moved to @anonymoustestimony

Having someone who could see where he was coming from, even if his behavior was still less than ideal, made him feel a little more secure in himself. It wasn’t much, but it was something he could lean on. Francis wasn’t upset with him, despite his reserved demeanor. He was stronger than he looked– stronger than even he would admit to himself, even.

Richard nodded. “I am trying,” he assured. God, was he trying… When he was younger, socializing came naturally to him– he’d been charismatic. Then the smuggling ring came and screwed his life over. He never should have let them get under his skin… 

“…and I am doing it for you,” he confessed, averting his eyes again. How could he think while Francis was fidgeting and blushing and god he was adorable… “I apologize if I’m being too forward, but I really am doing this for you.I wasn’t kidding when I said that you saved my life, and… W-Well, I know that I wasn’t exactly worth saving.” It had been a lot to come to terms with, but his time in detainment and his discoveries after his release showed him exactly what kind of thing he had become. It was a lot to undo, but this was a good start, right? 

“…Besides,” he added, fingers itching to twist in his scarf once again as he forced himself to look back up at Francis. “You’re not half bad to spend time with, either.”

He bites his tongue before he says it: Any life aside from his is worth saving. But he can’t say that. Not now, maybe never. 

Head tilts up just enough to find the other’s eyes, and he blinks away before forcing his eyes back. Eye contact is scary. Maybe because Francis knows he’s too easily read. But...again, he reminds himself, Richard is still here. 

Or is it only a matter of time before he does bolt? A nervous hand cards through his hair as he tries to ignore the thought.

...he’s nice, Francis thinks without an afterthought. At the very least, Richard’s trying, he can see. And it’s nice to see. Makes his heart skip. How weird.

as the little one pushes her head into his hand, her feelers wind around his arm. Mado looks over the counter.

“Ah, that is Serenity; please don’t worry about the scent or the feelers, she wishes to know your feelings and what scent would calm your stammer. that’s the kind of pokemon she is.”

Mado comes over with the tea.

“i don’t know if you met her, but that would have been before she evolved anyway.”

She smells like spring flowers, he notes, and his eyes widen as the creature nuzzles his palm. Soft pink fur and gentle ribbons. It brings a smile to his face. What an interesting and helpful companion...

Richard blinked. Was this the result of Francis being difficult rather than a testament to his own social skills? Despite his selfish urge to say yes, he knew that wasn’t the case in the slightest. He needed to face the facts; he just wasn’t cut out to woo or impress outside of material goods, and Francis hadn’t liked those at all… 

It was Richard. Richard was the problem here, whether he wanted to admit it or not. 

“No, it’s not your fault. It’s not,” he insisted, not leaving any room for protest. It really was a shame that Francis thought so poorly of himself… He watched him make himself impossibly smaller, a pang of guilt joining the fluttering of his heart in one of the most confusing amalgamations of emotions he had ever experienced. 

Deep breath. Try again.

Richard forced his grip to relax as he tried to find the right words. “I am exceptionally bad at playing nice. It’s what kept me going while I was with the smuggling ring, and now that I don’t have to worry about that anymore… It’s like I’ve forgotten how to treat people kindly. If anything, I should be the one apologizing to you.”

“Eh?” That gets his attention. “N-no, you don’t have to...”

He trails off again. Every sentence seems to die on his lips. Truthfully, he isn’t sure what to say in almost every given situation, but this one is all uncharted territory. Every bone in his body has an apology written on it, but...somehow he knows he shouldn’t say it again. Otherwise they’ll just go in circles.

“Um, it’s okay,” Francis offers. He holds himself a bit tighter, fingers playing with the fabric of his sweater. “I-I kinda...understand where you’re coming from.”

Being aware is the first step to change, he thinks to himself. Still, he knows they’re both hiding behind castle walls, but it’s something. And anything Francis can get in his life is a blessing already. It’s something, even if it’s not solid. Something, anything.

That had been the wrong thing to say, and he regretted the words as soon as they left his lips. Idiot. Why had he thought that was a good idea? He hadn’t thought at all… 

…were those tears in his eyes? 

Richard’s gut twisted horribly. This hadn’t been his intention at all! He was so accustomed to pushing people away with his snappy words and generally rude demeanor to protect himself, and now that he actually wanted someone around, he seemed to have forgotten how to do it. 

“I–no, that’s not it!” he insisted, reaching out only to pull his hands away and tangle them into his scarf again. “You are not nobody, and you should stop referring to yourself as such! I wouldn’t be here with you if you were a nobody, and you know that! You saved my life; a nobody couldn’t have done that! I…” Richard cursed under his breath and tugged harder on his scarf. “….I’m so bad at this…”

He hears it uttered, but debates on whether or not to acknowledge it. His mind decides quickly, for better or worse, that he has to answer--otherwise it’ll be dropped and never picked up again.

“N-no, you’re r-really not,” he says softly. Something makes his lips curl into a small smile; maybe it’s the nerves, he reasons. “I-I’m j-just difficult, you know...”

Arms hug his torso, keeping his eyes down. He doesn’t exactly want to reject Richard’s kindness, even if it isn’t warranted. More than anything, it confuses Francis because, really, someone like Richard definitely has more important people to concern himself with. And yet, he’s still here...

Still here for someone like him. How weird.

“I was just feeding the horde, I can do both.” she leads the way inside. some of the pokemon look up from their breakfasts, but that’s about it. Mado gestures to the couch as she hustles into the kitchenette

“please have a seat!”

He glances at her assortment of friends. It makes him smile, seeing the group of...animals? Maybe? But kindness to animals is a must in his book, and he’s happy to see his daughter caring for some.

“O-okay,” he answers, sliding a chair out from the table.

A nervous laugh trails off and disappears, and he looks at his worried hands held close to his chest. He knows he's weird, he's awkward, but despite the anxiety rising in his stomach he still wants an answer. Or at least a real answer. If anything, Francis knows when people paper over their words.

Still, he doesn't dare look Richard in the eye. He isn't that brave.

"I-I mean, you s-said... Uh, well, you can surely find s-someone...b-better than me..." He's sure he looks red as a tomato. His face is hot enough to make tears sting his eyes. "E-even if you just want to be my...f-friend, you probably..."

He draws his hand up, knuckles resting on his lip. Quivering. Don't get scared now.

I’m important to you?

He sounded so surprised– something that made Richard’s heart ache. After all of this time and all of this effort (which he would never admit to being intentional), he still doubted that he cared about him? Granted, it was a bit of a shock to Richard, too, considering how easily he could dismiss others. There was just something about this man that made it especially difficult to do so. Was it guilt, appreciation, debt, or something else entirely? 

Truthfully, he already knew the answer and he guarded it closely.

Cheeks burning at the sound of Francis’s shy little laugh, he eyed the outstretched hand and felt his heart clench. He didn’t think that he’d get this far… 

“I would love to,” he agreed, taking the offered hand with gentle grip. It was surprisingly cool (or was Richard just unusually warm?). “And, for the record, I think you’re more than worth everything I do. If you were a bother, do you think I would still be here? My time is valuable, especially since I’ve started school again. I only want to share it with those who I deem worthy.” Only after the words left his lips did he realize how pretentious that sounded… Maybe he should have rephrased that…

"Well, I'm... I'm glad I c-can be worth your time, I guess..."

He tries to think of the kind of elites Richard surrounds himself with. People who have nothing in common with himself, Francis assumed. Why he's taken an interest in someone like him is baffling, but... He'll try not to think about it too much.

He titters again as he tugs Richard into his shabby apartment, only then remembering that his life is a whirlwind and his living space reflects it. It's been worse; now it's just papers and books cluttering his desk, loose sheets on the floor amongst two of his sweaters. Still, he looks back to the other man with apologetic puppy dog eyes. It probably isn't surprising, anyway.

"S-sorry..." Francis lowers his head. "I-I'm, uh, s-sorta unorganized... Heh."

He only releases Richard's hand once he's past the door, letting it close on it's own. Moving to his desk, he manages to clear enough space to set down the items in his arms. The flowers are treated especially gingerly. It makes him grin again.