xenogenital headcanons

puts my uncomfortably wet hand on your shoulder. see here, gay boy- can i call you gay boy?

avoidance is lowkey funny because it’s like i don’t want love on the off chance that it gets taken away from me and then i have to become john wick or something

little miss auditory processing disorder would like you to repeat what you just said then immediately respond to you before you finish

wolf eggs. wolves lay eggs. i promise.

the thing about being a contrarian (which I don't believe I am, but when I say so my friends smile knowingly and shake their heads and there's no getting out of that spike pit trap once you're in it) is that you must strive to be as contrarian (positive) as you are contrarian (negative). when you hate something instantly, you have to haul your own instincts up to the witness stand and badger them. where does your antipathy come from? is your evidence material or circumstantial? are you a reliable witness? when a friend introduces you to a friend and you see in the first split second that you were arch-nemeses in a past life, you must steel yourself and compliment their horrible shirt and listen to at least two of their jokes before you go home and pin their picture to the dartboard. this is how you work around your own prejudices, but more importantly it is also how you gather evidence that you were right in the first place and you're an astute observer of the human condition and not a contrarian just because your friends' stupid accusation is rhetorically impossible to refute. if anything they're the ones,

tumblr isn’t considered a social media because everyone on here is just talking to themselves

yeah i agree

What does the backend of this website look like that it enabels time travel

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

Blue Lois

can i help you

Red Marge

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

World Heritage Post

i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me

americans are a saudi oil baron's idea of classy. brits are an american's idea of classy. the french are a brit's idea of classy. unfortunately the chain ends here since the french's idea of classy is also the french

50 cent was lowkey the most important man in my household growing up like it went 50 cent then jesus christ

i vividly remember my parents arguing once and my mom yelled “you’re not even half the man 50 is” then my dad slammed a door and left. these people raised me

Jesus had 5 wounds and 50 cent has 8. I know who suffered more for the sins of humanity

i’m pretty certain that’s the exact thing my mom said that got me formally asked not to come back to youth group on wednesdays

I’ve been dealing with stuff the wrong way.