you flower, you feast

PENNY: the post office told me today that i’m their best client.

     “ @inzouciant is a dweeb. @matucs is a hoe. @mxrtys is bae. now i really wanna go back and choose nicer words, but i had to choose the first that came to fuckin’ mind, didn’t i ?? “

     “ fuck miss piggy, marry kermit, kill fozzie. sorry, fozzie. “

     “ fuck josie, obviously. marry adelina, since she’s an angel on earth. kiss & kill rosie, since i think she can take it. and would make a really good camp ghost. “

     “ i didn’t go, honestly. i picked up a double at work and was glad i didn’t waste my money on a dress i wouldn’t like and a hometown guy i wouldn’t wanna dance with -- started those college savings right on up !! “

    “ kiss the frog. obviously. has a chance to turn into a princess... the other two, ew. “

     “ not as great as they think they are. “

      “ hmm... if they’re boring teetotalers not dtf, i’ll be a little let down. “

     “ the cucumber. “

     “ jackson, hands down. skirt down. morals down. let’s go. “

     that’s between me and the FBI person monitoring my data usage.

    “ i just want to chat with whoever thought it was appropriate for mimi durand to pick the blind dates because, as you know, that is literally the perfect job for me and i feel offended. “

     “ you really ought to go into town and check out their goodwill. i couldn’t find a dress worth shit to me, but there were some poodle skirts that i think are right up your alley. seriously. they were cute. “

     “ it’s not a skill i want to advertise, but if i hear even one glee cover, i’m going to hack into the mainframe and play only harry styles for the rest of the night, so... hmm, “ penny rolled her eyes lightly, looking over at the brunette and melting into a smile, “ nevermind that the mainframe is someone’s fucking ipod nano. “