FUCK OFF GAVIN McINNES

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Mandolyna Theodoracopulos and Gavin McInnes

This will be my last column for Takimag. It’s been almost exactly ten years at about 1,000 words a week. That’s half a million words or the equivalent of half a dozen books. I’m so thankful to Taki and his daughter, Mandolyna, for giving me the opportunity to make better and better columns. The early ones are so bad, I’m glad they’re offline. Takimag has consistently been a place where you can say whatever you want. Many others have tried. Thought Catalog reprinted Taki columns for a minute but couldn’t take the millennial backlash and quickly capitulated. John Derbyshire was fired from National Review for a column he wrote here. There has been zero capitulation from the Theodoracopuloses and I’m eternally grateful to Takimag.

My only regret is I didn’t get to hang out with them more. Mandolyna is remarkably easy to work with. I think we had two fights and they lasted one email. Taki is a riot. From screaming, “Vous êtes nouveau riche!” at other boats from his yacht to pounding the table at a fancy restaurant and hollering, “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if Liberace ate pussy, he’d still be with us,” the man is a human rock concert. Those Greek tycoons have been phenomenally generous to me over the years and I couldn’t be more thankful.

The articles I’ve written have been well received if you check the top 5 list and brutally resented if you check the comments. I avoid the latter but have to admit the top 5 ranking is pretty accurate. I’m sure the other columnists here notice that when you dial it in you don’t see an appearance, but when you work hard at telling a unique story in a palatable way, the meritocracy of numbers recognizes it. I used to compare myself to Jim Goad and compete with him for more than one spot at a time on that list (I don’t think I ever got the top two spots, but he did). It’s a dumb thing to do because the man is simply one of the greatest writers of our generation. Where most of us would spend all our chips creating an impenetrable attack that nobody’s ever thought of before, Jim will do all that but craft it in a way that sounds like he’s spitballing at a bar AND add cutting insults about each person’s looks. The secret to being a writer next to Goad is to accept that he’s in a league all his own and you can’t compete.

“I’m still determined to free us all from big government, but I also want to focus on the family.”

It was also an honor working with Steve Sailer, who has blown my mind so many times it looks like Detroit. The Derb is an inspiration too. Did any of you realize his columns always clocked in at exactly 1,000 words? David Cole is one of the most interesting Jews I’ve ever met, and I still find it hard to believe Kathy Shaidle’s acerbic vitriol comes from such a kind, petite woman. Mandolyna is a great curator who would bring in columnists from other sites and grace us with Pat Buchanan’s flawless history lessons, Conrad Black’s pithy evaluations, and Michelle Malkin’s bitter tenacity. It was an honor to be remotely associated with any and all of them.

In the beginning I regularly ripped off John Stossel, but later graduated to ripping off more complex thinkers such as Ann Coulter. I tried to keep it light in the summer, which I believe is a good lesson for the right. We need to include bubblegum culture in our rants. As Nick Gillespie once said, “Nobody can remember the speaker of the house back in 1935 but everyone knows who Shirley Temple is.”

My stories focused on debunking liberal myths. America is not a racist hellhole. Women are not second-class citizens here. Islam is not a religion of peace. Free speech does include hate speech. Men are not weak and dads are not useless. Making videos about all these things is often much easier than writing them out. I’ve heard Tucker Carlson say the same thing. Maybe the written word is being replaced. I don’t see that as a big deal as long as we don’t give up on our message, which is maximum liberty for maximum proud Westerners.

I’m rebooting my whole deal and going mainstream. I’ll announce the platform in about a month but it’s going to include TV, radio, the internet, and books. The deal is an exclusive, which means no more The Gavin McInnes Show on Compound Media, no more video commentary on Rebel Media, and no more column here. That doesn’t mean I’ll be any less prolific. I’m still determined to free us all from big government, but I also want to focus on the family. America needs more dads. The left’s obsession with shattering the family and the patriarchy all comes back to daddy issues, and I’m going to reverse that trend. When I first met my wife, I said I had no interest in kids. She convinced me otherwise and my only regret is it all didn’t happen sooner. I want to share that bliss. I want more young men proposing. I want less spinsters. The patriarchy isn’t a fun idea you oughtta try out; it’s the very foundation of our country. The left, along with their deep hatred for Judeo-Christian values, are determined to end the dad.

They don’t have a plan B. They just want to watch the world burn. The media has joined them on this voyage and pulled their radicals into the mainstream. All this has done has made them all more radical and further from the average American. The MSM is now a satellite floating 200 miles from Earth, and that has created a vacuum down here on the ground. I have been working with enormously powerful people and big names to fill that void. I’m very excited about it and feeling pretty fearless, although I’m not sure how I’m going to avoid swearing for the rest of my career. Like my dick if I were to nude-wrestle Eva Mendes, it’s going to be very rewarding but also incredibly hard.

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The president has become “completely unhinged,” Jimmy Kimmel told his viewers on Tuesday night. He had just canceled all their scheduled programming to focus on the president’s press conference regarding Charlottesville. This is a day after Jimmy Fallon did basically the same thing and asked America how to explain to his daughters the reasons why “there’s so much hatred in this world.” The right was equally apoplectic. The front page of Wednesday’s NY Post read “Trump back at it: Hey some white nationalists are ‘very fine people.’” Fox News’ Kat Timpf was on the verge of tears as she exclaimed, “I’m wondering if it was real life.”

I agree with her but for opposite reasons. These reactions make me think I’m living on a different planet. Trump never said white nationalists are fine people. He said not everyone there was a white nationalist. This rally had a couple hundred Nazis. That’s not proof there’s “so much hatred in the world.” Kimmel played a series of clips from Trump’s speech and they all seemed perfectly reasonable, banal even. He condemned white nationalists and Nazis and he said the left was also being violent. If he had said any of this to me personally, I’d go, “Duh.” After the clips, Kimmel pretended the president had just said something racist. It was baffling. Are we living on the same planet? Also, Trump didn’t wait 48 hours to condemn the attacks. He did it immediately after. The press conference they’re talking about was his second series of statements disavowing the Nazis and white nationalists at the event. Do all conservatives have to wear crossed-out swastikas on our lapels, or would tattooing “Not a Nazi” on our foreheads suffice?

“We’ve rejected our extremists, but the left has pulled theirs into the mainstream.”

Many of the people in Charlottesville were reporters and observers and many were innocent civilians who felt duped by the rally because they thought they were going to a protest march about removing statues. That’s what it was originally billed as. I know this because these people have called in to my show condemning organizer Jason Kessler for misleading them. Trump also criticized the violence coming from the alt-left. This is irrefutable. Antifa may have started out as an anti-fascist organization, but nobody should be surprised that a group that encourages anonymous violence is going to attract some mentally ill degenerates hell-bent on burning America to the ground. They’ve been deemed a terrorist group in New Jersey. Why are people still taking them seriously?

Chubby lesbian Vietnamese immigrant Loan Tran just tore down a Johnny Rebel statue in Durham, N.C. That statue represents the 258,000 conscripted Confederates who died fighting a war they didn’t necessarily agree with. In Chicago, they are trying to get Washington Jackson Park to take down more statues and remove the presidents’ names from the park because Washington and Jackson owned slaves. In Memphis, they are digging up the graves of Confederate soldiers, presumably to desecrate their remains. This is what the Anarchists did in Barcelona during the Spanish Civil War. They dug up the bodies of murdered nuns (NSFW) and propped them up against churches to show their disdain for Spain’s history.

Nobody’s defending the white nationalists and the Nazis. EVERYBODY hates them. I told people months ago this was going to be a shitshow, but my dictums don’t take because I’m not Mao. I’m still being dragged into it despite getting regular death threats from the alt-right. Trump was isolating the radicals on both sides from the rest of America. This clarification may have prevented a race war and countless murders. The left wants everyone on the right to be identified as James A. Fields Jr., the driver of the car that killed Heather Heyer. Daily Kos founder Markos Moulitsas just said, “NRA and American conservatives/Nazis are one and the same.” That’s not just a “Big Lie,” as Dinesh D’Souza would say. It’s a dangerous lie. We are living in a climate where it isn’t just Nazis who are getting attacked. It’s everyone who doesn’t hate Nazis enough. In Burlington, Vt., a man was just stabbed because he didn’t disavow a white-supremacist ex-friend with enough enthusiasm.

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Trump was simply trying to inject some sanity into all this. The riots in Charlottesville involved many innocent people on both sides. The “good people” he was talking about are: a few naive socialists who thought they were preventing WWIII, and a handful of duped patriots who thought they were preventing the eradication of America’s history. The bad people he was talking about were violent anarchists who believe Moulitsas, and radical white nationalists who are just as violent and just as obsessed with race (Crowder recently made a good argument that both groups are essentially the same).

Nazis are bad. We all agree on this save maybe a handful of damaged virgins. Communists are bad too, though. We need to avoid both groups because they don’t want America to prosper. They want it to die fighting itself. The right disavows the alt-right constantly. Trump has condemned white nationalists and Nazis again and again. Obama never disavowed the alt-left. Politicians today think their radicals are heroic foot soldiers for the cause. Mayors say “much love” to violent radical groups and befriend them on Facebook. They let Loan Tran decide what statues we can have and they ride the bus with Antifa to take down those statues. The left has become so radical, they regularly compare Trump to Hitler and are convinced Steve Bannon is a white supremacist. In other words, about 50% of the country is a Nazi to them. That’s not “real life,” to coin Timpf. It’s propaganda. We’ve rejected our extremists, but the left has pulled theirs into the mainstream.

In the name of peace, unity, and love, the left is pretending the entire right has gone alt, and it’s going to start a war of division and hate. By pretending the president thinks this is a good idea they are empowering the radicals on both sides. The alt-left and the alt-right are going to get their civil war and all this disingenuous virtue signaling from the mainstream is going to be at the root of the cause.

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Google is a brilliant search engine where they accrue seemingly infinite amounts of data and organize it into patterns. When you type in “cars” it takes you to the most popular car-buying site as well as all the dealerships within a 30-mile radius. The people who work there are mostly male, mostly white, and I’d assume mostly autistic. These abnormally gifted nerds have been assigned the task of taking this incredible invention that grosses $60 billion a year and improving it.

James Damore did exactly that on Monday when he sent out an interoffice memo detailing the dangers of “echo-chamber” thinking and this strange obsession with making tech 50% female. “Google’s political bias has equated the freedom from offense with psychological safety,” he began, before adding, “but shaming into silence is the antithesis of psychological safety.” The CEO of Google cut his vacation short and fired Damore within hours. James is presently exploring legal action.

“The more we hear about this hateful document, the more it confirms itself to be true.”

The story from Google’s side is that the memo perpetuated “harmful gender stereotypes.” The media has run with this narrative, calling Damore’s essay an “anti-woman screed” that “confirms your worst fears.” While sorting through all the pearl-clutching hysteria it becomes pretty clear that nobody convulsing has actually read it. Like most things that cause major controversy these days, it’s remarkably benign. Damore says diversity is good. He says sexism is a problem. He makes it very clear he wants as many women in the workforce as possible. He also says demanding 50% may be dangerous. It could involve discriminating against qualified men, which is illegal. Even reading between the lines leaves you with no “anti” for anything but prejudice and inequality.

When I read it, I sensed the subtext was:

(1) Please don’t penalize me for being male and don’t let it hurt my job opportunities in the future.

(2) While women are an asset to every company, crowbarring them into every position at the same rate they are represented in the population may not be good for the company.

(3) We should consider the possibility that women—OVERALL—are not exactly the same as men.

(4) We need to treat every individual as the exception to the rule and not assume that general patterns apply to that particular person.

(5) Above all, we need to be able to openly discuss such issues. Diversity is an asset and that includes diversity of thought.

Points like these would be considered liberal five years ago, but the pendulum has swung so far left, it now reads like the tenets of the He-Man Woman Haters Club. We all know what’s really going on here: James identified the elephant in the room. Women are not equally represented in tech because it’s generally not their bag. Tech and coding are for autistic geeks who don’t particularly like people. These tend to be male. Women are social creatures who prefer interaction to sifting through tangled piles of numbers. James includes a graph explaining that even this seemingly extreme take isn’t extreme. We see there is massive overlap between men and women. Below the image with the overlap he shows a chart with no overlap and includes the disclaimer “this is bad” and “I don’t endorse that.” Not good enough, James. You identified the Emperor’s New Clothes in an economic climate where mentally ill attention whores with purple hair tell us how to live and only radical leftism will be tolerated. James was fired for telling the ugly truth at ugly-truth headquarters.

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I’ve been to the headquarters in New York City and it’s one of the least diverse companies I’ve ever visited. The only black or Hispanic person I saw in the entire building was at the front desk where they check your ID. Upstairs, I’d say it was roughly 70% white male, 30% female, 15% Asian, and 15% East Indian. They get away with this because they make you sign a ton of nondisclosures right after you get past the front gate. Coding and organizing the world’s data is an incredibly rare gift. You can throw some random chick at it the same way you can throw some random fat guy into the NBA. Tech should be as un-diverse as sports. We’re talking about a phenomenally unique individual. The same goes for the military. We don’t let you join if you took antidepressants within the past year. There’s no way someone who doesn’t know what gender they are is ready to be part of one of the most mentally demanding professions in the world. When are we going to accept the hatefact that people are different and not everything has to be a perfect pizza pie of diversity that mirrors the population? Men dominate sanitation and trucking and other dangerous jobs because they’re less risk-averse than women. This is why they represent 93% of work-related deaths (a state James also dared to mention).

The women were so outraged by assertions such as women have “lower stress tolerance,” as he put it, they “skipped work” to try to tolerate the extra stress. The more we hear about this hateful document, the more it confirms itself to be true. This is why James was fired. He was naive enough to do his job and explain ways his company can improve. He questioned the liberal narrative and provided cold, hard facts to back up his points. He said we are living in an era where you will be punished if you say conservative ideas, and he was promptly punished for it. Google knows he’s right. They Googled it. They know the truth. They also know most of us can’t handle it.

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Christopher Nolan’s Dunkirk is killing it at the box office and will likely gross over $200M. It’s a horrible movie that is stressful to watch and never seems to end. The timeline switches back and forth, leaving the viewer scared, confused, and about to vomit. This is why we went to see it. We didn’t want a Romeo-and-Juliet fable about the joys of a conflict that left well over 60 million dead. We wanted to capture a glimpse of what it must have been like, and war is hell. You’re not supposed to enjoy it. I saw Saving Private Ryan in 1998 after smoking a joint and the opening D-day scene was so intense, it gave me PTSD. Since then, I nod at vets when I see them on the street because we’re basically peers. Men of fighting age today are mostly spoiled brats. Many of us consider ourselves warriors if we risk being ostracized at work because we’re soldiers online. WWII was such a devastating conflict, however, the dead soldiers from half a century ago are still fighting side by side with the keyboard warriors of today. This film is going to be a massive victory in the culture wars because it shows a generation of ingrates how hard Western man fought on their behalf.

When discussing how the West was won, the narrative is that the white man stole land from the Indians and then used slaves to build it into an empire. This film says something very different and it’s all true. I was sitting next to a bored Puerto Rican chick in the theater who was chewing bubble gum and regularly checking her phone. I wanted to lean over and say, “Do you see the planes? Do you see these boats? Can you comprehend these incredible inventions of man and all the immense good and bad such machines can achieve? Do you see that history wasn’t simply us versus them? It wasn’t white versus nonwhite but a tangled conglomeration of all tribes fighting back and forth to achieve their various ideas of liberty. Do you see how much you owe Western man?” I didn’t bother because, well, you know what would have happened. She would have said, “You don’t know me. Why you want to talk like you know me?”

“This film is going to be a massive victory in the culture wars because it shows a generation of ingrates how hard Western man fought on their behalf.”

Dunkirk starkly portrays the nearly 400,000 British soldiers who were rescued from this coastal French town when the Nazis cornered them on the beaches. It happened in the spring of 1940 and was a major turning point in the war. The Nazis saw it as a victory because they sent England running and the Brits saw it as a victory because they saved hundreds of thousands of men and enabled them to fight another day. In the Time/Life special-edition magazine Dunkirk: One Rescue, Nine Days, 340,000 Lives Saved, they argue that Britain was only able to escape because Hitler blundered and gave the Nazis a three-day break shortly before the evacuation. I don’t think it was a blunder. I believe Hitler allowed the Brits to escape because he saw Churchill as a potential ally at the beginning of the war and hoped they could fight together.

All this is covered beautifully, of course, in Buchanan’s Churchill, Hitler, and the Unnecessary War: How Britain Lost Its Empire. Here we learn of Germany’s affinity with the U.K. (I had no idea the Kaiser was Queen Victoria’s grandson). The book argues that Churchill should have continued England’s “splendid isolation” and let Germany have its way with Europe. The whole thing would have taken a few months and we wouldn’t have had the Holocaust or countless other atrocities. We lost a good 60 million people in that war and most of them starved to death. Worse, Buchanan points out, the war led to the end of Western dominance and begat the proliferation of Leninism, Stalinism, and the oppressive communist ideologies that still plague us today. We may have defeated the Nazis, but using our bravest and brightest left us ill-equipped to handle their ideology. Dinesh D’Souza released The Big Lie: Exposing the Nazi Roots of the American Left this week, in which he makes the claim that the far left are not similar to Nazis—they are Nazis. Where Hillary’s America proved the DNC has no right to use the race card, his new book shows the left has no right to employ the Nazi card, either.

This is what I was hoping my Puerto Rican neighbor and everyone else would glean from the film. We didn’t steal our wealth and privilege from the poor. We had civil war after civil war and eventually figured out the best way to maximize personal freedom. More important, just as Churchill’s hubris enabled communism to flourish after WWII, we are letting the same kind of fascism flourish today. Only, today it’s not just leftist fascism, it’s Islam. The left’s ethnomasochistic war on history has created a vacuum that Sharia is happy to fill. To throw bacon on a mosque is a death sentence in today’s England, but Muslims can rape children with reckless abandon. This happens because of shame. Shame happens because we trivialize our own achievements and assume we don’t deserve what we have. We must have stolen it. We need to be punished.

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The Nazis burned books. Liberals take down statues. In Candice Millard’s Hero of the Empire: The Boer War, a Daring Escape, and the Making of Winston Churchill, we learn of a young Winston hell-bent on war. He was a war correspondent because he wasn’t invited to battle, but he soldiered on nonetheless and ended up in a POW camp that he later escaped from. The book shows a ragtag band of redneck farmers, the Boers, overpower the greatest superpower in the world. Like WWII, it’s a Western civil war that was much more about the evolution of our culture than oppressing the weak. This paradigm is the backbone of all of history. To go back and stare at it through SJW glasses isn’t just inaccurate—it’s propaganda. The book gets into the history of the Boers and describes P.W. Botha Sr. (the apartheid president’s father) fighting alongside Zulus in exchange for a share of the land if they won (they did). So, even an extreme case like South Africa isn’t as simple as a pedagogue like Jared Diamond insists it is in Guns, Germs, and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies.

Dunkirk still has a lot of rescuing to do and I’m not just talking about apathetic Puerto Ricans who see the film as a bunch of crazy white people fighting each other for no reason (one of the few things she and Buchanan might agree on). Feminists have derided the film. Over at Marie Claire, human nose Mehera Bonner whined, “Dunkirk felt like an excuse for men to celebrate maleness—which apparently they don’t get to do enough.” She too almost vomited, but seems to think getting bombed on a pier while pleading to boats for rescue is a “celebration.” The generation who got their history from Hamilton were disappointed there weren’t more blacks and Hispanics in the film. “Ooooh another so-called historically accurate war film about white men that got sent to war against other white men. Hollywood is so whitewashed,” was one particularly galling comment on Twitter.

As far as I’m concerned, Dunkirk isn’t simply about reversing the narrative that nonwhites were the victims and whites were the villains. Whites were Nazis, too. The movie is about reintroducing nuance into history. History is a tangled ball of warring tribes where the West eventually won. As Buchanan says in The Death of the West: How Dying Populations and Immigrant Invasions Imperil Our Country and Civilization, “Western man was among many villains, but Western man was also the only hero.”

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Charlize Theron

Most of us here agree that PC has taken over, but it’s worth doing a random sampling to see how true that is. What I learned will surprise you. It might not be as ubiquitous as you think.

Political correctness has been around since the 1990s, but as Jim Goad points out, back then it was only on the fringes. We had “separatist lesbians” who were working on creating a society without men. I remember them. They wouldn’t shake your hand because it was bad for the movement. They were also freaks nobody had heard of.

Today it seems like they could run for office. They certainly wouldn’t look unusual in Europe. Everywhere you look, far-left politics has infiltrated the mainstream, especially in pop culture. You can’t turn on the TV without a black neurosurgeon talking to a female Secret Service agent who’s a single mother of two. When they cut to a #cuckmercial it’s some bumbling dad trying to figure out how to open a can while his long-suffering wife rolls her eyes. The racial ambiguity is getting ridiculous too. Aren’t there any white people on TV anymore? The last couple I saw in a commercial was a white woman with a half-Asian husband. They had four kids who all looked racially accurate, which must have been a casting nightmare. I worked in advertising. Getting kids who can act is a hassle. Finding quarter Asians who can act is usually cost-prohibitive.

I decided to try to quantify this. It’s easy to say “PC is ubiquitous,” without any metrics. Ubiquitous means “all things at all times” so, unless you’re God, you’re left with no choice but to choose a random sample of American culture to prove your point.

“We are battered over the head with anti-traditionalism everywhere we go, but it’s not yet ubiquitous.”

I decided to watch America’s Got Talent and focus on the commercials. What I learned was, I am completely wrong about PC taking over absolutely everything. I was letting one #cuckmercial stick in my craw and then ignoring everything that came before and after it. It’s like those guys who think they’re good at blackjack. They let selective memory push out all the failures and focus on the few times they’ve won. I was stunned to discover, commercials still seem to understand the free market and that pitching to nasty women who resent men isn’t good for business.

I’m not saying PC isn’t completely out of control. It has completely subsumed most mainstream media and all of Hollywood. I’m just saying that within this tiny litmus test, I was very surprised to notice I had completely exaggerated the problem in my own mind.

There were 42 commercials during the July 25 episode of America’s Got Talent on NBC from 9 to 10 p.m. It was only 15 minutes of advertising, but most of the commercials were 15 seconds long. Diversity was not rammed down our throats. Amazon’s Alexa had a black dad goofing around with his daughter and then asking her what action movies are playing. The odds of that dad sticking around are one in four, but that’s the guy you want to advertise to.

The rest of the people cast in the commercials were totally indicative of America’s racial demographics. In a Pringles ad, we saw an ethnically ambiguous chick bite a chip and there may have been some Hispanics running into a chip tube in the background, but the three faces we saw most clearly were all white. Mazda had a couple test-drive two cars and they were both white. A white guy learned from a clone of himself that his Discover card was going to start sending him alerts if his card was being charged by a weird website. Neither of himselves were idiots and they handled this news well. There was a mathlete chick in a Staples ad who was sort of Asian but could also have been Hispanic or a very light-skinned black. This wasn’t your typical competitive math kid. These groups are usually male and mostly Asian, but they always seem to have one chick. Staples chose her. That’s fine. We also saw a slightly confused man who had trouble wrapping his mind around the fact that everything at Lowe’s was 5 percent off. A female East Indian employee had to explain it to him, but he was kind of charming about it and she didn’t demean him.

There were plenty of commercials that enforced traditional stereotypes. A Samsung Galaxy ad featured two pretty girls (ethnically ambiguous with a slight white bent) staring at shoes. They wanted to find out where to buy them and the Samsung girl was able to look it up quicker. These girls then went dancing and took selfies and then jumped in the pool (for a selfie). It was a world most college feminists would be disgusted by. A Secret antiperspirant ad featured women in bell-bottoms showing off their armpits in a way that seemed to lampoon first-wave feminism. One girl showed off her armpits and added, “I have another one right here,” like an attack on all these unkempt feminists who think their hirsute underarms mean anything.

In a T-Mobile ad, a snarky babysitter overcharges a couple. She added $10 because she had to order a pizza and she taught the kids to groom the dog. The son is asleep on the pizza and the daughter is cutting huge clumps off her dog. This incompetent slut is wearing the mom’s shoes. She mentions that she’s her size, then looks at the woman’s figure and adds, “In shoes.” This isn’t the Lisa Simpson archetype where girls can do no wrong and most of what they do is endure the stupidity of the men around them. This is a stupid bitch who can’t even handle one of the easiest jobs in the world. Another Alexa ad had a woman reminding herself to clean under the couch, and a third had some gluttonous cow canceling a reminder to take the cookies out of the oven because she had eaten them all raw. It sounds almost sexist to lay out these different scenarios, but that’s because we’ve been brainwashed to see reality as sexist. Ask a doctor how his patients react when he tells them they’re going to have a lot of trouble having babies in their late 30s. They act like he just told them they need to lose a few pounds (which he’s also allowed to do, by the way).

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In fact, things were so reasonable that when promos for movies came on, they seemed completely out of place. A commercial for Atomic Blonde started with a review from Vanity Fair that said, “Witness the birth of a new original hero,” followed by a montage of Charlize Theron beating up men, crashing cars, and chugging vodka. Yeah, right. Then we saw a trailer for The Glass Castle where Woody Harrelson tells some Lisa Simpson type, “You were born to change the world.” Hollywood didn’t get the free-market memo from the ad world and the contrast between the two was stark.

When a #cuckmercial finally did come on I was almost relieved. These were the things I was convinced were absolutely everywhere. It was an Aflac commercial that starts with a baseball bat and a dad holding an ice pack to his brutally disfigured face. Mom arrives and the son explains, “Dad kind of walked into my swing,” to which she responds, “Don’t you mean Dad kind of walked into our Hawaii fund?” They all take a vote and decide the extra money Aflac awarded them should go to a vacation and not fixing Dad’s face. He reluctantly agrees and even gives the family a weak high five. It’s the classic anti-white-male, anti-patriarchy, anti-nuclear-family commercial that gets under your skin, but it was the only one in an hour of prime-time television. These annoy me so deeply I had duped myself into thinking they were absolutely everywhere.

In the end, the experiment was not at all what I expected it to be but good news nonetheless. PC is infecting our culture. We are battered over the head with anti-traditionalism everywhere we go, but it’s not yet ubiquitous. There are still outposts where the free market remembers that being a radical feminist separatist who hates men isn’t good for business.

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The new Doctor Who is a woman. “All the cool humans are thrilled,” cooed Mashable; “Pissboys Are Melting Down,” added Dorkly (when did nerds start talking like bitter drag queens?). The Telegraph was slightly more sober and wrote off the whole thing with “Who cares?” It doesn’t matter to the establishment left because we’ve already established that men are exactly the same as women—especially when it comes to fiction. They see nothing wrong with female superheroes and action stars. It’s 2017, after all.

Charlize Theron’s Atomic Blonde got a $30M budget and she’s been scoped to become the new James Bond. Thor thinks she’d be great and women’s magazines declare she is “the James Bond we need now.” They also like the idea of Bond girl Halle Berry from Die Another Day trading in her orange bikini for a tux and becoming 007. If Jaws from Moonraker tried to rip her head off she’d just grab him by his seven-foot frame and toss him aside like a bag of dirty laundry. We’d sit there pretending physics doesn’t exist and rejoice in the egalitarianism of it all.

“I don’t want the new Doctor Who to give up her life to travel through time fighting robots.”

Have you ever been assaulted by a woman? It’s painless. As a feminist, I don’t think it should be a rule to “never hit a woman,” but punching back any more than one time for every twelve she hits you seems unnecessarily cruel. They have no upper-body strength. The fastest a woman has ever thrown a baseball is 69 mph. For men, it’s 105. I don’t want to watch women pile-driving bank robbers and knocking out villains because it looks stupid. When Jeffrey Tambor puts on a dress and a wig, I don’t go, “Who cares?” I laugh and say, “That guy looks ridiculous.” I do this because I have eyeballs and they’re still connected to my brain.

Geena Davis has entire seminars devoted to getting more women into action movies. They insist the only reason we don’t watch 130-pound supermodels kick the shit out of MS-13 is sexism. That’s insane. The reason we don’t see more movies like this is because the free market doesn’t ask for it and the free market doesn’t ask for it because it’s not natural. Nerds are scared to death of pretty women and aren’t fazed when they see them do superhuman acts of violence, but those of us who have had sex get worried when we see little girls in a fight. They have smaller bones. They’re more likely to pull a muscle. They’re more delicate. Their bodies are more valuable. Women can create human life. As Ann Coulter says, “Women are sentient.” What’s more feminist than that?

I don’t want the new Doctor Who to give up her life to travel through time fighting robots. She looks like she’s in her 30s. Does she have any kids? (The actress who plays her, Jodie Whittaker, has a toddler, but she’s 35 now so there probably won’t be more, which is a shame.) These are normal questions to ask when you see a character give up on society. You wonder if she was molested or maybe she spent some time in prison and doesn’t want to be seen again. You assume her husband died, poor thing. That’s not heroic. It’s tragic. It’s heroic to see a woman with five happy kids and a loving husband contribute to her community. She used her powers for good. To see a woman wander off into space is heartbreaking.

Unfortunately, “equality” today is about taking away the one magic power women have in real life and replacing it with becoming a fictional badass. I don’t get it. It’s like living in a society with wizards and demanding they be equally represented in punk bands. He could turn you into a frog or cure a kid’s cancer, but we have him playing bass for Anti-Nowhere League. Even in that scenario, bandmates would likely ask him to use his magic powers to lift an amp or turn a flat tire into a brand-new one. I think it would be a cruel and unusual punishment to take away Gandalf’s staff and replace it with a Fender Deluxe, but that’s exactly what all this propaganda is doing. They are replacing magic with bullshit.

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When I was a kid, they were on their fourth Doctor Who. He was played by Catholic Scouser Tom Baker, who was in his 40s at the time. Back in the 1970s, a man that age had kids who had gone off to college long ago. Doctor Who seemed like a free agent, and it wasn’t sad seeing him travel through time to fight Daleks. Besides, men’s bodies aren’t valuable and they can find love much later in life. Peter Brimelow started a new family in his 60s. Jodie Whittaker barely popped one kid out and the character she plays looks like a sad, childless spinster who chose other dimensions over true joy. Poor Doctor Who.

Those of us who value women and their gift don’t like to see them throw it away. Our suspension of disbelief doesn’t allow us to enjoy them beating the crap out of six Green Berets, either. Nerds like it, but these people masturbate to cartoons. Fuck them. The only group that truly enjoys this bizarre universe is feminist spinsters with an ax to grind. If you think they will ever be appeased, you probably think Muslims will stop attacking us if we change our foreign policy. In fact, the feminists have already expressed their distaste for the new female Doctor Who. Apparently, she’s not good enough.

“What’s just as infuriating is that Whittaker had tempered her excitement for the lead role in anticipation of the fragility of the male ego,” snapped Jezebel. “In an interview with the Radio Times she said, ‘I want to tell the fans not to be scared of my gender.’” How dare she acknowledge she’s the first female to play a role that’s half a century old! The ungrateful Armenian Anita Sarkeesian went much further, claiming the move lacked intersectionality. “It needs to be said that [Doctor Who] is still an OVERWHELMINGLY white show,” she told her 735K followers, “& that issues of representation do not exist in isolation from each other. It’s not as if you fix the ‘woman’ problem, THEN fix the ‘race’ problem, THEN the ‘queer/trans’ problem, etc. It all has to happen in tandem.” In other words, these cat ladies will never be satisfied. We need to stop telling our eyes that they’re full of shit, and we should allow what’s natural to be perfectly natural. Appeasing nerds and feminists with their Marxist cultural fiction is an endless pit of garbage culture. As King Lear put it, “O, that way madness lies.”

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This week gossip blogs like CNN focused on a black stripper who was being harassed by her ex-fiancé, Kim Kardashian’s brother. It was obviously a pathetic display of myopic minutiae, but it was also a telling look at our cultural priorities. Blac Chyna is the stripper in question, and she dumped Rob Kardashian when her baby was one month old. She dumped her previous baby-daddy when the kid was 1. That’s two babies without a daddy and no marriage in sight, but ABC News was focused on the “revenge porn” Rob dared to put on social media. Three-quarters of black kids are born out of wedlock and when the mom is white and the dad is black it goes up to 92 percent. But hey, who cares about the kids or the institutions we used to hold dear? Let’s focus on this stupid slut’s privacy (link NSFW).

You see this same willful blindness in the PBS documentary They Call Us Monsters. Directed by Ben Lear (son of the guy who created Archie Bunker), the film tracks three teenagers accused of attempted murder and discusses the ethics of trying “youths” as adults. They completely ignore the Hispanic influence involved in all three cases and treat the boys like some random victims of their random environments. When I saw the movie, I couldn’t not see a world where marriage is trivialized and poor Hispanics prove again and again they are incompatible with American culture.

“Norman Lear created Archie Bunker as a way to lampoon the working class, but it backfired and we all learned to love ol’ Arch.”

The first boy, Juan Gamez, came from El Salvador when he was a child. Back home his father expressed disdain for Juan because he thought the brother was a tougher kid. That kind of neglect may work in El Salvador. It’s not in a state of war; it is a war. Importing people from this country would be like plucking Crazy Horse from the Battle of the Rosebud and plonking him into the middle of Tokyo with a broom in his hand. Juan was determined to prove his worth to his father and this is typically done by showing you are a more ruthless warrior. Unfortunately, when it came time to prove his manhood, someone changed the scenery and they were now living in California. The father was back home and there was no battleground for Juan to prove himself on, but he couldn’t adapt so he followed the plan and joined a gang. He did well in “the game” and proved himself to be way more cold-blooded than his brother, but it didn’t matter. California isn’t looking for brutal killers, so when he shot a rival gang member in the head at point-blank range, he was arrested for murder. Juan’s story begins while he is awaiting sentencing and ends with him getting fifteen years, after which he will be sent back to El Salvador. I’m assuming this means he’s illegal, but the film doesn’t tell us because that’s not how the Lears operate.

Antonio Hernandez is the second kid we learn about in the film. He’s a likable Mexican drug addict who comes from a single mom who is little more than a professional baby machine. When Hernandez talks to the filmmakers at home, there are toddlers strewn all over the floor like some kind of tiny Jim Jones massacre. Some have pillows. Some have pants. One managed to get a diaper, but none of them have a bed to sleep on. It’s clear the mother just has food lying around and they crash when they’re tired. You know, like rats. Antonio never had a father and stabbed a rival gang member shortly after joining a gang because that’s what you’re supposed to do. They say drugs are the root of all crime in America, but I believe the idle hands that lead to drugs are just as bad, and idle hands come from no dad.

Being on trial and away from drugs gets Antonio clean and he sets his sights on military school. It’s not clear why, but the courts drop the charges if he pursues a career in the Army. It’s way too lenient for trying to kill someone, but what happens next is much more important and the film just glosses over it. Antonio finds himself incompatible with the other students in the school because they’re “squares” and he really hates having to wear a tie. He says he has nothing in common with them at all. Soon after, his mother and her Jim Jones brood move into his room and he hits the streets. By the end of the film, he is back on trial for drug-related charges. We never hear about the boy’s father or his mother’s inability to close her legs. We never hear about a culture where there is zero stigma in any of this. Normal Lear’s son is focused on “the system” and how it does nothing to help, even though we see the exact opposite right before our eyes.

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Finally, we have Jarad Nava. He is white and is facing attempted-murder charges for saying, “You’re going to die today, bitch,” and firing into a rival gang member’s car. The girl he hit is paralyzed for life. Jarad is unlike the other two boys in that his childhood was perfectly normal. He didn’t grow up running from the pandillas in the murder capital of the world like Juan. He wasn’t constantly stepping over exhausted babies in the living room like Antonio. He was an only child of two American citizens. Things started to go awry for Jarad when his parents got divorced. The father was soon replaced by a Hispanic man who impregnated his white wife and made two daughters. Jarad had to adjust to his new family, but the stepfather also had adjustments to make. I got the feeling that the Hispanic stepfather felt as incongruous in his new situation as Antonio felt in military school. Eventually, the stepfather gets so depressed he tries to stab himself to death in the backyard and is only alive because young Jarad ran out to stop him. This left the boy deeply damaged and he immediately becomes so Hispanic he makes MS-13 look like Orson Welles. He moves his hands like a cholo and speaks with their slang. It’s possible he recognized his new dad felt like a fish out of agua and overcompensated by becoming a human Mexico. Don’t kill yourself, Dad. You’re not the only Hispanic guy in the family. Jarad doesn’t do as well as the two Hispanic kids when it comes to sentencing at the end of the film. He gets life and will only be eligible for parole when he’s 47. No free plane ride to Central America for the American citizen. No free military school for the white kid who saved his stepdad’s life. Just prison.

The end of the film is like the end of the Kardashian saga. The takeaway is that marriage is irrelevant, minorities are victims, and the system needs to do more to protect them. I don’t get that from either story. Blac Chyna is making babies without dads and that’s child abuse. Mass immigration from third-world countries combined with limitless welfare is another form of child abuse. It turned fatherless Antonio into a way to get a paycheck and nothing more. It took away Juan’s father and brought the boy from a battleground where you need to kill to survive to a country where killers can’t survive. Jarad’s situation started out great, but it too devolved into child abuse. Divorce culture took away his father and mass immigration may well have brought him a father who can’t cope. Instead of belonging to a strong community that could have helped rebuild the boy, he fell into the gang warfare our open borders have created.

Norman Lear created Archie Bunker as a way to lampoon the working class, but it backfired and we all learned to love ol’ Arch. His son made a documentary to criticize the system, but in true Lear fashion, it backfired too and he accidentally showed America the importance of marriage, the trouble with welfare, and the dangers of mass immigration.

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“White supremacists have no place in the armed forces,” screeched the Huffington Post. “Forces members who disrupted Indigenous rally face ‘severe consequences,’” warned the CBC. “Pathetic, dumb, and dangerous: The Proud Boys make their debut in Halifax,” chided The Coast.

The MSM narrative is that five servicemen (four sailors and a soldier) went to disrupt an indigenous religious ceremony because they’re members of a white supremacist group called the Proud Boys. They can’t defend themselves because they’ve been banned from speaking to any media. Then, with zero verification, the tarnished brass removed these five men from training and exercises and began feverishly capitulating. Minister of National Defence Harjit Sajjan apologized to “Chief Grizzly Mamma” for offending her (I don’t think this woman is chief of anything). Canada’s top general, Jon Vance, called his men “deplorable,” seemingly unaware we took that term back from Hillary. Their boss, Rear Admiral John Newton, did a 20-minute apology conference where he repeated again and again how much the navy hates Nazis. Canadians sure love saying “Sorry.”

“These five men did not disrupt an indigenous ceremony. They went to a disingenuous ceremony and asked some questions.”

This is ironic considering three of the five men had grandfathers who fought the Nazis in WWII, but that’s only the beginning. Of these same men, two are natives and one is gay. As we’ve stated a million times, the Proud Boys are a multiracial organization with no Nazi ties whatsoever. These five men did not disrupt an indigenous ceremony. They went to a disingenuous ceremony and asked some questions. The Proud Boys heard about an anti-Canada rally as it was happening so they stopped by a local park to check it oot. Turns out the rumors were true. There are videos of this all over the internet. You can see the Proud Boys arrive and begin to ask some simple questions. There was only one native there, Chief Grizzly Mamma, and the only thing ceremonial about the event was when she cut all her hair off and stuck it on a statue of Halifax’s founder, Lieutenant General Edward Cornwallis. The statue was also covered with stickers that said “Fuck Canada” and “No 150” (marking the 150th anniversary of Canada’s independence). At one point in the video, you see a black immigrant tell one of the sailors he cannot hold a Canadian flag. The protesters didn’t have to follow this made-up rule. They had an upside-down Canadian flag with the word “Recolonize” across it. (I’m sorry, but can you imagine immigrating to a country and then telling people there they can’t wave their flag because it’s a “flag of genocide”? It’s a level of ingrate that boggles the mind.)

The protesters told the Proud Boys that they are on Micmac territory and Canada isn’t a country. They were called skinheads and white supremacists and Chief Grizzly Mamma started picking fights. Eventually, our guys politely left the protest and went to a bar. The “ceremony” continued as planned, and later, when everyone had left, the Proud Boys went back to the statue and took off the hair and the anti-Canada stickers it had been plastered with. You know, the kind of stuff servicemen are supposed to do. They didn’t realize it was being called a religious ceremony until they read about it in the papers the next day.

I’ve been doing interviews with liberal media all day and they all ask the same thing: “Don’t you think it’s disrespectful for your friends to be questioning Micmacs in a town where Cornwallis put a bounty on their heads?” To which I respond, “WHY did Cornwallis have a bounty on their heads?” It always garners silence. The Micmacs were fierce warriors. They were so effective, in fact, that the French hired them to attack the British in what is now Halifax. They were doing a great job of raping and pillaging and murdering us so Cornwallis put a bounty on their heads. Fortunately for the Indians, they were so good at fighting that not one bounty was ever achieved. Journalists don’t know this. Their curiosity stops at “bounty.” I think it’s insulting to the Micmacs to portray them as victims. They were one of our most worthy adversaries, ever.

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The protesters were being brats and Canadians appeased them. Sorry, ingrates, but that’s not the deal in a free country. You can’t just call yourself a chief and say that every time you vandalize statues it’s a “religious ceremony.” You don’t get to tell people where they can and cannot walk and what flags they can carry, especially when that flag is a Canadian flag and you’re proudly waving your desecrated flag on Canada’s 150th birthday. The Micmacs didn’t have their land stolen by colonizers. They signed a treaty after kicking our asses. The religious-ceremony trope is a complete lie, but even if it were true, the Proud Boys did nothing wrong. They showed up to an event at a public park, asked some questions, and left. For this, they have been painted by the mainstream media as white supremacists and may lose their livelihoods. Even a sailor’s girlfriend is in trouble. She’s an officer who trains cadets and when she saw a picture of her boyfriend waving the flag on Canada Day she tweeted, “Proud of my boy.” I believe she was removed from the training camp she worked at, but I can’t verify this.

This is all because of rumors started by a couple of crabby babysitters who know nothing about Micmacs. The government officials were kowtowing to tweets from leftist extremists. I’m not sure what’s more embarrassing, that Canada’s leaders cower in fear of teenagers’ tweets or that we thoughtlessly humiliate men who are willing to die for us. What kind of soldier or sailor WOULDN’T go to a rally next door that was devoted to attacking his country? What kind of serviceman wouldn’t at least question such an act? Probably the same kind of guy who crawls up the ranks in the Canadian military and shits on his own men at the first sign of trouble.

So, I have started a petition. Please go to SaveTheFive.com and sign it. I’m confident we can get between 10K and 20K signatures, and when we do, I will fly to Halifax and personally deliver it to Rear Admiral John Newton of the Royal Canadian Navy. Canada is an incredible country and the people who fight and die for it deserve a little respect.

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Canadian Poutine

Canada turns 150 this weekend, which is weird because it’s only 37. The left is trying to make this aboot “a celebration of indigenous genocide” because they’re party poopers, but the best way to deal with people like that is to party. I moved there from England in 1975 and left in 1999, but there isn’t a day goes by I don’t long for a beaver tail. Here are ten other things you won’t quite get about Santa’s homeland.

(1) IT’S BRAND-NEW Canada began in 1980 when it chose “O Canada” as the national anthem and decided to ignore the fact that, technically, the Queen is still the head of state. Even though we declared independence in 1867 (hence the 150 years), we kept the Union Jack on the flag until 1965 when the last British person finally wandered home. America lost about 50,000 people kicking the British out. We just ignored the redcoats until they left on their own accord. That’s how you conduct a revolution—you bore them to death.

One of the advantages of being new is you’re not steeped in centuries of class where people are defined by their accents and aristocrats don’t understand what the working class are saying. Here in Canada we all speak hoser and we’re down for anything new, even metric, eh?

(2) WE’RE POLITE BUT WE FIGHT Canadians are known for being overly polite. In fact, saying “sorry” is so common, we had to pass the Apology Act so the term couldn’t be used as an admission of guilt in court. However, being polite does not mean you are not willing to get into a flailing fistfight at the drop of a hat. “Goof” may be a go-word in juvie, but goon is something every young Canadian strives to be. On the smash hit “Out for a Rip,” Rich B discusses the way Americans keep telling us we’re too nice and then he explains, “Yeah we got manners/But fuggin’ buddies still fight/And fuggin’ swear and fuggin’ drink all night.” He then describes pounding the crap out of a buddy who wasn’t sorry after he burned a hole in his jacket with a dart (cigarette). This is the way all civilized Western males should behave. We don’t start fights, but we’re happy to finish them, eh?

(3) WE ARE ALL HOSERS Rich B is not unusual. There are no nouveaux riches in Canada. There is no class system. It’s just the bureaucratic parasites in Ottawa and the rest of the country hating them for wasting our money. Britain has wine connoisseurs planning elaborate demographic pranks like flooding working-class neighborhoods with Muslims. We have hosers.

“What they call being sociable in Canada is called alcoholism in the States, eh?”

Toronto’s mayor had the exact same accent that the local plumber has and we loved him for it. He beat back the unions and preserved the city’s real estate when it was collapsing everywhere else in the Western world. Of course, to Hollywood liberals he will always be Canada’s crackhead, but what do they know? They give their kids speed. Besides, what kind of pussy hasn’t tried crack at least once?

Hosers are just cold rednecks, and outside of talking like curious leprechauns in a good mood, there are no differences between the far North and the deep South. Checking in on national treasure Puglife will confirm this. Check it out, buddy has a dart in his hand while he’s checking to see if the guy’s dead or just having a dirt nap, eh?

(4) THERE IS NO RACISM Although there is still a place called “Nigger Rapids,” nobody would ever call a black person that. The name is actually a great example of Canadian naïveté when it comes to race. It’s named after a lovely black couple everyone liked. The Underground Railroad ended in Halifax, where the town Africville was built. In the ’60s, black celebrities such as Miles Davis and Sammy Davis Jr. would come to Montreal to perform and be dumbfounded by how little their race mattered. It was like that Eddie Murphy sketch where he’s white for a day. Unfortunately, the plague that is victim culture is seeping north, and Toronto has a Black Lives Matter that constantly complains about Canada’s racist history, which accidentally proves how totally irrational, insatiable, and inconsolable that entire movement is, eh?

(5) CANADIAN FOOD EXISTS A beaver tail is just a wider, flatter version of Natives’ fry bread but with brown sugar on it. When you’re skating on the canal and you need to warm up, nothing beats a hot cocoa with this sugary treat. It reboots your hard drive.

Similarly, poutine is hangover kryptonite. You can be at death’s door, but there’s something about hot gravy, fries, and cheese curds that fills in all the gaps a night of Molson Canadian creates.

Canada is basically Scottish and that means Irish and that means potatoes are heavily revered. You can’t drive more than a mile down the highway (a.k.a. the Queensway) without seeing a chip van making hand-cut fries from scratch. This extends into potato chips, which are adorned in all flavors, including “all dressed” and “ketchup.”

One little-known secret is Canada is also the home of anti-fry nightmare McCain Foods, which has brought frozen fries to America and Britain, and across the Western world. We’re really sorry about that, eh?

(6) THE GOVERNMENT RUNS POP MUSIC I used to DJ at the college radio station CKCU and we were expected to play 60 percent Canadian content, a.k.a. Cancon. This meant if you were doing a punk/hardcore show, you were forced to play SNFU, No Means No, Death Sentence, and DOA on a loop before earning enough chips to play, say, Discharge.

This makes for a state-sponsored pop chart where meritocracy comes in way after mediocre Canadian acts have hogged the spotlight. Whenever my wife and I visit, I turn on the radio in the car and wait for her to say, “What the hell are we listening to?” I can then explain whether it’s “Strange Animal” by Gowan, “Crying Over You” by Platinum Blonde, or of course the megahit “Rise Up” by the unfathomably gay Parachute Club, eh?

{pagebreak} (7) FREE SPEECH DOESN’T EXIST Much of what Canada does is out of spite toward America (despite a good 80 percent of Canada’s economy being contingent on American business). The U.S. touts itself as the home of free speech, so we created the Canadian Human Rights Commission, which proudly announces, “Free speech is an American concept.” Part of Canada’s culture is now not being able to say what you want. This includes hate facts. That’s right, even if the statement you made is true, you could be fined for being offensive, especially if Muslims are involved. Americans may scoff at this, and it’s true their Supreme Court is very fair when presented with free-speech cases, but these cases rarely get that far. The American left has joined the Canadian government in spirit and decided that certain people must be fired if they stray from the PC narrative. The big picture is, if the people don’t stand by the laws, they’re not worth the paper they’re written on, and in both countries, free speech is at the back of the lineup, eh?

(8) OUR PRIME MINISTER IS A GORGEOUS RETARD I love Canada and think it has a bright future, but there is a giant stain on it named Justin Trudeau. I blame women for this, but right now the second-largest country in the world is run by an extra from Zoolander. He wears Muslim socks to Gay Pride parades. He says we need to get into “Investigative national security stuff” and prays for a future where “We’re resilient enough to handle bad things happening without falling into a bad space.” These are just from the past couple of weeks. There are entire websites devoted to recording his idiotic expressions. I think my favorite is “We have to rethink elements as basic as space and time—to go all science fiction-y on you in this sense,” eh?

(9) WE DRINK A LOT You can tell a lot about a culture by its airports. In Glasgow, it’s perfectly reasonable to take your drink right up to the gate and even have it in your hand as you board the plane. Denying it would be like taking insulin from a diabetic. American airport bars tend to stay empty until the afternoon, but every bar in every Canadian airport is packed from opening time until closing. This too comes from our Scottish roots (that’s also why we’re funny).

When I was at Fox News, only a select group of employees would go for a drink after work. Kennedy, Greg Gutfeld, a few libertarian staffers, and the odd Hannity producer were the only ones you’d catch having a drink, but at Sun News (now Rebel Media) up in Canada, the local bar was an extension of the office. If you snuck out for a wee nippy sweetie at noon you’d bump into two cameramen and a researcher slamming back a cold Molson Dry during break. After work, everyone in front of and behind the camera would be at the bar. We had the whole back section to ourselves. What they call being sociable in Canada is called alcoholism in the States, eh?

(10) WE’RE NOT COLD Canucks have a reputation for being cold, but that’s because we’re fuggin’ freezin’. Once we get our parkas off and sit down at the bar, we’re anyone’s dog for a bone. You don’t get that in many places outside of the U.K. I find American conversation is harder to get going and when it does, it’s sluggish. It often leads to the other person wanting something from you like info on a vacation you just took or whether they should buy that bike lock on Amazon. They don’t see chatting as an amusing pastime and again, I think this comes back to booze. Canadians aren’t shy. They’re polite. They’re not timid. They just want to make sure we’ve explored all other options before we get into a kerfuffle. It’s a great country that’s agile and curious with a populace that talks with a blue-collar accent but has traveled the world. There is only one thing wrong with Canada and that’s the government.

Trudeau will be gone in 2020 and that’s when the Great White North can get back to being great again. Until then, we’re going to focus on getting hammered. So, whether you’re on pogey with barely two toonies to rub together and you’re fuggin’ the dog all day in your housecoat and track pants, or your bum’s parked on a fancy chesterfield with a monogrammed serviette in your hand, it’s time to celebrate 37/150 years of hoser culture. No matter what postal code you’re in, from toques to top hats, grab a mickey or a two-four and just fuggin’ give ’er, eh?

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On Friday, my Rebel Media colleague Laura Loomer (formerly with Pamela Geller and Project Veritas) stormed Shakespeare in the Park’s rendition of Julius Caesar here in NYC. She was angered by their depiction of Caesar’s murder, which had been twisted into a live snuff film where Trump was stabbed repeatedly by disgruntled blacks and women who see him as Hitler. The scene was drawn-out and extremely bloody and the Upper West Side audience had been gorging on it for weeks. So, to rain on their gore parade, Laura stormed the stage yelling,

Stop the normalization of left-wing political violence against the right. It is unacceptable. You’re promoting violence against Donald Trump. Do you want him to die? Stop leftist violence. You are all ISIS. NYC Public Theater is ISIS. CNN is ISIS. Shame on you. Shame on the NYC Public Theater. Shame!

She was escorted off the stage while reporter Jack Posobiec added, “Goebbels would be proud!” Security then kicked them both out and Laura was arrested for trespassing and disorderly conduct. The left was furious. Celebrities pooh-poohed it, claiming the audience booed so it was not impressed. Parks and Recreation’s Nick Offerman claimed the protesters lost because the audience “shut down” the protest. The right was equally unamused. Charles C. Johnson said, “Interrupting the Shakespeare play has become the new right’s version of the ice bucket challenge.” Ben Shapiro went on Joe Scarborough’s show to say, “If it’s wrong when the left does it, it’s wrong when you do it. This idiotic notion that trying to promote snowflakery from the right is somehow going to combat the snowflakery from the left, it’s so stupid” (note the headline says “Alt-Right ‘Snowflakes,’” which Shapiro didn’t say—they always do this). Another colleague of mine, U.K. conservative Jack Buckby, warned, “We are becoming SJWs.” Even within my club the Proud Boys there were a good 20 percent who said it was anti–free speech and made us look like hypocrites.

“It’s easy to take the high road if you don’t have a driver’s license.”

They’re all right. It was the low road. We infringed upon their art and it was indicative of a culture that wants to prevent people from enjoying plays that criticize the president. It was reckless and bombastic and not the type of behavior one should expect from those who are determined to maintain a modicum of decorum during the culture wars. If we were in a salon, ensconced in leather chairs, drinking brandy, and discussing the pros and cons of the ideal society, we would daresay “nay” to the idea of crashing plays. However, this is not where we are. I love Charles, Ben, and Jack, and respect the paleocons for their consistency, but they are not here, in the streets. They are not getting poisoned and pepper-sprayed and stabbed. It’s easy to take the high road if you don’t have a driver’s license. We are here, in New York City—IN HARLEM—wearing MAGA hats and getting thrown out on our ass. While Islamic terrorists murder and rape British children and make it illegal to point that out in Canada, American Marxists insist, “The face of domestic terrorism is white.” I look forward to pontificating again, but right now we are being dehumanized so that we can be assassinated and this disturbing mind game goes from some random girl in a bitcoin hat all the way to the President of the United States.

So, while Laura was working out her case with her lawyer, two Hispanic Proud Boys decided to invade the play when it ran again on Sunday. They didn’t sit there with loudspeakers drowning out every speech the way antifa tried to do at our March Against Sharia (a protest Haaretz objected to, for some bizarre reason). They just interrupted the show. During the day, Jovi Val leaped up on stage and yelled, “Liberal hate kills!” and was dragged off. Then, Sal Cipolla got up and yelled, “We’re sick of your bullshit” and was forcibly tackled off the stage. A common refrain among supporters of this play is that it’s just Shakespeare (an actress even said as much to Laura as she stormed the stage). They insist they’ve used Hillary and Obama before and it’s ultimately about Caesar. Apparently, us pleebs just don’t get the arts. This is a common trick amongst all liberals. They bastardize something real until it means something else and when you call them on it, they hide behind the original. Obama was not slaughtered by a mob and left covered in blood. Nor was Hillary. Those versions had an air of reverence. This play was assassination porn.

I had all three Julius Caesar bum-rushers on my show to discuss the event. I asked Laura how she feels about the allegations that these actions contradict the right-wing devotion to free speech. She said, “This is my constitutional right to exercise my free speech and my right to protest—to condemn political violence against conservatives.”

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They call us violent and lump in the likes of Dylann Roof, Adam Lanza, and Jeremy Christian, when we are confronted with their violence every day. I’m not just talking about unhinged loonies like James Hodgkinson. I’m talking about professors who encourage murder, antifa who try to carry it out, politicians who demand police not intervene, and God knows what other sinister invocations are coming from powerful sociopaths such as George Soros and Hillary Clinton. This doesn’t even include the Islamic terrorists the left has chosen as their murderous bedfellows. They want us dead too!

Free speech is an innate American right. I don’t want to live in a country where it’s illegal to mock the president. This wasn’t that. The Julius Caesar production was a bunch of sore losers watching a sadistic blood ritual and reveling in the idea of right-wingers getting killed—and it’s leading to real violence. We didn’t storm the stage to censor them. We stormed the stage to call them on their bullshit and make it clear: We’re mad as hell and we’re not going to take it anymore.

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A Marxist professor at Syracuse University just called on lunatics to come and kill us. “We almost have the fascists on the run,” she said from her Twitter account, @danaleecloud, “come down to the federal building to finish them off.” By “fascists” she means people like you and me who oppose Sharia law, and by “finish them off” she likely means death. This is what Robert Spencer has been saying since he was poisoned. The left dehumanizes us with violent rhetoric so it will be easier to kill us. They don’t want to challenge our ideas. They want to end our lives, and they are willing to do it by any means necessary. I don’t think they care if it’s a mentally ill person or a jihadi who does the killing, as long as we’re taken out. They themselves say, “The only good fascist is a dead one,” and it’s going mainstream. Plays in the park depict long, drawn-out scenes of Trump being stabbed to death. Kathy Griffin holds the president’s severed head. Rap videos play out the assassination of Trump. In fact, the whole concept of assassination has been normalized by the mainstream media.

“These people don’t think they’re killing someone they disagree with. They think they’re killing Hitler.”

The professor was talking about the March Against Sharia events last Saturday. Syracuse was one of dozens of cities that held a rally to oppose the worst Islam can get. I hosted the New York City one, which was organized by gay conservative Paxton Hart. The reason Sharia was chosen was to erase any ambiguity about what we’re here to protest. Whether there should be a moratorium on Muslim immigration is debatable. The assimilability of Islam is also a controversial subject. By going way out to the edge of religious extremism, we thought we found something everyone can agree on. We were wrong. Hundreds of protesters showed up in New York to “Drown us out,” as they put it. They said our event had nothing to do with Sharia and was all about hatred of Muslims. I honestly think they would have said the same thing if we had done a rally against child rape gangs. They held up huge pictures of the stabbing victims in Oregon as if Jeremy Christian was one of our guys (sorry, but he was a Bernie Bro just like the man who shot Steve Scalise). Islam apologist Dean Obeidallah made the same mistake and tweeted to me, “Saw ur last anti-Sharia rally on the train in Portland last week where 2 were killed-will ur people be killing more soon?” Some of us went over to speak to the protesters and explain that Jeremy was a deranged man who stabbed people because they were demanding he not offend Muslims. In other words, they died of political correctness. They threw piss at us (again) and we beat them up.

When I got to the stage, I did the first half of my talk as a sexist pig who loved Sharia law. I said women are terrible drivers and with Sharia, you don’t have to worry about broads driving ever again. I said it’s awesome because you get to punish your wife if she doesn’t want to blow you. You make her sleep on the couch and if she still refuses, you get to beat the shit out of her. I also said Sharia is cool because you don’t have to hear women bitching about rape all the time. She has to get tons of witnesses and even then her testimony is worth only half what a man’s is. Finally, I said I get too horny walking down the street and can’t concentrate, but if we could cover up these chicks we could focus on just hanging out with the guys. I bombed, obviously, but that was the point. Like a true martyr, I used one big bomb to prevent future bombs.

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Ultimately, we tricked the alt-left into defending a doctrine that literally treats women like second-class citizens. It was an effective way to prove the left has no interest in truth or ideas. They only want violence. They want this because they’re sadistic and damaged, but the power that drives the engine is all this dehumanizing rhetoric from the liberal media and socialist academics. At a recent free-speech rally in Berkeley, Lauren Southern described seeing protesters drag a Trump supporter into a mob where they tried to put a bag over his head. At another rally in Portland, police confiscated a trove of incredibly sadistic-looking weapons that looked like they were designed for torture. These people don’t think they’re killing someone they disagree with. They think they’re killing Hitler. They got this idea from Marxist professors like Dana Cloud who keep hammering in this idea that “we” are the problem and that equality and justice would thrive if people like us would just take our boots off their necks.

Last year, the media pushed the narrative that cops were hunting black kids for sport. BLM chanted, “What do we want? Dead cops! When do we want them? Now!” This rhetoric trickled down to the mentally ill and we got two dead cops in New York, five in Dallas, and God knows how many more attacks. This year is worse. The “evil cop” is now anyone who advocates for free speech and opposes fascist doctrines like Sharia. That’s pretty much everyone sane. The lunatic army of deranged liberals and crazed jihadis have been given their marching orders: “Finish them off.”

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Laci Green is an incredibly sexy social justice warrior who had dozens of feminist-ally suitors until some alt-right asshole rolled up in his Gran Torino and said, “Get in, bitch. We’re making sex great again,” and they disappeared into the sunset. The millennial blogosphere is stunned that this devout feminist has become red-pilled, but we’ve seen this happen again and again. Women demand men become cucked liberals, but it makes their vaginas drier than the Sahara Desert. They don’t really want what they’re asking for. They’re like spoiled brats having a temper tantrum. They don’t really want to trash the living room. They want you to stop them.

I remember seeing this back in the 1980s. At an Anarchist (Un)Gathering, we’d listen to some empowered feminist deliver a passionate sermon about the patriarchy, and when she was done, she’d get picked up by some biker in a leather vest who could not care less what she was just talking about. He might as well have been picking her up from her knitting class, and she liked it that way. Feminists and liberals in general don’t want us to take them seriously. It’s a bluff. If we let them have their way, we’d all be worse off, including them. Deep down, they know this. This was made especially evident by the bizarre American reaction to the movie Wonder Woman.

“The free market is waiting at home wearing full-body fishnets, but big business keeps getting drunk and going home with the fat chick.”

At first, it was about the Lebanese reaction. Apparently, after years of white flight, Muslims outnumber the Christians there, and they demanded a boycott because the actress who plays the protagonist of the film grew up in Israel. I don’t find this interesting. These are people who slap each other on the back of the head every time they get a haircut. They’re cretins. What is more relevant is how civilized cultures handle their own, and we reacted almost as badly as the Lebanese.

Before American feminists had even seen the film, they decided they needed to watch it in a man-free environment. The Alamo Drafthouse’s Austin and Brooklyn locations had women-only screenings. Alphas pointed out the hypocrisy with this, while feminist allies defended the exclusion. “It’s at this point you hear echoes of ‘Well why isn’t there a White History Month?’” said a millennial eunuch at Forbes, “the brilliant line I heard a lot when I was in sixth grade living in a 99.7% white Michigan suburb.” This sentiment brought him about as many groupies as it did black friends.

I was very surprised to discover, Wonder Woman is a great movie. It’s directed by rookie female director Patty Jenkins, who was previously known only for writing and directing 2003’s true-crime thriller Monster. She did an incredible job of depicting a literal goddess who falls in love with a mortal and comes here to try to take the edge off WWI. It’s not annoying feminist propaganda because it’s basically a cartoon. She’s magic. I don’t like seeing Scarlett Johansson drop-kick a gang of Russian terrorists. It looks stupid. When Wolverine’s infant daughter triple-flips onto a soldier trying to kill her, however, it’s sufficiently cartoonish. She has a titanium spine (I think). Wonder Woman is from an island of super-mortals who don’t even use the bathroom. It doesn’t look like propaganda to see her deflect bullets with her cuffs. It looks like good, clean fun.

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The problem these spoiled feminists have with Wonder Woman is not that she isn’t powerful enough. It’s that she’s not masculine enough. She loves fashion and fancy desserts and thinks babies are adorable. She wears beautiful gowns and can be seduced by handsome war heroes who act like bikers. She shaves her armpits. I’m not kidding—this is an issue. In a modern feminist’s ideal world Wonder Woman would make fart jokes and look like Leslie Jones. She’d chop the heads off “Nazis” and then go home with an equally fat and ugly chick. This movie would tank, of course, and everyone involved would be out of a career. That’s what you get when you appease people who want art to become fueled by spite: bankruptcy. Didn’t anyone learn anything from American Sniper? It made half a billion more than the female Ghostbusters, which made nothing. 

I don’t get it. The free market is waiting at home wearing full-body fishnets, but big business keeps getting drunk and going home with the fat chick. Marvel Comics recently took the SJWs seriously and decided to give them a new Black Panther comic. This one would be run by a cool black chick with an Afro. They even got reparations apologist Ta-Nehisi Coates to write it. The series checked off all the boxes of what a politically correct story should do, only they forgot about being good. Despite all the affirmative action to the contrary, the comic was canceled. The money simply wasn’t there. If they continue down this road, Marvel will be done and Disney will be forced to scrap its $4B investment.

Deep down, feminists and liberals want to end up like Laci Green, not the Black Panther. They don’t want to rant themselves into extinction. They want to be swept off their feet. They don’t want to look like Leslie Jones. They want to look like Wonder Woman. They don’t want to be a gal Friday. They want to be a Gal Gadot. They don’t want Catwoman to be a cat woman. They want her to marry Batman. They don’t want to go bankrupt. They want us to gross half a billion. We’ve let these toddlers trash the living room for eight years. It’s a mess. It’s time to put them in the corner and let the superheroes go get the bad guys. It’s what’s best for everyone.

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Someone got stabbed at my DePaul talk on Tuesday night and that’s not even the craziest part. The talk had already been canceled, but the protesters showed up anyway and demanded that everyone stand together to fight hate. It takes a particularly spoiled brat to keep bitching after he gets what he wants. They claimed that the Proud Boys and I stand “side-by-side” with Jeremy Christian, the nut who stabbed three people on an Oregon train last week. Christian is a Bernie Bro who voted for Jill Stein and wanted to kill everyone who voted for Trump, but because he praises free speech, we’re basically the same person.

The left’s version of the train stabbings is that a Nazi was trying to kill Muslims and three heroes stepped in to save the day. I don’t want to downplay their bravery, but it’s just as likely this ranting retard is like every other crazy person you see on public transit and could have been quietly ignored. Every day in New York City I walk by some screaming schizophrenic threatening to kill everyone in sight. Street smarts is mostly about knowing when to engage. In the case of Maksim Gelman, Joe Lozito was left with no choice but to take the man down. Gelman was a serial killer who was attacking people with a knife and had already killed four (he’s currently serving 200 years for his crimes). I’m inclined to see Christian as less of a threat. I actually spoke to someone who said he knew the man and he described Jeremy as a paranoid loser who thought everyone hated him. He told me about a party Christian was at where, after everyone decided to leave the party and go to a bar, Jeremy snuck back and broke into the house, assuming others were still in there having a party without him. He is yet another EDP (emotionally disturbed person) who uses random political dogma to try to make sense of a world beyond his control.

“By allowing these sociopaths to shut down free speech with violence you are all but demanding a war. Okay, fine, you got it.”

Once again, despite a mountain of evidence to the contrary, we’re supposed to believe the right is about hate and violence while the left just wants to protect the oppressed from WWIII. I can’t help but think this paranoia is rooted in Jewish trauma. My esteemed colleague Michael Hirschorn is a successful writer and TV producer who sounds totally sane about pretty much everything until the subject of Trump comes up. Then he becomes unhinged and talks about being taken away in the middle of the night by some new Gestapo. He admits that much of his philosophy comes from the horrific stories his Jewish father told him of the war. Cartoonist Peter Kuper is another Jew I love who falls into a pit of hysteria when Trump comes up. Even back in the early 2000s he was talking about Trump taking over New York City and segregating the poor into government-run ghettos. He’s lived all over the world (including Africa) but chose the American South last because he was scared of rednecks. I’ve argued with both these guys quite a bit but we never get anywhere.

Their belief system is what I hear anti-Semites blame for the culture wars, and while I’m willing to accept that the origins of this mess may be linked to Jewish academics spooked by their parents, my beef in 2017 is with people of all backgrounds. It was affluent whites who poisoned Robert Spencer in Iceland. It was rich white kids who were hammering us with bike locks in Berkeley and throwing bricks and bottles at our heads. The Jews didn’t pepper-spray me at NYU, liberals did, and that is the common denominator here. The left has become so violent, they resemble Jeremy Christian much more than we do. We’re told a Milo fan shot some random kid in Seattle, but I spoke to Milo about this and he says it was an antifa kid who was wearing brass knuckles and punching people waiting in line. Eventually the guy throwing punches met someone who was armed (Yiannopoulos also told me he has video of all of this).

My talk was canceled at DePaul because the president decided I was “too dangerous.” We created the Proud Boys to protect ourselves and others who were being attacked at speaking events by anarchists who hated our anti-big-government views. The mayor in Berkeley told the police to stand down. What do you expect us to do, say, “Yes, sir, may I have another?” every time someone tries to kill us? I’ve heard rumors the mayor of Portland is going to tell his police to stand down at some forthcoming alt-right events in his city. He’s using the Christian stabbings as proof that the right is violent, and claiming that having any related events would foster a little too much hatred for now. This is infuriating because it solidifies the lie and makes it part of history. The right isn’t violent. The left is. By allowing these sociopaths to shut down free speech with violence you are all but demanding a war. Okay, fine, you got it. It’s official. This is a war.

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