everyday, she dies a lil

i’m sitting here, next to the fireplace in our small house, like its our first time during the first day of snowfall,

limbs tangling in each other tight grip

your smile illuminating the shallow room, brighten up the dim light, accompanied by the lights from the fireplace,

this is very surreal

very real, so painful

piercing every each of my skin

like sharp blades.

how can you express something with words ?

doesn’t your emotion stay the same ?

i could write a full five pages essay about you and my emotion will still be the same, 

i can never change nor push you away

au : immortal-life au

pairing : jin x oc

fandom : bangtan seonyeondan

genre : angst

warning : character death

Requested by Naz 

-

“Baby ?” My eyes fluttered open, his soft gaze staring deep into my soul and I couldn’t help but to cry. “What are we going to do after this ?” I looked at him and he just smiled sadly. Fingers tracing my sunken cheek ever so lightly, lips attached against my forehead, to plant a soft kiss. 

“I’ll try to work it out. We both will.”

Our world are different from all the people out there. The ancient stories spread about our theories were all wrong, except for the little village; a small cottage in the middle of the woods, where our first creation was born by a human. Our first creation was half-immortal and half-mortal, proving that our whole ancient stories to be accepted as the different kind. People in the world acknowledge our existence but they could never see us under the glowing sun. We’re not what people call as vampires, we are also not the beast, eating carnivores like werewolves, we are also not human. But, we are exist and that’s what he told me when the riot happened, destroying everything that we build.

They say that demons are not belong for an angel. But, my demons wings are destroyed once I laid my eyes on him; a beautiful angel. We are meant for each other and there is no way for our own kind to demolish us, there is no way for human to throw us away. Because, we don’t need them.

I looked at him and keep my hand securely around his neck as he ran across the woods, through the city. His veins were prominent on his neck, the angel-like skin burning under the sun as he keep on running, ignoring the rays of sunlight that could break both of us. I try to stop him but he won’t budge.

“Please baby, we’re almost there. You will be okay.”

He stares into my eyes and run again, ignoring the painful yelps of pain that were left from my own lips as the cuts behind my back began to grow bigger, the demon wings leaving a venom when it fell, allerting the whole kind about our relationship- that no one could accept. The riot happened because of us, because we agreed to spent our life together, until our last breath even we will be ditch out of the place, to whatever part of place; but its okay. 

Its okay because I’m not alone. 

I groaned as I could feel the venom spread across my body, straight to my head. “J-jin, I-I”

He remove his clothing and wrapped it around me, wiping the sweat that dribbled down the side of my head and kissing every each of my eyes. “You’re okay, you will be.”

I cried again as the same surging pain pierced my brain and my entire body shook. He kept his lips against my forehead, hands lacing with my fingers; gripping it tightly. “Please y/n. Please stay, don’t leave me.”

I try to open my eyes but it was too heavy. I nuzzled my head against his warm neck and mumbled softly. “I c-could not h-hold it a-any l-longer.”

He groan and keep on running as tears stream down from his eyes. “You can !” He groans and the sunlight pierce his back, his kept wings are now unfolded as it was reveal under the ray of sunlight. I shake my head as lonely tears streaming down the side of my face. His face went to rigid as he stares at me, eyes brimming in tears as he kissed my lips in an exaggerate emotion. I could see how his wings slowly damage but he bit his lips and forced himself to run. 

“We will get out from here and hide.” I looked into his eyes and smiled sadly.

It won’t make us okay anymore, we will never be like before anymore. 

-

He laid me down next to the stream of river and I could smell the rain and the jungles. The leaves, the waterfall and I could smell him. He held my arm as he laid beside me, his breathing were barely audible. 

“y/n, y-you can let go, if you c-cant h-hold it in anymore.” 

I looked at him from the side, hands slowly smoothing his cheeks and burning scars, his body was so warm and unlikely different. My droopy eyes staring into his grey one, that were slowly turning into black. He smiled weakly, tracing my palm, letting his tears fall. 

“I-I l-love y-you, S-seokjin.”

I could feel his shaky hand moving around me, embracing me with a tight hug as he cry. His shoulders shook as he let it out, pouring all of his madness, all of his sorrow. “I can’t live without you, y/n.”

“I really can’t.”

so, don’t

He laid beside me and I could still feel his warm skin lingered around me. He let his body reveal to the open sunlight. The small sad smile on his face as he look at me, make the last single tear from my eyes to flow down. He groans as the sunlight pierced his entire bones, crushing his skulls, damaging his organs and his eyes widened. 

He stretch his hand towards me forcefully, grasping my fingers in such effort as he smiled once again. 

“We promise to stay with each other until my last breath.”

“So we will.”

au : vampire

pairing : yoongi x oc

fandom : bangtan seonyeondan

genre : smut

warning : bathroom sex

Requested by Juzy

your pov

The crisped of wind blew lightly, hitting the window panes. The storm were raging, happening outside without reason and the only reason to be afraid now is for Yoongi’s existence. I hugged my body with warm clothes as the cold pierced my bones like knife. It has been three days, and Yoongi. He never comeback since the day their pack went for the ‘hunting’. 

I know he will comeback. I just- I feel weird; like something will happened but I couldn’t read the futures like how Yoongi did, I can’t. I’m not one of them- yet.

My teeth clatters and I shut my eyes closed. Demanding it to sleep but as my eyes were closing, the faint figure of him; killed, triggered me, bringing me back to the worst nightmare that I’ve had since their battle, his sacrificed to safe me. He was gone, and once again, to protect me and my father. I try to search for any warm expanses but I couldn’t. I was about to close my eyes, when a faint figure of Tae’s wolf fur, flashing across my eyes, shooting me up bewildered. I open the window, and he jumped in, hands immediately wrapped around my small body, inhaling my scent, nuzzling his locks in between the expanses of my neck. “You’re freezing y/n.”

I immediately hugged him, searching for the warm, longing for the cottage feeling, I’ve been sitting under the cold weather for hours, waiting for Yoongi to comeback, and settled it all down. But, it won’t. I could feel it. 

“Why are you here ?” I muttered, my breath was still raging, teeth clattering in his soft hold. 

“His pack- sort of, in rage.” I try to push him but his stronger and build body stopped me, “He will be okay.”

“No !” He looked up, his brown eyes staring back at me, the cold but worried gaze underneath it. “He will.”

I ran my fingers against his bare chest and against his lips as his eyes closed. Leaning in to my touch. “Did he know ?”

His eyes open as his teeth gritted. “No.”

“Okay.”

-

Third’s person point of view

He gritted his teeth, hands making quick attacked to the trees as he dodged the enemy away, the thoughts of her in his arm, making him more bewildered. Everything look spectacular, y/n look spectacular, but the thoughts were no longer sane when he stepped in. Kim Taehyung. 

That filthy dog can go bring his filthy sense away. 

Yoongi’s point of view

I looked at my allies as all of them retreat from the target as the only one who is left now is a small boy, around my age when I was turned into a vampire. I read his thoughts and I know how scared he would be, how afraid everything seems to be. I smirked. Park Jimin. Elaise know what to do with you then, turning into some-kind of weird vegetarian-vampire thing. My pack, my family, and soon to be, y/n.

The thoughts and visions of her were killing me that I left them in the woods and running back home without even saying anything. 

-

Your point of view

“Tae.”

He turned around, a perfect smile adorning his handsome feature. 

“Thankyou.” He chuckled. “Its not enough. You know, you could always say it out loud, that you love m-”

The run was fast light lightning, the dashing cold, the weird piercing in my bones. My eyes widened. Yoongi. I looked to the front, his hand already holding Tae’s neck but the wolf kicked him. I watched Tae as he was about to transform in front of my house, I quickly budged in. 

“No ! Don’t hurt yourself without hurting me, please, both of you.” I held his chest as his piercing velvet orbs gaze through the brown one. Their breathing were ragged, chest were heaving. I sighed. “Taehyung, I think you should go.”

“Yeah I guess so, don’t want this human-blood sucker ruining my damn beautiful evening.” I held Yoongi’s hand as his fang shown again, the adrenaline rush was back. I could feel it. He had his body facing me, the piercing gaze, the longing feeling, the cold, the sorry, the worry. His cracked lips met mine in a heated kiss. Hands loss in the fringe of my hair, one hand holding my hips as he wrapped it around his waist. The kissed; continued. More intense, more feelings. He roamed his hand around my torso and brought his lips to my neck, inhaling my blood, I could feel his fang against me but he fought with the urge to stick it in. He lapped it with his tounge, and kissed it softly afterward. But the urge to kiss me was everywhere. I could feel his raging hormones. “Y-”

“No. Let me finish what I’ve started.” I looked at him, the lust and love adorning his velvet orbs, brings me weird chills that I felt everytime i’m with him. 

The rage start. 

-

We leaned on every wall, to stop and suck in each other breath, tounge. Feeling the urge to kiss, to feel. I looked at him, and he just stared at me with that weird sensation. the needs. 

And his hands were around my body again, removing every peace of clothing on me, from the old pair of boots until the last piece of my bra. He trail a kisses along the valley of my breast, to my stomach and to my princess part, where his tounge rested against my clit. My body arched for his touch as he laid me on the bed, hands finding it glory fondling, my breast as he keeps his tounge against my clit. Lapping on it, sending me a weird pleasure. 

“Y-yoongi.”

He looked at me again, only to search for the trust in my eyes. He sent me those gaze again and continue to pleasure me. He ran his fingers against the wetness of my underwear, putting it aside, only to stick in two of his fingers inside me, curling it upward, brushing against my g-spot almost instantly. I screamed as he keep on rubbing on the same place, applying pressure on the spongy-like texture on my inside. “Nggh Yoog-”

He kissed me again, to distract me. 

I looked at him as he attached his forehead with mine, his piercing gaze turn to a soft stare once I shook under his body. “C-cumming.”

Frenzy feelings running inside me, I was blackened out for a while, only to be awaken by the soft touch of his thumb against my cheek. He whispered, “You came.” I chuckled as he carried me in his arm, towards the bathroom. His clothes were no longer on him as he kissed my forehead lovingly. 

He put me under the running water, the shower wash away all the aches. His cold hand snaked behind me, running up and down around my torso. One of it resting against my stomach, and running against my collarbone. One of it holding my hand as it laced with my fingers, 

He leaned in, whispering into my ear, lips nudging against my earlobe in a sinful blessing. “I love you.” He pressed his lower back against my back and I gasped once I felt his hard cock, pressed flatly, hard against the expanses of my waist. He licked my earlobe again and had the head pressed against the hole from my back. “God, you’re so wet for me.” 

I looked at him from the reflection of the tiles in front of me, his nose flaring as he had his eyes closed, body arching in a rage lust. He thrust in slowly, hand still holding mine as he was fully in. I gasped as he started moving. His head in my neck as he breath hardly, thrusting it in and out as the water showering us warm and each other’s love. He held my thigh as he speed up his movement. My cheeks rested against the white tiles, eyes shutting in frenzy, lost in lust. 

The sound of skin slapping resonated around the bathroom and our soft gasp and moans was everywhere. The once cold evening are gone, replacing with warmt and yoongi. 

He fucked me hard. My legs wobbled but he still held me tight as he thrust in harder, he thrust in again and this time stayed as I could feel his cum filling my inside, his gasped and soft breathing were hard against my neck and ear. He kissed me again, slowly pulling out his cock from me, a kiss was given again, this time. Softly. With no rush.

-

“It have always been you Yoongi, you know that, right ?” He had his fingers playing with my locks and he chuckled. “Sorry, I can’t help it.”

I kissed his lips softly and he smiled. “Sleep y/n.”

And he kissed my forehead lovingly. 

“I love you.”

au : dancer au

pairing : kai x oc

fandom : EXO

genre : angst 

warning : none

Requested by Nat 

-

“you’re gracefully beautiful” 

The snow that has fallen make her shivered as the cold bit her skin and pierce through the deepest bone. The studio look well lit, just perfect and it made her smile. The heater just broke down and her boyfriend is trying to figure out the problem of the heater. She stares as he pace back and forth, calling the workers to work on this heater. He turned around and spotted her staring, he gave her a wink and continue talking. He settled down with the call and finally has put his phone down. He walked towards her and grab her waist, pulling her into his embrace. 

“You’re not gonna catch a cold if I’m here.” He nuzzled his face in her neck and smiled while giving some small kisses on her chin. “We will continue to dance after the heater has work back normally but now, let me hug you.”

-

“you’re my heart, my one and only source to stay alive”

He scrolled through his phone and keep on reminding himself about the special date. The day they will present to the whole Seoul, their collaboration and the day of their anniversary. He smiled but was interrupt when she pressed her head against his chest lightly, hair nuzzling against his neck. She looked up and smiled with her sleepy eyes. “Good morning my handsome Nini.” He chuckled and cupped her face to peck a kiss on her cheek.

“Good morning my sunshine.” She was about to leave the bed when he pulled her hand  back, making her body rested against his bare torso. “Lets sleep more.”

“Andwae oppa, ireona, we have dance practice again this morning right ?”

He looked at her and laughed again. Hand ruffling her hair softly as he smiled. “I’m kidding beautiful, I won’t forget our routine. So, kaja.”

He pulled her in his embrace and lifted her up, carrying her bridal style to the bathroom. “Jonginnieeeee, put me down.”

“I don’t want.”

-

“i will jeopardize myself if you were the one who is hurting”

He turned on the stereo inside the studio, the ballad song sounds beautiful in his ear. They both get in their position. Dancing gracefully to the song, immersed in each other move, holding each other with trust and loyalty. The dance that both of them choose is contemporary because they are majoring that subject in college. Jongin is a part of an idol group under a company but he choose to take a break and participate this dance competition with his girlfriend. While y/n, she is just Jongin’s companion, and the one and only that support him throughout his bad days. 

They continue to dance until the last step and repeating it over and over. Once they were drenched in sweat, he stopped moving and brought her closer to him. He put his chin on her hair and she smiled while looking at themselves from the mirror. She held his hand tightly and tiptoed to give a peck on his nose. “We will do great Jongin, we will.”

-

“please god, don’t let him go from my life”

It was 12 a.m and he is still in the studio, practicing the dance move that he thought he was still lacking in. She watched from the door, huffing a silence sighed as she pushed the door open. “Oppa, its 12 a.m. We have been here for 9 hours, and you never stop practicing since then, please stop now.”

He didn’t. She saw the look on his face, the tired, the distress, the dissapointment. She pressed the off button on the music player and he grunted. His eyes were brimming with tears when he pushed her away to turn on the device, continuing his dance. She try to hide the hurt on her face and insisted to walk towards him instead. She stands in front of him, hands trying to hold him from moving. “Jongin, stop it, you’re damaging your body system.”

“Don’t try to stop me.” She hugged him, hand and body forcefully stopped him from moving and slowly the sweaty body in front of her halted his movement. He started sobbing, streaming painful tears as his shoulder shaking. “Jongin, look at me.”

She cupped his cheek, trying her best to stop her tears from invading too long. “You will do great, we will do great, so don’t worry, I’m always here.”

He ended up crying again but slowly his concious left him as he fell against her making her stumble to the ground while Jongin hovering over her small body. His nose started to bleed and panicked flashed through her eyes. His body was so cold it scared her. “I told you don’t burden yourself up”

Sighing, she let him asleep on her lap as she cleaned his nose, and later call for a cab to bring them home

-

“I will be gone”

The letter that she held slowly fell when he walked in. His droopy eyes and smiley faces faded when he spotted the letter that splayed open on the ground. “W-why didn’t you tell me ?”

He took the letter and hugged her. “I’m sorry.”

She shook her head as she felt droplet of his tears dampening her shirt. “I’m sorry to make you suffer, I’m sorry I can’t be with you forever, I’m sorry we can’t go on like the other normal couple, I’m sorry we can’t be like the old us, I’m s-”

“Jongin, you know what matter the most now ?” His bloodshot eyes staring at her weakly. “The things that matter now is, you are here, with me. Okay ?”

“Okay.”

-

“i will fight for us.”

He still participate their dance practice even though his body weakened gradually and she will always be there when he lost his balance. Whenever he can’t find his footstep she would be the one that held his hand and slowly helping him to move along with the music. She hide her tears and keep supporting him, doing everything she thinks will be the best for him. 

She hugged him and let him sleep on her shoulder. Her hand caressing her boyfriend’s smooth one. Her fingers rubbing all the funny wrinkles on his face as she nuzzled her head softly against his neck. “You will be safe.”

-

“Please, just one last dance.”

She could practically see how hard he tried, how hard he try to convince her that he can do better. How hard he try to dance, to make the dance into a perfection. She saw everything and she won’t let both of them suffer anymore. Not when he fell on the ground, his body system weakened. 

And, he is already at the last stage.

-

“Let me do this, for the last time.”

Jongin held her hand in his cold one, rubbing the soft pad of her palm and smiling brightly. “Can you do me a favor y/n ?”

She nodded and rub a small circle on his cheek as he talked. “Can we do our contemporary collab for the last time ?”

She looked at him, about to shake her head when he tighten the grip on her hand. “Please.”

She smiled sadly but she nodded. The male nurses accompanied them to the hospital’s private studio for psychology patient. She pushed the wheelchair in and helped him to stand. He smiled while saying that he can stand himself. She turned on the song. 

Her hand grabbing his cold one as they moved to the beat, she slowed down the step whenever he look tired. They continue, moving with each other slow dance, hands on each other waist, eyes staring into each other face and finally he leaned in. 

And they kiss. 

-

“im sorry”

Jongin clutches his heart, gasping for air that he is lacking from the oxygen mask, he has been told that the water had filled his lungs and the doctors are trying their very best. The pain was unbearable, piercing through him like a bullet and he bites his lips, thinking that this is how it will end.

The nurses that used to take care of him walked in to the lab, asking what should they do to save him. The doctors stared at them while smiling sadly but relieved since they are still here, despite the time being has passed midnight. The doctor looked at him and back at the screen, he sighed. 

“I’ll have to give him a try at pleurodesis, please help me get the things ready.”

-

“dont be”

Tears brimming in her eyes. She had heard about pleurodesis before, she read a full passage of the treatment for her sister during her assignment. Its a treatment where it seals the space between the tissues covering the lung by using sterile talc to make them inflamed so they stick together so that there is no space for the fluid to collect. It does not treat the cancer but it might reduce the chances of this to happen again.

He is now fighting, to have his chances for the world or none at all.

-

“I can’t give you a huge dose, Jongin, you need to stay awake, can you hear me ?” The doctor said firmly and Jongin’s head slurs, the voices becoming distant but he nods his head, trying to stay alive, to at least hold on a while for her. For y/n. 

He needs to stay even it is only for a little while, even if it is only for some times more before he will leave her alone forever.

when the anasthetic has worked, the doctor puts a wide cannula into the male’s chest, through his side. The tip of the needle goes into the space where the fluid is going to be collected; the pleural space. Once it is in the right place, Doctor Park attaches the needle to a drainage tube, a chest drain which connected to a bag. 

As long as the drainage bottle or bag is kept lower than the chest, the fluid will drains out automatically. Jongin’s draining system need to be done for hours since a large amount of liquid filling his chest, because draining a large amount of fluid in a short period can suddenly make him feel faint. 

They waited. She waited. Anxiousness and worry consuming their guts.

Once the fluid has stopped, the doctor injects the powder into the pleural space through the drainage tube. He then clamps the tube and the drain is then attached to a suction to help stick the pleura together.

-

“Jongin, can you listen to me ?”

His eyes flutters open and close, unable to open fully as he tries to stable his breathing but doesn’t manage as he isn’t calming his body down. His heart monitor increases in rate and the doctor ask him to relax while he gasps softly through the oxygen mask, chest heaving rapidly from the surging pain in his body.

they watched in fear as he struggles. tightening his hold on one of the nurses there and his eyes slowly stinging with tears.

“Its okay Jongin, you can let go, we won’t force you if you can’t hold it anymore. Its okay Jongin, you can let go.” Its okay Nini. 

I’m sorry y/n

Jongin’s body stop moving as his eyes went shut. 

-

“goodbye, my love”

She stares at the tombstone in front of her. Once again, she break. She cried even she know this day will come. Even she know that, Jongin will still go even if she stopped him. But she can’t forget those days. Those days when they’re still together. 

A hand rested against her left shoulder, rubbing a small circle. 

“y/n, you should not cry, it has been a year, you know it will just make him sad seeing you cry. You promised him you will move on right ?”

She looked up and the male in front of her wipe the tears away. “My brother can’t stand see you cry anymore, y/n”

au : vampire

pairing : jimin x oc

fandom : bangtan seonyeondan

genre : fluff

warning : make out scene

Requested by Alia

-

I looked at the stars and smiled sadly. Autumn had left me all alone in this lonely apartment and once again, winter greet me, alone. The season had changed again and he is still away. I laid myself on the bed and stared at the transparent ceiling. The luminous stars shining with the others at the sky and it was really beautiful. I sighed again. I missed you so much, when are you coming back home ?

I took the scarf that was hung at the dresser and wore my baby blue sweater, looking at my apartment, I sighed and left our shared house for a small walk. Winter wind greet me and I smiled in contentment. I love winter since I was just a little kid. I love winter a lot more because of him. He told me winter could give us a lot more time to cuddle and shared our kisses. But, it is the second winter season, and he is still not home. I know his reason to leave me for a while, I know how important his kind and family in his life. I told him many time before to just brought me along but he would always replied with a kiss and a sorry, saying that humans are too dangerous to be around his kind. 

But, I missed you. I smiled sadly in tears.

I wrapped myself in a comforting hug to warm myself and sighed. I looked at the sky again and  a shooting star passed by. I smiled and closed my eyes, wishing so that he will comeback home soon. 

I was about to walk towards the park when someone pulled my hand from the back. My eyes widened ready to push the person away but he leaned in and tuck his head in my neck. His blonde hair brushing my nape ever so lightly and I had myself tearing as I could smelled his cologne. 

“Babe, why are you alone ?” 

Tears cascading down my smooth skin as he turned me around. I hugged him immediately, pressing my ear against his chest. Sobs racked out from my lips and I could feel his lips pressing ever so lightly against my velvet hair. “I’m sorry to leave you alone.” His voice sounds so sweet and calm. It give tingles in my heart. I missed him so much.

I looked at him and attached a small kiss against his chin and he smiled. His eyes curving and his cheeks flushed due to the cold. He put the strands of my hair away and tuck it behind my ear before planting a kiss against my forehead. “I’m not gonna leave you again after this, I promise.”

“Promise ?” I showed him my pinky and he laughed while attaching his pinky finger with mine. “Pinky promise.”

I hugged him again and I could feel his hand around my waist. And in a millisecond, I had my hands around his neck as he carry me bridal style. His movement is fast and the only person I could see is only him as he run through the neighborhood towards our home. “Jimin, what about your family ?” He looked at me and smiled. 

“I’ll change you.” My eyes widened as I looked at him. We arrived in front of our house and he put me down. I was about to unlock the door when he quickly tucked his head in my neck, his breath labored against my nape. “J-Jimin ?”

“Hm ?” 

“W-what are you doing ?”

I could feel his lips against my nape and I closed my eyes. He draw a small smiled and kissed all the way from my nape towards my lips. He had his eyes looking at me as our lips attached. The key in my hand dropped to the ground as he held my hand and kissed me deeply. He bite my lips asking for entrance, I gladly open up for him. His tounge invading my wet cavern as he lapped each and every part of my mouth that he could reached. My hand brushing his dirty blonde hair as he deepened the kiss. He detached himself from me and smiled. He wipe the excess saliva using his tounge as he laughed. I pushed him lightly as my cheeks turn to a deep crimson colour. I took the key and unlocked the door, he back hugged me while tucking his head in my neck again, drawing small circle with his finger on my hips. 

We walked in and he quickly pushed the door closed with his foot. He faced me and I traced my finger against his plumped lips and his baby-fat cheek. He leaned in and I’m practically leaning against the wall of our hallway. He pressed his forehead against mine and closed his eyes. “I could smelled your blood from here babe.”

I kissed his nose lightly and he smiled. “You don’t mind if I change you ?”

I shook my head and kissed his lips again. “Please take me with you.” He embrace me with a hug as I could feel his wet tounge brushing against my nape again. I sucked in air as I could feel his sharp fangs against my skin. “Hold my hand if it hurts”

I closed my eyes as I held his hand in mine tightly, a sudden pierced against my skin make everything around me swirling. I tensed and held his hands in mind, everything were blurry and numb except for the feeling of my nape and vein being sucked lightly. I moan softly as he still sucked me in and it made my legs turn wobbly.He stopped sucking and detached his lips from my neck. He licked the spot he had made with his tounge until the blood dries away and softly cradled my weak body in his arm. 

He licked and kissed my nape until I slowly opened my eyes. I stared into his red orbs as he smiled and kissed my forehead. He brought me towards the standing mirror and ask me to look in front. 

I did and he smiled while looking at myself staring into my own orbs and skin. My skin is paler than usual and my orbs, it has the same colour as Jimin himself. He smiled and put his chin against my head as he clashed our finger together. “Welcome to the family.”

-

au : high school

pairing : yoonmin

fandom : bangtan seonyeondan

genre : angst + fluff

warning : depression; anxiety

It was the same morning, like every morning routine Yoongi longed to have, and in those beautiful morning, he would always stumbled with a beautiful boy, Jimin. Park Jimin was his new neighbour and it was not a surprise that Jimin also enrolling in the same high school as he is.

Jimin is a cute boy, but he is just too shy. Yoongi never had a chance to make a proper conversation with him. Everyday, Yoongi will ride a bus to school and in those days, he would always found Jimin running back home from somewhere, wearing the convenient store shirt that was place a stone’s throw away from their apartment. He always wondered, where did jimin go, why must he work his asses off and go to school in the same day. But, as usual, Yoongi never had those time to ask him.

At school, because Yoongi is a senior, he never stumbled onto Jimin, okay, well maybe once.

That time, he was sitting at the bench near the field to escape his English class and that was the day when he stumbled onto Jimin. He was wearing a very old and worn out jumper and it look too big on him. At first, Yoongi didn’t realized it but when he watch the younger boy walked to the cafeteria alone. He finally realized that, Park Jimin didn’t have friends. He was always alone. Yoongi followed him to the cafeteria and It surprised him to see that the younger boy only bought a small carton of milk and sped off the cafeteria just on time when Yoongi’s friend was calling on him.

“Who’s that Yoongs ?”

“My neighbour, but we never talk.”

“Are you telling me that the outcast is your neighbour ?”

Yoongi’s eyes widened and Namjoon just laughed at him. Complaining him by saying Yoongi is too busy with his songs and studies until he didn’t even know the student that people keep on avoiding in this school. They were avoiding Jimin, and made him looked like an outcast.

So then, Yoongi continued by watching the same routine happening every morning. But not this morning when the bus to school broke down. He heaved out a sigh and walked to school. But, he was stopped when the same beautiful boy he longed to adore, was not running to his home like usual. He looked very sick. Yoongi walked towards him and held his shoulder. A soft thankyou made it ways out of the boy’s mouth as he walked slowly. Yoongi had his forehead frowning because of the boy’s burning skin.

“Are you having a fever, Jimin ?”

He didn’t answer because when Yoongi looked at him, Park Jimin has his eyes dropped closed and his body falling onto Yoongi softly.

Yoongi brought him to his own apartment, his mom walked out from the kitchen, ready to throw some taunting words towards her son because he skipped school but was stunted when he saw Jimin’s sweaty face.

“Eomma, this is Jimin. He fainted.”

-

Yoongi brought him to his room, changing the convenient store shirt from himself and letting him wear his sweater instead. He sit at the stool and put a cloth against the younger forehead. The fever wont turn down, Yoongi could feel it even when he was not touching the boy.

He was about to fall asleep when Jimin’s eyes fluttered open. The first person he laid his eyes onto was Yoongi and Yoongi never saw a boy so scared before. He clutched the blanket and tucked his head inside the blanket. Trying to move far away from Yoongi.

“Hey its okay, I’m your neighbour, you know me right ? I’m Yoongi.”

Jimin tucked his head out, and he speak. “Y-you’re n-not af-fraid o-of me ?”

Yoongi raised one of his eyebrow, “why would I ?”

Jimin just shaked his head and give a small soft smile to him and Yoongi swear that was the most beautiful smile he ever saw in his 18 years of living.

-

They had dinner together and Yoongi sent Jimin home to his own apartment. He was about to follow Jimin into his apartment when Jimin stopped him. “I’m sorry you can’t go in.” Yoongi was stunt but hw quickly smiled knowing that the boy is uncomfortable with people around him.

“Its okay, remember to eat the medicine so you will be really healthy, see you at school tomorrow !”

He smiled and was about to close the door when Yoongi pulled his hand. “I save my number in your phone so we can hang together, I will text you soon !”

Yoongi didn’t know, Jimin is dealing with some serious anxiety and his appearance make it worsen.

-

On the next day, Yoongi never saw Jimin anymore. Jimin is nowhere to be seen. He never saw the kid comeback from his workplace or at the cafeteria or even in the library where he spent most of his recess time alone. Jimin never replied to any of his text or calls. And that was when Yoongi decided to knock onto Jimin’s door.

He just want to make sure that the younger is okay.

It was a surprise because the door is unlocked. He may look like a creep walking into someone else home but he need to see Jimin. The house was the same as his. But the wallpaper is white, everything is white. There is a picture frame of his family against the wall. Jimin’s face look exactly like his father and he had a younger brother too, maybe two years younger than him. His eyes looked like his mom. Beautiful just like himself.

He was about to walk towards one of the bedroom there when he heard a whimper from the bathroom. Yoongi quickly push the bathroom door open only to find a wrecked boy crying helplessly on the floor. “Fuck. Jimin ! What the hell happen ?”

He put the younger’s head on his lap and held the trembling hand tightly. He was so cold and so pale it scared Yoongi.

“C-cold h-hyung.”

Yoongi carried him to the bed. Got rid of his wet shirt and drapped him with a blanket. The said boy fall asleep immediately and Yoongi sighed. He looks so broken. So, lonely.

Yoongi walk to the study table. There is a timetable, and a picture of him and a young boy. It was written there as Jungkook. There is also doctor’s appointment letter on his desk and a few bottles of depressants. “I know you’re afraid of me, please go.”

Yoongi turned around and Jimin avoided his eye contact. “I won’t.”

Jimin looked at him. Tears are visible in his eyes but he wipe it harshly. “You barely know me so please, go.”

“I won’t Jimin because I know some things about you and I want to learn more. I never think of you as an outcast. I always see you at the school’s library. I always see you running home from work. I was always around you Park Jimin but you never realized. I cared about you, so please let me stay here a little longer.”

At this point, the soft boy is a crying mess and it took time for Yoongi to make him calm. He learn that Jimin will get panic attack when he is crying.

Once the boy is sated. Yoongi laid beside him on the bed and stare at the younger. He saw how the fluffy cheek blushed furiously and he smiled. “You’re worthy, Park Jimin.”

-

Yoongi learned a lot of new things from Jimin. Yoongi now have the reason why the boy is working his asses of. It was because of his hospital’s bills and he lives alone. Yoongi never asked about his parent. But his question was answered when Jimin brought him to a graveyard. Yoongi watch as the pure boy pray for the loss of his family, all three of them. Yoongi learned that Jimin got his panic attacks and depression when his family left him years ago. Yoongi learned that Jimin, was a really cheerful boy when he was in junior high. And he had a bestfriend name Jungkook. He learned that Jungkook move to America a week before his parent left him. Yoongi learned that Jimin is a very strong boy and Yoongi learned that, having a boyfriend who is dealing with depression is not a bothersome.

Yoongi learned how to love. Yoongi learned a Park Jimin. And he know he will love the boy till the very end.

do you remember two years ago ?

Your eye-smile were brightening the whole world, your plump lips was creating stupid syllables as it was followed by your squeaky laugh. You were pure, white as porcelain, beautiful as what ppl always say. Your shiny black hair didn’t represent you well enough, didn’t represent you as what I could see on you, you were breathtaking, beautiful human being that were made of glassy porcelain.

As if, you can’t be break, as if, you’re needed to make the whole world stay bright. I could hardly stand you, it was like, if I was your brother, I would want to start a relationship, incest; as what ppl always refer to.

But at this rate, I could only stare. And save you in my memory because, now on, you’re that boy, the same person but you’re different in every way & then

To a boy once I longed for,

one day I’ll watch you grow up, married a woman, having kids.Those statement never breaks me apart, because, I know, from the very start. I could only watch you, and I can’t feel you, even the slightest bit

let alone time whisper to me, let alone time makes it ways to me

to see your future; my future, that you said we will watch it grow together, and that together that you said means something different to both of us,

through screens & papers, I watch you grow and from the endless future, you watch me stepped out from your life.

i have different thoughts about you, no; its million

but i could never solve it alone

bcs i could never have the courage to say it outloud

to ask

to even look

the moment I laid my eyes on you,

everything were ripped apart,

my feelings were shattered,

like broken pieces,

I’m in love with a person that I know I could hardly reach because its impossible. But, I won’t stop, even if there is millions ppl in this world craving over him, crying a whole river just to meet him, holding his hand, exhange hi’s and goodbye’s, exchange smiles and toothy grins, exchange i love you’s. I know, they’re just fans.

thats why I came, at 3 in the morning, because he brought me here, so I won’t stop, 

I can’t stop

he got that authority, to shove the antis away from him,

to say that even the purest child like him could kill a murderer,

he forced it, 

because, he know,