here again."