I feel like the only way I'm going to actually get better is if I just self isolate and have 0 influence from the outside world because I have constantly been curating my personality and actions to what I think others want/expect to the point that I actually don't know who I am or what I want. So I think just being alone for like 3/4 months would actually be really good for me. But IKNOW that isolating will make everyone either offended that I'm ignoring them or worried that I'm depressed. I can't fix the "don't upset other people" fear without upsetting other people :( part of it isn't even the fear of upsetting people like would I rather they be happy sure but I don't strongly care if I'm the cause of their upset. It's more like I the thought of them being confused by my desire to be alone makes me feel so fundamentally misunderstood and the thought of even trying to explain it to ppl irl sound so exhausting. Aaaand I'm broke af it's not like I can actually afford to live w/o roommates sooo really how could I fully be alone anyway?? God existing is so much work
