Maria Estelle

I know you feel alone right now and if you’re not used to it, don’t panic. Because if you panic, you’ll just do things that will make the situation even worse. Don’t be in a rush. Breathe. And most importantly, don’t drag people into your life just because you’re lonely. Fix yourself first. Find yourself first. Trust me, being lost is the best time to be found. 

i wish i was strong enough 

See, my love, this is me forgetting you. Won’t you stop me from doing this? I’m erasing everything now. Aren’t you hurt? I’m trying to be beautiful like what the world would picture a person that has moved on. Are you regretting now? Because I want you to feel that way. It hurts me a lot. I’m doing everything just to forget you and there you are, doing it effortlessly.

When we are little, we make promises to ourselves. That we won’t talk to strangers. That we will not fall in love with bad guys. That we will forever hate guys who smoke or drink. That we will always follow our instincts. Our expectations and promises are really not that easy. It is hard to keep up with it. We meet strangers. We talk to them. We get comfortable with them. We see them drinking and smoking. We don’t like it but we try to understand them. They make jokes. They do every little thing that make our head spin. They sweep us off our feet. We get head over heels. We see their flaws but we don’t mind them. Because we love them. Next thing we know they are done with us and in that moment we realized we should have followed our instincts. We laugh a little about how narrow our minds were when we were little. You see guys, that’s lesson we are talking about. I’m not saying smoking and drinking and all other whatnots are all not good. My point is, It is hard to keep up with our promises but because of breaking them, we meet people. Temporary people who leave us nothing but life lessons. 

When I was sixteen, I was whole. I believed in myself. I was confident. I was never afraid of people and judgements. I was cheerful. In fact, i was really proud of myself. I really loved what I was doing. I never pretended to be someone else. Everything changed when people started to point out my flaws. They were comparing me to all other perfect-looking women on earth. Saying that I was small, that I wasn’t beautiful enough, that I was too plain. It changed me. It made me mad about life. It made me so insecure. It made me think less of myself than i used to be. It made me ask God questions. It made me hopeless. Until now. Maybe this is all just part of growing up. Maybe all those noisy people are just growing up or never really cared about what they did before. I just want you to realize that whatever you say to people, it makes an impact to them. You may have forgotten all the things that you’ve said but they have not. It has already made a mark in their minds and hearts. Thanks for that.

You held my hand. You looked into my eyes and said you couldn't ask for more. But you did. Where was I the whole time you're pretending?

The Breakup Playlist