cowboy apologist

you are so gay that if you went to book a room at the Penis & Butthole Hotel they would say “for you, my friend, it’s on the house”

if I woke up in a saw trap I would simply go back to sleep

You just hate me because the patterns on my clothes move around like they do on chowder and yours don’t

Diversity win! This poor little meow meow KILLS!

spotify wrapped is HERE! send me a number 1-100 and I’ll tell you the song it corresponds with on my top 100 playlist!

Picking car up from the mechanic and it has one of those pet cones on

women love me for my weak ankles and nervous disposition. it makes them want to hug me so hard it breaks my back like a glowstick

ummmmmm… hi 😳 *unleashes the terror*