i'll be your house cat

Today was the first day in a very long time that I looked at myself in the mirror and truly thought “I’m beautiful”

Today I got the call that brought you back to life. You’re still missing, gone. But hopefully this call is the next step for our family to reunite. I love you, we love you. Come home when you’re ready. I just hope that it’s soon...

I fucking hate that two years later the smallest things still make me think of you. I hate the way my family stills thinks I’ll end up with you. I hate seeing my boyfriend juggle because it just reminds me of you. I hate thinking about your family and how much I miss them. A fucking Tin can of popcorn brought back memories of you today and I’m appalled. Just leave my head alone. I thought this was over

I'm starting to become way too thin again. I'm starting to look at apartments in Philadelphia. I'm starting to procrastinate my graduation from university. I'm starting to miss England. Im starting a new season of criminals minds. Im starting to cut back on cigarettes and coffee. Im starting a rat tail. Im starting to stay in bed until noon. I'm starting a new job soon. I'm starting new relationships. I'm not finishing anything.

It's weird to feel alone when you have people that care about you. I think I'm coming to terms with the way my mind works. I am just constantly reassuring myself that they care through their small gestures. They mean a lot more than you think. Be kind.

I still don't think people realize the fact that I greatly struggle with social cues. I feel that they assume I function on a normal level, if not excel, with social interactions - just because I'm good at small talk. Just because I do well with most interactions does not mean I am across the boards successful in navigating my way through conversation. I struggle a lot with daily communications, even if it does not appear that way. Please know that I do not mean to insult or seem rude. Somethings just genuinely don't make sense to me. I do apologize if I offend, but it will also help me if you let me know when I do.