life can bring you down

latest works:

kara zor-el

prosaic life: your convo with lex takes a turn when you confess who you're dating supergirl, but in the end... you're the one that gets to happily go home

insatiable: …. It’s just smut… idek

baelor targaryen

The Ocean and Its Shore: your marriage with prince baelor has been less than a thrill. he offers you an escape, despite his desperate need for you to stay (12.3k, angst)

ryland grace

professional dev.: coworker is talking smack about teacher!reader and ryland comes for support (~1.6k)

in progress:

matt murdock/benjamin poindexter

divine deliverence: (5 parts) matt is a flaky boyfriend, and girl, dex is right fucking there (moodboard)

kara zor-el

It wasn't what you expect. No exactly. It's strange, because Lex has always been so predictable to you. You had learned how to read every one of his micro expressions at a young age, and how to work around his… tendencies, too.

Telling him about your girlfriend was going to be a very calculated task, because that's how conversations with Lex were. From being eight and telling him that you accidentally muddied his shoes, to being nineteen and showing him your first tattoo, to… now. Telling him you're gay. Telling him that your girlfriend is Supergirl, of all people.

The thing about these confessions is, you've always known how it would end. Lex loves you, you know that it's true. He might huff a hot breath through his nose, but by the end of it he always came to terms. Whether it was an acceptance of the lack of control he had over others, or simply not being bothered by a thing that has nothing to do with him.

But this? This confession came out in a ranted spew. A spiteful response, reacting to his immaturity.

His head tilted, "Why are you defending these aliens so desperately?"

"Because I happen to be dating Supergirl, and you're going on some emotional rampage about how she needs to be 'controlled'. Believe me, she is not someone that can be controlled." It just sort of came out.

"Everything can be controlled, don't let it fool you." He waves a dismissive hand.

You swallow the stone in your throat, shifting in your seat across from him. You were just stopping in to catch up. It's hard, he's your brother. Even after he was so willing to rip the world in two.

It. You know he means Kara. He's disgusting. Nearly unrecognizable to the sibling from your childhood.

"She," you correct, "would've kicked your ass unlike Superman, and you would've deserved every bruise. You act like these people don't have rights."

"Jury's still out," his eyes have that familiar glaze over them. The one you saw on TV the day of his arrest. The one that told you he knows he's losing.

You sigh, the tension from your body giving out, elbows resting on the metal table in front of you. The argument could go all day, but you didn't have that sort of time together. Visitation lasts twenty minutes now, and you had fifteen left. He really wasted no time getting into things.

"I don't know why I come to see you anymore…" you murmur into the phone, looking down at your hands as you fiddle with Kara's ring you snagged from her this morning.

Lex watches. "Because you're fool enough to think I will change."

Your thumb taps the metal band on your pointer. He's right. Your brain knows he never will, that this is who he always was, but your heart wants more.

You look at him again. "Did you even catch on to what I said?"

"That you're dating an unstoppable alien that could destroy the world as we know it as if it was nothing?" He asks sarcastically, his eyes avoiding you now.

"That I'm dating Supergirl." You push through his idiocy.

"Same thing." He shrugs indifferently.

Wasn't this supposed to be some monumental moment to share between brother and sister? Coming out, sharing an intimate part of yourself with a person you spent the majority of your life around? The person you spent your most formative years looking up to, because he really did used to be someone to look up to.

Maybe it's petty to want him to acknowledge it, but there is a part of your tender heart that needs him to see you. "That I'm gay, Lex. Did that even register in your brain?"

"Don't insult me, I caught the difference. What does it matter if you are? Your issue isn't about wanting to bang women, it's about the woman you are choosing to bang." He actually rolls his eyes now like this is the most ridiculous conversation you've ever had.

"This is pointless," you're shaking your head and making the decision that this is your last visit.

"What do you want me to say?" He leans closer to the glass. "You knew how I felt, and I do congratulate you on coming out, but there are bigger fish to fry."

He's completely serious. Looking at him, with his clenched jaw and white knuckles that were curled into a fist, you just begin to laugh. It's insanity.

"She flew me to a beach last week," you bulldoze the conversation. It's exactly what he would do.

"Could have taken a plane." He utters.

"She helped me move apartments, lifted my couch like it was nothing." It's like sharing details of your relationship as if this was all normal.

"Moving companies do exist."

"Oh!" You pretend to be overly happy, "She… she found my earring the other day, it fell off and she found it hidden under our bed with her x-ray vision."

"You would've found it when cleaning regardless."

You hum, watching him as he sits stiff as a board. Then you say softly, "She makes me smile."

His eyes lift up to look at you, but he's silent this time. You cease this rare opportunity.

"She's funny, and patient, and kind." A genuine smile finds your lips. "She does this thing, it's so cute," you giggle to yourself, "I'll be trying so hard to be in a mood, and she just scoops me into her arms and covers my face with kisses, then says the absolute corniest line she can think of."

Lex is shifting uncomfortably on his metal stool. You're making it real to him. Good.

"I love her," you lift one shoulder in a shrug. Tears were forming in your frustration. "I love her, and you want to take that from me."

"I never said—

"You did."

"She's too much of a risk." He tries to defend.

"Every morning she gets out her coffee cup and forgets to close the cabinet door, and you want the world to believe she's part of some calculated scheme to rule it?" You laugh at the stupidity of it.

"Picking up on mundane, human characteristics could very well be a tactic in their plan." He doesn't hear himself, you swear he can't.

Rubbing your forehead, you just soak it in. He's living in complete delusion. And you have been living in one too, thinking that he really could come out of it.

"Well," your hand falls back down onto the metal. "I guess I'll be the first to kneel, or whatever. Great talk, Lex. Don't count on me coming back."

"No, wait—

Your phone slams on the mount before he can finish, cutting you off from hearing whatever bullshit he was going to spin this time. His fist slams on the counter, rattling the metal. He's distressed. Losing you to some godly being. You hope he loses sleep over it.

Tears slide down your cheeks, just in time for him to see before you turn away and leave the visitation room for the final time. This has to be it. Lex wasn't the person you needed him to be even if it hurt to admit.

This time, leaving Belle Reve felt like you could breathe knowing you never had to come back. Knowing that him losing you to Kara is entirely devastating to his existence as a whole, and that there was absolutely nothing he could do that she wouldn't squash him for. So, actually, it's a hell of a lot easier to walk away than you had first feared.

The drive home surrounds you with noise. Impatient cars hoking, drivers shouting for traffic to move, chattering of the pedestrians as they walk with their companions. Some pairs had entwined hands, some groups had linked arms. There is laughter pouring from one person to the one on the other end of their phone, you figure their pace is so quick so they can get home to see that smile. There are coos from strangers enamored by the dog that was panting so joyfully to be receiving so much attention, and there are children pointing excitedly from the other sidewalk when they too spot the dog.

All of these sounds are ringing through your ears, merging with your worries and doubt. It's a comfort to hear that life has gone on, and a gut punch to think that your own brother wanted to limit the experience of it to those he deems worthy.

The light turns green and suddenly there is so much more to see on your ride home. Freedoms of every day life. Mundane, human characteristics. How exciting to see it all?

Your car door slams shut, echoing in the parking garage. Tears had long dried, and now your heart just skips. Your feet hit the ground, carrying you back home to her.

The elevator couldn't have felt slower, and unlocking the door couldn't have felt like more of an inconvenience. But you get in, kick your shoes off to land with hers, and toss your jacket over the chair with her coat. Taking in a breath, you can smell that she was trying to cook again. You smile. It smells horrible.

"Shit…" Kara hisses from the kitchen. Then she's louder. "Uh, hey, baby! You're back a little early?"

Your feet push off the ground, head tilting around the corner in an attempt to see her sooner, even if by just a few seconds. It's well worth it. She's trying to hide the food behind her, as if there wasn't a mountain of dishes in the sink and a lingering smell tattling on her for burning it.

"Shorter talk," you explain, walking over with a grin.

Her hair had been haphazardly thrown into a bun with one of your scrunchies, a few strands dangling in her face. And her clothes—you'd never seen the shirt before. Her body pushes off from the counter, coming closer to you.

"Good or bad?" She asks, trying to keep your eyes locked with hers.

"Both." It's honest. "I don't wanna get into it right now. You look cute, this a new shirt?" Your fingers tug on the hem of it.

Kara mumbles something about looking like a total mess as she glances down to her shirt. "Yeah, you'd said this color looks good on me. I saw it somewhere, figured I'd grab it to help my wardrobe grow." She looks at you again, kissing your cheek as a welcome home. "You sure you don't wanna talk? Just- usually we have a little debrief."

You nod, hand resting over the fabric of her new shirt and gently squeezing her waist. "Positive. I just want to be with you."

Her hand rests on your upper arm, leaning into your hold and pressing your foreheads together. Kara isn't one to push, even though she can see something went down. It's in your tear stained eyes, but it's also in your excitement. She knows that she can trust you to talk when you're ready.

She kisses you gently, lips landing on yours twice. "I tried to make dinner. I know those visits are a lot, so I thought we could just eat and chill, but…"

Kara laughs, tucking one of the strands of hair behind her ear. She never seems to give herself credit with these things. The girlfriend things. She's been trying really really hard to adjust to Earth, and you've given her nothing but grace.

You try to lean over and see the food, "It can't be that bad…"

Her hand quickly holds your face, pulling you back to her so you can't see it. "Trust me, baby, it's like a crime scene. We'll just order pizza, or Thai, or whatever you want, but that shit is inedible."

Her exaggerations make you mirror her smile and laughter. Over the top, yet fully her belief. She's happy that you don't push to try the food and pretend that it's the greatest thing you've ever eaten, you just accept it and allow her to move on.

"You'll get the hang of cooking eventually," you kiss her cheek before humming happily. "Let's do pizza. The one that's super greasy, from just a few blocks down."

Kara groans too, squeezing her eyes shut in her own excitement for the health-ruining pizza. "Yes! Linny's Pizza, where there's so much cheese it basically slides right off."

"But we've gotta get extra cheese on it anyway." You say it like it's obvious.

Kara opens her eyes, looking at you with knitted brows. "Uh, yeah. What kind of people would we be if we didn't get the extra cheese?"

"The kind that just have no zest for life," you joke.

She laughs, squeezing your arm for your shared moment of ordinary conversation. She's beautiful. Blue eyes crinkled in the corner, letting herself just be with you. Your eyes chase hers, never wanting to let her go.

She comes in for another kiss to your lips and follows it with one on your cheek. "Okay, I'll get the pizza so you can get your shower."

Because that's your routine. The one she has memorized. Come back from the visit, decompress, wash it off, and ground yourself in her arms. She knows you.

"Hmm, 'kay." You kiss her cheek before she slips away to get her coat out from under your jacket. "Love you, thanks for getting dinner."

Kara salutes, walking backwards towards the door. "Just taking care of my girl." She sends a wink your way, "I love you, be back in no time."

This mundane exchange does everything to melt your world.

Your spine had given up, glitching with each stroke of her fingers over your crying pussy. Kara’s really on one tonight. A fight gone entirely right, she’d told you all about her success when she got home. That was hours ago.

Now? Now you’re laying helplessly beneath your gorgeous girlfriend, breasts pressed flat into the mattress as Kara presses herself down onto your back. All you can do is to let her fuck you senseless time and time again.

She’s riding her high, grinning and trying to catch a glimpse of your exhausted pleasure. There’s no real end in sight, and your eyes are closed so tightly you couldn’t see it had it been right in front of you. All you know is… Kara Zor-El has gotten way too good at fucking you.

“C’mon, baby, you’ve got one more for me.” She coos, kissing the shell of your ear as her pace slows and her fingers begin to glide back into your overworked cunt. “Be good, we’ve got this.”

You bite your lip, the wet walls of your pussy still somehow managing to flutter around her fingers. It encourages her to go deeper, to her second knuckle now. Then she slowly pulls out, followed by a quick dive back in.

“Kara, please…” your whimper is muffled as your face presses into the mattress.

Your body regains some ounce of strength, wriggling as much as possible beneath her and causing her to slip her fingers out of you. Your body relaxes, though you softly moan at the feeling of even that. Just her fingers leaving you felt like some godly power. The second she’s left you, you want her back.

“Not nice,” she whispers in your ear.

Her soaked fingers grip onto your inner thigh, sinking into your plush skin as she effortlessly shoves your legs apart. You inhale, deeper than you had realized you needed, feeling her weight lift off of your torso. But she’s still very much on you.

You feel the bed shifting with her weight as she rearranged, and then you feel her knee coming up between your thighs. Another whimper slips out as her knee pushes your other thigh the opposite way, opening your pussy up for the cold night air. Your spine jolts, overreacting due to your overly sensitive position.

“No, no… please…” you cry, fingers curling around the sheet beneath you.

“Please what, baby?” You can hear her shit eating grin. She questions you so smoothly, and already knows the answer.

“Come back.” Your voice breaks out.

“I’m right here.” She says it with a wickedly slow pace of her fingertips trailing their way back to your cunt.

“All…” you moan, feeling her fingers glide over your folds. Your body convulses, not prepared for even that minimal of contact.

Her fingers pause their movements. “What’s that?”

“All of you,” you get it out while you can. “Want all of you back.”

The pressure of her body on yours. To feel her heart beating in rhythm. And… for her fingers to get back to work.

But she just tsks at you. Fucking tsks.

“You had me, babe.” She kisses your shoulder blade through her gentle scolding. “Then you started wiggling around, trying to take that pretty pussy of yours from my touch.”

Her hot breath is rolling over your skin, sending chills through your body. Her fingers dip back into your folds, gathering slick she really doesn’t need anymore, and press into your entrance. Your thigh presses into her knee, reactively trying to clamp shut as her teasing began again.

“Told you, it wasn’t nice.” She finds a steady pace, pumping in and out of your folds. Her ego boosts with every one of your moans. “Need to learn to stay still.”

You can’t. She knows it. Anything your body does now is whatever she wills it to do. Spread for her, writhing for her, soaked for her.

“Or maybe I need to keep ahold better.” She’s proud of herself for this idea. “Up, on your elbows, baby.”

Her fingers continue their rhythm in your cunt, causing you to hardly hear her instruction. Your brows furrow in a heated confusion. How can you possibly move?

“Can’t…” your head turns, cheek pressing into the mattress.

“Hmm…” her free hand strokes a strand of your sweat soaked hair from your pretty face, admiring the glimpse she was seeing. “Lemme help…”

“Wha—

Before you can question, Kara’s fingers bury into your cunt to secure their place. Your spine curves, arching you into the mattress again and causing your head to lift. The second it does you feel her arm wrap around your neck, giving you some stability your body couldn’t find for itself.

“There you go…” she soothes, her hand gripping your shoulder as she holds you in this headlock. “Now that fragile body of yours can stay up and can’t wiggle away.”

Your hands hold onto her forearm, mouth falling open in the sudden movements. It’s now when you realize, or… remember? Everything is such a blur. Whatever. Kara is still fucking dressed.

You feel the fabric of her t-shirt against your back, damp from having previously been pressed into the sweat of your bodies from round one. And her knee— part of how she was able to get such a reaction was from her jeans taunting your skin in a graze. She’d gotten you off three fucking times, fully dressed.

Her fingers have quickened their pace, matching that which always succeeds in making you cum. Her pointer finger rubs over your clit, causing you to twitch-now entirely helpless-in her grasp. Your entire body is shaking.

“I’m—

“I know,” she grins, chin resting on your head. “Just let it happen.”

She lifts your torso slightly higher, allowing a new angle for her fingers to penetrate. Your grip on her forearm tightens, nails digging into flesh you have absolutely zero chance of leaving any mark on. But your nails scratch, positively overcome by the feeling of her merciless pace.

“Good job, baby… keep it up.” Kara encourages you, kissing the top of your head.

Jesus, it’s like she can’t even feel your finger scratching the shit out of her, yet you were losing it at her fingers ghosting over your pussy. Pathetic, and perfect.

Your body gives one last big reaction, her arm having to follow as your spine arched you upwards. A tear comes out too, sliding down your cheek with the same lack of control as your climax.

She pulls you back into her chest as you cum, kissing your cheek and whispering praises. Her fingers finally leave you, that arm wrapping around your torso to hold onto your rag-dolled body. Your breathing is slow and deep, your brain is absolute mush. Kara is completely fine.

“Just one more, huh?” She kisses next to your eye, where the path of your tear began.

the compendium

repentance: regret for sin or wrong doing

forgiveness: to no longer hold sin against the person who has sinned against you

renunciation: formally declaring one’s abandonment of a claim, belief, or practice

authority: the freedom to decide or a right to act without hindrance

blessing: an extension of His grace