Princess of Frelia

Innes replays it, over and over in his mind. Sothe stealing his bracelet. Innes, hopeless, asking Sothe to dance. Sothe reluctantly agrees. And then Innes, so foolishly, asking that question when he knows Sothe doesn't like him.

"He allowed me to kiss him." It's strange, saying it out loud. It prickles at his stomach in a way he doesn't like. He had been stupid for thinking this would end well. Then again, Innes hadn't been thinking at all; he just wanted to indulge himself.

"He didn't say anything afterwards. He ran away. I haven't seen him since." Innes crosses his arms, hands on his biceps. "But, I suppose this was inevitable. For one thing, a man of my status has no business with a commoner. Even if he were not a man, it should not happen. I am to marry whoever is best for Frelia."

It's a speech he's told himself countless times. All of him is built for the good of Frelia, not for his own good. He couldn't even say what his own good is.

"For another, he hates me. I am uncertain why I believed otherwise for a moment - we will call it temporary insanity." It doesn't explain why Micaiah spoke to him about Sothe, though. "I am not meant to develop or experience romantic feelings, Tana. My heart belongs to my country. I understand what they gods have told me this evening, and I will heed their warnings. I must remain devoted to Frelia."

Ah. The man ran away. Tana refrains from asking about such cowardice, knowing that it would not sit well with Innes for her to spout such harshness. But to run away from someone who has allowed the requested kiss? What foolhardy nonsense is that?

This time, Tana does cross her arms, brows knitted, lips pulled into a soft frown. Not just about this other man, though; about Innes as well. "Come now, brother, a noble marrying a commoner is not so taboo. I think you are making excuses for yourself to keep from feeling your heartache. I understand it all too well myself."

But she does not know why this man would run away like that. Nerves, perhaps? It does not make sense for him to hate Innes, at least not from where she is standing.

"There is no one to threaten. I suspect this is wholly my problem." His eyes scan their surroundings, making sure no one will overhear them. No one will.

"This may require some explaining." He can omit the war, at least. He can work around how they had met, though Innes still remembers it. A dejected camp, where those keeping watch were barely holding on. Innes remembers holding out his hand to Sothe to fight with Innes.

"He is in my class." It's not a lie. "He- well, it's a rather complicated relationship. We lived together for a time. We got closer." Innes scoffs at himself. "Truthfully, I should have known my own feelings. It started just as it had with-" Ephraim. He didn't need to tell her. He's too embarrassed to tell her he'd immediately challenged Sothe to a duel, too.

As he speaks, she listens intently. His rundown is brief, though since they are at a social event, she does not blame him for keeping it that way. If need be, they can reconvene later and discuss it further. If he wants to, of course, or if he tolerates her pestering (should she do it) enough to give in to her wanting to know.

As he mentions that they lived together, her lips part in a small, inaudible gasp. So this man's bed was the other one in the room, the one she had seen when she'd gone to see Innes because of her nightmare. Is it the mere proximity of each other that drew Innes's attraction to him? Oh goodness, probably not. Tana is the one who gets too close to people when they give her attention; it is her flaw, and one she doesn't think Innes shares.

(She doesn't know, though, another gap in her knowledge about her brother. It is alright, they are working on fixing this.)

But it wasn’t. It isn’t. She knew what it was, as innately as she knew the map of the back of her hand, and she knew what was coming.

She staved it off for a while. All day, she swallowed it — focusing sharply every time her mind wandered, pulling her attention back to whatever topic was at hand. It wasn’t until she walked out into the brisk night, wearing a uniform she’d been forced to buy to attend this place, coat too recently purchased (in fact, the same night she’d met Joshua and began this whole messy business) and draped over her shoulders to ward off the night, that it happened. She’d been looking at the treeline too long, and her mind left her and didn’t come back.

It started quiet, as it always did. Just a little murmur of a melody. Too small to recognize, so it was impossible to stop. Then it grew, and grew. By the time it was blaring so loud as though to hurt, she was transfixed on the nothingness. So transfixed, she couldn’t pull away. She can’t, even though it’s so loud, so loud, so...

The cacophony of dizziness rocks her to her knees. It’s only when she hits the ice of the ground that her eyes are torn away from the nothing-there she couldn’t stop looking at — and the vertigo increases tenfold. She’s falling, she’s flying, she’s spinning out on the ground — she’s just sitting there. On the ground, arms wrapped loosely over her knees, head buckled down, she tries to find which way is up and which way is down.

At the moment, she can hardly distinguish color, sight, sound, thought. Everything is meshed, molded.

She’s lost. Completely lost.

But Tana hasn't seen Karla at all. She's become a ghost withing the monastery, thought of but never seen, remembered but never found. Maybe it's time Tana stop thinking quite so hard about something that happened that, as Karla made clear, shouldn't have. Perhaps it's better than they not see one another again. Tana gets attached too quickly, she's learning this about herself. It is another thing about herself that she must keep tucked away.

Her steps are slow but steady, not meandering, just not wanting to get back to the town where she is staying. Not for a while. (She will be moving into the dorms soon now that repairs have been going so well. A new room to decorate and make her own.)

Yet whatever is keeping them apart falls away when Tana sees Karla up ahead, her steps unsure, her stance wobbly, looking as if she is going to fall over.

"Karla?" Panic washes over Tana, and she rushes forward to try and catch her. Thankfully Karla manages to sit rather than fall, but Tana still reaches out to hold her shoulders, to keep her grounded and steady in case whatever is happening causes her to tip over.

He does suppose he can feel how careful Achaeus is, underneath him. Joshua still isn't used to the way he moves, or to the way the ground already feels far away. He's still a bit uneasy, but Tana is steady in front of him. Grounding him in what is about to be mid-air.

Joshua measures his breaths as they stride. Slow inhales, mindful exhales. In for four, out for four. His stomach settles, at least a bit. Yeah, he's ready. Right? Definitely. Maybe.

He hooks his chin lightly over Tana's shoulder. Never a better time than now.

When he announces that he's good to, she still takes a moment, placing her hand over his arms clasped firmly around her. She loves the feel of him pressed so close, holding onto her as an anchor, a grounding point. She gives his arm a gentle squeeze, then picks up the reins again.

"Alright, we're going to go. It might be a little startling at first since you're not used to this, but I promise that Achaeus and I won't let anything happen to you." She wants to turn and kiss him again, an assurance, a promise. But she doesn't this time. She wants to focus and show him that he can trust her.

With a flick of the reins, Achaeus begins to trot faster, picking up speed and flapping his wings. It's so graceful to her, so natural, but she can feel Joshua tensing behind her. The saddle is fitted so that they can't slide off backwards, which makes rising into the air at least somewhat smoother, even if it doesn't assuage Joshua's nervousness.

Ah, but of course she's realised something is wrong. Innes would usually brush her off, but he doesn't, not this time. This is what she'd wanted. She'd wanted them to be as close as Eirika and Ephraim. Watching other siblings, Innes has realised this is what he wants, too. He wants her to know things. He wants to know things about her, too.

And speak he does, and though he is perhaps speaking a bit cryptically, it is not so much so that she cannot follow along. Part of her wonders if this is about Ephraim, if something had changed between them only to fall backwards again, but she does not know if she should bring him up at all.

Oh, it all looks so delicious, and she can't help the way she fills her plate with more than she might be able to fill herself with. As her mother used to say before she passed, "Your eyes are bigger than your stomach." But Tana can snack on it throughout the evening after her initial intake.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" she asks a woman who has a seat open next to her. "You can say no, it I have a seashell charm to add to your bracelet if you say yes." She giggles softly. "Alright, I would give it to you even if you said no."

By no means is the mage a picky eater, though by the time she goes through one or two of the fruits on display…she’s already felt like she’s had enough. Normally she would never turn down a banquet on display, but perhaps getting rained on extensively prior does a number to one’s appetite. As of now, Sonya settles for a simple glass of warm wine and leaves it at that, sitting alone to fully enjoy its warmth.

However, there are also some who believe in warmth via company. That must be the motto of who directs question at her in reference to the chair adjacent to what she’s chosen. The speaker is a pretty and young lady with a blue ponytail and stunning white dress that sinks to the floor. Although…that is not what catches Sonya’s eye regarding the person at first.

“Well, if you’re forcing it upon me…if I must,” Sonya lets out an exaggerated sigh, lightly grinning in case the young one didn’t catch her sarcasm. She shakes off one of her own turtle charms to complete the ball’s apparent custom of exchange. Afterwards, the woman scooches over and pats the nearby seat to imply permission.

"My bracelet is in dire need of my last charms, so thank you." She clips the charm to her bracelet and admires it for a moment before starting to settle into her dinner. It feels as though she hasn't eaten anything in ages, but she knows that's just the excitement and dancing that's burned off her breakfast and leaving her hungry now.

She takes a small, polite bite and covers her mouth with her perfectly manicured fingertips. "Busy, yes," she says with a nod after she's swallowed. "But in the best ways. I haven't been to a ball like this in forever. I have missed this sort of revelry."

Even since before the war in Magvel, tensions had been rising and large social events had been scarce. Her pretty dresses and accessories have been tucked away in her closet back home, gathering wrinkles and dust.

He gestures towards the cafeteria and leads her to it, explaining the idea behind it and a few other things. Once they have their food and their seats, Ephraim picks up the conversation again.

"Ah..." She purses her lips slightly. She didn't specifically come here to train; she came here to find Innes and ensure he is well. She's staying because, well, why not? She is here, so it couldn't hurt to spend some time training more. "Well...that isn't really an option. Even after the war, there were still battles being fought over towns and borders. Bandits rising up even more to take advantage of the devastation. It feels as though..."

She pauses, glances at Ephraim. They could have had a simple reunion, but here she is bringing up problems back home.

If there was a chance for them to be anything at all. They may simply have kissed and touched, perhaps gone further, only for them to lose touch entirely after this.

“You were my first... but you weren’t terrible. It was...” Even with all her time writing hasn’t prepared her to put words to a moment like that. “It was astonishing. I’ve... never felt so—...”

Don’t get carried away. Don’t get overexcited. She shakes her head smally, and watches the ground, her bare feet, across from Tana’s, different only in shade.

"Of course," she says softly, watching Karla gather up her things and move for the door. "I'm glad to have met you. May the rest of the ball go well for you."

Karla doesn’t speak as she fastens the charm with her few other ones — and looks at it, hanging there, with Karel’s and Gaius’. She knows what she’s thinking now. What’s screaming in her head.

If there was a chance for them to be anything at all. They may simply have kissed and touched, perhaps gone further, only for them to lose touch entirely after this.

On her palm lays a small anchor.

He goes slowly, maybe too slowly, lost in thought. He's not trying to tease her, but he doesn't want to rush, either. Tana is warm and solid underneath him - if a little chilled to the touch, from the rain.

"Before you, I'd never...stayed with someone, longer than a night," he admits. He's already told her he's never been with a woman, but he never really established that his own experiences add up to little more than single, harried nights. "Never had to tell someone where I was, who I was going with. It's...hard to get used to."

At last, he undoes the last tie at Tana's lower back, not letting his touch linger. He doesn't know if it's fair to spill all this on Tana, even if she insists it's okay. Doesn't know what's fair in love; it's far more complicated than war.

She shrugs her way out of her dress and is left only in her underwear, something special she had decided to wear for Joshua. It feels a little bit pointless now after everything she's learned this evening. And yet a part of her selfishly wants him to ravage her anyway. Would that be terribly unfair? She's grateful he can't see her face, can't see the indecision in her eyes.

Earlier, Karla had said some very pointed things that has hit her hard now.

It's easy to mask her feelings right now. She's been good at it since she was young and learned that her father would grow irritated when she became too emotional. Her skill has only grown since Innes also started becoming annoyed at her emotions.

The previous words begin dawning on her. Tana wants to kiss her more, if she’s fine with sharing her with Joshua. She’s... going to stay... with Joshua... Anger lights up in Karla’s eyes, a small flash, like lightning, and her hands go to Tana’s shoulders, shaking her gently.

But there's still something about what Karla says that pushes through Tana's denial. There is nothing to be had with Joshua, he does not love her the way she loves him, and that is...difficult to accept. The physicality is so wonderful, though, and Joshua does not lie when he tells her that she is beautiful and incredible. She would be able to tell, she thinks. A lie cannot be what she sees when he looks at her with such wonder...

She is weak. She does not want to believe that she should put an end to things with Joshua. He loves another, though. He loves Karla's brother. Were it not for Karla, she would never have known that, would have lived on blissfully until Joshua had decided to call it off, and it would have been fine. (It would have, she tells herself over and over, as if a mantra will make her believe.)

Or it would've been messier because she would have allowed herself to feel these feelings deeper, been far more difficult to untangle herself from. She presses her lips together.