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☆ Warnings: Cursing (?). smoking(?) Substance abuse. Reader and gerard do drugs
☆ Word count :904
☆ A/N: mostly self-deprecating bullshit. However i made a playlist for this fic that really helps me write this fic but unfortunately it makes me sad so i start writing kinda sad shit. (I am willing to drop the playlist if anyone wants it.)
You feel like you’ve been trapped in this stinky ass van for years. It’s been a few months since you guys started touring your record. The roads feel never ending and boring. You can only listen to the same Iron Maiden album so many times before it gets boring, and until Mikey says he wants his CD back. It feels like a huge wave of relief when you guys finally get to wherever you guys were headed. You guys were playing some kinda shitty bar in Philly. After you guys unpack all your stuff from your van and into the bar. The shows have gotten so much better within the past few months. But you've noticed it's come at an odd cost. The energy has been way up lately but that was mostly because everyone has been getting crazy drunk right before shows. You didn't really partake in the preshow drinking, not that you'd turn your nose up at a beer or anything. But you didn’t pound back three or four beers like the rest of them. You didn’t really feel the need too. You didn’t get that nervous since you were in the back, and who even paid attention to the drummer anyway?
That was a whole other thing. After shows usually the rest of the band would go talk and interact with the fans. Usually most of the attention was on Gerard, which was to be expected since he was technically the “frontman”. But still sometimes you couldn't ignore the pit in your stomach that formed whenever you noticed that nobody would really come up to you after shows. And whenever someone did come up to you it was always some sleazy drunk bum who wanted your number. That was never a good feeling either.
Maybe just this once you'd have a beer before the show. You ask the bartender for a simple draft beer, giving a small polite smile when she hands you your drink before going to sit back down with the rest of the band. You had been pretty quiet tonight but you didn't think anyone would notice until Frank spoke up.
“Y/N? You okay? You've been really quiet tonight.”
“Yeah, I'm okay. Just trying to get in the zone for tonight…. How long do we have till we go on?”
“We’re the next set after this one. So we have a little bit.” replied Mikey.
You nod to yourself before taking a deep breath to calm down a bit.
Eventually you guys were on stage. You were behind your drums and Gerard was shouting and it seemed like everyone was in their element. The thing you found yourself liking most about this band and playing the drums was that it kept your mind busy enough to where you didn't have to think about anyone or anything else for a little while. You could get lost in the music and the cheers of the mostly drunk crowd. And for a while everything felt okay,
Eventually the show was over and the rest of the band was out talking to random people in the crowd. You decided not to go with them and say off to the side. That pit in your stomach was back again, you sigh and stare up at the dirty ceiling. In part to keep from crying and to try and get the thoughts of inadequacy out of your head.
Gerard noticed you. But he was stuck talking to the small crowd of fans to be able to slip away and come check on you.
You leave the bar and stand outside for a bit. It's March, but it's Philadelphia and night time. So it's freezing. But it's the shock your body needed to pull you out of your anxious spiral. After a while you hear the bar door open and shut. At first you pay no attention to it and you dont even bother look over there before you hear the soft raspy voice that feels like a nice warm hug. It was Gerard. His hair was a greasy mess and he smelled really bad. But he looked so pretty.
“Hey..”
“Hey.”
You look back up at the sky. It’s dark but there are no stars to be seen in the all too bright lights of the city. Gerard flashes a small worried look that you dont quite catch.
“Are you sure you're okay Y/N? You can tell me if something's wrong..”
“I'm okay. Just a little overwhelmed I guess.”
“Yeah I get it.”
Gerard thinks for a moment internally debating if what was running through his head was a good idea to say outloud.
“Hey.. if you want.”
He dug through his pocket a moment before pulling out a little pill bottle.
“These usually help me when I'm feeling too overwhelmed. Or just if I need help coming down after a show. If you want, I'm happy to share. But its okay if you'd rather just grit through it.”
You hesitate for a moment. Was he really offering you drugs? You think about it for a moment. Maybe just this once you'd take a little something to calm your nerves and get through the night. You nod softly and hold out your hand. He places a small white pill in the centre of your palm. You hesitate for a moment before tossing the pill back and swallowing it dry.
A/N: hey guys…hey….how yall doin…? Anyway sorry if this feels weirdly out of character for Gerard. Idk it's been a minute. Also I'm skipping a bit of time. I'm so sorry im bored and I'm trying to get to a point here and its just taking too long. Just bear with me for one chapter and the fic will lock back in i promise.
The next morning you wake up on your floor mattress and notice everyone was up except for Frank. But you noticed Gerard and Geoff were missing. You get up and approach Ray.
“Hey, where's gee?”
“Oh, Geoff took him to urgent care.”
“What??”
“Yeah something about his weird headaches.”
“Oh. yeah okay that makes sense i guess. Do you know when they're coming back?”
Almost as soon as you said that the two entered the room. You snap your head back to look at him and you feel a wave of relief wash over you. Ray takes a few careful steps closer towards the two.
“Well?”
“No luck.” Geoff said calmly before continuing.
“They don’t know what's going on with him and just take an Advil if it starts hurting again.”
Gerard had wandered off to his designated sleeping spot where he flopped back down.
“We’ll give him some space for now. We can record drum and guitar tracks for now if that works for you guys.”
You and Ray give nods in agreement with Geoff and go to gather your things, and wake up Frankie.
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A few weeks past… Then a few months… things were different. They were nice but they were different. You finished the record and you started doing small basement shows all over the north east. The five of you have gotten really close within the past month. They don't tell you what its like living in a cramped van with five people for a month can do to you. You guys fight like siblings all the time, it's irritating, but it's nice. On another note you and Gerard have gotten a lot closer. Your feelings have only gotten stronger and he certainly wasnt helping you ignore the feelings.
The van was really cold tonight. Like it was freezing, you pulled your jacket tighter around yourself to try and shield from the cold as your body let out soft shivers. Gerard seemed to notice this.
“y/n? Hey you okay?” he whispered to not wake up anyone else in the van, and also so ray couldn't hear from the driver seat.
“Yeah? Im okay its just fuckin freezing.”
“Oh yeah. Well uhm. Do you wanna share my blanket?”
God he was so lucky it was dark so you couldn't see how red he was right now. You give it half a thought before nodding and scooting closer to him. He covers you up with his blanket as you lay against him. You could hear his heart as you leaned on his chest, his heart was pounding. Maybe he wanted this as much as you did..
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yall I'll keep it real for a second. I've been doing sum bullshit. like so much bullshit. also like I'm genuinely just a fucking bum. like deadass. anyway writing my self indulgent fics for a little while I'm prob not gonna take reqs bcz I just wanna write the self indulgent one.
Hi guys…It took me way too long to write this. (It’s some headcannons plus a little thing at the end)
Warnings: Dead Dove! (Domestic Violence), smut, Gerard is lowk manipulative…Also mild daddy stuff (sorry not sorry)
I haven’t written anything like actually dead dove before so I hope you like it <3 I might write a longer fic for them idk
-You probably met in your towns local dive bar, sweet talking in your ear, placing soft kisses down your neck. Breath smelling of cheap whiskey and cigarettes. He bought you enough cheap beer for you to end up going back to his trailer, Gerard knew you were going to be his.
-The small trailer park you both lived in sat a little outside of town. It wasn’t too bad, your backyard is the plains of grain that spans for miles. Plus there wasn’t many people to hear your fights, nobody needs a show. Though you and Gerard were still known as the moody couple, going between fighting and being all over eachother so quickly.
-You work as a waitress at the diner just down the street from the auto body shop he works at. It usually keeps them out of trouble. Gerard stops by on his breaks, sitting down in your section and just ordering a coffee. Kissing the ring on your finger before leaving. However they occasionally pull you into the employee restroom for your break. Head exploring under your dress to lick at your underwear, and within ten minutes their tongue is exploring your wetness. Voice slurring in pleasure, “Tastes so fuckin’ good, sweetheart,” while nose deep in your pussy.
-Spends his Friday nights at the dive bar playing with his shitty cover band, mostly getting paid with free beer. However, you usually worked those nights, which made him bitchy. Coming home in a drunken stupor, sometimes taking you to bed or starting a fight. Either was almost always possible with them. Fights usually ending with a hard palm to your cheek, leaving a pretty big bruise for the next day. And he’d end up crying all pathetic, and you’d always lay his head on your chest, tears wetting you. Petting his black hair while he sobbed, staring up at you with those big brown eyes you couldn’t resist.
-It always seemed to end up that way, he’d hit you and then cry at your feet, begging for forgiveness. Pulling out every pet name he knew you loved, knowingly or not, they made your heart bleed. The makeup sex was great though, you never knew which side of Gerard you’d get, which excited you.
Either fucking you hard and fast in doggy, cigarette between his lips, hands occasionally leaving your ass to run fingers through their hair (or spank you). Mumbling, “Yer so good f’me sweetheart…” Or they’d be on top of you in mating press, making love in slow and deep strokes. Praising their baby all the same, lips suckling your hard nippples.
-Those nights when you had Fridays off were always the best, doing up your hair and makeup, all just for him. Making sure to wear his grandma’s ring, it was stunning, though you couldn’t believe how he didn’t pawn it off years ago. Letting the big diamond sparkle in the dim lights of the bar.
-Most of those Friday’s you’d dance the night away, occasionally joined by some cowboy, making sure flirt in front of your fiancée. You loved Gerard jealous, they fucked best that way. One time he even got into a bar fight for you, which was one of the hottest things he’s ever done in your honor. Remembering how you iced their shiner while you rode them, you must’ve gone four or five rounds that night. (More at the bottom)
-On particularly good paydays he’d take you to one of those tackily decorated sex motels. Heart bed sitting in the center of the room with red and pink decoration, looking as if Valentine’s Day threw up in a room. Gerard filled the small mini fridge with as much booze as he could pay for, accompanied by your one and only lonesome vibrator. Spending the night recreating your (his) favorite porn clips, watching in the mirror as they fucked your brains out. Toned arms caging you as they huffed, “Aren’t you sweet? C’mon an’ finish for daddy…”
-As much as you fought, you loved him. In whatever sick and twisted way you did, no matter what your friends and family said. Always thinking back to those moments late at night, lying naked in your shitty bed sharing cigarettes silently. You both usually never said anything, neither of you needed to. Their hand sat at your hip, tracing shapes into your skin. He loved you, and you loved him. That was that.
The Bar Fight
Gerard was leaving the trailer just as you came back from your day shift, giving you a peck on the cheek before muttering, “See ya later, sugar.” Before smacking your ass playfully and shutting the rickety door behind them. Sighing softly as you change out of your food smelling work clothes. Setting them in the dirty clothes basket to wash and put on the drying line later. First retouching up your makeup a little before getting started on your hair. Teasing and pinning it as tall and high as possible in such a time crunch. After all, the higher the hair, the closer to god.
Getting into your decades old beat up car, shoving the key into the ignition and twisting several times before it roared to life. The bar was just a little closer into town, so it never took very long to get there. Pulling in, you saw Gerard’s almost equally as shitty truck and parked right next to it. Walking in, the dive bar was foggy and dim, filled with chatter and cigarette smoke. Gerard’s voice rang through the amps, covering some Iron Maiden song to warm up. Walking to the bar and ordering a drink, you eyed Gerard. Watching as his gaze settled over the audience, trying to find a familiar face. Once you lock eyes, Gerard can’t help but smile, winking at you cheekily. Smiling back, you blew a kiss, getting up to head to the dance floor.
Before you could fully make it there, a tan, brunette cowboy came up to you. Looking down, he tipped his Stetson, “Hello little lady.” Smiling, you looked towards Gerard who was white knuckling a beer, watching silently. However, they kept their composure while you and the cowboy danced. His lips below your ear, it made you shiver. A few songs went by and Gerard got sloppier and sloppier. Stumbling around stage as he sung, though most of the patrons didn’t pay attention.
Now it was their last song and Gerard was giving their all, completely unaware of their voice slightly slurring. Every now and then glancing in your direction, scowling at the cowboy who held you close. And when the song finally ended and the applause died down, he spoke, “Wanna thank my baby f’comin tonight..” Their eyes focused on the man you danced with, “But I’d like for the jerk to get his-fuckin’ hands off them.” The cowboy grumbled something unintelligible as Gerard stepped off the stage. Stepping off to the side as they approached the cowboy, cursing and shoving him.
Sitting back at the bar as they squared up, fetching a pack of cigarettes from your purse. Lighting one up as Gerard through the first punch, hitting the man square in the jaw. Cheering with the giddy crowd hungry for drama. The cowboy threw the second punch, he was surely gonna get a black eye later. He stumbled back from the force, pompadour esque hair deflating to fall over their face. The sight alone made you swoon, clenching your thighs together. Just about to walk away before he murmured, “All this for some fuckin’ bitch…”
Gerard sprang back into action, fist making contact with the man’s face. Almost literally making the cowboy eat his own words. While the man was still dazed, Gerard waved you over, muttering, “C’mon baby, let’s get back home.” Whatever adrenaline fueled sobriety filled them before completely disappeared when the chilly air hit their face. Bending over and puking in the gravel road, rubbing his back as an attempt to soothe them. Deciding to get your car in the morning, you took Gerard’s keys and settled him in the truck. They muttered slurred, “I love yous,” the whole ride home, hand climbing up your thigh.
Stumbling into the trailer, once the door shut, you pushed them onto the shitty built in couch. Once you started unbuttoning your dress, Gerard got the picture, shoving down their pants and underwear. Wrapping a hand around his semi while you stripped. Clutching your breasts while their thumb rubbed his slit, moaning loudly. This was one of the few times Gerard ever let you lead. “Got quite a shiner there, big boy…Want some ice for it?” Gerard nodded, watching you fetch an ice pack fully nude. Settling on their lap, you prompted them to hold the pack to their eye while you ground your wetness on his length.
He whimpered, free hand grabbing at your hip, fingertips grasping your skin roughly. Clit pressing nicely against their length, softly moaning as you pressed your lips to his. It was hard and sloppy, licking desperately into each others mouths. Finally, you grasped their length, letting it grind against your clit before sinking onto it. Gerard was more of a grower than a shower, thick cock filling you nicely. You took over the ice pack, shooing their hand away as he chuckled softly. Big hands settling on either side of your hips, occasionally making their way to your ass, giving it a squeeze.
“Atta girl!” They praised, forcing your hips down harder, overall quickening your pace. You couldn’t help but whine, throwing your head back. Not really caring about volume, your deadbeat neighbors have heard worse. Putting the ice pack aside, your hands crept up his chest and wrapped lightly around his neck. Placing a kiss a little below the black eye, your grip tightened. Gerard groaned, hand coming down to smack your ass in retort. Your husband looked so blissed out, head resting against the wall while they occasionally smacked you. And your dirty words didn’t help, “C’mon daddy…God, y’feel so good!” Gerard would moan, hips fucking deep into you, “Yeah-fuck, sweetheart! Yer takin me so well, just fuckin made for me, huh?” You nodded fervently, tears welling up in your eyes as his cock pulsed inside you.
Your thighs hurt, all sore and tired just from riding them. Nipples grazing the sweaty skin of his chest, friction making you gasp. Encouraging you to grip his neck harder, a loud moan rattled out from between his lips. Taking the opportunity to spit directly into their mouth, watching as he swallowed quickly. They liked this side of you, which was something he didn’t really get to see very often. Leaving them with this dopey smile as you rode him. Thrusting particularly hard, they hit that deep, gummy part inside you. Finally letting go, you finished messily all over his cock.
Gerard held your hips tightly as they still pounded into you from below. Though that was short lasted because he came not very long after you. Groaning loudly as they shoot their sticky load into you. Sitting there for a second as you both caught your breath. Giving his black eye one final kiss before sitting behind him. Stroking their milky white thighs, you noticed their spent cock start to harden again…
Hey so sorry if you have requested a fic from me….yeah that’s not getting done till maybe April. Sorry. I’m like lowkey super busy and that busy is gonna be around for a while. Two full act musicals….school….leaning to drive….
All this to say I promise I’m not just being a bum I lowkey just don’t have time
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Would you guys care or read if I made a series of mcr fanfics but they’re like historical kinda. Like for example I really wanna write a roman emperor Mikey way fic.
A/N: this chapter bounces around a ton time wise sorry.
It’s nearing mid December, you can’t remember specifically but maybe it’s the 16th? Whatever doesn’t matter. All you know is you have band practice today. You also decided that today you’d make it official and say you’ll actually join the band. They were planning on heading to the studio later in the month and trying to get the record out by the end of the month. You were excited. It sounded really fun, being in the studio and recording music. And being on tour, going all over the country sounded exhilarating. You’ve hardly even left New Jersey.
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You’re leaning back against the wall, your drums in front of you, you have just finished running demolition lovers. It was probably your favorite song to play on the record. It was a little tricky but once you got the hang of it, it’s been your favorite part of practice.
Everyone was wrapping up practice, putting their guitars and stuff away. You weren’t really paying attention when Gerard approached you.
“Hey, have you made up your mind on the band yet?”
You hesitate for a moment before nodding softly
“Yeah. I think I’m gonna join…I’ve actually had a lot of fun with you guys. And you’re definitely right. I need to get away from my mom for a while.”
Gerard couldn’t help but light up with excitement.
“Seriously? Oh my gosh, y/n that’s awesome!!”
He pulls you away from your drums and hugs you tightly. You can’t help but hug back, your face softly resting on his shoulder. Gerard gave such good hugs; they always felt so full of love and genuine affection.
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A few more days come and pass. And you’re finally in the studio! Today was day one out of five. Maybe less depending on if you got all you needed done in time. Whatever Gerard had previously introduced you to Geoff and Alex. They seemed like cool dudes and were pretty pumped about helping you guys. You were probably the least worried about the studio, everyone was a little worried because it's kinda a nerve wracking thing. Gerard however was freaking out. He's been getting high a lot more and getting drunk… but everyone in the band got drunk and high a lot. But they always got high off weed and that’s it…now Gerard was kinda a mess... You were a little worried about him.
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You were in the studio finishing up for the day. You all decided to just sleep in the studio to save time and money. Everyone’s getting ready for bed, which usually consists of taking off jeans and getting into their sleeping bags. However you notice Gerard slip out of the room and go outside. Probably to smoke. So why not join him? You follow him outside. The bitter cold nipping at your exposed skin. He lifts his head to look up at you with those tired hazel eyes.
“Hey gee. Do you mind if I smoke with you?”
He silently nods and stuffs something in his pocket, it makes an odd rattling noise but you don't question anything. If he didn't want you to see, that's probably why he hid it.
He handed you a cigarette and a lighter. With a few sparks of the old shitty lighter you catch a flame and light your cigarette. He seems terribly quiet tonight.
“Hey gee?”
“Yeah?”
“You okay? You seem kinda… I dunno. Off I guess.”
He shrugged as he continued smoking.
“I’m fine. I just have the worst headache right now.”
You nod in understanding. He's been having these weird headaches out of nowhere all of a sudden. Everyone knows how much its been bugging him because he won’t shut up about it.
“It’s still bugging you? Im sorry gee,”
“Yeah it really fuckin sucks. It just keeps getting worse.”
You sigh and give him a sympathetic look.
“Jeez…maybe take like two pain pills before bed so you can actually get some sleep.”
You know he's probably already done that but it's the thought that counts. He simply nods in acknowledgment to your words as well as giving you a soft smile as you get up to go back inside. Once you're inside and he hears the door click shut. He takes his pill bottle out of his pocket. His head anxiously looked back to make sure nobody was coming. He popped it open and took a few pills. He didn't bother to count how many. He gives himself a second before stuffing the bottle back in his pocket and going back inside.
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The next morning you wake up on your floor mattress and notice everyone was up except for Frank. But you noticed Gerard and Geoff were missing. You get up and approach Ray.
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