Shit My Friends Say

Nothing is sexy when it's red and filled with pus.

Men are like decimals less than one, when multiplied together they become smaller

But I got you a homosexual

Buy my Jesus toast, pope!!

I don't like aunt jemima. She's too thick.

Yes, yes, toxoplasmosis, yes

I hope I never have to bake and eat my best friend because they think their destiny is in the oven.

Look at my sexy socks

Ah, so about the minorities...

Your genitals don't have to have been in my mouth for me to share a fork with you.

Anything can be not healthy if you try hard enough

If Ben Schnetzer wants to fucking make me eggs everyday, I will let him!

Maybe he just likes anal

I remember when I hated the world.

*very seriously* have you not watched glee