sev

This is kinmisia.

You should judge somebody based off their actions, not something about themselves that they can't control.

Angels and demons aren't inherently enemies or dangers to each other. You view all angelkin as inherent predators bound to hurt you if they find out that you're demonkin, that's absolutely messed up.

i'm covered in sharp, keeled scales much like that of a bush viper. i'm probably about the size of a bear, large enough to hunt a human on my own but small enough to be fast and light on my feet

i have six or eight limbs in total, all with curved claws, and two of them are the wings on my back. they're bat wings or something analogous and flexible enough to function like giant webbed hands

i think my body is front-heavy and narrow around the waist/pelvis despite how long my legs are. my middle limbs (the ones not corresponding to human legs or arms) are weirdly close together, not anchored to my sides like you would expect. and they're such a vague sensation that i'm not even sure what they are, but they exist and they can move

my legs are like a bird of prey for the most part, digitigrade but with five digits instead of four. they're also strong with a good deal of jumping power like a kangaroo. my tail seems to be about as long as my human legs from hip to heel, and i can use it to swim like a fish or reptile. i'm definitely a decent swimmer, but i no longer think i'm semi-aquatic, because the urges to swim don't come unless i'm actually looking at a body of water. like i would just hop in to eat some fish and whatnot

anyway, my head shape is vague and i would estimate it as the general profile of an orca, dolphin, or maybe a hognose snake? but pretty much everything else is different from those, because my eyes are more front-facing plus a third eye and i don't think i have a blowhole. my teeth are sharp and i seem to have fangs that swing forward like a venomous snake

there's also some weirdness about my ears, because i have phantom ears basically identical to an elf, but there seems to be another pair of ears, higher up on my head like a cat. these COULD be one pair and the tallness of the human head just makes it feel strange, but i'm pretty sure these two pairs move differently, so i don't know. oh, and there seems to be a small pair of horns right above my human forehead, because of course i have horns too T_T

when it comes to sprinting, i'm always on all fours and my head is relatively steady like a cheetah. sometimes i walk on all fours as well but when it comes to standing around, my posture is more like a theropod dinosaur

all together, i know these features sound like a dragon, and i've identified as a dragon before (even a Night Fury from HTTYD for a while) but that term doesn't feel like it captures the whole picture. you know, what's with all those extra parts and the lack of a breath attack or any clearly magical property? i know there's not much criteria for being a dragon but it still doesn't seem quite right

TLDR; i decided to dump all of that into a reblog of this post since i feel really weird. it's like i came from a child's imagination. you know, some little kid just stitched together every cool creature feature they could think of. it makes me feel fake, ridiculous, a bad example of the otherkin and therian community.

so i tend to force myself into a label of something relatively simple, like a dragon or a shapeshifter or even a fictional species from a particular source, so i don't feel so silly.

And I understand why. For many of us, our identities are inherently based in wanting to be seen, treated, as something other than human. We're often eager to disavow humanity, having spent so long being forced into that role, and so we embrace ideas of dehumanisation. But we don't often consider that alterhumans of colour, who have long histories of being treated as subhuman and having their humanity denied, might have more complex relationships with these narratives.

As a community in the internet age, we have the myths and legends of the whole world at our fingertips. But we often give very little care to the meanings of those myths and the cultures they come from. (Are you actually a human possessed by an Algonquin spirit of starvation, after falling prey to greed and the exploitation of other people? Or are you a woods monster with a skull-deer head? Because the former is not the latter, and if you actually are the former, a lot of Native Americans are going to be rightfully upset by you, as that spirit represents immense amounts of cruelty that was done to them and is still being done to them.)

And then there are the myths and legends that are explicitly tied to racism. The New Age narrative of starseeds and ancient alien ancestors originates in white supremacy (we never see Black alien progenitors, but we do see explicitly "Nordic" ones), antisemitism (anything to do with the world being secretly run by alien lizardfolk, which have widely been understood by Jewish scholars as code for the Jews), and literal Nazi occult practices. While some starseeds disavow racism, disavowing it personally is not enough- not when the community continues to circulate white supremacist beliefs.

And then of course there's the police dog thing. No, it doesn't make you evil to have been a police dog, or to have enjoyed having been one. No one can expect you to have understood racism as a dog. But you have this body and mind now, you are aware of racism now, and you are aware of the baseless cruelty of the police, the countless Black and Brown communities that have been terrorised by the police and K9 units. You have the choice to keep condoning this system, or to learn about it and the harm it does. Perhaps that's what you're meant to do as a dog in this life- perhaps that's why you're here, why you've been given this mind and this awareness in this current time. To become a better, more compassionate being than you were in the past.

Indeed, it can feel unfair to be accused of racist beliefs when you're just trying to express yourself. Your frustrations are understandable. But do remember that it's much, much worse for people of colour to be subjected to constant reminders that others don't notice their pain, or care about reducing it.

The number one thing is to do your research. Look into the thing you are and get accurate information about it (not just from Tumblr) before deciding you are it. If you fit a visual image such as skull-deer or many-tailed fox, but you don't resonate with the actual legend you are drawing on, try describing yourself as just "skull-deer" or "many-tailed fox". It'll be more helpful to you, too, to not try to squish yourself into an image that doesn't really fit.

(I could describe myself as an "Eastern dragon", and have in the past: I'm wingless, associated with water rather than fire, and aspire to be a benevolent force and a guardian of nature. But I'm also white and my dragon form has strong connections to European regions and myths, so I feel it's better to describe myself as a wingless dragon or drake. And acknowledging that allows me to connect more authentically with my Slavic heritage, as a half-Pole.)

The second thing is to be respectful, humble and open to correction. It's easy to say, "well, I didn't mean to do harm, so you shouldn't be mad at me!" But do you think that's going to make anyone feel less hurt? Would it make you feel less hurt if someone said it to you? If someone says a thing you're saying is racist, take the time to listen to them without getting defensive. Accept that you have hurt them, even if unwillingly, and be open to their suggestions of how you could express things better.

The third thing is to point out racism when you see it in the community. That doesn't mean making callout posts or sending hate, but just calmly stating why the thing they said is an issue. e.g. "I'm not criticising you personally, but be aware that X myth has roots in white supremacy." Or, "this creature represents Algonquin stories about the dangers of greed and selfishness and how it can turn you into a monster. Are you actually saying that you embody that myth, or are you saying that you relate to modern depictions of the creature? If the latter, it's kinder to call yourself a skull-deer or such."

Faking an experience is done with full knowledge and conscious intent on your part of what you are doing.

If something is happening to you unintentionally, if you are doing something and unconsciously, you are having a legitimate experience of some kind.

These are purposefully non-specific, make them more specific as needed.

What led you toward identifying as other than human? Is it a voluntary or involuntary expression for you? Explain why?

What about you, your personality, and mannerisms naturally feel nonhuman compared to others? Do other people notice the difference?

What do you identify as and how did you come to that conclusion? Describe your kintype(s) in detail.

How does your identity play into your everyday life? Do you make an effort to include it in your daily life?

How do you affirm your nonhumanity mentally, how do you do it physically?

Do you still feel a connection with humanity? If so, when do you most feel it? Is it a positive or negative experience?

Where would be the most ideal environment to live in where you could express your non-humanity? If you have a hearthome, describe it in detail.

What do you think society would look like if nonhumanity was a widely accepted expression of self?

If you've identified as something other than human for a long time, how has your expression of that identity changed over time?

If you've only recently begun identifying as nonhuman, how do you predict your expression of your identity will change over the years?

Do you believe individuals belonging to certain demographics (poc, neurodiverse, younger generations, etc) are more likely to identify with nonhumanity over others? Why or why not?

Does your nonhumanity influence how you interact with others? If so, how, and do you make an attempt to manage it?

Do you view yourself equal to, above, or below humans in any regard? Why?

What is the oddest thing that brings you euphoria related to your identity?

What is your most favorite item or activity that brings you euphoria?

If you had the ability to change into your kintype (or alternate nonhuman form), would you do so permanently, or would you want the ability to shift between your human and nonhuman form? Explain your choice?

If you had the choice to live entirely separate from humanity, would you take it? Where would you want to go? Is there anything you would miss about humanity?

What do you believe the origin of your nonhumanity is? Do you believe it's different for everyone?

Are you a social or solitary species? How does this affect you in your day to day life?

Do you have nonhuman friends? What are they like, how did you meet, and how does interacting with other nonhumans affect you?

If you don't have other nonhuman friends, do you want them? Why or why not? Would you want to make friends with those of a specific type?

Do you have dreams, visions, memories, etc. Of yourself in your nonhuman form? Explain them in detail?

Where is your favorite place or safe space to express your identity openly?

(While writing this answer I remembered this page on @obligatorycoffee 's site, which probably sums it up better than me tbh.)

It's not silly, and I'm sorry you're dealing with this - I know how you feel! I went through it as a teenager and for an embarrassing amount into my 20s.

Step 1: block people who make these claims. That might seem harsh, since some of them are absolutely dealing with mental health issues and that isn't their fault, but exposing yourself to content that makes you feel psychologically unwell isn't helping them, you, or anyone else.

There IS more to the world, and the universe, than we know. That's exciting, and we should always keep an open mind to new information, but not so open that our brains fall out and we start accepting every goofball idea as fact. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof, and photos online don't cut it. Especially not today in an age where we have AI and photo editing software. Unless you're literally on a live stream or in person, you can't trust the "proof" these people give you.

Remind yourself that this has always been the game. We've always dealt with claims of shapeshifting, and there's always been excuses as to why the claims can't be proven. This is the history that they have, years of glorifyed RP, scams, drama, and wishful thinking that at times really hurts people like yourself.

Think about it this way, too. If you could shapeshift, would you waste your time bragging about it online? Personally, if I could change form at will I would be way too busy living my best goddamn life out there.

And if I so DESPERATELY needed people to believe me, I wouldn't waste time making up reasons as to why cameras don't work, I'd do literally everything possible to prove it another way. But there's always an excuse, every single time, and it just doesn't make any sense.

When I was young I did have a reasonably sceptical head on my shoulders, but I was also dysphoric as fuck and wistful and I wanted it to be real. So much that I'd find myself subconsciously biased towards giving "p-shifters" the benefit of the doubt, hoping against impossibility that maybe it was true.

But a lot of people, when they throw around claims like this, will treat it like some secret the world is keeping from you that only they know. If you see someone like that? Run the fuck away. Doesn't take much for that to morph into, "Only we know the secret. If you want it, you have to join us. You have to be loyal to us, and do what we say, to prove yourself worthy." And that's where you get p-shifter cults. Creepy as fuck. (And yes, they were real, and probably still are).

Now: if you ever do find yourself really wondering, or just... hoping against all reason that maybe, any of it is true: I'll tell you what I did. Maybe it'll serve you as well as it did me.

Just. Try.

Like. Try to physically shift. You'll feel stupid and ridiculous, but give it an honest go anyway. It's a pretty straightforward way satisfy the curiosity. If we really did have some shapeshifting ability hidden in us, you wouldn't need some creep online to activate it, right?

So y'know. Try.

It won't work, and that sucks! But you got that answer for yourself, y'know? Close the case on your own evidence.

I had some of my most vivid mental and phantom shifts when I said fuck it and tried to physically shift. And that was a valuable experience in itself! But in the mirror: no fur, no paws, just the stark reality that we live in a world which is bound to logic and physical laws, and it's only in our minds that we're free from that.

But the closure helps, I think. And sometimes the best way to get that is from yourself.

Beyond that? Logic will snuff out any lingering doubts if you let it. Not just in physical law, but in how people are. There's no way something like that, if possible, would remain secret. And even if someone was trying to hide it: bureaucracy is inefficent and clumsy, people are loose-lipped and crave attention, and a trait like that scattered across random people would not be easy to suppress. The more people you're trying to organise, the harder it is! Like any conspiracy theory, one of the biggest plot holes is always going to be that people are just evidentially shit at keeping secrets.

Finding a way to cope with the longing is the harder work, though. The idea of p-shifting is an easy out, but a poisonous one (and false, completely and utterly false). When you rule that one out, you're stuck with the reality of things and that can feel pretty miserable.

It does get easier, though. You'd be surprised how much healing you can find just in accepting that you're stuck like this and deciding to make the best of it anyway.

You have your mind, and that's a really solid resource! If you want to "really" experience shapeshifting, you can try teaching yourself to lucid dream, for one! (It worked for me. I think it'd work for most people, though maybe not folks with aphantasia). Meditative visualisation is also surprisingly good for this, it just takes a lot of practice.

And there's way to find comfort in the physical world too. Sometimes it's just little things... integrating a bit of your species' body language, or focusing more on a sense you associate with it. Or if you wanted to get adventurous, there's fursuiting and furry lifestyling and LARPing and so on!